Should I take my daughters father to court for child support?

[deleted account] ( 24 moms have responded )

My daughter is now 19 months old, her father has not ever paid child support. Hes not on her BC. The last time he saw her was when she was 8 weeks old. He up and moved to another state. He is in NA, he has a heroine addiction and many warrens in the state of NV, I chose not to put her father on her BC because I knew I was going to raise her alone and he had told me he wanted nothing to do with her. But recently he has tried to contact me. So I'm curious to what to do. Should I take him to court and try to get him to terminate his parental rights? Or go and get full custody and child support? The thing is, is that I absolutely do not trust this man alone around my daughter.. or any child or pet for that matter. So I cant stand to chance he gets unsupervised visitation, plus he lives in a different state than us. I'm just want whats best for my daughter, we have our own place, I nanny so I get to be with my daughter 24/7 and I take online classes..
What are you opinions on my situation? Thanks :)

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Annette - posted on 02/23/2011

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Apply for child support and sole custodian. You may get anything now, but if he ever gets his together the state takes his income taxes will garnish his checks when he does. And if he passes due to lifestyle then you will receive his social security because it is on record that is his child.

Jessica - posted on 02/22/2011

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what state do you live in? in my state of MN, the woman automatically has full legal and physical custody of the child if they are not married. child support and visitation are two separate court hearings. if the father wants visitation, he has to ask for a court hearing, pay for the judge, the lawyer, and paper work and ask for it.



before you do anything, i would find out what your rights are in your state and talk with someone about different scenarios and probabilities. you have to be informed before you make a decision and then go from there.



it does not sound like this guy is all that interested in being a dad. if he was, he would have tried to be already. i would just cut him out and never talk to him again. he does not sound worth it. i highly doubt he will come after you for visitation or anything like that. i would keep a picture around so your child knows what he looks like when she gets older. i would also not bad mouth him ever to her, but when she gets old enough, explain to her why he isn't around in a way that doesn't make her think it had anything to do with her. i would be prepared though, he might one day become sober and decide that he needs to be in her life... you have to decide if you are going to forgive him or not and let him. also be prepared that she will want to go looking for him one day to find out for herself the truth... and the truth will devastate her, but it is one that you should let her find out... and the best you can do is have open arms when she comes back.



as for child support... you situation may change. your child might not have everything she needs one day. you may lose your job or something like that... you can't always count on your situation. you may find yourself one day in need of extra income. child support would help you out. he should have to pay, he had a child and there should be consequences for that. he should not get off scott free. he will never learn anything from his actions if he doesn't. how fair is that that you have to provide for her and take care of her on your own and he gets to run around like it never happened?? it isn't. child support will build up if he doesn't pay once the order is set. you will get his taxes if he owes. if you think that it will hurt you and your daughter, don't do it, but i would find out what your rights are first and what could happen if he does pay before you shut the idea down completely. if he doesn't care now, child support is not going to make him care later. and if he is doing drugs, you can ask to have him drug tested. if he fails, they won't let him see her no matter what.

[deleted account]

Hannah, when I was pregnant he told me he'd rather go to jail then help pay for this kid. I did a little research and even if he wanted to get a paternity test he'd have to pay child support, her insurance, and half of my medical bills, and I know for a fact he wont want to do that. So I think we're safe. Thank for your guys input. :)

[deleted account]

Odds are that if he is as messed up as you say, you won't get any money out of him. so I would just forget child support.

as for custody, you already have custody! :) how nice is that? he has no rights, he isnt on the birth certificate, and therefore has no rights. There is no reason to go through the stress and incur legal expenses for something you don't need.
IF he tries to come into her life, just tell him to take it up with the courts. First he will have to prove paternity, second he will prove he is fit enough to be a parent. Chances of him following through with either of those? probably none.

So - I would ignore him. continue to live your life as if he didn't exist.

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Kari - posted on 03/02/2011

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I would just be careful because if the judge were to award you child support, you would have to prove he is unfit to be around her. Once he is paying, he is entitled to visitation. I have just gone through this situation. It's kind of a double edged sword, the child should be supported financially, but at what cost if he is not fit to be around her. Just consider everything carefully before you make a decision. Best of luck to you!

Sherry - posted on 03/02/2011

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My daughter is 6 years old and she has never met her sperm donor. He and I were both young when I got pregnant (31 years old), so he got scared and took off 2 months before she was born.
I would never let him in her life. He is not a father. He is a STRANGER.
The only thing you really could possibly use from him is financial support, but it doesn't sound like you would get that from him anyway.
You already have 100% of the parental rights. I would just ignore him and hope he goes away. Chances are, he will!

Kelli - posted on 02/24/2011

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I know in Ohio the only right a father has is to pay child support unless he takes you to court for visits... I am kind of going through the same thing with my son's father... the sad thing is his dad has 2 kids who he has full time and I have to pull teeth with him to see Jaydin.... I don't know about any other states but I know how that it is in Ohio...

Nikia - posted on 02/23/2011

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Well if you take him to court for child support he will have to take a paternity test and once its proved hes the father (not saying he isnt just saying thats how the court does it) then he does have his parental rights regardless of if his name is on the birth certificate or not. I would pursue him giving up his rights before I would pursue child support. If you are blessed financially having to deal with child support issues is not something you want to stress about. In your situation this is what I would do.

Shawna - posted on 02/22/2011

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It doesnt matter if he is on the bc or not neither of have totally established custody but if you go to court and try and get full custody then you will have to establish some sort of visitation or prove that he is unfit for visitation which could be hard in a court setting.

Candice - posted on 02/21/2011

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if he's not on the birth certificate, and he wants to fight you for access, let him fight YOU, i wouldn't initiate it. He'll have to go to court, get a dna test, then you can worry about what to do next. I'd bet my bottom dollar he won't bother.

KELLIKAYZ - posted on 02/20/2011

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TRUTH IS FAMILY COURT WHICH DEALS WITH VISITATION AND CHILD SUPPORT WHICH DEALS WITH THE MONEY ARE TWO SEPARATE COURTS. IF HE INDEED IS A HEROIN ADDICT THEN YOU CAN LEGALLY KEEP HIM FROM BEING AROUND YOUR CHILD. GOOD LUCK

Tiffany - posted on 02/20/2011

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$300 dollars a month is NOT worth your daughters life. If you try to sue for child support he will get visitation and there is no telling who he will bring her around or what she will experience. I beg you to not do that to the poor baby. Trust me i have gone through this with a friend and it did not turn out pretty!!

Tina - posted on 02/19/2011

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If you a that concerned most definately do what you can to make sure there is no way down the track he can have visitation. Child support probably isn't worth going for if you don't want him to have anything to do with her. He can't make any claim to her then.

Christina - posted on 02/19/2011

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Angie, keep your head up. My children's father only has restricted visitation through the courts that he chooses not to exercise. (I don't think he likes the idea that he can only see his kids in my presence or the presence of someone I appoint (which is my mom or my fiance). My fiance is fantastic and is a wonderful man and father to my kids. My kids barely miss their biological father any more.

[deleted account]

He is definitely not father material. He told me he couldn't have kids. I would not have chosen this man to father my child. Like I said before, I knew I would be raising her alone which I'm 100% OK with. I just don't want this man now or later to be able to see my daughter along. Money is not an issue for us, even though the extra money would be nice it isn't needed.

Christina - posted on 02/19/2011

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Anastacia, how is a man who is high on drugs, and running from the law a good thing for this little girl? He will be in and out of jail her entire life, he will disappear on her, ect. It is better to have NO FATHER than have one that will mess with her head emotionally. The OP will eventually meet another man who is wonderful and will be the father this little girl deserves. Yes every child deserves to have a father, but not every father deserves to have their children.

Christina - posted on 02/19/2011

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Just ignore him and he will go away. If he tries to get visitation, no court will allow it because he will wind up in jail. If he has warrants, he can't step foot in a court room so you are in the clear!

Anastacia - posted on 02/19/2011

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With your daughter in mind, what is really best for her? Having her father in her life? From the kind of person you described him as it does not seem like he is capable of being a father to her. The person you described is not ready or willing to be a father. He is an addict. His motivation to contact you could driven by his need for money and drugs and what he could get out of you. My advice for you is, go to court and get FULL custody of your daughter FIRST and THEN file for child support if you even want it. If he is not in the state and you have no idea how to contact him the state will side with you based on his outstanding warrants and such and give you custody and then when he comes around to bother you again, file a restraining order. You have to be an advocate for yourself and for you daughter. By doing the hard work now you save yourself heartache later. Good luck to you and be safe.

[deleted account]

We don't need his help with money, my daughter has everything she can possible want or need. Plus she has more money saved up than me. lol So, ya I think we will just keep doing what we are doing.
I do have EVERYTHING documented, even as far back as my pregnancy. So if he did actually get ballzy I don't think he could actually do anything but put himself in jail.

Meagan - posted on 02/18/2011

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For him to give up his rights, he will have to establish paternity, meaning testing, and that whole court process can take forever, plenty of time for him to change his mind for a number of reasons. Ignore him with the handy dandy ignore button, track any evidence you have of his addictions, etc and keep emails, texts, etc (just in case), and leave it be. If he ever takes you to court for support, you have proof of his instability, but chances are, he never will. If you go to court, there's a very good chance he will get visitation, and a good chance it will be unsupervised, since right now it's a he said-she said deal. If you don't want that, then just ignore him. If the money isnt worth it, than it isn't worth it.

Now, if you really do want him to terminate his rights, than go for it, if you think he will, but be prepared for any other situations that may arise by condemning him with his own words.

I did the same thing as I'm telling you to do. Her coke addict father is somewhere far away, and I will never find him since it works right now and she's safe.

Mariah - posted on 02/18/2011

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omgosh i have a similar problem. My ex was fine when we were dating, but then when i was a few months pregannt cheated on me with this bitch and now he drinks a lot. i have a 2 months old and the fathers name is not on the BC. i dnt want hiom spending even a minute alone witht he child, what i did was tell him that if he ever wnats to do for a dna test i will make sure he goes to jail. he has been to jailb4 for violence and i know if i called the cops and told them about a drinking n drug problem thatn he wouldnt be able to see his chiild. dnt even try to get child support bcuz then he has a right to spend time with ur child, and trust me u do not want that

Shirlena - posted on 02/17/2011

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Yes I would go to court they will help u get the child support u need for your daughter!!

Michelle - posted on 02/13/2011

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I'd go to court to secure full and sole custody ASAP. Do not pursue support- not worth it in my opinion and the odds that you get anything sound really slim anyhow.

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