STRESSED Single mom....Would Love Some ADVICE.

Kelsey - posted on 08/10/2011

I have been there too. I thankfully have had my parent's support since my daughter was born. It is really hard stuff. I am on foodstamps, medicaid for my daughter, and heating assistance. I have no rent, but my utilities are at least 100.00 a month. If you can, find shelter assistance, heating assistance, get on foodstamps and health. You dont deserve that treatment from the dad...NOR do you deserve to be ignored from that family of his.
You cant force anyone to support you and your child through these rough times, but they also can't expect you to keep them involved in the childs life either with NO help!
You daughter deserves better than that, and not some selfish, conceited family members like that who care about no one but themselves.
Call your local Department of Social Services, or Department of Human Services. Where I live it's DSS, and each county should have the state program/assistance that you definitely need and WILL GET, because you deserve it!
You just need to think of yourself and your life ahead of you...and of course your little angel.
Best of luck:)

Jan - posted on 10/25/2009

My heart goes out to you - i was in your position - homeless and pregnant and no help nearly 30 years ago - you are a brave girl things WILL get better - are there no mother and baby groups are you u.k based - are there no organisations that could help mediate between you and the fathers family or go to court to get him to pay maintenance - there must be mothers out there who can offer infomation and support- have you tried the church - they often have support - Remember you are doing a great job - everyone else are the fools - when your son is grown -up - you can hold your head high knowing you didnt walk away-

Liz - posted on 10/24/2009

24 years ago, I was where you are. I was lucky enough to have a good church family to support me. If you are not into church, try to find some support groups in your area. I know that it will be hard, but from the way the family is acting, you may have to go it without them. I did. It was a tough row to hoe and I did get lonely and scard at times--a lot of times, but in the end I came out with a beautiful young woman who is preparing for graduate school as I write this. If it will help, you can contact me and I will be glad to listen and give you what support that can given here.
My heart goes with you!

Krystal - posted on 10/24/2009

You are not alone. For one~ you have support on here. Two, do you have any friends? Three have you've checked out your local DSS? They would love to make you independent. Also, check out your local churches..Screw the sperm donor, he seems like a real loser...like mine 2 are...You can make it...Your on survial mode...make goals stimulate your possibilities...don't let anything hold you back ....Best of wishes and Good Luck~Krystal

Rachel - posted on 10/21/2009

There are programs out there....welfare is one of them. That is what it is there for. I know many states have work programs, and will help with childcare, transportation, etc etc. There is also support enforcement. If you go into the welfare office, they can help you with food and cash, help you find a job, and help you receive some sort of support from the father. If the father does not have a job and will not help, he will pay the consequences through the state. I know it sucks to think you may have to be on welfare, but like I said, that's what it's for, to help you get on track. They also in most states will help you get back in school. Go to your local office and speak with someone. I gaurantee they will be able to help. If you really put your mind to it you can make it alone. I am a single mother who just now after 5 years has started getting child support. Before that I was doing it entirely alone. I was on welfare at one time because i needed it. Once I got back on track I got off of it. I guess I am saying that you can do it...even though it may feel like you cant. Take "cant" out of your vocabulary and take charge of your life.

Brandie - posted on 10/21/2009

You should definitely check out the programs in your state/area. THere are programs that subsidize or fully pay for the child care so you can go to work. Usually you can find these kinds of state programs at the welfare office. I would also suggest looking into any help the welfare office can supply. if you apply for food stamps (at least in my state) they will ask about the father of the child and then they will look into getting him to help pay too. Other than child support, I would write him off too. ....

Chantel - posted on 10/21/2009

I would file for child support and be done with all of them after that. After my divorce I went back to college to get a degree. My education was all paid for and my college had a daycare on site. I received a grant for childcare and paid hardly anything a week for my daughter to be there full time. There are great programs out there... you just need to look and ask around. Good luck.

Maria - posted on 10/21/2009

Hello Vanessa, Sorry to hear of your situation.. I too have a sperm donor in my life, I was 20 with 2 kids when I divorced my abusive husband. He thought divorce from me meant he could forget about his kids which he did... It has been 15 years and I raised my kids alone. So you can do this!!! My advice to you is, stop calling him and his family they are not worth it and all you do is stress yourself out more... You have goals, GREAT!!! Your baby is your motivation.... Eliminate the garbage from your life (any people who bring you down) and move on... I don't know what state your in but my suggestion is that you Go to the Department of Children and Families (Public Assistance) ... Apply for assistance and then go to Workforce One or the Unemployment Office and register for all the programs you qualify for.... You'll be surprised how many programs cover your tuition and pay for childcare while your going to school....I hope this helps...Keep your head up.. God Bless You

Rosa - posted on 10/21/2009

Hi Vanessa, I can tell you from experience that being a single mom at such a young age is no walk in the park. I'm a single mom of 7 beautiful children and had my first when I was just 17, but cheer up there is a lot of programs out there that will help you get an education and a job you just have to do a little research, you may want to start at your local children services office or go to a church near you and speak to someone there I'm sure they'd be willing to steer you on the right path. Trust me it's not going to be easy but when you feel down and out think of me I have 7 and if I can do it I know you can. I don't receive any help from my children family either. But as long as I have faith I know everything will be alright. The most important thing is that I have life and I'm healthy and so are my children, the rest is just a matter of finding the resources to help me give a future for them. And they're out there, you just have to look. Good luck and never loose hope. Remember FAITH is the key.

Suzy - posted on 10/21/2009

There's nothing you can do to involve him and his family if they chose not to be involved. The only thing you can do, if you want to continue to let them know they are welcome to be a part of his life, is send them occassional pictures, and short notes letting them know how he is. One day his father may want to be a part of his life...when he grows up a bit...and then he will regret missing out on everything. As far as getting back out into the world, most communities do have help for single moms you just have to work hard at finding it sometimes. You can also join groups, playgroups and such, that will get you and the baby out of the house where you can meet other moms.

W - posted on 10/20/2009

Awwwwww sweetie. First, take a breath. Secondly, call your local child support councilor let them contact his family and deal with them. Stop tourturing yourself by calling them. Go to school, find the guidence councilor, they will direct you to child care services and health care for yourself and little one. They may also be able to help you find appropriate sitters and day care while at school. Most schools, universities have on site day care while you are attending. Begin with a fresh start, the sperm donor is in the past. Move forward into your future so your little one can have a future too. You can't force the sperm donor to be a part of the childs life, but YOU can give that child a better life, full of people who are involved and better role models.

Dana - posted on 10/19/2009

forget that sperm donor....he knows the number he can call if he wants tt...i wouldnt bother calling him or his family anymore. as far as u go i would take him for child support. and there r places that can help u with child care and school and jobs. dont give up hope. its hard but keep doing what ur doing for u and ur baby. i have been a single mom for 8 years now and its still rough for me sometimes but u will get through just like me and all the other single moms out there.

CARRIE - posted on 10/19/2009

MAN GIRL. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALONE. THATS ROUGH. I KNOW BECAUSE IM DOING IT TOO. I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE HONEST WITH ME. JUST TRY TO KEEP DOING IT YOURSELF. YEA I KNOW YOU PROBABLY HERE THE SAME SHIT EVERYDAY LIKE; IT WILL BE OK, YOU CAN DO IT, OR EVEN THAT WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. TO ME HE SOUNDS LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. LIFE IS GOING TO GET HARDER. I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO SAY EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT BUT TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN YOU HAVE GOT TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. KEEP IN YOUR HEAD " ITS ME AND MY BABY". I WOULD TAKE HIS ASS TO COURT. IF YOU LIVED BY ME I WOULD TOTALLY WATCH YOUR CHILD FOR YOU BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. BUT HE SEEMS TO HOLD YOU BACK. F HIM. IM TRYING TO GET OVER MY X WHO LEFT US. I HAVE A HATE LOVE RELATIONSHIP. I WILL STAY STRONG FOR YOU BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO BE STRONGER

Tonya - posted on 10/18/2009

Just them them be. It sound like you and your kid are better off with out them. As for help there are day care that have programs so call them and see what they have to offer. I know this will sound bad but it sounds like you need it so take it to help you get on your feet. Get on welfare they have programs that will help with the daycare and some states will actually help you with allot of other things, That is what it is there for to help you when your in need not for people who abuse it. So good luck I hope all works out for you

Michelle - posted on 10/18/2009

Vanessa, there are many programs out there that can help you no matter what state you are in. There are programs that will help you with daycare so that you can get a job or go to school. With you being a single mother all you have to do is go to a community college to get started and maintain your grades and it is paid for. You have a lot of oppurtunities so hang in there. As for the family that is not there, do not spend to much time worrying about them, it takes too much energy, they will be the ones who will have the regret of not being there and there is nothing you can do to change their minds. Just go to court and get child support settled and let time work that issue out. Try your local departments of family and children services, they should be able to get you started on getting the assistance you need to succeed. Good luck to you!

Lisa - posted on 10/18/2009

As for the sperm donor and his family, write them off. They have shown they don't care and you don't need to put yourself in a place where you are forcing them to do what's right. The last picture my son's sperm donor has of him he was 9 months old, he's going to be 16. He has never met any of his side of the family and as far as I'm concerned never will. Their loss, not his.

Is there a community college where you live? If so contact a counselor there and talk to them about getting an education. They can help you with the paperwork to get everything started. They will also have lists of child care available and you should be able to get assistance paying (or actually completely paid for) child care. Where I live child care assistance comes through DHS.