The Father of my Daughter

Sydnie - posted on 07/09/2017 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I got pregnant in May of 2016 and the father has not seen me since the day I told him I was pregnant. I offered for him to come to doctor's appointments and help with the name, etc. However, he continued to cancel on me or say we didn't need to meet in person to talk about the baby. I delivered a beautiful baby girl in February and found out that he had gotten someone else pregnant, who was just born. He must have forgotten the name I had decided because he gave his 2nd child the same middle name as mine... but my daughter is now 5 months old and he has never met her and has only called me once demanding my address, which I didn't feel comfortable giving him. He is not on the birth certificate, does not pay any child support, and has not served me papers. My question is, how long does he have to serve me to establish paternity and try to see her? I fear he will pop up in a few years and cause a lot of unnecessary pain and heartbreak for my babygirl.

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AG - posted on 07/23/2017

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Our stories are strikingly similar.... I posted back in June but I got pregnant in May 2015 and had my baby in January 2016 without ever seeing my baby's father. Like you, made several attempts at involving him but he never came. He later told me he also got someone pregnant around the time I had my baby and she was born same year as my daughter as well.. (My full story is here: http://www.circleofmoms.com/single-moms/...)

I've been trying to read on the rules since he told me almost 2 months ago and since I didn't add him on her birth certificate either, then he has no legal rights and he doesn't pay child support. He may be her biological father but he is not her LEGAL father.. BUT I do think he has the right to do so at any time later on; like he can argue he had to get his shit together blahblahblah.. I don't believe not putting him on the birth certificate is fraud because it explicitly said both parties have to be present to name him on the form and you're not trying to go to the gov't for anything.....but you know, i'm not a lawyer or anything. Just wanted you to know I understand where you're coming from.

That being said, my daughter is 18months now and her father was involved in her life until he had his other daughter.. We may have hit an obstacle now that he finally told me he has another child so the co-parenting thing hasn't been great lately but (if you don't mind me offering advice) if he is asking for your address (i'm assuming to see his daughter) then he may be trying to be in her life in some way. Sure, he shouldn't be demanding but I would say maybe meet in a public area so they can meet and see if you can co-parent from there. But if you don't want him involved, I GET IT!!! I'm actually right there with you right now..and you have every right to decide what's right for you and your daughter. Just want to say it sounds you're doing amazing so far for having everything set up for her on your own.

Also, if you don't mind- and if you have time, since our stories are so similar, please feel free to read my post that I linked and offer some advice... Kind of still confused on what to do myself.. Thanks

Ev - posted on 07/12/2017

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The relationship for the child is. That is the important thing here. He could come back one day and decide to go for custody, visitation and so forth. And a judge might just grant it.

Sydnie - posted on 07/12/2017

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If he did not agree to sign the affidavit of paternity, he cannot be listed. As a single mother who does not qualify for assistance, I am not paying to take him to court. His money is not important.

Ev - posted on 07/11/2017

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That depends on the place you live and the laws concerning those issues. This is an international site and you are going to get a lot of answers that will not pertain to where you live outside basic information. None that I have ever encountered here are lawyers. Also, some places place a time frame before the father or in other cases the mother have their rights terminated for abandonment--this is done by the court. It could be a time frame of months or even years....if it is years...he could come back at anytime and try for his rights.

The point is he has a right to be with his child just as you do. The child has the right to a relationship with both parents.

He still could have been listed as the father though.

Also, if you decide to get help such as food stamps, housing etc...they will want to know who the father is...and you know.

And yes, leaving the father off the BC can be considered fraud.

Sydnie - posted on 07/10/2017

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It is not fraud. I did not push him away, alienate him, or keep him out. He CHOSE not to come to the hospital, any doctors appointment, or to see her after she was born. A birth certificate must be signed by both parents. If a man does not show up to sign, it cannot be added and I will not spend thousands of dollars forcing him to pay for a child he did not care about or put him on the birth certificate allowing him the right to make decisions even though he isn't around. He did not do his part when I tried to make things easy, now in order for him to be on the birth certificate or get visitation, he has to take the initial steps. Once again, you are not answering my question. You are being overtly opinionated and aggressive. He is a grown man and can step up if he chooses. I should not have to drag him into being a father. My question is how long does he have to step up and establish paternity.

Ev - posted on 07/10/2017

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He is the father! And he can come and claim paternity when he desires to. It depend on laws of where you live. He does have rights. You need to go and get this set up in court and put him on the birth certificate. Your daughter has rights to the benefits she could get from him. YOU KNEW AND KNOW HE IS THE FATHER!! IT IS FRAUD NOT TO LIST HIM. Do not be so stupid about all this. One day she is going to ask about her father and you will need to answer her questions. You will also need to deal with her resenting you for not being able to have the chance to have a relationship with him. It is not about YOU!

Sydnie - posted on 07/10/2017

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You can't put someone on the birth certificate if they are not there. I went through the entire 9 months of pregnancy and so far 5 months without him or any assiatance. Insurance, daycare, food, housing.. i have gotten it all without his help. I do not want child support. I am not going to force a man to be a parent. My daughter deserves someone who chooses to love her. My question is still how long does he have to establish paternity? For instance, can he come in 3 years later and decide he wants rights?

Ev - posted on 07/10/2017

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You should have put him on the birth certificate---what did you leave him off for? He won't pay child support until you get child support set up via courts along with custody ad visitation. It is basically he said/ she said right now. I suggest you get this all sorted out with lawyer instead of waiting on him to come around.

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