April - posted on 08/01/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )
Kinda long, Im sorry but I need advice and so I wanted to tell the whole story.
Thanks for any advice, encouragement and thoughts.
I am 18, I became pregnant when I was 16 and was completely infatuated. The "bio-dad" however always saw me as just a passtime & was with his ex behind my back. They basically made my pregnancy hell. I would get hate mail from them & I just became very depressed.I was just 2 weeks from giving birth, he came around, talked to my mother, said he left the girl and wanted to be here for the baby and I fell for it. I let him be at my daughters birth and for 2 weeks I was in heaven. We were a happy couple with a brand new baby girl. He talked about more babies aand all this nice stuff. Then, out of nowhere, he told me he was back with his ex and that she was pregnant. You can imagine how I was. Only 2 weeks after giving birth and then this. I went nuts I told him to stay awayy and he said that was fine. He didnt even argue about wanting to be there for his daughter, he just said ok. I spiraled downwards. I think I had postpartum depression. I didnt want to even look at my daughter. I was worse than when I was pregnant.
Now, 11 months after I have changed alot. I am alot stronger and determined. I am going to college, getting a job, I am in a relationship and sometimes I swear I couldnt be happier. My daughters "bio-dad" never came around. He never tried calling, visiting, emailing. He has never provided anything for her. (I filed for child support when she was 2 months and they have yet to take him to court) Nothing. I kept in touch with his dad and stepmom because they are the only ones in his family that care about the baby. I told them numerous times to tell him that he could see his baby whenever he wanted but he always declined. A while ago his girlfriend emailed me and told me her story, her baby is sick theyre living with her parents and that shes unhappy blah blah blah. She was also VERY insistent on "bio-dad" meeting my daughter because she felt guilty that my daughter had never met him. & she claimed that he DID want to meet her but that he didnt want to deal with me and that that was the reason why he had stayed away for ELEVEN MONTHS. I pitied her and believed her for some reason - befriended her. Later I found out that she had been lying to me saying that he left her since the whole time, he was living WITH her. So I explained to her that if she ever needed something for an emergency she could ask for my help but that I couldnt be her friend & then I blocked her. Well later she messaged me saying we could meet at the store to buy stuff for my baby, I said that I didnt want anything from them if it wasnt from him directly. She said he was going to sleep so he couldnt & I said ok, well lets go tomorrow, that way he can meet the baby. HE then messaged me and told me to "stop bugging us with your crap. We're going to go to court. Dont message this number again."
I know its not worth gettting worked up over, but I just cant believe someone can just not want to meet their baby. He had a little boy with her, so I figure thats why he doesnt give a care about my baby girl and it hurts. We'rre in the same town. A TINY town! I told him he can meet her and he just avoided it! How can someone be that way? How could he choose a girl over his own child? How can he choose one child over another? I fear about how my daughter will take this rejection when shes older. What if she has daddy issues? what if she gets pregnant at an early age because of that? drugs? abusive relationships? all these things you see nowadays. I feel like Im over what he did to ME but as a mother, I feel pain for my child. I feel the rejection and I feel angry. So angry it consumes me sometimes. People tell me shell be fine aslong as I give her all my love, but sometimes its not enough. She DESERVES a father and for him to just take that from her is unbelievable. & I hate how he and that girl even have friends still. Its silly, I know, but people like that- they dont even deserve friends. They are the worst but still they get to live a life together. Their child will have a father while mine wont. Why? Becaause this girl decided to keep having sex and maybe even decided to get pregnant out of selfishness knowing my baby was on the way and because he is just a horrible persoon. Most of all I blame myself, for bringing her into this world in this situation.
What can I do to get over this anger and hate? What can I do to ensure that my babygirl doesnt end up feeling unworthy over his rejection? Howww do I deal with all of this?