Single Mother of three... Trying my best, but often i feel that its not enough..

Ashley - posted on 11/28/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

6

6

0

Its so rewarding to be a mommy.. I have been married twice.. Tryin to find the happiness that we deserve has been difficult, to say the least... It gets so old to hear the same promises from every man, only to have my hopes and my daughters, dashed onto the rocks, that i have decided to be alone for a while.. Celibacy has one wonders for me, its been about 5 months now, going strong.......
I have always been an outwardly strong person, with a softer inside than most people would guess.. I want so badly to be truly happy, and for my daughters to have another good role model, other than me... All things considered, we are all very well adjusted.. I just dont know why ifeel so...
Well, so discontent.. I have always been a stay at home mommy. But, now, here i sit. divorced. again. Its so hard to answer my lovely daughters when they ask why mommy doesnt have the money for barbies, christmas, etc.......... And the hardest thing is that i have so few people i can trust in my life, male or female.. No one to ask for advice.. I would LOVE to work from home, so i can feed these kids and keep the bills paid. But im terrified of scams... Lord knows, I get little to no help as it is... >> I have trouble keepin my chin held high on some days.. I know that eventually things will get better, its just been such a long rocky road for me mentally........... Any suggestions, advice, feedback, etc. would be much appreciated, ya*ll

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sandra - posted on 10/02/2012

25

0

3

One of the cheapest to start and best paying stay at home businesses I've had is a home daycare.

Best part about it for your children is that they don't have to go to daycare they get to spend those years with you.



That being said it's not something you can do just for money. You have to love kids or you will burn out quick. In my area daycare centers charge between $160-$280 a week per child. Home child cares get between $100 and $150 per week.



You can usually keep 4 children plus yours with little or no zoning requirements. In addition to the weekly fees you can sign up for the child care food program. They will pay you an average of $25 per child per week including your own children if you meet income guidelines.



$100 x 4 children = $400 per week

$ 25 x 7 children = $175 per week



$575 per week is pretty good pay



The food money is tax free it is considered reimbursement. You get to count off all kinds of deductions including part of your rent, utilities, cable, phone, internet, toys, etc.



I end up claiming about $12,000 taxable income. I end up owing about $1800 at the end of the year for social security taxes but the $12,000 qualifies me for about $5400 in earned income credit and $1300 in extra child credit for 3 kids so I get a refund for about $4900 ever year



So the final tally is



$575 x 50 weeks (I take off a week at Christmas and in July.)

$175 x 50

plus $4900 = $42,400 after taxes but before expenses. I usually budget $100 a week for toys, art supplies, and misc expenses that would still leave you at $37,400 and no day care expense for your own children.

Dawgylvr - posted on 11/28/2009

10

29

2

Some days might be hard, but you know what...keep that chin held high, girl! I was 36 when I found out I was pregnant (I'm 38 now), after being told I could probably never have children. My son's "donor" wanted me to have an abortion, and when I told him I wouldn't, he left me. I had been screwed over by men before...and we had only been together 6 months and I wasn't even in love with him. But what he did was the last straw. Now, it was not only ME to consider...it was my child's well-being as well! I haven't been with any man since my son's "donor" (he left when I was 6 weeks pregnant...my son is now 20 months...you do the math! LOL) and you know what...I'm doing OK! I don't trust any man...not only for myself but ESPECIALLY with my son. If some man screws ME over, that is OK! I'm a big girl and I can handle myself. But my son...HE is the one who risks getting hurt now and I am just not willing to take that chance. I'm not saying I will never date. But when I DO decide to allow some man into my life, things will happen SLOWLY and I will have to know that man pretty well before letting him fully into my son's life. When you've been hurt like we have, you build up walls and it's hard to let someone in. My advice is be single for awhile... Take time for yourself and your beautiful girls. If the right man comes along, you will know. Don't go looking for him, cuz that is when you end up with losers. Let HIM find YOU! And I do understand how it is with money, cuz things are hard! I don't get support from my son's donor (haven't laid eyes on him since I told him I was pregnant) and you know what...*I* do without to make sure my son can be taken care of. If you are having a hard time making ends meet, don't be ashamed to ask for help. I don't know where you live, but check into government programs in your area that can maybe help with things. Get on food stamps if you can, to help save money each month so you CAN get your kids a bit extra. I'm not ashamed to say I do. I work...I pay my taxes...and it's still hard to make ends meet. I'd rather get something back from all my years of hard work, then letting my hard earned money to go someone who sits on their lazy butt and does nothing all day but mooch off the government. And when the time is right, Mr. Right will come into your life and be a good man to you and be a great role model for your girls. In the meantime, YOU be that roll model and don't rely on some man to do it for you.



And as for working from home, etc. Please be VERY careful of that. Most of these "work from home" things you find ARE scams. I don't care what anyone says...if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. If we could really sit at home and make $1000 a week, wouldn't be all be doing it?



Take care of yourself and those pretty girls. If you need to talk, feel free to go to my profile and msg. me. I understand where you are and how you are feeling, cuz I've been there. It took awhile to be OK w/ being alone and being a single mom...and trying to figure out how to make things work financially, mentally, emotionally, etc. It's hard, but you CAN do it! Be the strong person you KNOW you are, and take things one day at a time! Please msg. me if you wanna talk or vent. Sometimes it helps just to talk and get things out! Take care...

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

17 Comments

View replies by

Shekina - posted on 10/14/2012

1

0

0

I am a single mom of three and I work fulltime. I'd rather not reopen the wounds I have worked so hard to heal in reference to their dad, father or whatever you want to call him. I'm at a place where my oldest two seem to get on my last nerve. They act just like him! They don't listen and they think they know everything. I get frustrated because they don't seem to understand what I have to do to make ends meet. I don't have help from anyone anywhere. They always have their hand out for something but I can't get you to clean up their rooms without their lip dragging to the ground. It's hard to stay focused and positive when the ones you work hard to provide for don't care. I have a four year old who is sweet and he loves his mommy and I try to hold on to that because I know the day will come when he will be just like them.

Emyjo - posted on 10/02/2012

2

9

0

HI, I am a single mom of 1 beautiful hilarious boy. I struggle with working, i feel like i never see him. I want to be completely there for him. Everyone around me thinks it is ok to work 60 hours a week. I just cannot take it being alone.

Carri - posted on 08/29/2012

11

0

2

I am a single mother of three who works a full time job. I do not trust men or women too much. I have been scammed several times. I work in a factory. It has been hard. but the best thing for me and my kids. we have insurance and 40 1k plan. also my credit score has shot up after 12 years of being in a ghetto town. where there are gangs everywhere. Illinois is horrible with gang activities. I do not get any child support. my child father lives about 1000 miles away so I would have to take a train to get to go to court. I think the best advice I got from someone is just get a job. a job to support your kids. factories usually pay more. finally we can move next year out of this ghetto town. Just know things will get better. just keep trying to find a job. I was a battered woman and got away with my kids 6 years ago. I was living in a run down trailor. then I bought a house a small one. with cracks. now i am fixing it up and gonna buy a newer one in a good town. the small job got me a better job. I first started as a cafeteria worker then I quit and went to Chrysler Corp in Belvidere Illinois. they are hiring right now. here is there web site. chrysler careers.com or hourlyjobs.com

Melissa - posted on 05/31/2010

5

25

0

i am 23 years old and i am the mother of two i have an daughter and just recently found out i was pregnant again with another bouncy baby girl. sometimes i get bottled down and depressed because i feel like i dont know which way to go its hard sometimes being alone and i get lonely...then my baby looks at me and i realize she needs me so i get a boost for a while she keeps me smiling and she often says "i wub u mama"..lol...then that makes me feel better ....their dad is around sometimes but not enough...i have always been the type to work and provide but recently my doctor put me on bed rest and now i have to depend on my mother for help and it is hard for me...but i know when my daughter looks at me she sees no wrong in her mommy...some days are hard but its the struggles that make u the woman u turn out to be someone graceful and loving and well deserving of the things that God will bless us with....so as i read some of the post on here i started crying because i am not alone so thanks for some of your words of encouragements:) my tears are happily flowing

Adrianne - posted on 12/02/2009

1

21

0

Hello Ashley,yes it does get hard,even me,I have 3 boys,2teenagers,and one 6years old by three different dad,s,I,ve struggle so long in life.But you know what keeps me going beliving in the power of prayer,my house been broken into,car got stolen[which i got it back safetly]Children are smart.You keep on keeping your head up,being a role model for those girls,and pray that God can lead you into happiness,never give up hope,that,s what the devil wants us to do.Theirs a light shinning down in your path,and I do believe it,s going to get better for you,and those girls.Take care God Bless.

Lena - posted on 12/01/2009

1

0

0

It is amazing to hear other women who understand what life is like. I too have three children and am on my own. I am tired of struggling to make ends meet and tired of waiting for their father to step up. This lead me to find a second job....that had flexible hours, inexpensive to start and could offer us a future! I have been working my own business of Arbonne for a little over a year and it has been an incredible experience. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me. Check out Arbonne at www.arbonne.com.
Blessings!!

[deleted account]

I am a single mom of two boys 3 & 7. I just signed on to this site tonight and after going through this post I am now aware I am not the only one who struggles and it's SO comforting to know that.
The best avenue is going back to school! It wasn't until I returned to school that I started to find a balance within and knowing my life will take a turn after I earn my degree. I think it's because we find our identity in jobs, friends, spouses. Like you, I have had some hard times with men and women and lost trust with both so my walls are up and I dropped friends that I "think" might be following a pattern of those I've had in my past. Don't give up! Daily I remind myself of where I will be in 8 months after I receive my certificate, then in 1.5 years when I have my associates, and then 2 years after when I have my Bachelor's. I get so lonely sometimes because my life is all kids and school but the day I go back to work and have an amazing income coming in and my boys are in school and we are able to afford to do things and go on vacations is the day I will start to feel complete.
This Christmas I'm buying my boys a few $10 toys and plan to either buy a few more from Salvation Army. The gift doesn't have to be new and Santa only fills the stocking with some candy. The sad part is "we" make it bigger than what it is. It should be a birthday party for Jesus, 1 present exchanged at most! We'll also make some popcorn, play Christmas music and games and just have quality time.
You might want to check out freecycle.org too, and see if anyone is giving away old toys. Another very useful resource.
Try not to beat yourself up with your past. Accept it as your experience and figure out what you can take from it and teach your daughters. IE, that gut feeling...make sure they know they can walk away even if they are at the alter! (my mistake too!)
The best thing you can do for your daughters is show them that you won't settle for anyone but the best for you and for them and be strong! Talk to them about what you want for them and for YOURSELF! Ask God for strength daily and don't look back. As they say in Racing Stripes, "Keep your eyes on the track and don't look back!" you have a goal, figure out what type of man you want in your life, what type of job you want, and so forth and what you need to do to get there!
Blessings:)

Steffanie - posted on 11/30/2009

1

1

0

I am a single mother of three and have been for 11 years, my kids are 12, 12, and 10. Yes, my husband left when I was 4 months pregnant with my daughter. I got my divorce through legal aid, so it was free. I spent many years not being able to pay the bills and going without food to feed my children. I thought all my problems were solved when I met my fiance, wrong. Drunk and abusive led to single again.



I found my solution in school. It took a lot of help and 6 years but I am now finishing up my Master's degree, making more money as an intern than I have ever made before and preparing to buy my own home! It sounds far-fetched but it can be done, the hardest part was asking for help, a lot, but it has been wonderful for me and my kids!

Kimberly - posted on 11/30/2009

2

13

0

Im a single mother of three teenage boys...i finially left my abusive drunk husband two yrs ago...i was with him for 20 yrs..depending on him as i raised my chldren...Im so much happier now but its so hard..i was laid off from my job back in june and have been living on unemployment..i cant make the ends meet most of the time..but i cont. to tug along..i cry when im alone at night so the kids dont see...i understand and feel for u..u are not alone..thats what helps me get through my times of saddness and fright..believe in ur self and ur children that u will get through this...if i had it to do over i would have still left their father no mather how tough it gets...i wish u all the best...

Leah - posted on 11/29/2009

48

13

5

A divorce is said to be liken to a death- and you have had two to deal with. Be easy on yourself. You are a selfless woman and and wonderful mother. Those are amazing things that not everyone is gifted enough to accomplish. I have been divorced for five years now and raising both my kids on my own since day one. It is hard. It is really hard. Sometimes its hard to even remember who I am because being someone's mother is so encompasing. But- we are not the first and will not be the last to go through this journey and therefore this too shall pass! Love and Light to you and the best of luck! Oh one suggestion- when you have time (ha ha ha) try to carve out some exercise. It was the best thing I did for myself when I got to feeling like I failed at chosing the father for my kids and dealing with stress of life in general. Stay strong!

Valerie - posted on 11/29/2009

901

29

171

I admire your courage to parent alone, to take a break from a relationship, to expect the best! You will find what you are seeking...is there a parenting center in your town...they may offer some support...

Tina - posted on 11/29/2009

1

9

0

Wow! Is my word to start off this message. There are so many of us out there, each with a similar but altogether different story. I would like to say that I'm so proud of each and everyone of us. We are woman that are holding down the fort and staying strong for our children even if it's a mask! We are stil fighting, we will continue to fight and we will be victorious!
My story is: I was in a relationship for almost 8 year. (So stupidly and blindly in love) I did anything and everything for my other (so called better half)...although he always had a reason why we couldn't get married yet. (Another blind and stupid thing). He left his job in the airlines to pursue a business and I supported him completely. I worked long and tiresome hours in his shop for free after having spend an entire day at my job. Long story short...I never got the ring and found out I was pregnant. He wanted an abortion, I didn't. Then he finally seemed to put it behind him...and that's when the s**t hit the fan, he was found with another girl at Sam's Club by my older brother. Since then out of 19 months of my son's life the last time he saw his son was probably when he was 9 months old.
I receive no support from his father, I work and have since moved back home with my parents. Although we split everything including mortgage and things aren't cheap since they say "We Pay A Huge Price $$$$$ to Live in Paradise (Hawaii)."
For me I'm always skeptical about other venues of income; but I'm always seeking them out. I have since found a company called "Yoli" and I'm loving it. The number #1 thing you have to do is believe in your product and to me seeing is believing. Everything that we as mother's do comes with work especially for us "Single" parents it's twice as hard. So, I'm not going to say it's easy because it's not, and I'm not going to say that it's for everyone because it's not...but what I will say is children love it, it's the latest craz out there and the best thing is that it's good for you.
So like I said seeing is believing so check out: http://tinakepoo.goyoli.com

Tell me your thoughts and comments. Remember that "Nothing Really Good In Life Comes Easy." Just look at Labor Pains (crazy)...but with such pain and determination.you get a world full of joy and happiness.

Remember we are women and we Keep Fighting! Take Crare!

Ashley - posted on 11/28/2009

6

6

0

Love to all for the replies. Im not afraid to admit i had a tear in my eye reading them, rollin down the cheeks there at the end.. Ya*ll have some good points, and great courage.. Overall, i know things will work out just fine.. Having little ones who look up to u, depend on only u, can be very dificult, sometimes.. They are the light of my life, and being a mother changed my whole way of thinkng.. Its so rewarding bein their mama!! It just gets me fired up how some men can go around spreadin theyr seed sooo easy, but when its time to be a true parent, they are nowhere to be found,either emotionally, financially, whatever the excuse. Im loving being alone, yet hating it sometimes, too..
I admit, i do miss the companionship.. But most of the "men" in my life have been dishonest w me or harmed me deeply in some way.. Thats why i started tuning it all out, and focusing on my kids,and theyr health, well being, and happiness.. I do feel mostly adjusted. I think they do too... It just gets so hard to carry on my chest sometimes.. Very confusing. Currently im on divorce number two.. LOL i have learned my lesson in love the hardest way possible.. First "dad" is currently in mexico, dodging child support. Hes about 7500 in the hole on it, and has a warrant for the giant sum thats owed.. IF he comes back, he'll go to jail immediatly.. Thank god, too. He tried to kill me many times when was preg w his baby, Rose,my almost seven yr old daughter.Thats why was so upset when the judge granted him supervised visits... Idiot judge. Over my dead body would they ever be face to face. I left him and moved 200 miles away when Rose was about five months old..
Lets see.. dad number two was my first hubby, to date,the only one i ever truly gave a crap about.. He calls himself Daddy to both Rose,and Cat, my middle daughter.. Hes around, but in the cautious type of way. He was paying childsuport faithfully,until the economy collapsed.He got laid off.. He is a rig man, and the rigs in TX mostly got shut down.. Hes about 5500 in the hole on his childsupport, now.. We divorced due to excessive dissagreements and inability for him to love me and the girls in a healthy kind of way.. We were both young and dumb..
Hubby two, hes a very sweet and kind person, just extremely whiny and lazy. Great intentions, terrible follow thru .. Hes in a band @ 30 yrs old, incessantly plays freakin playstation all nite,sleeps all day, and refuses to get a job. Like, totally just keeps comin up w excuses and faking illnesses.. He plays in a softball league, and is very self serving. He was a fling, andi knew that from the start, even tho i wouldnt admit it to myself for a looong time. I wasnt over my ex when we initially started seeing eachother.. He swore he had been to the doctor, and could not have kids, which was fine w me, seeing as i already had two of my own... Id say about 3 months into it, i popped up pregger.. I was mad a little at first, but Little Naomi is the sweetest, happiest chunk of baby!! Shes about a yr and a half, now... I went against my gut and married naomis "dad" .... A whoppin three weeks into my second marriage, i realized that i was so blind...He cannot or willnot be what my kids and i need. I do not judge him because i am aware that ppl are a product of theyr environments.. Its no use to cast stones, or lose my cool, no matter how tempting it may be ;) Ive been single and celebate ever since..
My kids happiness is first, second me, third anything or anyone else.. Im scared to fail them, and thats what pushes me to improve myself, mentally, physically, in all ways.. In the position im currently in, i cant even work.
Its hard to find something that would even break even when u take out tax, gas, daycare, bills, etc.. UGHHH it just gets soooo confusing sometimes!! I
t would be nice if someone handed out life manuals LOL
But on a footnote, i do and have taken advantage of our governmental assistnce. Fstamps and medicaid keeps th kids fed and doctored, thank god.Im not ashamed to admit that if i knew of any other govt type assistance,id be dying to look into it.... Im trying to get on a waiting list for some govt housing, but it takes a bit of time.. Ther arent many 3 bdrm govt homes in this area of TX..

Stacey - posted on 11/28/2009

12

21

1

I am a single mom of just one and I'm always awed by women like yourself. Even before I became a mother, I considered every single mom of 2 or more kids a 'Wonder Woman' in their own right. You take the best care of your rays of Sunshine but don't neglect yourself ... you need to be good to yourself too ;o)

Susan - posted on 11/28/2009

2

12

0

Well, I can offer you understanding! I am a single mom of three wonderful, beautiful kids and I, too, am having a very hard time. Their dad and I have been seperated since January of this year and he has only tried to see them 4 times. They miss him so much and he just has excuses. I cannot afford to pay for a divorce and he doesnt give me money so I get no child support at all. Unfortunetly, I am on disablitlity so it is not like I can work to make as much as we need, we survive the best we can on my limited income. The one thing I try to do is stay positive as much as I can. It helps the kids a lot. Usually we have always had huge Christmas' as it is my favorite holiday but this year they are each getting a snuggie blanket and one toy. So instead of letting them dwell on it, we are going to have a big birthday party on Christmas Day for Jesus as a way to make the day still fun and special. That is the only advice I have right now, try to stay positive and make whatever good you have out of a bad situation for your girls. I would love to be able to stay in contact, maybe we can help each other!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms