So scared of becoming Single Mom, tell me it is doable?

User - posted on 04/05/2009 ( 76 moms have responded )

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My partner and I have been together for 5 years and just recently had a son in February. During the pregnancy he was distant and down right unsupportive. Mad at me for being tired and cranky. Our son was born 7 weeks early and when he was in the NICU my partner was so there for me, and I thought, there is the man I fell in love with. NOw when my son is upset and I am just too tired he gets angry when I ask for help. He is annoyed that I cannot take care of the hosue or him (sexually), but I am so damn tired. My son is very demanding and I am lucky to have 2 hoiurs out of 24 a day to myself without a baby attached to my boob or in his snuggly. Not to mention the dogs we had before the baby. Everything is MY resposibilty, and he wonders why I am not into sex?) Finally yesterday he basically told me that he can't do this anymore, because I supposedly don't love him. Sadly I do love him with my whole heart... but is it reallyu worth it anymore? When I was doing the laundry he just took off without saying goodbye and left me for 12 hours to wonder where the heck he had gone. I know now, he is a thousand km away. Run away from me and my son. In some ways I am done too, maybe doign everything alone is easier when you actually are and you don't hope for a superman to come in and help out? I am afraid financially and emotionally... how do you do it? I am so afraid that I will crumble? Any tips?

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Sandie - posted on 04/09/2009

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It is definately hard work, however the work is much easier to do than living with someone who makes your stress level worse and more messes to clean up. I was 7 months pregnant and 19 years old (with two big dogs i might add), and on my own already at the time when my daughter's (now 6)  father went to prison. I had no support system, my family wouldnt even come over for an hour to watch her so i could sleep, they told me that since i wanted her i had to take care of her, and she was one of those babies that if she wasnt sleeping or eating she was crying. Trust me when i say this, YOU CAN DO IT. You need to have so much love for your child that you realize how special every moment is with them during the good times and the bad. you also (no matter how broke you are) need to find a sitter at least once a month and get out of the house alone, wether it be to go out with girlfriends or just to the store to buy yourself a new outfit. I believe everything happens for a reason, and in my case i believe her dad went to prison for a reason. For two years i told myself there was a reason this happened to me, everytime i was about to break down and not be able to hold my head up again, i would remind myself - God does not give us more than we can handle, and he has something good in store for me.



When my daughter was two years old i met the man i would spend the rest of mylife with. He loves her and treats her just like his own, and couldnt be a better father to her, (since her real father has been in and out of prison since before she was born!)



If it wasnt for my daughter coming into mylife , and putting me to my brink, and her real father leaving me, i wouldnt be the strong independent woman i am today, I wouldnt have met the man ive waited all life for, and i wouldnt have ever had the ambition to go to and graduate from college.
Every year of my daughters life, i worked a full time job, was a fulltime mom, and graduated college! If i can do it, trust me i know you can. Just don't ever stop believing in yourself!

Amanda - posted on 04/12/2009

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it is soo doable. i thought the same thing 8 months ago when my x told me that we just didnt get along anymore. he was right we didnt and since we split up my son has been sleeping better and not so clinggy. all the tention was affecting him too not just us. i have also become a better mother too because i now have no one to worry about making happy but him. hang in there i know its hard but itll be ok

Erin - posted on 04/11/2009

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My husband and I split when I was three months pregnate, almost for the same reason, I apparently had asked too much of him to be involved, but he was too involved with his own intrest. After our 2nd son was born I moved to where I had some family support, but emotionally not financially. It has been a long road but I am so much more confident in my strengths and my ablities to raise two boys whom I love dearly. There are still times when I wish I had a man who helped out but there is no stress when your not hoping for it, there pride in knowing that you can do just fine on your own! You may have to change things but it will work out in the end!

Denise - posted on 04/08/2009

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I found it actually easier once I'd separated - at least I knew what I had to do and it only involved looking after me and bub, not me and bub and partner, who created most of the work and stress :)

And you're better off single than in a crappy relationship.

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Hi .. i have to agree with Jessica ... love your baby unconditionally ...  go to your GP ..  they can refer support groups, this might sound crazy .. but also talk to your GP about PMD )post natal depression) ... don't rule it out ..  i was always cranky and just not really interested in sex with my husband (of 7 years) and i thought i was goin nuts... i finally was diagnosed with PND .. it was too late by then, i had kicked my husband out .. i was treating him really bad .. and now we have been separated for 7 months ... if you end up doing it on your own .. you will manage ...  i have learnt through my separation, i don't need fancy things, just a humble home and to care for my beatiful boys. once you get over the intial shock .. you'll be ok .. i was devasted when i had to walk into Centrelink to claim the single parent pension ... but take any support you can get ..  it's far from easy ... and there will be days where you break down .. or get cross at your children .. (under the pressure of it all) .. but when you child smiles at you ... well .... you'll understand .. hang in there.

Beth - posted on 04/16/2009

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iti s doable but it is hard - make sure you have a network to help you - i worked two jobs raised two kids - my kids were 2 and 3 years old when i divorced my husband - it's a long road if you don't have a network and income coming in - constantly having to go to family court and fighting over $ can be overwhelming - i had my own home and all the bills that went with it and a car payment and trying to keep your head together is hard. my kids are now 14 and 15 years old and we are getting ready to drive ( a whole different ball game) it is hard and you do what you have to survive - it's nice to have stability for your children - but if you're going to be fighting all the time it will reflect on your children - it's a hard decision only you know what's best, youre a mom nnow you know what's best for your baby good luck and when they graduate high school and are ready for college sit back and drink a cold one -

Penny - posted on 04/16/2009

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My little girl will be 4 in June, left my husband when she was 1.5. because of simalar reasons not getting any help and he just ran to the pub after work everyday and expected me not to get upset! Well Im not going to pretend its easy because its not! but we mums seem to find the strength to carry on regardless. The hardest is not getting any mummy time and freedom for a break as I have no bros or sisters to help out either, and most relo's live in a different state. Hang in there there will just as many good days with your angel as bad. Hang in there, he obviously is too immature to deal with such responsibilities. Be strong, take deep breaths and count to 50 when the little one is upset, remember crying is not always a bad thing so dont run everytime they cry they soon learn some independence on their own. Your not being a bad mum if you let them cry for a little while as long as you dont think they are sick! Good luck sweety and once they are school age you will get a little more freedom, Dont be afraid to ask friends or family for help once in a blue moon to give yourself a night out with the girls! it will benefit you if your more relaxed and will help in the long run if they can get used to you not being there for 1 night. Yes it is doable being a single mum but like I said it wont be easy but it will all be worth it in the end! Good Luck and keep your chin up! Big Hugs xxx

Jodi - posted on 04/15/2009

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Oooohhh....big man running away....at least you don't have to take care of that baby anymore. Make sure you do everything you can to get child support out of him & at least make him financially responsible. You owe this to yourself & your son. Crumbling is not an option. You are a mother with super human strength. I became a single parent during pregnancy with twins. I had virtually no help with my twins for the first few months. I was sooo tired I slurred my words. I didn't sleep. I remember trying to convince my friend on the phone that it was easier not to try to sleep cause it was too hard if I drifted off to be awoken by the crying. I was a size 4 a couple weeks after delivering cause I did not have time to eat. I remember the doctor trying to talk sense into me before leaving the hospital by telling me that it was impossible to make twin newborns without any support/help. Well, I did it. It almost killed me, but I did it. I read somewhere that you shouldn't let a newborn cry & I never let either of my babies cry. I not only did it, but I did it well. Again it almost killed me, but it's amazing what we are capable of. I believe I functioned on adrenalin those first few months which also didn't help with sleep. After a few months, their dad started taking them
overnight. I remember the first night they were gone. I kept waking up all throughout the night. My body didn't know how to sleep anymore. You are a mother. Failure is not an option. My loneliness was terrible. It was normal for me to go a week without seeing another person besides my babies & without leaving the house. I was too exhausted to even attempt to get out of the house with two babies & practically speaking, have you ever carried around 2 infant car seats by yourself. The first year is the hardest it will get better. My situation is better now. My twins are 3 and a half & their dad has them 50 % of the time now & he's a good dad. This is my support. I have no other support from friends & family. Things will work out & get better for you. I know it doesn't seem like it will, but it will.

Ayanna - posted on 04/15/2009

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It's definitely doable. Honestly, it's not easy by no stretch of the imagination. But, your entire thought process has to be about the child, however, you MUST take care of yourself as well. I have two children and i've been a single parent for 51/2 yrs. and i couldn't have done it without the support of my family and their father's grandparents. But, i did it without financial help from their father. Admittedly, he couldn't help and if he could he would. He's was a great father when he was with us and when he returns i'm confident he'll continue to do the same. He departed not by his choice(long story) meanwhile, i have to be the sole provider and caretaker. The children have a loving connection with their father and if your child's father chooses to be involved allow that relationship to grow without negative input on your part and if he's not worth it, that will be shown to the child thru his actions. Be strong and have some ME TIME, whenever possible. Don't b afraid to ask loved ones for help.

Rachael - posted on 04/12/2009

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My ex-husband left when my son was 2.5 months old. It's a terrible feeling especially when it seems impossible to do it on your own. And yes, it is hard and lonely...there are things you'll have to give up (i.e. I wanted to be able to stay at home with my son, but now I'm the sole income in my family...so he goes to daycare all day, 5 days a week)...



Also, consider your son growing up. Which is better for him to see and want to emulate? A hard working mom who adores her son...or a mom that DOES everything while dad complains? For me, I didn't want my son to grow up thinking it was okay for him to take advantage of someone else, or for someone to take advantage of him.



It's scary, but you can do it! Lots of us do it! Your partner sounds like a jerk. But you need to do what is best for you and your son. And your son needs a happy mommy, the more torn up about your ex you feel, the more he'll feel it!

Nicole - posted on 04/12/2009

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Hey. Im a single mum of twins. My partner took off when i was 7 weeks preg with them. Good friends and parents do help, but once u get into a routin it isnt so bad and u feel u dont need to get the same amount of support from other people!

Nicole - posted on 04/12/2009

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Hey. Im a single mum of twins. My partner took off when i was 7 weeks preg with them. Good friends and parents do help, but once u get into a routin it isnt so bad and u feel u dont need to get the same amount of support from other people!

Natesha - posted on 04/11/2009

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It is waaay do-able. I dont know how your son's health is now, but my daughter was also born premature. Her dad promised to do be there for her even though we weren't married. 4 years later & he still hasn't lived up to his promise. He comes in & out of her life like he was a long lost family member that just remembered he had a relative out there.



You my dear can do it. go toyour neearest social security office and see if your son is eligible for SSI and medicaid. That should help with expenses for his needs as well as insurance for his medical. It might not be alot but when you are single every little bit counts. There really isn't any point according to your text why he should be around. If you are doing everything on your own NOW what would be the point in you keeping him around. If anything.. if he leaves that would be one less mouth to feed. You can take that extra $ and spend it on something that your son NEEDS, for the hell of it wants or treat yourself to some 'you time'. Tell him to take the dogs too. That's another added expense that you really don't need. Take him to court for child support and also get legal custody of your child.



I had 2 cats for 5 years b4 my daughter was born. It's as if she was waiting for them to  leave the house before she made her entry into the world. 1 week after I got rid of my cats, my daughter was born when I was 27 weeks pregnant. My daughter is going on 4 this year and still requires my attention every minute. So if you think that'll change soon..think again, bc I'm still waiting. I have legal custody of my daughter bc in my eyes her dad has abandoned her and I want to make sure that all decisions regarding her comes from someone that has her best interests in mind.



If you just focus on you and your child and to be the best mommy you can be you will see an inner strength you never thought could exist. Don't doubt yourself, I'm sure you'll be great!! :D:D

Emma - posted on 04/11/2009

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it is hard when u have been with someone but by the sounds of it u have been doing it all by yourself anyway and i think with the way he was with u your better off on your own u will be fine if u are working there are plenty of support groups on the net but if u think u cant handle work and all the things going on at the moment then get yourself down the job centre they r very helpfull i have had to give up my job due to things going on in my life and they were great with me if u have got friends and family around dont be scared to ask for help i am sure they will understand and we all need someone at the end of the day even if it is just for an hour so u get some u time go for a walk go and meet a friend its not easy my ex left me when my little girl was 2 months but then he was not really there and didnt bother for a long time with her it was scary at the start but as a week turned into a month it got easier and sometimes friends and family would help out just to give me some time out sure u will be fine chin up and stay strong just think u got one amazing thing out of the relationship and that is your son your ex is the one missing out and he is the one who has to live with that

Keasha - posted on 04/11/2009

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Tina,



I have to agree with the comments that I have read. You can do it. I was married to my two older kids father and I left him. I did not think that I wanted anymore kids and as it turned out I got into another relationship and got pregnant after 2 years. I thought it would be perfect. He helped me physically and financially with my other kids so now we had one together. Two weeks after I had my son, he told me that he could not be in a relationship anymore, and that he wanted just to concentrate on his career. Well, here I am with a 11, 6 yr old, and a 2 year old and I am doing great. My 2 year old had so many medical issues (he had RSV, had Pneumonia, had chronic ear infections, has asthma, has sleep apnea, and ALLERGIES) that I felt alone and thought I would not make it on my own. Trust me, you would rather have someone there who wants to be there, than have someone there who you just want to be there. I hope this helps!!



 



Keasha

Alice - posted on 04/11/2009

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its not easy i wil admit to that i am having to go out and get another job so that i can financially support me and david because the £160 that i get a week goes straight on bills mostly and end up with £20 ta buy nappies food etc but it is the fact that i wil have to take him to a nursery and leave him with people we dont knw x

Kimberly - posted on 04/10/2009

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It is hard, but you can do it. And you won't be completely alone, so long as you have your family and friends to help out, even if their help is mostly emotional. My son's biological father (BF) was underneath me the whole time I was pregnant, badgering at me to do everything right and trying to tell me how to do everything, including if we were going to find out what we were having. My son solved that one by refusing to move, so the BF held onto his idea of having a girl. After my son was born, he just seemed to stop caring at all, and last year only saw my son 3 times, the last being my son's first birthday. We haven't heard from him since. I've been lucky enough to have my family to help me out, and I've needed it. Between work and being a full time student, my parents being babysitters has been the best help I could ever ask for. My mom loves it and since my dad's mom broke her arm over Christmas, my mom and son have been living with her to help out. My son being with my grandmother is the best therapy she could ever have. I was also lucky enough to meet someone who loves my son and I greatly. He plans to adopt my son when we get married, and he would do anything for my son. In fact, my boyfriend can't understand why the BF left my son. This being said, I'm just trying to give you an example of how things can be, even if it's just you and your son. It doesn't have to be gloomy and sad. From the sound of your son's BF he was as much a loser as my son's was. Count it as a blessing that he left now, and do what you can to make sure that the BF isn't a problem later. Take heart in family and friends that will be there for you when the clouds lift. *hugs*

LaKysha - posted on 04/10/2009

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Hi, my name is LaKysha and reading the ordeal you went through with your sons father, even to the years together, him being supportive while you were pregnant, at the hospital. Everything in your story struck my heart because I went through the exact same thing. My son is 7 months old and his father was there for me through the whole thing until he got here, he was there the first month but after he seen how much work there was to it (even though I was doing it4eee( by myself similar to you) he up and left his son and I. It's not worth the heartache, I too knew my sons father for 5 years, we worked together and he was so supportive during the pregnancy, I thought it was going to be perfect. Family, friends, and prayer is how you do it. Believe me it will be hard, every little thing will remind you of the good old times but you begin to be stronger for your child as well as yourself. You learn that you can do it even as impossible as it seems, you can and will do it. Having websites like this as well helps because you can vent, and people dont look down on you. They understand, financially you learn how to bargain hunt and cut back, it's expensive but you make a way. The main thing is you have to stay uplifted not only for yourself but for your child. Unlike me I was down for a while, and my son could feel it all. He cried a lot, so keep your head up. And always remember, you are NOT alone.

Melonie - posted on 04/10/2009

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there is so many places that are there to help single mums. it is hard but it is also the most satisfying thing every when u are the one that is seeing all the big steps. dont be afraid to ask for help and if your child is screaming non stop it is ok to put them in their room and walk away for a min or two make a coffee and go back to them. u can do it but u need to believe that u can. being a mum is the best thing out but when u have to be mum and dad it is the best thing out cause u know that it is u that is teaching your child all that they know and u that is helping to shape them into the person that they are going to grow up to be good luck if u ever need to talk pop a post up

Rachel - posted on 04/10/2009

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hi ya



I'm sorry, i'm not in that situation myself but i can tell you it is very doable!! My elder sister is a single mum with four kids. I'm not saying it has been easy for her not at all, but she has kept going no matter what crap life has thrown at her - you just have to keep going, you have YOUR son to think about and he has to be the most important person in your life now (he isn't gonna get up and walk out on you when things get tough), but you have to focus on you and him now and enjoy your time with him, cuz you'll never get those times back. you may feel like your going to crumble but when you do just go and have a cuddle with your little man, reassure yourself that it is worth it. My health visitor told me not to go worrying about stuff like house work (its not going anywhere, it will still be there to do tomoro and the next day etc), but the time you spend with your son can't be put on hold, before you know it you'll have a toddler!! My sister says that when your on your own, you just get on with things - when you have a man around, you hope that he will help you and when he doesn't you let things get on top of you and it can make you even more stressed than if you just did everything yourself in the first place!! so is there really any point in havin a bloke around in the first place???? You'll find that havin a child totally dependant on you will make you stronger than you think! Anyway my sisters kids are 16,14,12 and 5 and they are all sociable, polite and well grounded and they want for nothing!! my sis has god knows how many little envelopes on the go and every week when she gets her money she very carefully divides it up, to pay her various bills and splits up whats left between her envelopes, saving up for this and that!! It can be done - your a woman and we can do anything we put our minds too! so be strong for your little boy and i really hope you get through this. Take care.

Kim - posted on 04/10/2009

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I am a single parent to two boys of 13 and 10, have been a single parent for 5 years, my youngest has cerebal palsy, through premature birth, though they were both prem. They are stable kids, doing me proud though its not been easy. I also work part time in a pre-school, have my own home and am very happy and so are my kids. Not been easy but worth it all. I personally feel my boys have more respect, stability etc without their dad around cos its a happy house. It can be done.

Rachel - posted on 04/10/2009

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Hi, I became single when I was pregnant. I was in the military when my son was born. I just got out in Oct. The demands in the military are much more than in the civilian world. I had 24 hour duties and endured two deployments. I receive no support from his father and do not want it. Just take day by day is my best advice. We are doing just fine. The best advice I can give is do not live beyond your means. We buy only what we can pay cash for. Except of course neccesseties ie: car, home. Just hold your head up, you will be surprised in what you can accomplish for your children

Cheryl - posted on 04/10/2009

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Hello hang in there, my husband left me when my son was 6mnths said that been a family was what he wanted but then when it come down to it he fucked off at the hardest part, when sammy needed all the attation and loving, i was like oh my god what do i do now all n my own.



I was worried bout money how i was going to cope but you find inside you the strengh.



just make sure you sleep when your baby does and you work around them dont worry bout your house been a mess  and silly things like that. just enjoy your baby . if you have friends and family near you let them help dont think you have to be alone. if you dont try finding mum and baby groups near you so you have some one to talk to and let your baby bond with other babyies. I now work full time tuesday to friday and run my house me and my son, its hard work but i do it , and me and my son are happy but i have a good family to help me and they really keep me going having my son for me if i need to go out and let my hair down. but i have to plan my week out so i know whats happening. hope you get on ok just reamber you are never alone.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2009

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hiya, u got to do it for urself and ur little one, i have two boys 4 and 21/2, and a girl on the way, due in 7 days, my x walked out when i was two weeks preganant, he was very volient and tried to take the oldest, he now had a court order against him and isnt allowed near the house, he had chance to see the kids at a contact centre but he refused only wanting them at his gf's house, this was only to get at me because if he really wanted to c them he would of seen them at a contact centre, but he wouldnt. i now hear he is having a baby with her and is so happy that hes acting like its his frist child, he hasnt contacted his boys in over 9 months now and i feel so mad that he can just forget about them and not want to know them they have done no wrong, it was him who went off, sometimes its hard being on ur own not having someone else there to take over for 5 mins but other times its great, u can do what u and the kids want and theres no one to answer to, the boys r much more settled now its just us. when times get hard just think of ur little one and what could u do with out him,, the answer will always be NO, u couldnt. its the mans lost not ours, keep ur head up and keep smiling, life can only get easyier. xx

Sharon - posted on 04/10/2009

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my son is now 14 me and his father seperated 11yrs ago and it does get easier you will have more quality time for yourself and your son and you will enjoy it i did not havin to worry about him were he is what he is up to. your bond with your son will be much closer i no mine was and he is always 1st in my life.you wont crumble its hard at 1st but it gets easier.

Michelle - posted on 04/10/2009

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I have been a single mom for 11yrs. now. It is the hardest thing in my life I have ever done. I too thought that i could not do it. I don't know how i do it some days, but all comes together in the end. Just when someone asks to help and they are good friends that you can trust take it....

Stephanie - posted on 04/09/2009

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My boyfriend left me for another (much skinnier) woman when I was 5 months pregnant with our son. We had been together for 5 years also and it was devastating. We tried to work it out, but things just weren't the same and it felt like I was always waiting: waiing for him to want to be with me and the baby, waiting for him to get used to being a dad, waiting for him to contribute financially...I feel better now having let him go, despite the fact that I am still in love with him. He wasn't ready for a family and you can't force someone into that. If you make a decision to do things on your own, at least you will know where you stand.

Financially, it can be difficult. I work 40 hours a week and am a full time student so there's very little time to relax or do anything fun. I don't think I've bought anything for myself since my son was born. But there are usually government programs that you may qualify for that help out with daycare, formula, and medical care.

As for emotional support, you may want to look online and see if there are any mommy-groups near you with other moms and/or single parents. Therapy isn't a bad idea, either and it certainly helped me a lot. You are a lot stronger than you think you are and I know you have it in you to make a great life for you and your son, whether things work out with your partner or not. :)

[deleted account]

My husband never helped either. I told him many times that if I was going to do everything alone, that I might as well be alone. I left over six years ago. It has not been easy. My boys were two and three at the time and a big handful. Their dad is a much better part time father. He spends good quality time with them when he sees them.  Time is something he never had for them when we were together. His visits also allow me to have time for me.



You will not crumble. You are a mom. When you have that little one depending on you, you just find a way. Pull your family and friends close. Surround yourself with people that lift you up, not tear you down.

Sandie - posted on 04/09/2009

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It is definately hard work, however the work is much easier to do than living with someone who makes your stress level worse and more messes to clean up. I was 7 months pregnant and 19 years old (with two big dogs i might add), and on my own already at the time when my daughter's (now 6)  father went to prison. I had no support system, my family wouldnt even come over for an hour to watch her so i could sleep, they told me that since i wanted her i had to take care of her, and she was one of those babies that if she wasnt sleeping or eating she was crying. Trust me when i say this, YOU CAN DO IT. You need to have so much love for your child that you realize how special every moment is with them during the good times and the bad. you also (no matter how broke you are) need to find a sitter at least once a month and get out of the house alone, wether it be to go out with girlfriends or just to the store to buy yourself a new outfit. I believe everything happens for a reason, and in my case i believe her dad went to prison for a reason. For two years i told myself there was a reason this happened to me, everytime i was about to break down and not be able to hold my head up again, i would remind myself - God does not give us more than we can handle, and he has something good in store for me.



When my daughter was two years old i met the man i would spend the rest of mylife with. He loves her and treats her just like his own, and couldnt be a better father to her, (since her real father has been in and out of prison since before she was born!)



If it wasnt for my daughter coming into mylife , and putting me to my brink, and her real father leaving me, i wouldnt be the strong independent woman i am today, I wouldnt have met the man ive waited all life for, and i wouldnt have ever had the ambition to go to and graduate from college.
Every year of my daughters life, i worked a full time job, was a fulltime mom, and graduated college! If i can do it, trust me i know you can. Just don't ever stop believing in yourself!

Dawn - posted on 04/09/2009

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Its totally doable!!! my son is 6 and ive done it all myself!! my sons dad walked out about an hour after i gave birth!! Dont get me wrong it can be hard work but i can assure you for every bad moment there will be a million fantastic moments to make up for it!! i work full time as a coach driver and juggle childcare along with my sons clubs and sports days and whatever else is happening at school ect as well as finding time to read with him and help with homework and yeah its hectic and hard work at times but it is also very rewarding!! You can do it!!

Gen - posted on 04/09/2009

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Wow, does this sound familiar. It sounds like the father needs to grow up some. Perhaps you could suggest couples counseling, having a new baby is so hard on your relationship. Counseling is a good forum to express your feelings. On the other hand, from your side of the story he sounds like an unsupportive jerk!



I left my son's father, because he was an unsuppportive jerk so I may be biased here, but it was the best damn decision I have ever made. It was hard at first, but after I adjusted I realized I was so much happier. Without fighting about needing some help I had more time (of course my son was growing up all the while). The really hard new-born faze will be over before you know it. I know that doesn't help because when you are completly exhausted that phrase means nothing. You just want sleep!!! but it really does go by in a blink. Once I was on my own life became so much easier. Living with an unhappy unhelpful person is exhausting in it of it's self let alone taking care of a new born on top of it.



 



Good luck sugar, I hope he wakes up and grows up and takes care of your family. If not, I hope you find the strength to leave him and realize that you CAN DO IT on your own.

Katie - posted on 04/09/2009

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My experience would be identical to yours, except that I left when I was 2 months pregnant. Do you have family you could move in with? Do that, go back to school for something that makes money and is hiring (I'm going for computer science in the fall but nursing also makes a lot).

If it is meant to be then it will be, but right now your are responsible for your child and your partner is hurting your ability to be the best mom you can be, so it's not worth staying. Part of me is still in love with the man I met, but he doesn't exist any more and my son is more important and needs me more then a grown man does.

You will probably find being a single mom is easier then being with a lazy partner--less laundry and more sleep.

Ginger - posted on 04/09/2009

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Sweetheart, I am a single mom who works full time and both of my boys are autistic with other health issues. It is doable, I promise. Is it easy...absolutely not. You learn how strong you are by the challenges you face and a gaurantee is you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Best wishes.

Mandy - posted on 04/09/2009

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my daughter is 5 weeks old, and ive been doing it completely alone. I went through the pregnancy alone also because the guy didnt want a kid... It isnt easy but its managable. Some times you will feel very overwhelmed and others you will relize that you are so completely in love with your child that it really dosent matter that your all he/she has. I often miss having a partner, and wonder what itd be like if i had ine. Id love to have somebody to share it all with, the responsibility, the fun, the excitement, the love...

Jodie - posted on 04/09/2009

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Wonderful advice from everyone above!  Here's another aspect for you to consider...



YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HIM!!!!  It is definitely hard being a single mom, but it is definitely doable.  Surround yourself with family, friends, people that will support you and help you.  Sit down and figure out where you want to be in life, what you want your child to learn from you as he grows and watches you.  Become a strong, confident, caring, intelligent woman so that your son can learn what a wonderful woman is all about.  Stand up for youself and teach your son that relationships like the one you had with his dad are unhealthy.  Good luck!!!

Nat - posted on 04/09/2009

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bein a single mum is sometimes easier, yes very scary at first and everything gets on top of you, but you soon get into your own routine. my ex husband left me 6weeks pregnant with a 2year old and a 4month old. Jessicas now nearly a year old and i feel if a man came into my life today id be up in arms. my ex does see the children still but he feels left out because of the special bond you and your children get, they do depend on you 24/7 but think wen the man was around didnt the baby and the bloke anyway???you'l only have one to worry about. and the money worries never really leave you but somehow we all manage to cope because were mums and that is now our jobs x

Alice - posted on 04/09/2009

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dont worry i have been on my own since i was 5 months pregnant and he is 1 now and doesnt want for anything as long as you have your family around to support you and your son and you will be the same as any other mother whether you have a partner or not dont worry i did at first but then i realised i am coping great without davids dad around because he took off with another woman that was pregnant with someone elses baby and i found out last week that he has left her for another woman so really just goes to show that i chose a bed hopper

User - posted on 04/09/2009

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ABSOLUTELY IT'S DO-ABLE

I am so sorry you feel you might crumble. It certainly is a scarey thing to have to deal with. I felt exactly the same initially. My ex said more or less the exact same things as your partner about, love, sex etc etc.

In brief, my ex left when my son was 7 months old, he left me with his debts, left me with the whole responsibilities that come with a mortgage, bills etc etc.

That said, my son before that time was demanding and 'awkward'. However, it transpires the day my ex left is the exact same day my son started to 'chill' and flourish and has done ever since (he is now 2.5 years) as have I. The atmosphere my ex and I must have had around us at the time was probably affecting my son and hence his apparent 'demandingness' was a product of the stress in the house.

I have no family around me so had to rely solely on myself, my strength of spirit and tenacousness.

At times, it was extremely challenging (although for me I only think this seems worse through sleep deprivation). My son is the happiest, sweetest, kindest little boy I have ever encountered and am so proud of him (and myself as he is a reflection of what I have taught him and how I am bringing him up - one of many pluses when being a single parent - you don't get the conflict of opinion on how to raise your child as it's only your way and nobody elses :o)).

Doing it alone has so many rewards there's not enough space to type. I can't comment whether the rewards of having both parents are the same having not experienced it.

What was important for me at the time was my son's needs both present and future and what I thought was best for him.

I know you've read/heard this countless times, it really does get easier (I know, it seems it can't come too soon).

I hope although you are going through a stressful time you are able to enjoy your beautiful son nonetheless.

God bless and best wishes.

Diana - posted on 04/09/2009

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Even though i don't know you i can honestly say you're a smart, beautiful and a strong woman who deserves love and support in every way from your partner. That being said if you're not getting emotional and physical help he is just being selfish and that's not fair Its hard being a mum there are so many demands on us . As a single parent of two children one 3 and 2months old it is very hard but Doable you just need to reach out to friends and the community around you even if you're not a religious (I'm not sure if you are or not ) but churches are wonderful for supporting when needed and there are many other program or resources in most areas just reach out You Can Do It!!!

Chantel - posted on 04/08/2009

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It is scary but yes it is doable. I've raised my son on my own for 11 years. there have been plenty of times when i thought i couldn't do it but you do get through it. i have been blessed with a supportive family and the most wonderful friends to help me get through. My biggest piece of advice is make sure that you do take some time for yourself, if you are happy your son will sense that and make it a bit easier. Good luck

Linda - posted on 04/08/2009

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How horrible! I'm so sorry. I can't imagine going through something like that while trying to deal with the ups and downs of baby and raging post-natal hormones. From what you've said, you've done everything YOU could. If it's not a partnership, then it simply won't work.

I won't go into how much of a jerk your partner sounds like, because I don't know him. But I'll tell you this...I've been on my own from day one (my daughter's father was a goner the moment he heard the news I was pregnant) and it is absolutely doable. It is tough, there is no question. But I imagine that I had things easier than you have since I had lots of wonderful support from amazing friends and family and all you've had is pressure, anger and worries from the biggest supporter you're supposed to have. You're right, I think. Being on your own has to be easier than that.

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time when these months should only be about the beauty and joy of your son.

I hope things become much easier for you in the very near future. All the very best.

Linda

Leslie-Anne - posted on 04/08/2009

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You will not crumble you will find strength in your child be tough it is doable this coming from a mom of three who are now 11, 12, 17   enjoy the moments you have and do not feel guilty about having to pick up the slack  it is truly quality time not quantity  and believe it or not the kids will respond better knowing you do it for them.  PLUS once a week do something for yourself completely kidless it keeps perspective!!!!!!

Denise - posted on 04/08/2009

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I am also a single Mom and your right it won't be easy but it is very douable. I lead a Single Parents Bible Study and find that having a good support group makes all the difference. I am a Christian and I believe in Gods promise to never leave me or forsake me. He has never let me down. I have had some rough times to but you can do it. My sons are now 20, 18, and I have a daughter who is 12. I have been a single Mom for ten years. My ex-husband doesn't leave anywhere near me and so I have had a lot of breaks. But because of them I am the Mom and Woman I am today. You can choose to be miserable or choose to be happy. Its easier to be happy and a heck of alot more fun.

Jennifer - posted on 04/08/2009

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girl, let me tell you that you are truly not alone there. i have been pretty much raising my son who is 10 years old now all by myself.  i was so scared that i would not make it finacially or emotionally... i now have a almost 4 year old and am raising both by myself.  i do have a bf now but it is not the same still.  let me tell you that from personal experience i know that it is very scared to think about doing the single mom thing all by yourself, but it can be done.  i am supporting and praying for you 100%.  I know that you can do it.

Lisa - posted on 04/08/2009

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Hey - you can do it - just got to believe in yourself.  I am a single mom of 3 and I take care of my mom who has dementia, own a home and work full time.  It's hard I am not going to lie to you.  But you need to decide what is best for you and you child.  You either raise him in a hostile enviorment or take a chance and provide him with a sweeter sourounding.  Remember that even if you do not fight or argue around him he does sense something is wrong.  Take time out for you.  See if a friend or family member can stop by for an hour while you do something for yourself like sleep, take a nice bath or workout.  It is obvious that the emotional support of your partner is lacking and he is worried more about his needs then yours.  You are at the point in your life right now that you need all the help support you can get.  The stress of someone making demands and bellittling you is completely unacceptable and selfish to say the least.  It's like you have to babies not one.  If he is not willing to help you then how does he expect for you to willing and able - and not exhausted and cranky.  A lot of men do believe we are super woman and forget that under normal circumstances we need a break too.  Let alone after we have children.  If your choice is to do it alone - understand that you can do this.  It is possible.  If  you choose to stay - make demands of  your own and make him responsible for that gorgeous baby he helped create.  I remember my with daughter I was exhausted - she was colicky and she did not sleep.  I had asked my husband to take her so that I can rest. He told me it was not his time and he was not ready for "that" since she was just days old.  I went over to him placed her on his chest and told him his time is now.  I went into my bedroom and closed the door.  I couldn't sleep but I forced him to become responsible.  I wish you the best of luck. 

Celsy - posted on 04/08/2009

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It's very doable! I have been a single mom for several months now and it's not always easy at first! But it is SO doable!

Miranda - posted on 04/08/2009

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You really can do i have been taking care of my three month old as a single mom since the day she was born.. Its hard it really is u just have to budget ur money being very organized helps alot.. But u dont need him if he doesnt want to be there ur son deserves more n so do u.. U will be okay u really can do it.. I have a friend that has been raising her lil girl since she was 16 pretty much on her own with school n her own place.. She did it.. There is alot of help out there for single moms.. U can call a local health nurse to come in once a month n help u out.. If u have close family or friends ask for help seriuosly thats the number one things dont try in do everything yourself its okay to ask for help it really is its not showing weakness its showing ur only human..

I hope that everything works out okay for you and your some and i hope this has helped in some way

Erica - posted on 04/08/2009

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It helps to have a support system. If you have parents that you can go to from time to time or even some good friends that can assist with keeping the baby sometime. It is no longer about you and this dumb dude. My daughters father wasn't there from jump street, you have to learn like I did to become strong and woman. Remember women are the birth place of civilization. There is nothing to be scared of the easiest part is behind you. My daughter is 9 now her father is deceased I do it all and have been since she was born. I get scared because I have to pay everything, clean, cook, go to school u name it i do it, but guess what it can be done. Keep ur head up and dont let this be the end of U, you have a bueautiful child that loves u more than u. Good Luck

Suzanne - posted on 04/08/2009

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hi im a single mum of 8, i was terrified 2 kick my husband out although he had alot of affairs. 6 weeks ago i got the courage and i cant believe im doing better on my own.... i still love him with all my heart some times we deserve better.... in ur situation i wouldnt rush in2 anything... no 1 realises how pregnancy and birth puts a strain on a relationship... breast feeding isnt always best as it can be sole distroying when ur feeding every hour, when i met my husband i was a single mum of 4 and really happy, working and had everything 2 look 4ward 2 6 and a half years later after being made 2 feel the lowest of the lowest im starting 2 pull my life 2gether again. its not easy especially with ur first, just hang in there and try and think possitive, u may have a touch of post-natal depression after such an early birth would be understandable... i hope i have helped in some way... good luck and take care

Nikola - posted on 04/08/2009

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dont worry :-) i am a single parent and im also 19 i had her when i was 16 and i have done fine my names nikola newman u can go on my profile and hae a look at photos of me and my child im proud of myself . obviously its hard sometimes but u get on with it and by reading your story u may as well be alone and for him to walk out on u like that hes not worth it he doesnt think much of you and your son if he can walk like that please dont worry cause its not a bad thing life goes on u can do it xxxxxx

Shauna - posted on 04/08/2009

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You know what....I feel for you.  This is gonna be long cause my story is really messed up.  I am recently divorced.  I was married for 14 years and had 2 kids (14 year old and 9 year old).  My marriage fell apart in an instant and I had no choice but to move back in with my parents when I moved out of our home.  The problem was....my parents lived in another state (which is where we were both born and raised....but had moved to another state less than a year before our divorce).  So, I had to move back to the state we had just left to move in with my parents.  So, I had to start over with nothing.  No job, no money.  I lost everything.  THEN....once I started working again....I was having such major emotional issues, and was having problems with my children.  They were traumatized over the divorce (my ex was cheating on me...and they are the ones that discovered it...cause when I was out one day....they walked in on their dad with another woman).  Well, I became REALLY depressed and just stopped caring about everything.  I ended up losing my job cause I just couldn't get my shit together and didn't care if I was there or not....and if I was there....didn't care if I was on time....and because of it, they canned me!  I have NEVER in my life been un-reliable at work or anything.  This is how bad my divorce screwed me up.  Then.....I ended up moving BACK to the town that my ex lived in once the shock of the divorce wore off cause my children needed to be closer to their dad.  I figured that it'd be better for them if we were both in close proximity to one another.  Well, that seemed to work.  My kids seemed happy again.  They are both still angry with their dad, but they are trying to forgive him.  He is their father and he was always a great father.  He just really betrayed their trust. 



THEN....I started dating someone....and found out I was pregnant.  Shortly after, I lost my job (that I had just started 2 months prior) due to a round of layoffs thanks to the economy.  Well, then I couldn't find a job.  Then before I knew it....I was showing and nobody would consider hiring me anyway knowing that in time....I'd be off of work on maternity leave.  So, what happens???  I end up having to move BACK out of state to move in with my parents cause now I have a baby on the way.  I also had to leave my older kids with their dad this time cause while I was living there...our divorce was finalized and because I moved out of state with them once....the judge ordered that the children are to remain in the school district unless both parents agree to the move.  In the midst of all of this.....my babies father walked away!!!  Not a word from him.  He just stopped talking to me...wouldn't take my calls, respond to my emails or text messages.  Nothing.  Almost like he fell off the face of the earth. 



So....now I have a 6 week old baby......whose dad is not in the picture at all.  I also have  a 14 year old and a 9 year old who live 300 miles away from me.  I have no choice but to move forward.  I'm now a single mom when I never thought I would be.  But, I have to do it...and I will.  It is hard....but I am determined to better myself and raise my kids.....one of which I am doing 100% on my own. 

Sara - posted on 04/08/2009

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well... all i can say is that you are probably stronger then you think. there is alot of help out there if you are willing to do it. i am also a single mother of a 3 month old boy. he is the love of my life and no man is ever worth the tears. i left my sons father cuz he was very controlling. i got out b4 it got any worse and i'm glad i did. times like this is when you find out who your friends reallt are! it is very scarry thinking about the financial view of all of it, but u can do it. apply for WIC. apply for cash and food assistance. it helps. don't struggle. its a way to get back on your feet again and DEFINITLY go after child support!  everything will be fine, you just need to have a little faith! ;)

Sara - posted on 04/08/2009

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well... all i can say is that you are probably stronger then you think. there is alot of help out there if you are willing to do it. i am also a single mother of a 3 month old boy. he is the love of my life and no man is ever worth the tears. i left my sons father cuz he was very controlling. i got out b4 it got any worse and i'm glad i did. times like this is when you find out who your friends reallt are! it is very scarry thinking about the financial view of all of it, but u can do it. apply for WIC. apply for cash and food assistance. it helps. don't struggle. its a way to get back on your feet again and DEFINITLY go after child support!  everything will be fine, you just need to have a little faith! ;)

Tanya - posted on 04/08/2009

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the saying you never know what you can do until you have to do it. I have a 10 year old son and I have been essentially single for ten years although in that time has been two serious non-livein relationships. I found myself single after a three year relationship and was engaged with dates set and churches booked. At twelve weeks preggers he freaked and left not to be heard from for six years. I was 22 at the time and I found myself (who I was and who I wanted to be) since I have done an undergraduate degree and worked as a manager for two years before changing careers and learning completely new skills only to find that boring and now I am now doing my post dip in teaching. I look back at some of the things I have achieved and I wonder how I did it but at the end of the day I know I am teaching my son how to achieve his goals because no matter what goal I set for my self, with determination and self assurance I will achieve it. At times I have not liked how much time I have had to spend away from him but I know he is learning from my example no matter what you pick up move on and get on with what makes you you. my favorite saying is to build a bridge that is because what ever bad that can happen to you, you build a bridge over it and essentially get over it. it is always easily said than done but once your at the other end you understand. My advice is live for today, tomorrow will sort itself out. one day at a time really works and if you want more from life then have a big plan (and be prepared to change it) and work on it one day at a time. there to will come a day when you look back and think how did I handle that but you did because you had to.

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