Sperm donor family side dont know my baby exist.

23guera - posted on 01/16/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My baby just turned four months old last wk. Lately I been thinking about if I should let my babys daddy family know about my baby exist. My baby's father, well more like sperm donor becuase he hasnt been there at all. Two wks ago he started looking for my son he would just call & five days ago my son was in the ER & hospitalized for four days. Baby daddy knew about it & he said he was going to show up after work & never did. So I told him to forget about him even having a son. & to never look for me nor my son that I couldnt forgive him or give him another chance he wasnt there for my son when he was hospitalized nor even called after he was in there. He told me for me also not to look for him which for me it doesnt matter its his lost. But regarding that I just feel like if my baby's grandparents should know about my baby? Idk if I should given them a call or just let it go?

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QuaTeshia - posted on 01/20/2011

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I think you should give them a call, I went thru the samething. They were not rude or disrespectful they asked if they could see the baby and they have kept in contact ever since.

Heather - posted on 01/19/2011

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i've been tossing this same question around in my head. my daughter will be 2 in June..she's never met her dad..but she's met his brother. He is the only one on her dads side that knows about her. I want to tell her grandparents but really don't want to deal with the drama that will come after. I know nothing will change and it'll just cause chaos from my baby daddy and his mom. So i just decided to wait and see if one day he'll man up and tell her, if not...i guess she'll never know

Christeen - posted on 01/18/2011

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I've been in your shoes. I didn't even bother to contact his family. I don't know them, and they obviously know their son messes around with several women. I didn't know until I got pregnant.

It's up to you. Are you willing to travel/ go see them? Would you get upset if he came around if they were keeping your child? It's MIGHT not just end at the phone call. They might want to see the child often...and in some states grandparents have rights. My niece's grandparents claim my daughter as their grand daughter. Their family and mines is enough for me :)

Good luck.

Jill - posted on 01/16/2011

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I was in your shoes. During my entire pregnancy and up until my daughter was 4 months old, her paternal grandparents didn't even know they were grandparents again. My down fall was that I had never met his family cause we were only together for like 2 months before I found out I was pregnant. He didn't feel the need to tell them because he had no intentions of ever having her be apart of their or his life, but that came to bite him in the @ss when is ex-fiance told his mom and step-dad. Needless to say it did not go over well with them about his behavior towards his own daughter and they have basically written him outta their lives and are fully apart of their granddaughters life. Along with meeting her grandparents, she has also met her other aunts and uncles, cousins, and half sister. I honestly have to say that in my situation it is the best case scenario for my daughter, but never wanted him to be disowned by his family. But had he listened to me to begin with about telling his family, he never would've. However her father's dad and step-mom have yet to show any interest about meeting their other granddaughter and I am not going to be the one to push it either. I figure they have my number and know about her, if they wanna meet her, they can call me. You just gotta look at the whole picture I think. And if you know his family and their beliefs and so forth, that may just give you your answer. It can be a very sticky situation for both sides. Good luck.

Kristin - posted on 01/16/2011

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That is a very touchy subject. I have been in your shoes. I told them. They are glad that I did, but not all families are forgiving. My boys have been basically ignored from their fathers family. I dont know if that is because they dont feel it is their place to meddle or if they are waiting for me to make a first move. I have no objections towards letting them be a part of my boys' lives, but I am not going to go out of my way to make it happen. I know that with telling them they have made it hard on him, telling him that it disapoints them that he makes no effort to be a part of their lives. Its a very sticky situation tho because you have to think about the eventual impact on you and your son if they decide to meddle in the wrong way with your lives. Think about all the consequences. Its a very tough situation. For me I was terrified that if my boys did become a part of their lives how that would affect them in the negative way. I dont want them to think it is ok to treat women like crap and not take responsibility for anything esp any child that may come in the future. But you also have to think of the positives. The thing is, do you feel that it is your duty to tell them? Are you at all comfortable with the idea of doing it? Because after you do it, there is absolutely no turning back. Think long and extremely hard about all of it. Sometimes it is just best to leave well enough alone to make your lives better and stronger. You can choose to tell your son when he is older about his so called other family when the time comes. Good luck.

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23guera - posted on 01/28/2011

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Thanks. I do hope everything does go uphill from now on. It will be a big relief for me.

Jessica - posted on 01/27/2011

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i am glad it worked out for you. that is so nice to hear!! hopefully things go uphill from here and you have more support in your life!! i hope things continue to go well.

23guera - posted on 01/26/2011

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Thanks girls for the advice. I ended up going to his parents house w my friend that gave me the advice to go. I was scared & nervous because I didnt know how they were going to react, I was just expecting for the worst. But I so dont regret going. I'm glad I sucked it up for my son & went. Right away they welcome us into the house to talk & all. I didnt took my son of course & they open there arms for my son & want to see him often & be a part of their family regardless if baby daddy aint in his life. They were surprise how bdaddy is acting w all this, & dissapointed of him. They havent talked to him since September now the dad willing to go & talk to him, but like I told him I went to tell them cuz I though they should of known & not for them to force him to be around his son. & of course they understand that but they also feel as them being family should give him advice because he wasnt raised like that. Plus he old enough to know whats right. I meet half of the family & now they want for me to take my son for the whole family can meet him. They planing to have a barbecue this Sunday so I can take my son. I hope everything goes well. & I'm glad I went. & now I dont even care what baby daddy thinks, if he gets mad or anything becasue its not my son's fault or the grandparents to be away from eachother if they willing to be in my sons life. I just hope from now on everything gets way easier having the other side of the family support. & thanks again.

23guera - posted on 01/21/2011

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Yes thanks. That sounds like a good idea to have a code if anything. I'm just scared that after the father of my son finds out I went down to my parents house he will look for me & go all crazy on me. That's what I'm also scare off but then again idk if he would do that & show his face at my parents house just for that. If he hasnt shown his face for my son he might not just to go crazy on me. I guess I just have to take the chance.

Jessica - posted on 01/20/2011

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i would try going there with the person that suggested it. it can't hurt. and if it turns into drama, you can walk away and not talk to them. they don't have to be in your lives if it turns out badly, but i would give it a chance. it is sad that his dad would not tell his own parents that they are grand parents. they might want to know. but i would not go alone in case things do get ugly. when i did it with my twins i brought my friend to ease the nervousness and we came up with a code if things got bad. she was going to say that she needs to go pick up her daughter from daycare and leave right now or she will be late if we felt we needed to get out of there. it went okay. they did not fall in love and their involvement was slim but i felt better knowing that i took that chance. it is better knowing what it is going to be like than guessing.

23guera - posted on 01/20/2011

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I tried given them a call already but idk there phone doesnt work or something it just keeps ringin & ringin & they never pick up. One of my girls told me just to go & she would even go with me for support but I guess I'm just scared for the outcome if it will bring more drama because right now that's the least I need but at the same time I dont feel right for them not knowing. My son has no fault of any of this between me & his dad which has never meet before. Plus also just becuase they havent never seen me before too.

Krystal - posted on 01/20/2011

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my son dad did not tell his dad til his dad called to me up with him for his b day dinner this was after 2 days after kadin was born. and kadin dad told him on the the phone oh ya i havea a gift for you youa grandpa again. they are in kadin life and are going to my 6 year old b day party. me and his dad are in a mess up dating thing. but i am glad his dad and step mom knows. i told his mom and well to say she and i dont see eye to eye on this.

23guera - posted on 01/19/2011

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Thanks. I so want to go & tell them because I do think they have the right to know. But I'm just scared of what they will tell me. Plus they havent never seen me before. He would always sneak me inside the house when they were asleep & I will take off early in the morning before they will wake up. So idk. I need encouragement to go & do it.

Jessica - posted on 01/19/2011

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tell them, they have a right to know. just because your sperm donor is the biggest loser waste on the planet, that does not mean his parents are. if they are, you can say the same thing to them. if they aren't they could be a big help to you. but i would for sure tell them, they should know what their son is up to and might resent you or him later for not telling them and missing out on important stuff. he thinks he can get away with it and not have to deal with any consequences of his actions, that is why he is doing it. i went through the same thing... half of my kids' dad family had no idea i had kids with him. i finally decided to blow the lid on it and they were really surprised. they had no idea! unfortunately they did not care all that much. they were like, what can we do about it? so nothing changed. but i was thankful they knew what he was up too! good luck. just keep your head strong and no matter how tough it gets know that it doesn't last forever and it gets easier as they get older... they are only little for such a short time and then you miss it dearly. trust me, my son is 11 and his dad has never been around. when he was little i swear i could pull my hair out a few times or crawl into bed and sleep for a week... but now it is very easy, i have no regrets, and i miss my little baby.

Karen - posted on 01/19/2011

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I would say make sure you have signed papers that you have full custody to protect yourself and your rights and then let them know. I think a child has the right to know their entire family even if the dad is not the best dad, your child doesn't deserve to be punished for his mistakes.

23guera - posted on 01/17/2011

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Well thats the thing about me & him my family & his family didnt know about us. We were going out for a yr & felt we left it just for us to know & our friends. So Idk how his parents will take it. As right now he dont speak to his family they had some kind of problem & he moved out before my son was born but I didnt know this till last wk.
At times I think I should just let it go but Idk sometimes I think the grandparents should at least know about my son regardless if they in his life or not. I just dont know what to really do.

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