single mom needs support 9kinda long)

Kendra - posted on 07/18/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i am a single mom to an amazing 11 week old little boy. he is everything i have ever dreamed of and more (minus the colic.. that could go) lol but i cannot help but feel drpressed ALL THE TIME

im 22 and i live with my mother step dad and niece. things heer are crazy and it just adds stress to my life. un needed stress. i am raising my son all alone because his dad is 1400 miles away and decided he would not wanna move here when i did (i lived in fla.. met him..dated for over a year..got pregnant..we made plans to move back to MA but once i got here he bailed) so its just me and my little guy. which that itself makes it soo hard. im depressed and down. i have NO help what so ever. my mother barley pays attention to my son or even helps out. god forbid i go visit my friend at the hospital with her new baby for an hour without my mother calling to get home because my son was crying. i work part time and i dont have daycare. my son bounces around from one person to the other the 4 days a week i work. and now im running out of people to watch him but i dont make enough to get daycare. and i applied for state assistance and got denied for everything. me and my 11 week old son even lost our health insurance. i have awful PPD and am on medicine and in therapy to help it. therapy helps but its not that great. i cant really open up to my therapist. becaus ei know if i do i will cry. my whole pregnancy i was alone. i had an unsupportive mother who wanted me to abort or adopt out my son. i was alone for everything. i was very high risk due to preeclampsia, preterm labor at 32 weeks (i managed to carry him to 39) and a blood clot behind the placenta early on.. as well as the baby having cysts on his brain. when i had my son i had to have a c section (emergency after 14 hours of labor) becaus ehis head was stuck. and that is something to this day i am still not over. it hurts. i feel sad by the fact that i did not have him naturally. i barley even have any pictures of him from the hospital which tears at my heart every day becasue that is something you cannot get back. and i was alone at the hospital for the 5 days i was there. 2 out of the 5 days i had not one visitor. im struggling. trying to balance work. my son. and myself. its taking its toll onme and idk what im going to do. if i cant find daycare i may have to quit my job but if i quit how will i support him and pay bills esp since his father has not payed anything to us and i cant afford to go to court and file paternity test 9he refused to sign birth cert when hosp sent it to him ) i just am lost, confused. and every horrible feeling all combined.

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3 Comments

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Kimberly - posted on 07/24/2010

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I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time. You definitely should open up to your therapist, or find a new therapist that you can open up to.

Also remember that you can only control your actions, not your ex's or mother's nor anyone elses. You are not any less of a mother because you had to have a c-section. I had to have one also. I'm a stay at home mom and receive assistance because the father of my baby is a dead beat that will never be able to support the baby or me. I feel useless all the time. Before the baby, I worked my ass off, like you do. But being a mother is a full time job too. Your mother should understand this, as she was there once too!

Kendra - posted on 07/18/2010

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thank you. i do try and i guess trying is all i can really do? i dont get assistance because i own a car worth more than 2500. which makes no sense to me. but i guess thats the way it is here. i have applied for everything, housing, food stamps, daycare. and all i get it WIC and i had health insurance. idk if i need a new therpist, maybe one i feel a lil more comfy with. i kinda feel liek my therapist judges to much and only looks at things from the way she sees it through her eyes. im on zoloft for my depression and have been since i was pregnant because of the fatehr bailing and the complications i got really down. not to mention my father and grandfather passed away witin two days of eachother when i was just like 21 weeks pregnant. which hurts alot beacsue my fatehr was always easy to talk to and we knew he loved us no matter what. my mother we always have to question ourselfs wondering if she really loves us because she wants to or because she feels she has to. it hurts that my father never got to meet my son. but he was sick and i knew he had to go. but it was tough to do all that while pregnant. and work 2 jobs to buy my son thigns before he was born and thats what put me into preterm labor. 2 jobs that were active jobs.. a dog groomer and a server.

Karmi - posted on 07/18/2010

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Wow honey I feel so sorry for you. I feel your pain to an extent and can't imagine all the other things you have gone through. I have gone through the samething with my sons father and my own mother. First of all I have to say you need to open up to your therapist, I have one too and it isn't anything to be embarressed about. A therapist is only there to help you and I see one myself for issues with depression and problems with my mom and my son's fatherr. And as far as my therapist goes, she has welcomed my mom into the office to talk about things on my mind too. Maybe you can ask your therapist to invite your mom and help you talk in the office about why you would like her to help and support you. I really don't understand why you wouldn't get government assistance, but I wonder if it is because you live at home with your parents. They do add in everyones income into the equation when you apply for assistance. I wonder if you try and find even a one bedroom apartment for a little while maybe you will be able to get on your feet with the assistance. I have assistance for daycare and food stamps because of my son and it helps me greatly. I go to school fulltime also which I get many grants and loans because I am a single mom to my son. It is just a suggestion if you do want to go back to school it may just help. But as far as your son's father I would have to say it is absolutely ridiculous and sad that a father won't sign papers for a child he knows it is. I'm so sorry about that, and I hope you do save up some money to help you out in getting a DNA test. If you ever need advice or help through anything you can always send me a message. I feel your pain and hate to hear that you are having such a bad depression on top of it all. Anytime you need to talk I feel your pain, I have a boy also and I know what it is like to think you aren't the perfect family you always dreamed about. I know in my heart you are a great mom trying your hardest to do anything in your power to take care of your son. He will know you are a strong woman doing all this for him, and trust me it will all get better. Keep your head up and head focused on what you want in your future and you are sure to get it.

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