single mom and a dating life?

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Rachel - posted on 08/02/2009

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Is there such a thing? I would love to know. How does it work because it seems like there is never a spare moment. I have heard some single women have had successs with online dating

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Jayme - posted on 08/17/2009

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Dating???? whats that? I haven't been on a date in almost a year and I have been single for 2.5 years. I don't have issues with a baby-sitter b/c my son's father has him every other weekend and thankfully my family is very supportive. My problem, so i'm told by my friends, is that i'm too picky and my standards are too high. I on the other hand want the best for my son (4) and I. Is that so wrong?? For example: I am about to graduate from college (finally at 25!) and my friend got upset that I didn't want to go out on a date w/ a 26 year old who works at a fast food place and still lives w/ his parents. Am I in the wrong here? Its just that I know what I want, and I don't want to settle for less or have a "Mr. right now", even if I am lonely.

Jean - posted on 08/17/2009

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I am a single mom of 3 children, son 18, son 14, and daughter 11. I have been divorced for 2 yrs. now. I wonder my self if I am ready for the dateing life? I do feel that I need to try to find someone that can treat me like a lady and do things withme. Is it true that after you divorce it may take you 3 yrs to get over the divorce? I am still dealing with issues.

Candace - posted on 08/17/2009

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i no what u mean i was with my ex for 7 years he is the father of both my children.. he just got up one day and decided he didnt want to be a father ne more and doesnt take ne responcibility for them. Now i have to take him to court just to pay child support. i dont regret my kids at all but it amazes me how men can choose when they want to be there.....

Leslie - posted on 08/17/2009

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My daughter will be 18 months and I am still not ready. So it is normal to have some resistance in the back of your mind. I have yet to meet a real man that is willing to take care of another man's children. There is someone out there I know because God has someone for all of us!!!

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2009

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Can definately be done, even with a very young one. My son is 9 months now, and I recently got set up by some family members with a great guy. Ask friends and close family members if they know anyone - chances are someone does and they would probably be happy to babysit every once in a while in order to see you find someone to be happy with. :)

Emma - posted on 08/09/2009

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Quoting Eulanda:

So what do people do about babysitting? Before my daughter's father decided to do a disappearing act I did on days he had her, but now with an unsupportive family it's nearly impossible. I don't trust too many people with my kid.


I  have same problem, she doesn't see her dad and I dont have family in this country so I do the odd 'trade'with a couple of friends but that is what has halted my dating scene. I will not invite anyone over ( even if she is asleep) until I have been out with them a few times, so it costs money for a babysitter every time. and lately I get resentful when a date ( guys I'll meet online dating ) turns out to be a dude when I have used precious freetime to meet them. It's tough but my daughter comes first and hopefully it wont be forever.  and I am not going to settle! I'm just putting it out to the universe and if the right guy comes along so be it. the good thing is it weeds out the dodgy guys, we owe it to our kids to only be with the best guys!

Regina - posted on 08/09/2009

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I hope it is possible! I just started dating a great guy. i told him when we first started talking that I am a single mom so there were to be no surprises. However, I have told my sons (they are very young 4 and 20 mos) about him. i would not bring the guy around unless the relationship was very serious. Of course, I haven't dated in so long - I don't even know how to get to that point lol. I met my sweetie online, we've been together in real life too -it's been great! If I'm happy, I'm a better mommy.

Latisha - posted on 08/09/2009

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I think that it depends on what you consider a date. Dating can happen in many ways. The best way is for you to find some time once a month to go out on a date. Once a month is not hard if you think of something like coffee, a drink, a walk, meeting at an art gallery or museum. This can take about an hour and you can get to know someone and grab a quick bite to eat while you walk. Also, it takes pressure off of the romance side of it which is awkward when you have young kids. Go out and have fun and if online dating can do that for you. I say go for it.

Kris - posted on 08/09/2009

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Quoting Wanda:

Yes, being a single mom and dating is difficult. I would only go on dates when my daughter was younger if she woudl see her dad or go spend the night with cousins. I never introduced her to my dates. The man I dated for 10 years didn't meet my daughter until 2 years into the relationship.

My daughter is now a teenager and I still wouldn't let her meet my dates. At least by the end of the year I won't be the single mom anymore since the man I am currently seeing and I are marrying, and as someone mentioned, we met online. I did not have time to go out and mingle at bars and all my friends were married and didn't have people to introduce me too.

Just know that it is possible to date, but date someone who understnads that they will not come first and that plans sometimes have to be cancelled at the last minute because your chidl needs you and they are your first priority.



Right good for you, but how does that work now that your teen daughter is having to deal with a new father figure?.  How long have you known your fiancee?



 

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it is hard, I do alot of the online dating... I also want to throw caution to men who have children and dont spend time with them, but want to date you. It doesnt seem like there are any good ones left and the ones that are, are already taken... be ware of the man that will offer to buy you and your children, but makes no mention of his own children... been in that situation and told him my daughter and I will not accept anything without me knowing that he is taking care of his own children... ended up that he just wanted to be friends, He is a true player... He lives away from me and is currently "seeing a woman" she does everything for him and she knows that he is going to be leaving in several months because of his job... then he will be back.. beware of the traveling man like him... sorry if he isnt close or is leaving do to jobs he will cheat...

Nicole - posted on 08/08/2009

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Honestly it's hard to date, my circumstances are different i would prefer my daughter doesn't meet a date until he has been screened thru me. My daughter is 6 and has stated she wants a daddy --her dad was a sperm donor and not in her life. So i don't want her to become attached to anyone until i feel a serious relationship is possible.

Eulanda - posted on 08/08/2009

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So what do people do about babysitting? Before my daughter's father decided to do a disappearing act I did on days he had her, but now with an unsupportive family it's nearly impossible. I don't trust too many people with my kid.

Laura - posted on 08/08/2009

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I need a man that respects himself, myself and my son. I prefer he has kids, or wants kids or likes kids. I need a man that isn't going to want to run off into the bedroom on whim's notice when my son is up or awake. I don't need a man to validate my existence. Just a man to appreciate me, and my son and the love he can share with us.

Laura - posted on 08/08/2009

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I have dated on and off. It is hard, because they know I have a child, and most time I can't get a sitter on moment's notice. I have just seen a man for less than 2 months, he had gone once again, he had done it 3 times now, 2x 3.5 to 4 years ago. He just picks up and leaves. I don't care to date right now. I am tired of men that try to control my child, control me, or just disappear. My son knew him from before... he was happy at first he came back, then I just got more miserable, because he pulled a 4 day disappearing stint, and his kids began to phone me for 4 days 5x a day, wondering where he is, as he was supposed to see his kids that weekend. I was mad that he upped and never phoned anyone including his kids, that just showed me that he doesn't care, and he actually said that. I am not seeing him again, plus he said that he'd spank my almost 8 year old son, if he needs it. I got into a fight with him for saying that. I don't need a man that is not healthy for myself nor my son. My son doesn't want him around anymore either.

[deleted account]

I agree with not bringing a man around until you know it's going to work out with him. The last thing children need is a variety of men parading through their house. It will confuse them to see a man with mommy once, then not see him again and a new guy is there. They don't understand that maybe the date didn't work out. My experiences have been that my children love me and love to see me happy. When they see that I am noticably happier, they are anxious to meet whoever it is that creates that. I've been with my current boyfriend since the beginning of this year. He's only the 2nd man my kids have met since I split with my husband in Oct. 2006. They love my boyfriend. I think a lot of that is due to them seeing the changes in me first and deciding that anyone that could make me that happy can't be a bad guy!

Wanda - posted on 08/07/2009

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Yes, being a single mom and dating is difficult. I would only go on dates when my daughter was younger if she woudl see her dad or go spend the night with cousins. I never introduced her to my dates. The man I dated for 10 years didn't meet my daughter until 2 years into the relationship.



My daughter is now a teenager and I still wouldn't let her meet my dates. At least by the end of the year I won't be the single mom anymore since the man I am currently seeing and I are marrying, and as someone mentioned, we met online. I did not have time to go out and mingle at bars and all my friends were married and didn't have people to introduce me too.



Just know that it is possible to date, but date someone who understnads that they will not come first and that plans sometimes have to be cancelled at the last minute because your chidl needs you and they are your first priority.

Rachel - posted on 08/06/2009

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then i must have found a keeper, he volunteered to babysit right off the bat. i had a doctors appointment and he offered to come over and watch my son so i could just go and get in and out. I never mind taking my son but it so much easier with help. I am now getting the help I should have gotten from his dad. and it makes things run so smoth.

Shannon - posted on 08/06/2009

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Quoting Regina:

It can happen. You just have to keep it outside the house hold. It's not a good look to bring different guys in and out the house. I have four girls so this is very important to me. I never want to give them the impression that it's ok for that. Besides, I don't trust anyone around my girls. That kind of thing takes time. Ladies, just because we're single moms doesn't mean our life has ended. In due time you'll know when it's ok. Just don't rush things and just settle because you're lonely!


 

Shannon - posted on 08/06/2009

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It is hard and almost non existent, if you are a mother who puts the needs of her children before her own sexual/intimate needs. But it does exist, who knows you may meet him at the grocery store, restraunt or park. And then, just as you're about to make your move, your kids will either : Get sick! Throw a tantrum! or Have a potty emergency!!!!! How he reacts will let you know if he's a keeper....LOL! Keep the faith and understand that it is all about balance. It will happen when it is supposed to and remember we must first love ourselves! Afterall we are remarkable human beings to be facing this task alone ;)

Rachel - posted on 08/05/2009

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the new man in my life knew before the start, nothing in front of my son, and he comes first. if he wants us to go out it has to wait till my son is with his dad. he has followed these rules to a T and we have had no problems. if he comes over during the week it is to spend time with my son, he will even help put him to bed or watch him so i can get things done. I feel lucky to have found some one like this and i know how hard it is. Today my son did a weird thing though. at bed time he was saying goodnight to grandma and grandpa and ran over to my boyfriend and demanded a hug and said dada. we dont say anything about it we just let it alone, he knows his name he says it all the time.

Sharice - posted on 08/05/2009

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well my experience in this area is nothing to brag about. I tried dating but it usually turns out that we have different agendas for socializing. So I'm kind of in limbo right now. However I do try to keep up my appearance and stay healthy mentally and emotionally so that I'm in a good place should I meet a potential mate.

AMBER LYNN - posted on 08/05/2009

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I ask myself the same thing... My son's father is not around at all so I am with my son 99% of the time. I rarely have any "me" time. Im hoping that a good man comes along that wants what my life entails.

Tonya - posted on 08/05/2009

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I do believe you are right the man should know from the start you are a mother. But i believe if the child meets a guy right away and it doesn't work it is more confusion for them. Or they get the wrong idea of you cuz in their young life how many guys do you bring to them and they go away. believe me they will remember.

Genava - posted on 08/05/2009

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i personally havent been put in this situation yet, sense im expecting and she isnt born yet.

but i do know once i do if there is a guy in my life and wants to start dating the 1st or 2nd date he will know about her..

i would rather loose a guy in my life that a barely know.

than one i get close and attached to and than leaves me because he gets "scared" or whatver guys excuses are these days.

Tonya - posted on 08/05/2009

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My son seems to push a man off on me no matter who he is. he seems to not want me to be alone. He doesn't get that I don't want one at the moment or that it can't be just anyone.Post a reply!

Kris - posted on 08/05/2009

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As my son reaches puberty, keeping dating or a man in my life is really difficult, does anyone have the same issue?

Tonya - posted on 08/05/2009

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That is hard. But remeber to be a better parent you have to have something for yourself. One thing I have learned during this dating thing is to not let my child meet the person until at least 3 months into the relationship. Especially if they are a kid with out a man in their life. It is very confusing if the guy doesn't stick around and makes it harder for the child to except the next one. be careful w/on-line dating but it can be successful. Try kids outings too.Post a reply!

Regina - posted on 08/05/2009

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It can happen. You just have to keep it outside the house hold. It's not a good look to bring different guys in and out the house. I have four girls so this is very important to me. I never want to give them the impression that it's ok for that. Besides, I don't trust anyone around my girls. That kind of thing takes time. Ladies, just because we're single moms doesn't mean our life has ended. In due time you'll know when it's ok. Just don't rush things and just settle because you're lonely!

Jen - posted on 08/04/2009

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Of course it is possible! You have to take breaks from your child just like married couples do when they go out to dinner or on a "date." You also need to look forward. Your child will only be with you for so long before they graduate and move on to a life of their own.
Best of luck!

Kendra - posted on 08/04/2009

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I would have lunch dates with the guys. That way I could see if he was someone I wanted to continue to date or if there was no connection, time was up after an hour since I was on my lunch hour. I usually waited a month before introducing any guy to my boys, if the guy even made it that long. If you can find a guy with a child already, that really does help out b/c he knows exactly how hard it is to date. Good luck!

Burnett - posted on 08/03/2009

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Being a single mom and having a dating life is possible and it can be a bit difficult depending on your circumstances but I've never had a problem finding dates and keeping that separate from my children.

Rachel - posted on 08/03/2009

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i dont know if vincent will be that lucky. his dad is a control freak and has been on me since he turned 9 months to potty train him. he swore up and down he wanted a baby now his excuse is that he found out after he was born he wasnt a baby person. now its turned into he worked and i stayed at home why did i need help with anything or why did he have to do anything with vincent. we have mediation today and i do not know how i will handle that, i dont like being around him and well it makes me nervous having to do this. but vincent needs my voice to protect him from stupidity.

[deleted account]

It's funny, I think a lot of guys dont handle the whole baby thing. my 3yr olds dad would barely touch her untill recently....i got quotes like "of course I love my other daughter more...I wanted her" It took him untill she turned 3 to finally step up and look after her....he's not quite there yet but now is better than never....I hate the fact that he gets to 'decide' when to be a dad, but for Izzy's sake, it's better late than never........

Rachel - posted on 08/03/2009

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it probably helps that the new man in my life has a father that is nothing more than a sperm donor. he's never met him but at his new job will soon enough, he's not happy about that but he tries to be good to my son and loves him to death. i just knew i wanted my son to like the person i am dating and i let him have his say, as much as a 19 month old can, in that person. unfortunatly my sons dad acted like a sperm donor when we were still living with him and now thinks he has the rite to be more.

[deleted account]

Lol, I find it's not always the finding time.....more finding a decent bloke thats the problem!!! :-D

Ciara - posted on 08/02/2009

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Rachel, sounds like you've got everything working out the way you want it to and thats great!! kuddos to you, my situation is a bit different, my sons have different fathers and my oldests sperm donor is pretty much just that, donated the sperm and took off. So bringing men around him is a little harder since he doesnt have a father figure in his life. I always try to seperate my kids from people i'm dating for a long while you never know how the relationship is going to go so i stay on the side of cautious.



But for anyone looking to start dating its better to trust your gut feelings and have common sense about things. I do think it's possible to date and have children and have everything work out in the long run. I wish all you mommies the very best in your search!!!

Rachel - posted on 08/02/2009

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i have a 19 month old and a new relationship, i find that including my son has helped he's not confused he knows who daddy is and seems to really enjoy the extra attention and i love the help of another person. i made sure my son liked him before i started dating him so it just takes time and understanding

Ciara - posted on 08/02/2009

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Being a single mom and having a dating life is possible and it can be a bit difficult depending on your circumstances but i've never had a problem finding dates and keeping that seperate from my children.



Amber -



I understand your situation because I went through the same thing with both my children. take your time to get to know your baby and when you're ready you'll know it.

Amber - posted on 08/02/2009

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I wonder the same thing. I on the other hand just recently gave birth to my daughter july 6th. So as of right now, I'm not really looking to date. But things that I've thought about is, what this person has to carry in order for me to consider being with him. My daughter comes first. I just know it takes a REAL MAN to step up.. Ya know?! But girls let me know how it all goes. :) But when would be a good time to even consider dating someone?? Thats my question. I on the other hand, have no idea when Ill be ready. is that normal to feel that way?

Stacy - posted on 08/02/2009

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Not easy (especially if your child(ren) is/are young, but it CAN be done - just not a whole lot! Wish I could be more positive about your chances. :) Remember though, you can always date later - kid(s) first!

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