starting to date

Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom of a soon to be 2 year old. When I first had my son I thought for sure I would never date again. A few weeks ago I met this guy and I really really like him. I mean as of right now it isn't anything super serious but it's the only kind of dating I've done in the past 3 years. So on top of being out of the dating scene I am also stressing about how to deal with being a single mom that dates...or whatever. I don't really know what to say...I just don't know how to balance the two? When is the right time to introduce him to my son? I don't want to let him meet my son until I know for sure he'll be around. My mom was a single mother and I remember she always had a lot of trashy boyfriends and I never want my son to think that way.

Just any comments, concerns, advice....anything at all would be helpful. Oh and the guy knows I have a son but I try not to talk about him too much so we can get to know each other first to see if we'd even be a good fit together.

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Wanda - posted on 01/27/2011

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I think you are on the right track with trying to get to know him first before involving your son. Only you can decide when is the best time for him to meet your son. I think it would be wise to see if there is a relationship potential first. But this does not guarentee it will be forever and this will be the only boyfriend you have around your son. I haven't started dating yet either but I do worry about too and not sure how I will handle it. But we are strong independent and smart women who are raising young children alone. I know it's hard, I face struggles every day. But you will make the right choice. It's not like your front door is a revolving door of men. :>

Shanythia - posted on 01/25/2011

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I've been flirting and dating since my daughter was born. every person i know automatically knows that i'm a single mother and that my daughter is my first priority. With that being said, i have fun, i usually make time to get to know the person through text and calls and when i'm ready, i either make a quick lunch date that includes my daughter. I don't have a lot of people around to watch her while i try to add romance to my life, so i make it as casual and friendly as possible that way, the person i'm seeing can see me in my most natural atmosphere, taking care of my child. they'll see how i am and what WE like. If we do well at lunch, eventually we can upgrade to dinner at my house or with a group of friends. (safe and fun) it's not a crime to date or to have your child present. you'll be able to make time for private time when you're ready and by then, hopefully your child will be comfortable with them too. I guess as soon as you decided the level of contact that you think is appropriate for you, the better. you're the mom, so you have to set that boundary. I always talk first and meet second to decide if ther person is worthy of a lovely lunch with me and my daughter, but this way, my daughter is introduced to my "friend" immediately- not a year later to my "suprise husband". plus, this way you can see how HE interacts with your child and if he's comfortable with the both of you :)
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Summer - posted on 01/28/2011

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I had been with my ex for 10 yrs and have been single for 2 and also have a 2 yr old, I have now started back dating and I dont take my son on any of my dates no matter how much the guy tells me he loves kids or how he will love him like his won, in real life u will find 1% if guys willing to love ur kids as there own and not think abd having any other and the 99% would say anything to get in ur pants even if it mean going the distant, I also know that u will never know how honest and trustful a man is unless u take ur time so Jennifer I think wat u are doing is great gettign to know one another on ur level.

KELLIKAYZ - posted on 01/27/2011

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GOD BLESS YOU SWEETIE. DATING SOMEONE DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOMMY FIRST OF ALL (IN CASE THAT HAS CROSSED YOUR MIND AS IT DID MINE). YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOM IN THAT YOU ARE TAKING THIS SO SERIOUSLY. YOU ARE RIGHT TO NOT WANT DIFFERENT MEN IN AND OUT OF YOU OR YOUR CHILD'S LIFE. BEING A SINGLE MOM DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO SETTLE OR THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER. BE PICKY AND TAKE THINGS SLOWLY LIKE YOU SEEM TO BE. I BEGAN MY "DATING" WITH PHONE CONVERSATIONS ONLY BECAUSE IF I WERE GOING TO TAKE TIME AWAY FROM MY BOYS THEN HE HAD TO BE WORTH THAT TIME. THE PHONE CONVERSATIONS ELIMINATED THE DUDS QUICKLY. BE LEARY OF ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GET NEAR YOUR CHILD OR THINK THAT THEY CAN TAKE A LESS THAN SINCERE INTEREST IN YOUR CHILD TO GET TO YOU QUICKER. THAT WAS A TURN OFF FOR ME ALSO. FINALLY, AFTER SOME TIME I MET A WONDERFUL MAN WHO HAS NO CHILDREN. THAT HAS ITS ISSUES THOUGH TOO, BEING A BLENDED FAMILY IS LIKE ANY OTHER FAMILY....HARD BUT WORTH IT! GOOD LUCK!!!!

QuaTeshia - posted on 01/27/2011

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I just met a guy and we are dating,I just asked if me having a daughter bothered him, he said no. then I started to get to know him better. I dont wanna waste my time getting to know someone who knows I have a child but isnt really comfortable with being around me AND her.

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2011

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I think right now I'd rather hang out without my son. If we hang out with him it'd just be me chasing my son around and not being able to pay attention to the guy and right now I want to get to know him to see if he'd even be a right fit.

thanks for sharing your advice and how you handle things!

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2011

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just take it at your pace and everything will work out the way it needs to :)

Jennifer - posted on 01/25/2011

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I'm glad you've found someone. I just stress over things a lot even when there is nothing to be stressing over. I am sure it will all work out the way it is supposed to, I just need to take it one day at a time.

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2011

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i was with my ex for almost 2 and 1/2 years, i just started seeing someone and i was nervous at first and i did even cry on our date because it was all new to me, but he really likes me so now im just taking it slow and going day by day if i start to think its serious i might freak myself out and he is totally alright going at any pace i want so i am happy ive met him.

Jennifer - posted on 01/25/2011

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Thanks Amy, it's always nice to know you're not the only one in the same situation. I am just especially unsure of everything because I haven't dated in 3 years and even before that it was around 5 years that I was even doing the whole "first dates" and such.

Anyway, I hope that your dilemma gets worked out in a way that is best for all parties. Thanks for the comment!

[deleted account]

Hi Jennifer,

I have found myself in a similar situation. I recently separated from my husband of 6 years. I was not looking for anyone, but found someone that soon turned serious. I did not introduce him to my girls until I was sure he was going to be sticking around. I did it gradually and introduced him as a friend at first and as they are young they have accepted him quite easily.

I am now having the issue of the fact of how serious we are. After a short time we are looking to move in together and even considering a child of our own... That is my delima.

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