Single Never Married Mom In Custody Battle

Amy - posted on 10/05/2011

I worry about going through this situation myself... Im 20 weeks pregnant. The father of my child was excited when I first told him that I was pregnant.. went out and bought himself a shirt that said "New Dad" then I went to my first doctor's appointment at 15 weeks and had an ultrasound done.. after the appointment he started using the phrase "if its my child"... after he posted the pictures of the ultrasound on facebook and publicly announced that he was going to be a father... The reason I worry about this is because he is so ate up with jealously from my other ex that he looses his mind completely and upsets me so bad when he screams and cries that he usually leaves me balled up in the corner of my room in so much pain from yelling and screaming that he doesnt even care... im worried he will try to go for custody but I dont think he will get it because he's on medication for bi polar... I am sorry you have to go through this and I understand completely what you mean when you say you start to doubt yourself after hearing so much negativity... Im 20 years old and cant even have a balanced relationship.. Im too young to have this problem in my life... we have been off and on since I was 16... you sound like your doing a wonderful job... keep up your good work.

Rmarva - posted on 10/03/2011

Please dont' doubt yourself. I'm in a very similar situation, and your are SO right. After a while you start to question yourself. The most important thing will be your support system. Do you have one? Mom, friends, siblings, cousins, etc? That's been the one thing I've leaned on for support. Sometimes when he makes me question things like "do I have my son dressed warmly enough for the weather" or "am I treating his colds the right way" I go back to my mom and she tells me EVERY time, "you know you are so why would you let someone who's acting so foolish make you question yourself? I too am over 30, have a professional career, financially independent, and am going through this horrible court process. I've been looking through communities for a while trying to find a post like yours. Someone who can relate to what I'm saying and understand the gut feeling I get everytime we have to go to court or speak face-to-face. I could write all day long about this process, but I wonder first if you have anyone else to support you?

Andrea - posted on 11/22/2010

The best revenge is living well

Andrea - posted on 11/22/2010

Get a tape recorder. Record every time you have to deal with him. Then get a protection order if he is threatening you with physical harm, or is aggressive at all. Then he will not be able to have contact with you. Then you can do exchanges in a safe environment, like a police station. Also he would not be able to be with you for the appointments. Ignore his comments. He is just desperate and upset and being an A$$. I know it is difficult to ignore, but just do it. He should not be behaving that way in front of your child, well at all, but especially in front of your child. Document everything, and when you do end up in court, show them the type of person he is.

Tammy - posted on 11/08/2010

Dont let him bring you down thats what he wants. If I were you and he kept doing that take him back to court on a contempt you can file it. Write on there whats hes doing and ask to meet like at a police station. He's jealous and wants to belittle you. Show him your better then that. Maybe always have someone with you so they can witness it or record him.Be strong.

Sandi - posted on 11/04/2008

Aww, sorry he is acting so immature! Word can hurt so bad, esp from someone you loved so much at one point in time. He's just trying to get under your skin, whether it's just from insecurity or just plain meanness. Don't let him bring you down!! You're a strong, independent, educated woman and I'm sure that intimidates him!! My ex came up with so much junk from lies in the courtroom to just trying to hurt my feelings, that it's not funny..we went through custody battles for almost 3 years or so...believe me there are times you just don't see how you are going to make it through..but hold on and keep your head up!! Just ignore and don't respond to his immaturity..also document everything!! Good Luck!!! :)

Chelsea - posted on 11/04/2008

im sorry to hear this... i am due in jan 09 and just recently ended my relationship of 5 yrs with my fiance...it is still really hard sometimes but i just look at the things he says to me or sometimes even worse the things he doesn't say(such as asking ab doctors appointment or even not asking anything when i had horrible contractions.._)as proof that i can do better than him, i deserve better than him... and my son definately deserves BETTER!!!... friends and family are definately a big rock in my life right now... im sure they will help u out too if u live anywhere near those people in your life. good luck i hope that things are going better for u... i havent had to deal with the custody issues yet so i dont have much to say there but maybe i will be turning right around in jan and asking for your advice!!!

just stay strong bc its the best thing 4 u and ur lil one and being truely happy w/out that guy in ur life will be the biggest slap in the faceto him and once you reach that point you wont care anymore about his immature way of dealing with things!

Good luck hun!

Gina - posted on 11/03/2008

Don't doubt yourself Shelly. You are the foundation for the person your son will become. Men love the initial "fun" time w/ a baby that age....wait till a visit where the baby doesn't feel good or it doesn't fit into the social schedule. If you take the high road and make sure all decisions and actions are made for your son, you'll be surprised how things work out. I married a non committal man and had a son almost two years ago after being a single mother of two girls for three years. He tried to leave when i was pregnant and has left twice since then. I supported him in my home as well. It's more important for me to raise my kids than argue w/ him and that frustrates him. I don't let him get me upset anymore and limit our conversations to our son only. When it turns ugly, which is often w/ his verbal abuse, I just tell him I won't listen to this and we won't talk if it continues. Unfortunately I've tried marriage three times so he uses this against me. I've tried everything! The fact is he is miserable and can't handle it that I'm stronger than him, run rings around him and make more $$ than him. I don't know if you pray, but I get most of my strength to deal w/ him from God. If you ever want to talk......I'm a good listener. Gina

Emma - posted on 11/03/2008

Wow. The first thing I have to say is that my pregnancy came at the end of a 5 yr horrible relationship also.

I know firsthand how badly words can hurt, even if you dismiss them as soon as you hear them. It is hard. I have some of the same things going on as you. Advice is hard to give, cause I know I let these things get to me too.
He is saying these things to you because he knows you well enough to know they will hurt you. I have heard similar things, including me being pathetic and ugly. I am threatened all of the time with him taking me to court and me never seeing my son. No matter how much I know I am not the things he says I am, they still bother me. Especially when I am trying to fall asleep at night.

Anyway, like I said--I can really commiserate with you. The only advice I would offer is look into places in your area that sponsor safe dropoffs. There is a program here for that and it is held at a local church. Take away his power to communicate with you in that manner.

Good Luck!