Should we get a DNA test or not?

Danielle - posted on 05/17/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Let me start by saying that my daughter's daddy is amazing! He watches her without a fight, and couldn't be happier to do so... Here's somthing that weighs heavy on my heart about him, though. He may not be her biological father - WAIT! - before you go crazy on me, hear me out... He knows this! I've been upfront with him about everything from the begining. See, him and i have never been in a relationship, but we can't keep our hands off eachother sometimes - I guess you'd say he's my best friend, but we're in a strictly physical relationship, to make a long complicated story short.
I was dating another guy when I got pregnant, and broke it off with him shortly after. There's no way to contact him - he may even have passed away. I'm not real clear on that detail.
Here's my issue - he's an amazing daddy (any man can father a child, but it takes a REAL man to be a daddy) but when we get to talking about genetics, and how she has certain characteristics that are his family's, I bite my tongue every single time. We were talking about getting a DNA test before she was born, but since then, he's fallen so much in love with her that he hasn't said a word about it. Should I even bring this up or just let it go? I want to know to satisfy curiousity, but there's no way to tell based on looks and behaviors alone - she looks and acts a lot like ME! UGH -- What are your thoughts on this mess?

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Danielle - posted on 05/18/2010

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i personally would get it done for peace of mind but mainly for your childs sake.
She has a right to know who her real father is..whether its the one who loves her or not. IT doesnt matter the outcome because she will know she is loved by her "dad"whether he is her dad or not...
But yeah thats my personal opinion anyway. I would want to know.

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Michelle - posted on 05/21/2010

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I think you should talk it over with the man who WANTS to be her father. If he wants the test done then by all means go ahead and get it done. If it doesn't matter to him whether she is biologically his or not don't worry about it. Just be happy in knowing there is someone in her life that chooses to be there regardless of their bloodline. If it really bothers you not knowing still tell him your concerns and I'm sure he'll do it for you as well as her.

AURORA - posted on 05/21/2010

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I HAVE THIS SAME SITUATION. I WAS DATIN MY BABYS DAD BUT IVE AWAYS HAD A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH AN EX. [TIL THIS DAY] WHEN WE WERE BROKEN UP I WAS WITH MY EX. I NEVER TOLD MY EX BUT I DID TELL MY BABYS DAD. HE NEVER WANTED TO GET THE TEST DONE BUT I WAS CURIOUS. SO I TOLD MY EX AFTER LIKE 2 YRS AND WE WENT TO GET IT DONE IT SHOWED HE WASNT THE DAD BUT ITS WEIRD HE LOOKS NOTHIN LIKE HIS DAD HE LOOKS ALOT LIKE PPL FROMMY EXS FAMILY. PPL THAT DONT KNO WHAT HAPPENED WITH US TELL MY MOM HE LOOKS LIKE ONE OF HIS BROTHERS. VERY STRESSING. GOOD LUCK

Dixie-Ann - posted on 05/19/2010

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Get the test done for a peace of mind there should not be a problem due to the fact that he new about it already do explain to him your reason for still wanting to take the test and if he really love this baby like you say it really would not matter what the result is because in his heart he is still her father.

Crystal - posted on 05/18/2010

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PERSONALLY I WOULD SAY GET THE TEST DONE FOR TWO REASONS.1ST MEDICAL REASONS....2ND TO EASE YOUR MIND..... WHATEVER THE RESULTS YOUR BABYGIRL WILL KNOW WHO'S HER REAL DAD. LIKE YOU SAID ANY MAN CAN BE "THE FATHER" BUT ONLY A "REAL MAN" CAN BE A "DAD"

Charity - posted on 05/18/2010

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i agree with the rest of the moms that have shared their opinions.For a peace of mind and for your daughters sake get the test done.My daughter is 5 months old and her biological father has seen her a total of 5 times if that and now is denying her and wants a dna test done to prove he isnt the father.I really didnt want to do it, but im up for the challenge with her father.He got into a new relationship and its been downhill from there hes been calling me all sorts of names and so has his gf so im looking out for my daughters sake and want it all over with because in the long run hes missin out on everything.Im with another man who has a child of his own and is really good with my daughter and its awesome.Im glad im finally able to see the light of day and know that there are men out there that do care about your child even if their not the biological father..i hope everything works out in your advantage and you can get some peace of mind, good luck

Kathy - posted on 05/18/2010

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You really should should get the testing done, mainly for medical reasons. If the x is the biological father then you will need to try and find out about any medical problems he and his family have or have had for your daughters sake. If the best friend is the dad then all issues are resolved. :) But unfortunately some illnesses are genetic so it's best to get her dna test done.

La'Treese - posted on 05/17/2010

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I have a similar situations although it is a little different. i had my daughter tested by the guy who I always knew was her dad, okay the results are 99.99999% you are the father. Okay still no effort, the good thing about this situation is the guy I had been sexually involved with for years prior to meeting my daughters father has been there. She know this guy as her father and that's how it's going to remain because her real father is here for a month or to and gone for seven or eight but all I want to say is you might want to do it for some closure but then again if he wants to be the father and he hasn't mentioned a test lately maybe it doesn't matter what the results says. GOOD LUCK AND KEEP YOU MAN!!!!!!
it's not that many Real Men left.

Nickole - posted on 05/17/2010

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I would explain to him that he'll always be her daddy no matter what the DNA says, but this is something that has been bothering you for a while because you have to keep biting your tongue. if he's as amazing as you say he is he'll understand!

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