Single Parent, is it a status you have to be sorry for?

Riza - posted on 08/25/2010 ( 140 moms have responded )

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Excerpt from a chat message:



Friend: So, do you have any children?



Riz: Yes, my daughter, aged 1.



Friend: Nice! how long have you been married?



Riz: I am not married, I am single.



Friend: Oh! Where is the father?



Riz: He has his own world, he did not consider my daughter a part of it.



Friend: I am sorry Riz, It must have been hard, I am sad for you..



Riz: You do not have to be sorry nor sad, I am not..





Most of the people I talk to feels sorry when they realized that you are raising your child or children alone. I got to say it is not a walk in the park but it is not hell either.



Being a single parent, whether by choice or circumstance is something I am not ashamed of. It is something I am not sorry for nor sad about. It is my life I am living and I say I am surviving it.



While the suitable family consist of a Dad, a Mom and a baby, my family is only Me and Zoe. She have a daddy and a mommy in me, all rolled into one.



I will make her feel that none is missing, that all the love I could give could also be equal to, if not over the love two people can give.



This will not be easy and I have a long long way to go. But I will be stronger than what I am now cause my daughter deserves better, and it does not always mean that missing a male figure in the house does not make it less of a home.

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140 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 09/02/2010

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I love this!! It is so true, and I have had that happen to me (solo mum of boy 3yrs and girl 20months)! And it is so ignorant that anyone should feel sorry for us! Most of us our PROUD of our single parent status, and we are the STRONGEST women for doing it alone. Most of us don't want sympathy, its just how it is... some people have no clue! Awesome for your post tho, cuz so many of us relate to this !!! xo :)

Anitraa - posted on 09/02/2010

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First let me say keep your head up Alexis! Yes your cicumstance was very unfortunate, but you are still a strong woman in control of both of your lives. I think your feelings are very natural and you have a right to feel how you feel. I also applaud you for making the choice to keep your baby, beacuse it was just that...YOUR CHOICE! You could have chose differently. That right there shows what a strong woman you are. Hang in there! You just may find someone when you least expect it, that will take both you AND your little girl under his wing. It can happen, just keep the faith! Your daughter is a lucky little girl to have such a strong Mom :-).

Amanda - posted on 09/02/2010

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Alexis - I am sorry to hear about your circumstances. I DO, on the other hand, commend you for stepping up and not only HAVING your baby, but also for keeping your baby. I don't know a lot of people who could/would have kept a baby that was conceived by rape. I understand why you would feel differently than those of us who are glad to be single moms. I am proud to be a single mom because my ex-husband was (IS) a royal jerk and didn't feel the need to actually be here for his family. He was more concerned about making his mommy happy than making his wife and daughter happy. My life, as well as my daughter's life, is better now because we do it on our own. The other reason I'm proud to be a single mom is because he always said I "couldn't make it without him" and it makes me as proud as I can be to prove him wrong on that.

It's ok for you to want the love and to want a daddy for your daughter. And I'm sure that one day you will find the perfect man to complete your family. Keep you head up girl, life DOES get better! :) I won't tell you that I don't want the love of a man because I would be lying, I just don't NEED it. I definitely think about how nice it would be to have a man in my life, but I also know that I don't have to have one to survive. I have proven to myself and everyone around me that I can do this on my own. I hope things get better for you Alexis. My daughter and I will pray for you and your daughter. God bless you!

Alexis - posted on 09/02/2010

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I was a little worried about posting my reply after reading most of the others. I'm a single parent and I'm living with it, but in no way do I love it. My 6yr old daughter does not have a father like many of the rest you us....she never has. I was raped.



I want the love of a man and to hear my child say dad. I'm the jealous one looking at all the couples....

Holly - posted on 09/02/2010

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Riz, I admire you!
I am too a lone parent to my four year old son and I would not change a thing!
Good on you for embracing life and I do wish people would not pitty us single mums!

Sherry - posted on 09/02/2010

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Not sure why people seem to think that single mothers have a hard time...all of the time. I think the hardest part of being a single mother is just needing a break. As single mothers, there is obviously no father to allow us a break when we need just a few minutes alone.
Other than that, I enjoy being a single mother. I get to be the complete package (sun, moon, stars) to my daughter. I don't have to worry about what her father would think about decisions regarding my daughter, because I am the only one responsible for making decisions.
I love hanging out with her. I know that every Friday night, I have a garanteed date night with her! I love that she looks at nobody else the way she looks at me.
One day, I will be able to date again. But my daughter is only 6 right now. So dating doesn't make sense. She is only this young once, so I am going to soak up every minute of it!

Michon - posted on 09/02/2010

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I feel you are absolutely correct. I grew up in a single parent home and did not feel anything was missing. In fact, it help my sister and I become more independent and self sufficient. I also have two girls of my own that I am raising. I feel as you do, blessed. Although their father is playing a small part in their lives, I am teaching them to become stronger women in every aspect. Good luck with everything. You and Zoe will always have a special bond (tighter and stronger than anyone could imagine). I wish you all the best.

Anitraa - posted on 09/02/2010

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Us single Moms have nothing to be ashamed of. We are not a "pitty party". If anything, we should all be proud of how we have taken responsibility and maintain our lives on a day to day basis! I'm proud to say I'm a single Mom of 2 gorgeous girls, ages 2 and 9, and they are healthy and happy and have everything they need, and then some! Work it ladies!

Shannon - posted on 09/02/2010

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im not sorry, i wish she had a father, and one day maybe ill get married and give her a good father, but her father is a horrible person and if he were to have not left us then she would probably not be as happy as she is, shes 15 months now, and already shows signs of a great person, i know she'll do amazing things and im proud to be called mommy, and i know he may regret his decision when she calls any man daddy. but theres no need to be sorry, stand tall and proud

Ataya - posted on 09/02/2010

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i feel the same. im a single mum to an 19 month old and he has had medcal issues and people apologise etc. It's not how i had planned having children but this is how its happened. I have fantastic family support and kaydon gets all the love and male role models he needs, at least the male role models in his life a decent people. I would prefer he has no father in his life rather than someone who doesnt want to be there or will not love him like he deserves

Ren - posted on 09/01/2010

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Too often people assume that we would be better off with a partner, however, what they don't realise is that some partners just reduce the quality of life for you and your child.



From my own experiences, my son's father felt that his social life was more important than my son and I. Subsequently, I told him to get out of my house.



Although I admit, it would be nice to have a perfect male role model for my son, I can see that my son has grown into a friendly, outgoing, extremely intelligent and polite boy, without too much assistance from his dad (he sees him occassionally on the weekend). My son and I have an open relationship, demonstrated by his shy but open discussion about a girl he likes at school (he's only 10y.o btw). Somehow, I feel that not having his father present, has only assisted me in stepping up further than I ever could have imagined on the parenting scale.



I had my son at 16 y.o. so you you can image peoples surprise when they find out that I am in fact educated, working, still studying, and a super soccer mum, and that my son is a bundle of joy for everyone that he meets.



Feel proud that you have CHOSEN to rise up the challenges that you face, and when your child is all grown up, I'm sure that the intense PRIDE you will feel at your own as well as your child's achievements will be insurmountable!



My son is only 10, and my pride in my son's achievements as well as my own, hold me so high, nothing can bring me down.



Look these people in the eye, with a smile, and say my son/daughter and I, have never been happier.

Nikki - posted on 09/01/2010

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PERFECT.... There are some people out there that see a single mom such as me (she is three) ( I am 38) as the antichrist... and say this .... I never knew happy until I got out and away from HIM.... he is not bad just yuck and he is a good person just boring and a gamer... vid... I hate CALL OF DUTY lmao.... and we are woman get it wo-- man you can be both and she my girl will rock in this life and yes I have your fears to but when my girl looks at me and tells me she does not want to go to dads ..... I am over joyed but never show it ... I do not hate this person .... but he is a child and we have serious issues but as you are becoming aware it does take a village to raise a child but you have a system called FAMILY and you can and will be happy and do this....

Kimberly - posted on 09/01/2010

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I wonder if we take the apology too personal. Being a single mom makes the literal sense of life more serious, we have more to risk with no back up plan for failure. I'm not sure the apology of those who express it is correct, but I don't think it is intended as an offense either. What are they suppose to say? "Yeah You! Who needs a dad anyway?" Conception is intended for a child to have two parents, we all realize that. Yet we are so defensive when our plight is acknowledged. I think its time we give ourselves and the world a break and accept what is as it is. I'm a single mom, I love my children. My ex-husband doesn't tell people he is a ex husband with two kids, he says he is a single dad too. He has the same right to claim ownership that I do. I've just changed more diapers and cleaned more wounded knees than he has. Sometimes it easy to get lost in the defense of who and what we are. I encourage everyone to change the perspective and forgive the offense..its not really worth it.

Agnes - posted on 09/01/2010

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keep it up, shows how strong you are. am doing it alone too and you know what, you are a hero, we are heroes. Believe in yourself gal and go stronger every day.

Heather - posted on 09/01/2010

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You GO GIRL!!!! Amen to that! I wouldn't have chosen to raise my kids by myself but it happened and I believe we are all better for it... It is nice to hear someone take that stand... Thank you Heather

Malou - posted on 08/31/2010

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Wow. Wished I'll have these "I will be stronger than what I am now cause my Son and Daughter deserves better, and it does not always mean that missing a male figure in the house does not make it less of a home."as my Daily wisdom. Sometimes, I felt I am losing my grip, my faith especially that they are now both grown up. From financial, emotional satisfaction so hard to gave...as single mom.

But I am surviving and I must. I believe that by God grace and help, Three of us will surpassess all the trials and find victories in time.

For all single mom, keep Faith and keep the grip.. Hold on to God and be inspired and be in love with our kids. It help us makes stronger.

Ash - posted on 08/31/2010

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This is really inspiring and how I also feel. I'm a single mom to an 8 month old girl. Her dad didn't want to be a part of our lives while I was pregnant and is now slowly wanting to be involved, mostly because of his mother. But I know no matter what, it's her and me against the world and no one will be there for her more than I will be.

Amanda - posted on 08/31/2010

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Thank you for posting this! I am a single mom of an amazing 4 year old little girl and I couldn't be happier! I was married to her dad for just over 2 years...we got married when she was 4 months old, but we were together for 4 years before we got married (together for a total of almost 7 years) and I am SO much happier ACTUALLY being a single parent than I was when I was married to that lazy jerk and FELT like a single parent! I love my life and I'm lucky to have a beautiful daughter who knows that her mommy loves her "as big as the sky"! And I agree with Kirstin....the only thing that was better when I was married was that there was someone to help with the bills but I've managed to scrape by for the past 2 years...and now I'm going to school full time to get my degree in Criminal Justice so that I can give Lily the best life I can! I am a proud single mommy....doesn't bother me at all!

Amanda - posted on 08/31/2010

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I like this. I'm a singel mom on a 4month old and at first I was crushed when my ex told me he wanted the divorce because I ws 6months preg, but I know my son is way better off without him anyways. I enjoy being a singel mom, granted I'm not completely singel anymore, I have an amazing boyfriend and he helps when he cans. We don't live together and he lives an hr away actually but when we are together he is amazing and shows us both so much love. I enjoy my baby everyday and know he is going to grow up to be a great man in the future.

Stephanie - posted on 08/31/2010

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I was a single parent for the first 13 years of my son's life and I was very proud of my life. I found a good paying job that allowed me to purchase a home on my own and do a lot of traveling (even took a cruise, which was awesome). My son is polite and well behaved (maybe he sits down to pee more often but that just means his aim is better.)
I am happy to be starting a new chapter in my life with my future husband but I do ask myself "how am I going to be a part of a parenting team?" I have never had to consult with anyone before. My son knew my rules and knew when he broke them. I will be different.

Shelly - posted on 08/31/2010

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I'm actually about to stop being a single mom, but I was happily prepared to live the rest of my life single and not feel like I was suffering or anything. Isn't that always how it happens?
There are challenges for married moms that single moms don't have, and challenges for single moms that married moms don't have.
I think all moms should stick together and support each other. Every mom is different, just like every child is different.

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ohh i hate it when friends go behind my back and say stuff like "poor Sarah, she's a single mum you know" I don't care, I'm happy to be a single mother, in fact i wouldn't change it for anything in the world, even when I'm having a bad day.

Lacey - posted on 08/31/2010

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I HATE people that say they are sorry!! Because you know they are not. Plus... there is nothing wrong with being a single mom. Some guys just can't grow up. What people should be saying is how STRONG you are :) I get that a lot.. makes me feel good!

Brianna - posted on 08/29/2010

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O and Im n the same bout with yall her so called sperm donor has only seen her twice was never around while I was pregnant but whatever she has me and thats more then enough she's happy and healthy and loves her mommy and im proud for that

Brianna - posted on 08/29/2010

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Honestly it pisses me off when ppl say Im so sorry 4 u when they find out Im a single parent don't feel sorry for me my daughter and I are not some charity case. My daughter is almost 5mths crazy about me and I'm crazy about her I have a house thats mine and paid for I had a car paid for and I work full time and am in school to b a doctor full time. We r making it just fine yea it gets hard but she has everything she could want or need and we r not struggling so when ppl say Im sorry to me its insulting instead say your a strong person doing it alone I had only one or two ppl say that too me ugh i hate when they do that

Bonnie - posted on 08/29/2010

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I'm a single mom, too. His "father" stepped out of the picture as soon as I told him I was pregnant. His loss!! My son is wonderful and I wouldn't change my situation for anything!! I have an awesome support system of family and friends. Although when filling out forms that require the father's information...writing N/A sometimes makes me sad, but not for me for him. Thank goodness my father is around to be the best role model to him that I could hope for. I've also been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years and he treats my son like his own and my son absolutely adores him. Never be ashamed of being a single mother!! It only proves how strong you really are!!

Karmen - posted on 08/29/2010

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Riz, I am in the same boat. My ex sperm donor left me as soon as I told him I was pregnant. Being a single mother is a choice you have to make but it is the best decision for moms like us. I left my last church because they started to judge me for not having a father in the home. Sometimes it frustrates me too when people tell me they are sorry that I don't have a father for my daughter, I think it's a blessing. I'm not mad at the father nor will I ever be. He gave me the greatest gift ever. Too bad he misses out on all the good times but I continuely wish him luck on his life, where ever he is. Don't pay attention to "I'm sorry" comments. Just look past it and tell them that you have the greatest job in the world and that is you have the best of both worlds.

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2010

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I will admit its HARD but I love it! I am proud to be a single Mom. I know I am doing my best as a Mother and Father role and he is turning out amazing! I think sometimes married moms can be a tad jealous because us single moms have it under control as much as we can and the married ones don't always. Money is hard yes and I am lonely sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way [well money would help but it doesn't but happiness]. Keep up the good work single Moms. We are proud and our children will look up to us for all the hard work we do.

Donna - posted on 08/28/2010

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Riz, you have already have a positive attitude about your parenting; don't let others discourage you. As you said, your circumstance is by force, not by choice. They should feel sorry for the dad who walked away and see your strength and responsibility in staying the course.

Megan - posted on 08/27/2010

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I love being a single mom. It is not easy but the hardest part is money. And that really doesnt have anything to do with being a parent thats just everyones life. I do think it is way harder with one income and a mortgage. I have gone into debt because some months I am short and have to use a credit card to buy food or toilet paper. Even still I do not feel bad about anything. I am going to school to better the money situation and secure a better future for them. We all wants what is best for our children and we will all do whatever it takes and that is all that matters.

Stephanie - posted on 08/27/2010

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Hello, I'm a single mom of an 11 year old son. I love being single. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's less stress and you don't have to worry about being tied down to a man. It's hard being single,but we will survive.

Tara - posted on 08/26/2010

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I am a proud single mother of 4 amazing children! Both sets of fathers are no help what so ever, but I am fine without them. I am raising them to be moral, responsible, and decent men and women and that is something to be very proud of!

Kirstin - posted on 08/26/2010

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I agree w/Candice! I am proud to be a single mom to 4 amazing little girls! I did just as much work if not more when I was married....it was just like having an extra kid! lol ;) The only benefit at times was having someone else to help pay the bills. My kids are fortunate to have their fathers in their lives but they KNOW they are loved and wanted and I give them MORE than enough right here all by myself!! :)

Charlena - posted on 08/25/2010

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every single woman should have this attitude ! I know I do .... my kids get the same amount of love as a kid that has both parents ! thanks for sharing this !!!

Catherine - posted on 08/25/2010

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Im in total agreeance, being a single mom doesnt bother me, the only thing that does is my daughter missing out on having a father. She actually doesnt have one he hasnt been around since the week after conception. Shes doing fine and so am I and if the man in my life takes on the role as father then lucky us. But its nothing to be pitied over.

Vicky - posted on 08/25/2010

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i used to stand in the school play ground and feel bad now im PROUD my kids are as they are because of me nobody else x

Candice - posted on 08/25/2010

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i totally agree. what i find even funnier is how many married women do just as much work (if not more work) than us single parents...and they think we should be sad that we are single? Heck, at least i don't have to take care of 2 children :)

Vicky - posted on 08/25/2010

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Hi im a single mum of 4 and proud, Ive been a single mum twice now and hold my head high. I see married women envy how i cope with a job, mot-rtgage and 4 children - 3 still at home and a grandson. Im 40 with children of 13 17 21 22 my grandson is 4. My children have not had the best male roll models but are happy bright and confident and no issues with men. I have a few males in my family who have been good enough for my kids and dont feel let down or different because of my poor choice in fathers x

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