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should i take my one year old to meet her father in prison?

Maya - posted on 07/27/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have thought about this situation nearly everyday. My daughters father got a sentence of 24 years for robbing a store, having a shootout with the police and using an 80 year old women as a human shield. ): As bad as this sounds he was a decent person before this. He was attending a University and had a job! I never even imagined him being capable of this. So the big question is should i take my one year old to meet him? Hes been writing letters and asking & so has his family. I was thinking about taking her once,just so he can meet her. Then again im not sure. When she gets older and is fully able to understand im gonna let her make her own choice. But should i let him meet her, just a one time thing ? So confused. Decisions decisions ):

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Maya - posted on 08/16/2012

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thank for all the advice it was very helpful, iv decided to not take her.

Brittany - posted on 07/27/2012

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My sons father was put in jail for 7 years when my son was 3, after shooting someone outside a bar -

I brought my son there once when he was 5. Worst decesion of my life.

He was searched, sniffed by a dog, and had a sample taken from his clothing to ensure there were not drugs on him.

He was terrified. After the meeting I could tell he was visibly shaken and now not only was he scared of what he had gone thru - but he was terrified for what his father was going through. He had night terrors and we have had issues with him peeing the bed ever since. Also he now refuses to sleep without several night lights. When he sees 'jail' on TV he is still visibly shaken and he is now 7. I would never advise anyone to take children into a setting like this. His father has since been released on parole, we were better off without him in the picture.

Let your child have contact thru phone/letters - if you allow one visit now, the father and family will expect more as the years go on. If you stand your place now, they'll stop asking. If you still need advice, seek it through a therapist and see what they think the outcome of allowing your daughter into this situation could be.

I know your daughter is only young, but from birth to 18 - it's all about her and her wants/needs. Don't let the fathers want to meet her outweigh the impact this could have on her.

Kristin - posted on 07/27/2012

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IMO I would not take my kids to meet a parent in prison. I dont think that kids need to be around criminals nor do I think they should be subjected to all the security in a prison. Send him a picture not your fault he did something stupid and ended up in jail. That being said it really is up to you. If you are comfortable taking her to a prison than take her. NO one can make the decision for you it has to be up to you and what you feel is best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and judgement.

Chaya - posted on 07/27/2012

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I personally probably wouildn't, but the best thing to do is make a list of the reasons you should, and another of the reason you shouldn't. Compare, and make the decision from there.
I'm kind of thinking that your daughter needs to know her dad, but perhaps not that young, perhaps when she starts asking.

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