Testing Patience when coming back from dads house

Ashley - posted on 09/15/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

8

12

0

My 4 year old goes to her dads, maybe one weekend a month, as he works out of state the remainder of the time. But when she goes over there for the weekend, she comes back with a terrible attitude and doesn't want to listen to anything I say. I get so frustrated that the first 3 days I get her back, I feel like I'm constantly having to remind her of the rules of my house. Any advice to make the transition easier? When he takes her, he doesn't give her the rest she needs, or direction at all. I'm running short on patience. Any advice would be great. Thanks

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

Janet - posted on 09/26/2009

3

29

0

Wow, I had the same problem when mine was that age. I did end up taking her to a child psychologist, which helped me understand the dynamics. Do be patient. She doesn't understand it herself. By getting her help from a professional, you may find out why she is acting out so badly when she comes back home. She doesn't know how to cope with it. Be patient Mom. Try to work with Dad to keep her on the same schedule when he has her and the same diet to lessen the change.

Carolyn - posted on 09/26/2009

1

10

0

i know how you feel. my 11yr old son goes with his father every weekend. the time he gets picked up is getting earlier and the time he gets dropped off is getting later. his father has no rules so when he comes home he is very rebelious speaking rudely and swears which i dont allow. you just have to let them know that you understand that it is difficult for them and that if they have a problem they can talk to you about it. remind them that they are home now and that there are rules they have to follow. good luck. its not easy being a single parent but you can do it.

THEODORA - posted on 09/18/2009

53

7

8

Be happy!at least you have her dads cooperation....we do not even speak to each other!..its much more easy for you trust me!

THEODORA - posted on 09/18/2009

53

7

8

Hi Ashley!i know exacly what you mean because i'm having the same problems....the 1st thing you can do is the first 2 hours to give her,"her space ...you can also try to presend a rule in a "fun"way....I believe this is a challenge we have to face and patience is essencial.You can also tell her that in mums house there are rules and now she is a big girl and she has to follow them..even if daddy does not do that.

Kerstin - posted on 09/17/2009

3

20

0

I hear you sister, i have an 11 year old and when he returns from Daddy's house its the same thing....huge attitude, he is confrontational and I have to recondition him -that's what I call it. Unless you are friendly with you're Ex he will be "the fun one" and no help I assume if you talk to him. Just make sure to let her know you're house has rules and that you are not putting up with it.

Ashley - posted on 09/16/2009

8

12

0

Thank you both. Her dad and I are on good terms as well, it's just he's out of state so much and it's never really a set schedule for her to see him. When she's home we have a set schedule and it seems to work. And I have noticed the 3 day to readjust, I just hope someday it'll get easier for her.

Claire - posted on 09/16/2009

13

8

5

i have the same problem with my son who is 3 and a half. i find it best to remind him that at my house he listens to my rules. me and his dad are on good trems and i even semi get on with his dads new girl friend. workin together with your ex is an good idea also, if you are able to. My son knows i will ask his dad how hes been and that we will back each other up.... as the saying goes united we stand devided we fall

Samantha - posted on 09/15/2009

10

2

2

My little boys go each Saturday with their dad for 6 hours...you can guarantee that the rest of the day is a wreck and they pay out on me. He also had 2 teenage kids when we were together that lived with us... when they went to their mums for the weekend they would come back grumpy and rude and exhausted...we always said give it 3 days and sure enough every time it would take 3 days for them to be settled again.



With my boys I try to be patient and understanding of them...they cant work out why things are the way they are and get rather upset saying goodbye to him but when they get inside I feed them put them in the bath and play quietly with them. Sometimes they are that excited they don't settle till late or its the opposite and they pass out...really the best advice I can give is stick to routines they give children comfort and try to make it as relaxing as you can when your child gets home for you as much as her.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms