Supporting my fiancé in getting custody of his 3 year old son !

Andrea - posted on 10/15/2012

My Advice Would Be He Needs To Fight For Custody HE NEeds To Put Everything Aside, He Needs To Focus On His Son That Is How It Should Of Been In THe First Place. Nothing Should OF Came efre HIs Son. He Has To Protect His Son From Harm. His Son Is In Harms Way Because The Mother Is Doin This.......... But Also Im Really Concerned About You Haveing to Make This Choice For Him. He Should OF Done It He is The Father And KNows His Kid Is In Harm..

Barbara - posted on 09/30/2012

Document, Document, Document. Any time you see your bonus son and he is not cared for,m take pictures... write a journal about things he says, how he looks, and if he stresses about going back to mom's house... How old is your bonus son? Kids talk and share things. My son told me everything that happened at his grandparents house and I knew his dad wasn't there 90% of the time... so you have to build a case in favor of yourself. find a lawyer who is willing to go to bat for you. and if CPS needs to be involved, involve them.

Kristin - posted on 09/26/2012

First off if you are serious in wanting to get full custody you need to hire a lawyer and document everything. If the child is in dangerous living conditions with his mother than call social services on her for them to do an investigation ( I think you can do this anonymously) also keep in mind that regardless of the ourcome the mother will still be granted access either supervised or not. But it has to be uip to your fiance to make the steps as you have no rights to the child. To b e honest if all she does is smoke cigarettes in front of the child this is not enough to have the child taken from her and if the cvhild is left with a responsible adult while she is out that is also not bad p-arenting so long as all the childs needs are met (food, shelter, clothing,) If the mothers bf is hitting her and not the child than the mothe needs to seek counselling as she is in an abusive situation and she may n ot be able to get out of it. Maybe ask her directly if she would be willing to give you temporary full time custody until she gets her life in order. It is extremely hard for a father to get full cutody as you need to prove her unfit in the eyes of the courts and that starts with social services. , and even then social services wll try to help the mother get her life together. I hope all goes well for you and the chjild

Sandy - posted on 09/22/2012

If you feel his son is honestly in danger living with his mother than I would tell your fiance to seek full custody of his son. You have to do what's right for the child. If anything, may be a court appearance would shake her up and make her realize she has to be the mother that her son deserves and needs. I would stand by your fiance and support him and his son, but I would keep a low profile and let him and his ex work it out.

Nicola - posted on 09/22/2012

I suggest you stay out of it. It's between the parents. 

If what your describing is accurate, the system and the courts will discover the truth.



The bigger picture is that there is always 2 sides to every story, a step parent or a new partner only ever hears the worst about the bio parent. 



The pending court case that you and your fiancee are applying for could very well blow over, and your step child will remember that you tried to get involved with taking him away from his mother. 

It could backfire and you may end up being resented by him which could cause issues with the relationship you share with him now or in the future when he matures. 



I've been a step mum, my role was to accept his life and give him the best I could give him. I never disciplined him, or imposed my beliefs onto him, not because I didn't want to think of him as my own, but because he has parents and I didn't want to be anything else but loving and supportive. 

Although he was a beautiful child and very loving in nature, so it wasn't hard. But at the time that I was his step mother, my ex used to tell me horrible stories about his ex wife, but I  never got involved. 



I wish you all the best x

Jey - posted on 09/20/2012

It didn't take for him to be with "the new woman" for him to do anything he's been playing his part as the ather of that little boy from the day he was born even when she wasn't sure if he was the father or not ! He gOt a DNA done and when the results came back 99.9% he got a lawyer and he got partial custody of his son, because he trusted that she would play her part as the mother of his son and do right by him and she was doing good up to a year ago that she started her bullshit and he's been tellin his dad everything his mom. I do understand what you're saying though and I appreciate your words!

Sandra - posted on 09/20/2012

Please do not take this wrong or as mean..but Dr Phil...straight up ...Why do you have to continue to tell him to fight for custody? What's up with that??

It seems to me that by what he is reporting it would be a pretty easy case to prove.



What I have difficulty with..is why does it seem that it always takes the "new woman in his life" to make a man step up.

If he loves his kids and wants custody...do what we all do...Fight for rights..do the right thing..it doesn't matter how difficult. Children need parents that want the best for them.



Good Luck