single mothers of baby girls. PLEASE ADVISE NEEDED!

Maya - posted on 06/28/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am a 17 year old mother. I just recently graduated high school & am working. I also plan on attending college soon. My daughters father is in prison for 10 years. He went to jail while I was pregnant. I ended up talking back to my ex that i was with for 3 years, he assured me that he wanted to be her father and that he would be there for her. But he ended up leaving. I no longer feel that she needs a father, i dont even want a boyfriend ,any guys around because i dont want anymore dissapointment in my daughters or even my life. I know I was dumb and made a mistake believeing that my ex would be ready for that anyways, but i just wanted my baby to have a father... a family ): . Should i tell her about this when shes older? My family is very rebelious im scarred that they would even tell her. I even feel that i would be hiding things from her if i dont tell her... I JUST WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING. This all came from me not having my father around. i felt a void for so long because he wasnt around! But my daughter filled that void. I dont want her to feel like this, i dont want her to have a baby to fIll a void from not having a father45. IM STUCK. this is always on my mind. I love my little girl so much, and it tears me up thinking that one day she'll know all of this and be dissapointed in me. Mad at me, even hate me. Shes all i have! i want to raise her right, I want the best for her. Any advice please!!

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Giselle - posted on 07/01/2012

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Everything happens for a reason. Don't let this stop you from believing in love you just have to realize that things take time and happen when the time is right. I'm 26 and I am not in a rush because I rather focus on myself and you should do the same. Everything will be fine just be patient. If you ever need a place to vent like my facebook page for single mothers I just started it so pass it on https://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Mothers-United/401318573247625 just copy and paste the link

Chandra - posted on 06/30/2012

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i was a dopted when i was seven days old so never knew my real mother and didnt have a father to grow up with. when i had my baby it dawned on me that this was my first blood relative that i actually knew! that makes me love her so much more. i feel that she needs a father but for now she has me and thats enough. i play rough with her and throw her in the air and wrestle and hug and kiss her enough that i hope she doesnt miss having a dad. i have an ex who remained my friend who swears he will be ther for me and so far he has. he comes by often enough and plays with her and talk to her but i dont allow her to call anyone daddy because hers is absent so she doesnt have one. when i fall in love again that person will be her father. until im mamma/daddy!!!!

Tanecia - posted on 06/29/2012

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Listen Honey, you are going to have plenty of time to worry about what to tell your daughter but that is not right now. Right now focus on giving her the best life possible, and when the time comes (and you will know) you will have all the words to say. Find you a positive support circle and focus on you and your daughter. I promise everything else will fall into place. Pray to God for guidance, let him lead you. My prayers are with you. This journey is not easy but I promise it sure is possible. I had my first child at 17, and here we are 16 yrs later. I have a bachelor's degree in education and getting ready to return for my master's degree. It wasn't easy but we are getting through it. I am alwasy very honest (sometimes too honest) with her and I have always let her have her own feelings about her dad. I put the truth out there when I felt she was ready and allowed her to deal with it in her own way. I never talked bad about her father to her (even though he was very abusive) and I always made sure she knew he loved her. I kept all doors open for him to contact her and see her so him not being in her life was completely his choice. And guess what yeah she had some issues trying to find her way with out him but we made it and she LOVES her momma :). And she is a happy, beautiful child. So are her 3 other sisters and brother. (I was with their dad for 10yrs). I give them all the love, encouragement, discipline, and everything else that I possibly can and it works. Now here we are 16 yrs after she was born I have found that guy. The guy that loves and respects ALL of us, and my kids love him back. He came into our lives just in time. So there you go, you have enough on your plate, just focus on loving her right now and the rest will fall into place. May God bless you and keep you. Good Luck

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Julie - posted on 07/03/2012

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Relax... You are 17YO. Right now, focus on your goals, not men. Right now you dont want a man because they have hurt you. GOOD!!! Finish school, give your daughter all your attention. When she gets older you have ne need to tell her about the ex who came and went. She wont even remember him. Her father on the other hand you do talk to her about. Explain, he was young and made bad decisions, but, please only do this when she is old enough to understand. Also, have a male in your life that is a positive role model take a part in her life. She will be fine. She loves you, you love her right now that is all she needs.

Maya - posted on 06/30/2012

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Thank you all. Your words really did help. It feels better knowing people got through this and are going through this with me. I really feel alot better

Alison - posted on 06/28/2012

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First: Take a deep breath, and calm down. You are only 17. You may not date for 10 years, or next month you may find the man of your dreams and fill that role as 'dad' to your little girl. But, either way, you will always be a steady parent to your daughter. She is going to know that she has a mom and that is all she needs. You don't know the future, she could be calling someone dad growing up if you start dating a good guy.
Second: For the fact that she will grow up with no dad instead of an 'in and out' kind of dad, that will be better. She won't have disappointment, she won't have confusion, and she won't be blaming herself for anything! Once she's older, and you can explain, then do just that. Don't lie about it. But let her know that her 'dad' did love her, he just made bad choices and wasn't ready to be a dad. Good thing you are such a good mom :) Keep your head up!!!!

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