Kendra - posted on 07/18/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )
i am a single mom to an amazing 11 week old little boy. he is everything i have ever dreamed of and more (minus the colic.. that could go) lol but i cannot help but feel drpressed ALL THE TIME
im 22 and i live with my mother step dad and niece. things heer are crazy and it just adds stress to my life. un needed stress. i am raising my son all alone because his dad is 1400 miles away and decided he would not wanna move here when i did (i lived in fla.. met him..dated for over a year..got pregnant..we made plans to move back to MA but once i got here he bailed) so its just me and my little guy. which that itself makes it soo hard. im depressed and down. i have NO help what so ever. my mother barley pays attention to my son or even helps out. god forbid i go visit my friend at the hospital with her new baby for an hour without my mother calling to get home because my son was crying. i work part time and i dont have daycare. my son bounces around from one person to the other the 4 days a week i work. and now im running out of people to watch him but i dont make enough to get daycare. and i applied for state assistance and got denied for everything. me and my 11 week old son even lost our health insurance. i have awful PPD and am on medicine and in therapy to help it. therapy helps but its not that great. i cant really open up to my therapist. becaus ei know if i do i will cry. my whole pregnancy i was alone. i had an unsupportive mother who wanted me to abort or adopt out my son. i was alone for everything. i was very high risk due to preeclampsia, preterm labor at 32 weeks (i managed to carry him to 39) and a blood clot behind the placenta early on.. as well as the baby having cysts on his brain. when i had my son i had to have a c section (emergency after 14 hours of labor) becaus ehis head was stuck. and that is something to this day i am still not over. it hurts. i feel sad by the fact that i did not have him naturally. i barley even have any pictures of him from the hospital which tears at my heart every day becasue that is something you cannot get back. and i was alone at the hospital for the 5 days i was there. 2 out of the 5 days i had not one visitor. im struggling. trying to balance work. my son. and myself. its taking its toll onme and idk what im going to do. if i cant find daycare i may have to quit my job but if i quit how will i support him and pay bills esp since his father has not payed anything to us and i cant afford to go to court and file paternity test 9he refused to sign birth cert when hosp sent it to him ) i just am lost, confused. and every horrible feeling all combined.