Single Mom's and Stepmom's

Nataly - posted on 05/15/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

65

8

4

How should a relationship between a single mother and step mom be?

When my son's father left me while I was pregnant, he had moved on to someone else. At the beginning I wasnt able to handle my situation and arguements would start with the father and I. Most of my arguements would be about my son being around his girlfriend (soon to be wife). Now a year has gone by, and I realized that it wasnt with her I had the problem with, it was my son's father. He doesnt communicate when it comes to our son. And I took the time to apologize to this women so we can all get along for the sake of my son. This was something she was trying to do from the start, but I never let that happen. Now, I am trying to keep things at peace. I find myself confused and not knowing what to do when it comes to getting along with her. I need advice from both sides to understand and know what I need to do. Afterall, this is something that will last for the next 18 years of my sons life.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jen - posted on 05/18/2012

139

9

16

My guy has a son with his first wife. His son called me mom for two years before we met at his death bed as he died from cancer. I had met her family and was cool with everyone. She didn't want to meet me, and I didn't force the issue. But he wanted me there with him as much as he wanted his bio parents, so she sucked it down. We are now cool with one another.

I have yet to meet any of my ex-husband's girlfriends because we live in different states. I haven't even seen him in a decade (thank God) as his mother does the transfers for us.

Tell her that when she's ready you'd love to have coffee with her, and the door is always open. Then just be friendly with her when you see her. Eventually she'll take you up on that offer, but I'm sure her initial offerings being rejected is the reason she's now uncomfortable. Keep it friendly and respectful, that's all that needs to happen.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

5 Comments

View replies by

Nataly - posted on 05/18/2012

65

8

4

The times that my son's father and I argued happened when we were alone. I never did want my son to see us arguing, because it is not healthy for him (and of course for neither of us, but these things just happen). My ex is very difficult to communicate with. For he puts his girlfriend as his main priority, therefore makes our situation a little hard when it comes to our son. As the time gone by, I have gotten to known verylittle of her and it seemed to me she is nice. She says she loves my son and I believe her. Even though it took me awhile to see what was happening. I understand these things take time and I am the kind of person to be patient, especially when it comes to my son.

My son is my main priority and if his father can't see his son the way I do, then I will always be overprotective of him. Im sure every mother would feel as I do, especially when a father says that to a mother of their child.

I am taking these easy and letting time go by to see how things workout.

Michelle - posted on 05/18/2012

245

5

21

I think the basics are not badmouthing her, especially around your son. Not badmouthing your ex around your son. Being pleasant when you all are in the same place at the same time.

I could see it would be awkward to go shopping or have a meal with the new wife. My mother has nothing against my stepmother but the last time everyone had a meal together was college graduation!

You don't have to be, and likely won't be, friends. As long as you're pleasant and she's pleasant and neither is trying to put down the other it should be fine.

Nataly - posted on 05/15/2012

65

8

4

When I was pregnant, she tried doing that but I found myself in an awkward situation and didnt want to do anything with her. But when I saw this women was going to be in my son's life for a long time, I figured I try it out for my son's sake. I approached her several times now after apologizing to her and it seems as if the tables have turned. It is very funny how the tables have turned, because after asking her out to eat with my son, or summer shopping..she's been rejecting my invitation. It turns out, my son's father had to speak in her part to tell me she was not comfortable being around me. Atleast for now she isn't. I know as time goes on things can change between her and I. Only time will tell.

[deleted account]

Worth talking to her and getting to know your ex's current partner as a person. If possible go out somewhere and have a coffee and find out something each other. It'll help both of you find neutral ground and see that you're both not a threat to the other.

You don't have to be the best of friends, but certainly if you can come to an understanding with each other and have good communication channels between the pair of you it will help in the raising of your son.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms