Suggestions on how to tell a 5 year old about a divorce?

Carrie - posted on 06/27/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My son is on vacation 1100 miles away and when he comes home it will be to our house minus dad and all of his things... any advice on how to help him deal/how to break the news?

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Kristin - posted on 07/05/2009

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I have a 5 year old son and sometimes its hard for them to wrap their brains around "adult problems". The way I explained it is: "Do you remember when mommy says, If you can't play nice with your friends, we are not going to play together any more. Well mommy and daddy can't seem to play nice together, so we are not going to play together anymore". He was 3 when we split but he still remembers. The better the parents get along the more successful your divorce will be when it comes to your child growing up healthy minded.

Monica - posted on 07/03/2009

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Just always be honest, tell him what he wants to know, not what you want him to know. If there was infidelity, or anything that causd your separation, trust me he will figure out all that for himself. Don't make him face it before he's ready. Remember, you and husband are getting a divorce - you don't love each other likeyou used to but your son will still love you both tomorrow just like yesterday - unless you drag him into the problem.

Roxanne - posted on 07/03/2009

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"Was it the Chocolate Pudding? " is the name of the other book on divorce. and it's KoKo Bear for the other book. Just let him know that you and his father wil still be his family and still love him. My ex and I still have dinner together with A once a month so A will still feel like he has a mom and a dad and hopefully we will be able to remain stable for A's sake. I will never get back together with him but I will always have him in my life as long as he is involved in A's life. Keep your son as your priority, don't let your ex punch your buttons and don't take the bait when he tries. Don't discuss your opinion of your ex with him or within earshot. My son has started figuring out some of the stuff that caused our divorce. I haven't had to say a thing. Ask your family to be respectful of your son too. My son is now 8 and people are surprised to find out that his parents are divorced. He is very secure and well adjusted, you just have to be honest with him and do what you say you are going to do- let him know what to expect. You can only control you and not the actions of your ex. We have been divorced almost 4 years now and Alex goes back and forth without a problem. He is allowed to call me when he's at his dads and vice versa. Good Luck!!

Roxanne - posted on 07/03/2009

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The best book to read together is"It's Not Your Fault Coco Bear," Try to read it first by yourself before you read it together. The other books I looked at brought up things that I didn't want to plant in my son's mind. There is one other book that my son's counselor would read. If I can find it I will send you the name of it.

Mandy - posted on 07/02/2009

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I feel for your situation and felt i had to reply. My parents divorced when i was thirteen, so i know from a child point of view how hard it can be.

My advice would be to be honest. I appriciate how difficult divorce is, but prehaps if u and your sons dad could discuss a way to tell him, so that you are together when u tell him, and explain it all. I know this is not possible in all cases but from experience if it is possible it can ease the shock as your child can see both of u and wont feel they have to take sides.

If that it is not possible, i would recommend u take time to sit down and think of wot to say are the reasons etc so as not to accuse anybody. By planning wot to say and preparing in ur mind for the questions he may have u will feel calmer and ur son will share that

Terri - posted on 06/30/2009

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I just recently went through a divorce. Telling the kids and staying strong for them is, I think, the hardest part. I wish you luck. You're in my prayers.

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