Stuck between a rock & a hard place

Jennifer - posted on 08/25/2017 ( no moms have responded yet )

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Has anyone ever had to relocate for their partners job? I have been with my fiancé off & on for the last 5 years & consistently for the last 3 (since we had our son) And we just moved to a new state 8 weeks ago. I also have a 9 & 11 year old from a previous relationship. I am 30 years old & have always lived in the same place my whole life, as have my kids. The older kids dad lives in our hometown still & is active in our children's lives but has some prescription drug/alcohol issues. But he has always been around to spend time with them, go to sports games etc. I had to get a lawyer to move the kids with us & he reluctantly agreed to the arrangement. Okay now back to my initial issue. My fiancé works very hard to provide for us & himself. I have been blessed enough to be able to stay at home with our 3 year old the last few years. So I felt like I really had no choice but to move (being that he has provided for us the last 3.5 years). I also have my best friend who is also in the same state as us now but she lives 1.5 hours away. She was a big supporter of us moving & very much encouraged it. Now her husband may be moving to another state for his job (so bye bye best friend again) My fiancé has always been very harsh & direct with his words which always seem to come across as mean. And sometimes they are just downright cruel. He has said things to me over the years that I just can't seem to let go (go die, jump off a bridge, cunt, bitch, dumbass, just to name a few) He often makes passive aggressive comments to my children & I. My oldest is more sensitive & prone to getting his feelings hurt & my fiancé often calls him "baby" or a "girl" etc...then wonders why my son doesn't like or respect him? I know my kids want to go home & a part of me does too. Their new school has a lot of kids who's parents don't seem to care much about their children's education. Their old school was so great & they were on the honor roll & great sports teams, had friends etc. I am starting to feel extremely guilty for moving them away from all that and my mother (grandma) & their dad who has been a big part of their life. I am afraid they will grow up to hate me for moving them away or rebel against me. I have always felt like I was in an emotionally abusive relationship but have maybe been in denial about it. Because it is not always bad, we do have good moments together & he does have good qualities too. He has got us a nice big house out here to try & make us more comfortable and often times I feel like I am being ungrateful. But something in my gut is telling me this is wrong & I can't decide if it's my homesickness or if I reallly did maybe make the wrong choice by uprooting my kids. He always comes home mad, walks around the house looking for something to bitch about. Even something as little as the kids leaving their pencils etc on the table. It's gotten to the point that I try not to be here when he gets home because it starts such a fight. When he's not walking around making rude comments to everyone he is asleep. He drinks atleast 5 really strong IPA beers every night and smokes marijuana in the garage (it's legal here) which usually leads to him falling asleep on the couch around 7pm. And lately he has been working Saturdays too, I just feel so lonely & depressed. I have felt like this for years with him but keep hoping it will get better but this move seems to really have painted the picture for our relationship. He has been somewhat understanding & I can tell he is trying to not be so harsh with his words but I just don't know if that's enough anymore. I am not even sexually attracted to him anymore. Sorry for the super long post but I just can't decide what's best for my kids & I?! I literally have no money to my name to go back to our home state & get our own house. He has threatened to take our 3 year old from me because he knows I have no money to fight him in court. I have no money because he doesn't want to pay daycare & insist I stay home. I am just so lost & could really use some guidance or advice please!

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