Single Mom

Laurie - posted on 12/15/2011 ( 26 moms have responded )

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Does it get any easier being a single mom as the child gets older?

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LizE - posted on 12/30/2011

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I would say absolutely. I’m the single mother or a vibrant 11 year old diva who loves glitter, finger nail polish and sequence. I come from a very abusive relationship and was forced into being a single parent at what I consider a young age. While your child is young you’re dealing with being a new parent, adjusting to this little person, maybe coping with the breakup, finances, etc. I recall days where I set and cried for hours because I thought this baby was more than I could handle. But as time goes you develop a rhythm; you learn how to better manage. Your baby starts to get older and starts to understand things, pick up toys and then one day they learn to make their own sandwich and make their bed (which was one of the best das of my life). Each year will bring new challenges and obstacles but it also brings new gifts and accomplishments for both you and your child.
Sure being a single mother isn’t something we may have desired but it is what is. You and your little one are complete, keep a positive outlook, issues will come but you’ll learn to handle them and keep on moving. Of course we all want our kids to have a consistent good father but we have to be strong enough to be both.

Luvmia - posted on 12/18/2011

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Laurie, I feel the same way. When I was in college, it was very difficult. Every semester I cried. My mother was very much resistant to helping me but had no problems asking me to take her somewhere. Those I thought were my friends were secretly jealous and pretended to want to help me when I needed a babysitter. Of course, they at the last minute they acted as though they were busy. I had daycare providers whom were very money hungry and trifling with my kid. I also had someone whom was highly recommended as a good babysitter, only feed my child once the whole day because she claimed "he said he was not hungry". The way I found out he was not properly fed is because he told me about 8:30 p.m. when I was about to have my dinner after a long shift that he was hungry which prompted me to call him. At the time, I lived in a bad neighbor where my apartment was burglarized ( I believe maintenance did it since they knew exactly where to go in my apartment and how to get in without forced entry) and my car was stolen after I finished college. And don't let me fail to mention my bills were piling up tremendously. When I was working as a nursing assistant, I had to have my CPR renewed ASAP or not have a job and so I stupidly asked my son's father to watch him so I could make it for the class. He told me he would ask his father to watch him and call me back. I did not hear from him in 2 days so I called him the night before the class and he told me his father could not watch him. So I told him that his father could not watch him and I told him he should have called me and let me know and that I needed him to watch him. H e said "I have something to do" and "I can't watch him". I was so upset because I had already paid for the class and could not get the money back and more importantly I was going to lose my job if I did not get it renewed. But of course my son's father did not care. So I had to have a male friend of mine watch him for me with his two kids which I was not comfortable with but did not have anyone else. On my way to the class, I called my son (whom was about 5 at the time) to ask him if he was okay and he said yes and I told him I loved him. I was crying and hung up and still was crying on the way up the highway to try to make it on time for my class. You can only imagine how distracted I was during the class. But nonetheless when I came back my son was okay thank God. My friend said to me shortly afterwards "Do you think your son's father wants you back? Because he is surely going out of his way to make you suffer." It wasn't until then that I realized my son's father deliberately try to sabotage my efforts to get my CPR so I would not have a job. It didn't matter that his son would have suffered due to my lack of employment.

I know I said a lot because I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that it will get better. I look back on my life and I am thankful to God that I made it. I am struggling because it is hard to raise a kid by myself but the trials and tribulations have made me stronger. Trust and believe you are stronger than you think. Just keep holding on and coming here for support. You will get through this, we will get through this.

Danielle - posted on 12/15/2011

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In all honesty, no it doesnt get easier. Ive been doing it without any kind of help from my sons father since day one and the expense only increases as time passes. My son is almost 19 months old and the emotional expense of knowing that Im the only one he has is great, but I keep reminding myself that through all the struggles there is a better future for the both of us. Its hard to do now, but just think of how much better off you will be once your done school and you are settled in your career. All the hardship your facing now is so only going to improve your lives later on. Keep your head up and remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.

Luvmia - posted on 12/15/2011

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In my opinion, no. I find that I am faced with more and so is my kid. They also become more expensive and defiant.

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26 Comments

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Xiaoli - posted on 02/27/2013

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if without custody battle. my single mom's life is far better than i was in the died marriage.
i have more freedom, can make all different friends for my son and myself. feel free talking with anyone i like...don't have to look the colored face everyday...
yes, i love being a single mom life, my son is much happier than 3 of us were living together...
life is good.

Deidre' - posted on 02/22/2013

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In my oppinion no. I am a single mother of a beautiful little girl who is in Kindergarten this year & every day I wonder what kinds of questions is she going to have when she grows up. I don't get any help from her father but I also don't want any help from her father since he is a conviced child mulester. I do have help from my parents with her but being a single mom is never the easiest. Keep looking to God for help & just keep on praying.
God bless you & your family & good luck

Betty - posted on 02/12/2013

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Thank u Jackie. It's gottin a lot better for him I think with age an he talks to him a couple times a week. I did end up putting his fathers picture up an made a book of his own that he can pick up an look though that has him an his father in it , but he was just a baby. I believe the last time he saw him was when he was 1 1/2! we have been talking about getting back together.

Jackie - posted on 01/27/2012

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I'm sorry to hear that. It is very hard not having a father for you child around to call on. but being in jail really (parden my french) Sucks. My son is currently in jail and left behind a family, my grandson. We are blessed because we are all real close but I know it is hard for the children too, more so when they start asking question. Keep pictures around and always talk about him leaving your child to form opinions over there own. Helps keep anomosity at a low. For your illness I know that has got to be a challenge itself, I worked with this lady that had that and she was always complaining how it hurt. I will pray for you and ask to carry some of your pain. Believe in god!

Betty - posted on 01/27/2012

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yes i just found out to day that my sons father will be in jail for 2 yrs. I kicked him out for doing drugs an lying back in may. so that means it will be 3yrs that he wont see his father. he calls and talks for a few mins. an asked where r u. an says come play with me. so sad. im disabled with fybromiagia! an its getting harder to get out an play with him. he needs a father figure.

Jackie - posted on 01/27/2012

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Celine,

Lol there should be a site for women to be able to rate and give insite to others about guys. Sort of like a yelp page for the unworthy. For you; you have it all, those children are gods gifts, at times it may not seem like it but just know you were choosen for this job before you met that guy.

Celine - posted on 01/26/2012

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Oh Jackie I know exactly what you are talking about!! Not ones but twice. I thought I would have learned from the first mistake but the second mistake turned out to be the Fakest person Ever... If i could put a picture of his face here i would to warn all the woman out there of his sorry face!!. Out of that relationship came a baby boy which is 6 months. And from the first guy I have my 6 year old girl! and they are the reason why Im still breathing and they give me the strength to hold strong! But im soooo Happy because I have my two beautiful children that i love and adore.

Jackie - posted on 01/26/2012

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Hi laurie,

Oh honey don't give up!!!!! It may seeem hard but just look into your little ones face and know you are loved. Our father in heaven knows you are very strong and never alone. I too am single and until recently the father of my son cost me more money than helped. There are days I wish I had only me but than I know if that was the case I would be lost. My son is 6 yrs and full of energy but he is the best thing ever. Tell yourself every day you have made it to another day with some one there to give you a direction, that child is a BLESSING!!!!!

[deleted account]

Thank you to all the encouraging moms here. :) Even hearing about other's struggles is helpful too because we know that we're not alone in what we face sometimes.

Celine - posted on 01/24/2012

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its not easy but you just have to be ready for what comes... i have a 6 year old and a 6 month old baby, i feel im starting all over with my 6 month old.

Casey - posted on 01/24/2012

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in my opinion yes. my children are 6yr, 1 yr and a 4mth old. and as they have grown it has gotten easier because i have learned what i am able to deal with and when to ask for helping with my children.

Deidre' - posted on 01/23/2012

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No it doesn't I am a single mother of a 5 year old little girl who has ADHD & I haven't seen it get any easer yet.

Kathy - posted on 12/30/2011

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It's easier in some ways, harder in others. As they get older, they can help out more (if you get them in the right mood) but they're so much more expensive! Car insurance and cell phone bills are killing me!! They help out but it's never enough and I have boys 25, 22 & 18 (the youngest 2 are still at home) and I cannot keep food in the house. I shop, they eat - a LOT! It is nice though that they can carry on adult conversations but I'd give anything to take them back to the 10 & under stage!!

Krista - posted on 12/30/2011

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what do you me easier. it's not easy being a parent for anyone you will have you times were it great and your times were its not so great. i have a 20 year old and a 3 year old been a single my always never married but i would not trade it in for nothing cuz each time its hard i get to teach my kids something and i learn something about myself. its all what you take from it and how you approch it. do you think it was easy for your parents? make the best of it and enjoy being a parent its a hard job but it can be done with love support exc...

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I don't think it gets easier. Granted, it IS easier than when I was first dealing w/ twin 6 year old girls and a newborn boy while mourning the loss of my marriage at the same time, but after the initial first few months.... Nope, not easier. The challenges change as the kids grow and change (10 and 3.75 now), but easier? I don't think so.

My motto is the same as my ex and I had when we had newborn twins... I do it because I have to, not because I can.

Granted, I love my kids and I love being a mom and I wouldn't trade those 3 for anything in the world, but it is HARD.

Tenelle - posted on 12/22/2011

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I must say Laurie, it does get easier, but you must go in with the mindset that being a single mother is not going to be easy!! With that outlook I believe one can be more accepting of what is to come! I have a 7 year old and one on the way and every morning before I get out of bed I pray that God gives me the strength and wisdom to be a wonderful mother! It does get hard, but prayer works because at times we start feeling sorry for ourselves and wishing we would/could have done things differently, but prayer allows us to focus on the "now" and appreciate every aspect of our lives...even being a single mother. I have seen married couples and the women is still the main one running the show when it comes to the kids! I believe that if you can be a single mother and take motherhood seriously as far as instilling good values and morals in your child, and allow them to see your shortcomings and how you've overcame them, then you can do ABSOLUTELY anything in life!!!

Markéta - posted on 12/21/2011

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It goes up and down, but in my opinion, generally it does get easier. Speakin´ from a 3 years long experience:)

Sherry - posted on 12/19/2011

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In my experience, it does get easier as my daughter gets older. She is now 7 and obivously much more independent than she was when she was younger. Not only do I think it is easier, I think it is more fun! I love watching her excel at sports and gaining confidence in it. She is a competiive cheerleader. I love watching her make friends and excel at school. I think the joy from watching them grow up and develop their own lives is awesome.

Luvmia - posted on 12/19/2011

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Laurie, you are very much welcomed! I am glad that I could offer some support to you in your time of need. Just remember there is nothing wrong with crying because it gives you a cleansing and the emotional release you need.



If you have not already done so, I strongly suggest you apply for financial aid. If you need assistance, contact your school's financial aid office. You being an independent student will give you a lot of grants (free money) and other aid. Also apply for unemployment which will give you a steady income for the time being. You can also go to your local department of social services for food stamps, daycare vouchers and medical assistance. Also go to your local religious organizations and ask for assistance with clothing and food. I know it is hard to swallow your pride and ask for help.But just think of it as the fact that this is only temporary and you need to feed you and your kid. I had to learn that this life is about survival of the fittest and we have to do what we have to do.



I hope that this helps. You need a sister circle to get you through this. Please feel free to send me a message anytime and/or post here. Just hang in there the best way you know how.

Laurie - posted on 12/19/2011

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Luvmia thanks that was very encouraging for me to read and helpful. I am glad that I had found this sight because to be honest with you I don't have a lot my sons father is in jail I don't work I got laid off and most likely fired and might not be able to go to school and I cry myself to sleep everynight because I am scared for myself and my son. I am scared that I am going to get him taken away because I cant be a proper mom to him and let him have the toys he needs or the right diapers he needs or the right clothes for him I am just scared in general.

Jurnee - posted on 12/17/2011

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Im a single mother to 4 ranging in age from 9-26. I have been single for the past 15 yrs and for 4 yrs when my oldest was born. I think it does get easier, because you start to develop more confidence in yourself and in what works for you and your family. Of course there will be those relly difficult times, but you learn to deal with them with experience.

Laurie - posted on 12/15/2011

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I am finding that out and I am having a hard time doing it on my own bc i get no help from my sons father bc he is in jail and my family doesnt help and i am going to school and trying to work and its hard i just want to curl up in a ball and cry sometimes.

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