still in love.

Kassandar - posted on 06/10/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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hey do you move on when you are still in love with your ex. we are very young and he has left fro his party life. i keep telling my self he will be back i cry all most every night . it has been over 8 months he has had a number of sexual partners, i have been with no one else. i'm lost and cant see the other side. can any one help. i no i love him but why.

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Hanna - posted on 06/10/2009

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I'm going through the exact same thing. When I had my child, my entire life changed and my ex's didn't. I love him and he doesn't want to grow up and be a family man. You are just going to have to move on. They grow up when they're ready and you shouldn't wait around. Maybe once he sees that you're doing better without him, he'll come around or maybe he won't. You just look out for your best inteterst and the interest of your child.

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[deleted account]

You aren't the only one that has gone through this. I was 18 when I got pregnant and had my firswt daughter just after my 19th birthday. Her father was the "love" of my life... Or so I thought. We partied together and had a lot of fun... But when she came I stopped that life style and he didn't. About 5-6 months after she was born I woke and said enough was enough. I can't keep living in the past for him I need to live in the now and prepare for the future for her. I went back to school online at night and worked full-time during the day. It was really hard for the first year to 2 years as far as money and emotionally goes, but it got better. I didn't date or really go out for those first 2 years, which now I'm happy about. I found myself again. We tend to lose ourselves in the men in our lives and especially in the ones that don't deserve it. Hang in there and remember that your baby needs you happy more than sad and you may not show it to your kid/s but they know when mommy is depressed or sad, they can feel it so much more than you realize.

THEODORA - posted on 07/09/2009

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ah Kassandar you are so young!!!why you losing your time and feelings for a guy like him??

You not feeling angry?the guy has no respect for you and his own child.All this pain that he put you throw?

Look out for your best intrest and your beautiful girl...

K - posted on 07/08/2009

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hey girl i no how this is. My ex and i broke up july 2 2005. i had to live with him for 2 months afterwards.(i was a couple hundred miles from home.) its takin me from the time he left to till he got married last september for me to finally accept that he was gone. Even though i thought finally accepting it was gonna kill me, i ve been free ever since.I still love him but now i can see past him. And the day you realize your dreaming about love agian thats when you no you'll be ok.P.S he should be picking our 5 year old up for a couple weeks within the next week. it'll be the first time i ve seen him in two years.He s been in korea.and the new wife is from the phillpeans. needless to say i am scared to death. but if you really don't like you making any progress in a few months ,thier is no shame in geting therapy. my ex got my entire 20's. i meet him at 22 and i'am 29 now. he is not worth your self worth.

Claire - posted on 07/08/2009

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im going through the same thing,me and my husband split up a year ago and i still cant give up on him,we were great together and then everything changed when our little one was born he said it was me and that i had changed but what i had to explain to him is when you have a child you have to change your a parent and your child comes first,things were hard but i loved him so stuck it out,he was more interested in his friends and having his freedom which didn't involve us. i got by for 2 years but one day i gave him a choice i told him to sort himself out and put us first or leave and he left. it was one of the worst days of my life watching him walk out of that door and i wish i could have moved on but i couldn't and haven't. i see him quite regular when he sees our little boy, i know i have to let go but i still feel there is something,it dosen't feel over.i know exactly what you mean and what your going through i hope it all works out for you in the end i cross my fingers every day

[deleted account]

I am going through the same thing my ex left me twice during my pregnancy i only have 4 more weeks left till i have my baby! We have beeen fighting and breaking up since decemeber and 7 months later i still find myself crying at night missing him while he is with another girl. Its hard but I try.....

Tennille - posted on 06/27/2009

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I am going through the exact same thing.. seems as though i can not go on.. and i feel i dont want to. everyday i cry as well asking myself why ... my heart is broken and i dont know what to to either.

Jessica - posted on 06/23/2009

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It will only get easier if you start letting go. if he does come back he dont deserve you. i went threw it with my daughters father and still have issues with it. with the lies and the false promisses. if he was still in love with you he would be with you and yes people take breaks but eight months is along time. put it out of your mind, concentrate on you child and let life take you where you need to be. showing him you dont care is when his true feelings will come out. if he see's you can move on he might come bak but then you might have te stregnth to tell him no. every situation is different but he will show his true feelings if he thnks your done with him!! your child is the most imortant thing rite now nothing else matters. keep your head up and take a day for yourself it helps get dressed up and go out on the town girlfriend can help too!!

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2009

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I know what you are going through! My ex left me and our 3 month old son about a month ago. He says he still wants to be friends and hang out--how am I supposed to handle that when I still love him?! It is getting easier everyday to deal with. I know if it is meant to be it will happen, it's just hard to accept it.

Madeleine - posted on 06/23/2009

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I had the same problem. Things hadn't been the same since we had our son and then I fell pregnant again when he was 3 months old, Big oops. Anyway everything fell apart and we split when I was 4 months pregnant. He moved on to someone with no responsibilities. I wished and cried every night for him to realise what he was doing to our family but about a month ago I decided enough was enough and got over the pain. That was when he decided to come back but it was too late I don't feel the same.
I still love him but i'm not in love with him. Maybe one day it will work out but for now I am focusing on my children and myself first.

Denae - posted on 06/22/2009

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i am expecting my first child, and have not yet had my son. my ex and me broke up 4 months ago. we were engaged to be married, and found out we were pregnant. i found him talking to another girl so i left. it is so hard, and now he lives with that girl, and is engaged with in this short time period. while i am still here pregnant with his child and torn apart. and i know it should be so easy for me to be like he is such a dirtbag but i remember all the plans, and ready for our family to be here. i dont know why myself why i still care and love him. and i still very much want to get togther and make our family work. i am trying to be strong myself and have the support and love from my family but still feel alone. i pray all the time myself. my only advice to speak with the lord above, and i know how hard it can be.

Kassandar - posted on 06/22/2009

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all of you ladies are so amazing. all of your stories just show how strong you need to be as a mum. i feel that in the end now i have won. i am living in a townhouse wit my little girl and have started studing. i am able to support my little girl all by myself. bub see her dad when he is off work (at most two days a week)



i am again happy within my self, not over him but awear that it is ok to move on. i will always love him but i have enough room in my heart to not only love my little girl but also love another man again.



but all of this was with help ffom all of your messages. you are truly wonderful people, and mummies. so thank you so much. wiht lots of love kassi and immy.

Holly - posted on 06/22/2009

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Oh i no exactly how u feel, i was left 8months pregnant wen my ex decided to run off with my friend.Oh n he acted the father to her 3month old kid. i was gutted i didnt know what to do or who to turn to, i was in a state he fecked me so much.
I didnt really have much choice but to carry on as a month later my son was born and obviously he needed me. You get up n you move on for ur child, u have to. . . .
but that doesnt stop them feelings that are still dwelling deep down, u love him, u always loved him n to make things worse he is the father of ur child, thats a link to the guy for the rest of ur life.
to be honest i dnt think my experience will help you apart from you realising its not how u wanna live ur life!!
but anyway i got on, i dated and i was happy, but them feelings, that love was still there even a yr, 2 yrs later i still loved him.
Then out of the blue he contacts me, on facebook actually, n i let him back coz it always hurt me that my son never had his father.
Now my son has had his dad for 9months n loves him to bits. i have the man i love back but not the way i want, i am still letting him walk over me, all i want is for us to b a proper family but he cant commit, he tells me he loves me but he aint ready for a relationship etc
So please please, dnt do the same as me!!! if he comes back n asks to be a dad, then let him i honestly beileve children deserve both parents, but do not let him back into ur heart, be strong for urself and realise that u deserve so much better then him, he obv dnt know how to b a man and face up to their responsibility.
your a great mum n thats the most important thing!!!

Tara - posted on 06/22/2009

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hey im goin through the same thing. its definatly not easy but the way i see it is he misses out on u and ur child but 1 day when he grows up he will regret not being there for it. just be happy ur not acting the same way as him and ur there for ur daughter. things will get easier many ppl have got through it before and u WILL meet an amazin man and be happy.

Kristin - posted on 06/21/2009

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I still love my ex too after two years even though he left me and our little girl on our own. He decided to have an affair and that resulted in a child 2 months older than my little girl. He now has them living with them and very seldom sees our child, he is too involved in that life over there. I find that putting all my attention into what I want for my future and my childs has been helping. It does hurt to not have the one you love around, but it is getting easier to handle. I hope time will heal the heartache for you.

Hannah - posted on 06/12/2009

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I know how hard it is to believe but give it time. everyone says that i know. it has been 3 yrs for me and i still am not completley over my X but it has gotten alot easier to handle. You have a baby to him which makes it so much harder and honestly I know exactly what you are feeling it is painful just keep strong and focus on the other things in life you want for you and bubs no matter how hard it can be push your self and you will be amazed with how good you feel about yourself and you start to believe you deserve better...

Le'Anne - posted on 06/12/2009

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Let me just tell you, you have to be strong otherwise your daughter will fall ill, my son has been ill since his father left, and now that i am feeling better he is well and up again. Do not let them know your upset cos that is the one thing that your baby will be able to catch on i know. If you do believe than wait... but if you really do feel that you will be able to take him back have you asked yourself the question whether you will be able to forgive and never bring up the past, if you can do that than you 2 might still have a chance. Give this situation time, he will remember what he left behind and come back to you.

Kassandar - posted on 06/12/2009

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your story is the most like mine. he was my first and only. and has gone with someone younger and i have decided to get busy i am studing again and i am just going to leave it up to fate. if we are ment to be he will come back and if not then i guess we will both move on. i cant keep get all upset because it will start to show on my little girl.

Le'Anne - posted on 06/11/2009

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If i might say i am in the exact similar situation, my boyfriend left me and my son (16mnts) a week ago he was my first and onle, he ran away with someone younger, my heart was shattered into pieces i thought that i will never be able to go on, but through prayer i am feeling much stronger and i have asked the Lord that he should bring my sons father back if it is meant to be, i am willing to take him back in a heartbeat, and if you believe that you two are meant to be he will come back to you eventually, if you have the courage to wait for him than do so, but you have to do everything with the help of the Almighty, he will show you the way forward, i have stopped crying and i feel much more positive about life, get something to keep yourself busy with and soon you will see your tears will stop flowing. Keep well and good luck

Kassandar - posted on 06/11/2009

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you have all been so great an it is good to no it's not just me and i no you are alrigh. so thank you so much. kass and immy.

Tara - posted on 06/11/2009

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Iam going through the same stuff too! Its hard, and i took me a few months to realize that what we had was not good. Right now I a trying to focus on my son and I, and I am trying to keep us busy. I feel lonely all the time, I had myself ready for the whole family package, and now i am alone with an infant. Some times i think if he was here everything would be easier, and i would have someone to help me. But then i remember, i did everything even when he was here. The only thing that has changed is that he is not here every day to upset me or disappont me. Don't worry things will get better! You deserve someone who want to be there with you! And so does you child!

Teresa - posted on 06/11/2009

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Hey Kassandar, Don't let him bring you down. Guys tend to mature a lot slower then women and we are always the ones holding the bag but you know what, it is what makes us that much stronger and we don't need men to define us and we can make it on our own. You can definitely move on from this and after you have time to heal from all this and be comfortable just being you and enjoy your own company, you can then meet a guy that will treat you right and treat u like the queen you are. Don't let anyone stomp on your spirit and self-esteem. Like Tracy said, you are much better than you think you are. I was married for almost 10 years when we split and it is a constant struggle with myself and questioning whether or not i did the right thing but i know i did because he wasn't right for me. I still love him but honestly i can't live with him and i know he couldn't fully make me happy. Its up to me to make me happy and it is up to you for you to be happy not this immature ungrateful individual that you are in love with. He doesn't deserve your love or your time. Time to move on girl! Be happy with yourself and everything will turn out alright. Hang in there! We are here for you. :)

Kassandar - posted on 06/11/2009

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you no i no all this deep down. its just something you got to here from others.

Tracy - posted on 06/10/2009

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this may sound ridiculous, but he is not as great as you think he is. and you are way greater than you think you are. you should never be defined by a guy!!!!!! value yourself. spend time with girlfriends. be young!!!! (not stupid...just young!)

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