Sarah - posted on 07/30/2012 ( 17 moms have responded )
I have been separated/divorced from my daughter's father since she was 3 months old. My boyfriend and I started dating when she was 18 months old so this is the only life she knows. Her dad gets the standard possession order. She just turned 3.
My daughter is very strong-willed and thats not an excuse because she is naughty, un-ruley, or ill-mannered. She is just very strong willed... from the time she was 11 months old and fighting to do her shoes herself. She is also extremely intelligent. She is the size of a 4 year old and when she tells people she is 5, they believe her because her vocabulary is amazing so the temper tantrums aren't because she can't communicate. She communicates/demands just fine!
My daughter is perfect in school (preschool all day), she has never thrown a fit in a public place like gymnastics, the grocery store, or restaurants when we are out to eat. If she asks for something, I say put it back and she does it.
However, the minute we step in the house, everything we do/she does is a battle. I firmly believe in love and logic and use it to the best of my abilities but her tantrums are out of control. I gave her half of a donut as a treat on Sunday morning but she wanted the whole donut. She cried, I told her if she doesn't stop, she will go to her room. She went to her room 3 times over the donut incident because she can't accept no for an answer, is relentless and won't let things go, and has to have the last word. This incident caused a rift in the family for 30 minutes... over half of a donut!! UGH! This was the first incident of the day... told her to get off the ipad... she wanted to play... into her room (no toys in her room) she went, went back in to talk to her about it... but I want to play the ipad... back to the room she went... 15 more minutes of crying, screaming, yelling in the bedroom all because she was disappointed and heard the word no.
My boyfriend and I are together for the long-haul... but her behavior is definitely putting a strain on our relationship. He gets frustrated because I give her too many chances and I probably do... Sometimes he disciplines her too using the same techniques because we want her to realize we are on the same page and she has known him to be a father-like figure her whole little life.
When she goes to her father's she gets everything she wants... he doesn't want to hear her fuss so he gives in. Its not a big transition back into Mom's rules when its just a weekend but this summer he has had her for three one week periods and it takes weeks to get "my daughter" back to just the normal degree of whining.
I don't know what to do. I am at my wits in. Any suggestions???? How do you get your kids to stop whining, accept no for an answer, and not feel the need to get the last word in?