The father wants nothing to do with us

Holly - posted on 04/18/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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and hasnever seen our son Ricky who is 16mths old.



we have no contact no child support nothing. I find it hard being a single mum and tend to take it out on others.



Im 22 yers old

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[deleted account]

I am in the same situation. My daughter is 3 1/2. Her father has no contact with her and never has. I MADE HIM pay child support though. Take him to court. Your child deserves support from BOTH parents. Don't let him get away with taking no responsibility. If he doesn't want to be a father to his son, don't try and force him to. Let him go.....the two of you are better off without him. Just remember, having your child's father in the picture would be nice, but it's not an absolute must. You can raise this child on your own. You can do it......you don't NEED him.

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Katherine - posted on 04/23/2009

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As horrible as this may sound, you are lucky! i wish my boys father would have nothing to do with us! all he does is try to upset the boys cause his contact isnt about the boys...it is about trying to have revenge on me...he is upset that i refused to take him back for the millionth time.....it is not easy, but if you can get through it you will look back on this and see how lucky you really are. Its not easy but you can do it im sure...i went through the pregnancy of our second son all on my own, he didnt even come to his birth....but the two boys are much easier to handle than him! If you can look for the positives in it all, then you will find that you will get through it much happier.

Hayley - posted on 04/23/2009

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hey it took my babys father 2months two meet her and then he moved to aus when she was about 4months, never to be seen again, he rings every now and he is always full of promises, im happy im a single mum my i ever miss a thing about her growing up,i never have to give her away 4 the weekend or answer to anyone else when it comes 2 raising Natalie. just hope one day she can find out what he is like 4 herself.
It hurts like hell girls but it gets better

Shelley - posted on 04/22/2009

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I hear you. 3 years ago, when my boys were 2 and almost 1year old, their father whom I had been divorced from for 6 months, up and left without saying goodbye to them at all. Our marriage had been over long before, so the only real pain I felt at that point was from getting reports from daycare that my 2 year old was waking up in the middle of naptime crying for his daddy, and there was nothing I could do to take that pain away. You feel helpless, you feel anger, you feel hatred that you never imagined you could feel. It tears you apart.
I'm still close with his family,( who are the best and I love them like my own) and we don't ever hear from him for anything (no birthdays, christmases, easter etc). I'm about to turn 26 years old and my kids are 5 and almost 4. When I became a single mom, I was 21. There's no worse feeling than being left in a position with an infant, let alone 2 in my case, when the other person has the "choice" to get up and leave whenever they've had enough. Then to watch the other parent finish the job by hurting the most precious people in the world to you.
Anyway, trust me when I say this, someday soon you're going to look back and wonder how you made it, but you'll be glad that you gave it your all. Because you're better than just a mom...You can be mom and dad all on your own, and that baby boy with thank you for it. He'll remember that it was you that rocked him late at night when he was sick, kissed all his boo boos, picked him up from school, and was there whenever he needed you. Even though his father failed, you never did. In the end, even though it hurts, he will be better off, he will grow up to be a better man that respects women, having not know the man that helped bring him into this world.
Just raise him the best you know how, and thank god everyday that you have with him. It takes a real tough lady to be a single mom, and I never knew that until I had to be one. Hat's off to you, darling.

Kellie - posted on 04/22/2009

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my little girl ellie is 16months her dad was around for the first 12months then he left us 4 months ago and has seen our daughter once since then, the worse part is he left to be with his ex and her two son's her youngest is 3 wks younger than ellie, i got full residency of our daughter after he started court procceding for access and didnt show up. My heart breaks everytime ellie shouts her daddy and gets no reply, maybe it would have better for us both if he was never around, if it breaks my heart knowing he is pretending to be dad to ex's kids i cant even begin to imagine how ellie will feel when she old enough to know the truth.

Laura - posted on 04/22/2009

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I'm with Jennifer! Waste NO time with child support. Go to the nearest Court House and let them do the work, it won't cost you a thing. I was 26 when my Daughter was born and her Father could not have cared less. At the time I was gutted over it. But it made me stronger. It was my Daughter and I against the world and now, allmost 13 years later, we are great. I was so afraid of her 'missing' the 'Father Figure'. But the fact was, she had me and all the love she needed. She did not miss what she didn't know. Then add into the issue that it's just not uncommon these day's. She was never singled out in school. I also kept reminding myself when she was old enough, she would come to understand it all on her own. Just do your best. Love your child hard. Set the best morals and examples you can and keep in mind that things are only a big deal to our children if we make them out to be. I know you will be fine.
Laura Staff

[deleted account]

Hi,

I am a 36 yr old single mum who considers herself extremly luck to be a mum at all.

My beautifull daughter Emelia will be 3 in August, and she has not seen her Biological Father ( i say Biological, as my view is just because you donate sperm, does not make you a Father ) since she was about 6 weeks old Befor that it was only when it was convenient for him and he didn't deem it 2 much of an interferance on his precious time, or he did not have something else / better to do. I count it as a blessing as such, my daughter not having to be around him, now fully knowing what he is like. I was alone during the pregnancy as he turned verbally abusive after i would not have an abortion as he wanted, when i found out i was pregnant at 12 weeks along and then contact had to be stoped. He came around as such when she was born, but as i said earlier i still am not sure it was a good thing and i now have no contact and am also learning as CSA say not to really on having any regular child support as he just does not pay ( self employed so makes it hard for them to get it from him, as well), yes it would help but we do get by.

Here is what i have learnt on my journey so far... Life as a single mum is not easy, yep it can be one hell of a struggle, with little help and support at times from others and people not understanding about having to do it all yourself and what you go through just by being a single mum. You do loose friends along the way ( some you would not have ever thought would be gone ), and patiance is tried beyond what you ever thought possible.... but that is enough of that.

Ok so this is also what i have found ...., it is an amazing privaledge to have this child in my life. I look at her every day and wonder what i ever did to deserve such a miracle, she truely does inspire me teaches me so much. It always seems when it does get hard, and i wonder how i can go on... that if i take a step back for a minute, watch her and be thankfull for her just being who she is, something will happen to change it. Be it a surprise hug, some silly thing she has done that makes me laugh, or just informing me of something she deems is very important and the amazing ways she come out and says it ( with great attitude and deytermination at times). These are things her biological dad will never see as it is his choice not too, and they will only strengthen your bond with your child and be his loss. I also reflect on the true gift she is and that not everyone is lucky enough to be given one of these gifts, and befor we know it they will be grown and you will wonder were all that time has gone.

Yes it does get easier, as you learn more and they grow... I was lucky to have the support of a very good friend, but what i found helped the most for me was just not worrying so much, relaxing and knowing i am do all i can to be a great mum giving her lots love and support, and doing the best i can. It also helps to realise that whatever she may be doing that is driving me crazy, children are doing to parents all over the world with the same outcome, be it that they are a single mum or not.

Remember you are forging a strong bond with your child through being a single mum that can only come from being a single mum and that is a great thing and will help in years to come.

Am not sure if i am helping or not,

Ultimately it is his loss though, and he can never get these lost years back.

It does get easier and ENJOY the joys of being a MUM and have fun.

Regina - posted on 04/21/2009

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hey yeah i havnt seen his father since i was 6months preagent he doesnt even know he was born coz he wodnt answer his phone he wants nothing to do with him at all .i dont know how im going to explain to my son why he doesnt know his father how do you?

Regina - posted on 04/21/2009

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i find it easy to be a single mum only because of my family i live with my parents and im back at work 2 days a week and my sister babysits the only thing i miss is some of my life like going out and see ur friend . friends dissapear when you have a baby but i wodnt change any thing i love bein a mum .

Stephanie - posted on 04/19/2009

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My son was 4 in december. I hadnt seen his dad from me being 4 months pregnant. He denied that he was the dad and wanted nothing to do with me or my son. 3 days ago I get a text message off my friend saying that ashleys dad had turned up at my old house wanting to see his son. It knocked me for 6 i gotta admit. I have struggled looking after ashley for 4 years. Im looking forward to his dad helping me out as i have recently had a mental breakdown. I know how hard it is looking after a baby on your own but the rewards are well worth it. You will do a great job and your son will love you forever for it. All the best to you and your son

Lauren - posted on 04/19/2009

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Yeah! I am pregnant, due in six days! And the father is in Brazil and wants nothing to do with him, how do I get child support from him if he is there btw??

Carien - posted on 04/19/2009

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Turn your thoughts around! Be gratefull that you have your son.... He is the one that will regret it some day, not you. Be the best mom that you can be...... It gets easier believe me... Goodluck xxxx

Lauren - posted on 04/19/2009

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Has anyone experienced the father saying he wanted nothing to do with you or baby and then came around, or... his family came around? In a loving and welcoming manner??

Kari - posted on 04/19/2009

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The same story that I had. My daughter's father only saw her the day he met me at the hospital to sign the birth certificate. He showed up with a lot of empty promises too. Haven't seen or heard from him since and my daughter is 12 now. Looking back it was the best thing for us. He was not in a healthy position (started drinking a lot and through the grapevine I heard he was dabbling with drugs). So I know that I was able to provide her with a much better life with him out of the picture. She was surrounded by my family and friends who showered her with love and support and still do to this day. She has such a special relationship with her grandparents which I just am thrilled about. My only regret was not getting child support. It would have made it a lot easier having that extra cash for her needs - clothes, diapers, medicine, etc.



If you're finding single parenting difficult, try to see if you can find single parent support groups or single parent play groups. At least you'll be able to talk to other single parents about your fears and struggles and realize you're not alone. Also surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you & your son's well being, whether it is family or friends or both.



I wish you and your son the best. Keep your chin up and know that it will get easier in time.

[deleted account]

Quoting Jennifer:good for you...family plays a very big part when you are a single parent



Quoting Regina:

hey thats the same as me my baby boy is 6 months old but i have lots of family helpin me





 





 

[deleted account]

Quoting Regina:

hey thats the same as me my baby boy is 6 months old but i have lots of family helpin me


 

Regina - posted on 04/18/2009

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hey thats the same as me my baby boy is 6 months old but i have lots of family helpin me

[deleted account]

First you bring his sorry butt to court to get child support.If he doesn't want to see the baby that is his loss.You didn't make that baby by yourself you aren't financially responsible by yourself either.last is important never bad talk the father to the child no matter what age,at some point they could end up having a relationship and the child will have enough questions and fears of his own.let him make up his own mind when he is old enough .i know its rough being a single mom but the last 16 months will have been the toughest.it starts to get easier and easier.

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