The Loneliness is getting to me

Michelle - posted on 02/13/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I've been a strong and brave single mom of my precious 7 year old daughter since she was 18 months old. I'm now 42 and longing for adult companionship including the intimacy that goes with it often. So I started dating last fall and have had a relatively okay time. Met some really nice men, but not the right fit. Until four weeks ago- I met the man of my dreams (or not since it's already over). The 14 year age difference between us and the fact that he was beginning to plan for retirement, while I as he puts it am hitting my stride professionally, was too much for him. Most likely though it was the fact that he just separated from his wife (she left him) in Oct. I'm an idiot. And now feeling my vulnerable and hopeless than I was before I started dating again.

Anyone out there feeling what I am? Surely I'm not the only 42 year old single mama going through this.... would be so grateful for your thoughts, and suggestions on how to pull myself up out of the sadness I feel. Thanks in advance!

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9 Comments

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Danelle - posted on 02/27/2011

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Hi michelle! although i havent reach your age soon will be though lol i know wht kind of lonliness you ere feeling iam a single mom with three children aho was involed with theit dad for ten years,although he was mentally and physically abusive from the age i was eighteen iam 29 now i know what your going thru. I seperated from him and started dating with a man that thought he couldnt give me enoughh,now iam single and all alone i cannot find my worth right now in the dating wor\ld so i realize maybe its not time yet and the children need me more i know it gets lonely t,tireing, and overwhelming but just so you kno you are not the only going thru this and like my mom always says this to shall pass........

Bryndís - posted on 02/27/2011

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I'm 43, singla mom for 12 years. Was dating tha same man on and off for about 4 years but got out of it in august 2009. Have been on my own since and was on my own until. But now i am content with beeing alone. I know i dont need að man to complete me. If i am lonely i turn to God. He sees to my every need and comforts me when i need it. And who needs to share everything with a guy? :) Making compromises all the time? :) To tell you the truth, i have never been happier :) I wish you all the best and hop you can find happiness, weather it be with a man or not ;)

Nikia - posted on 02/23/2011

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Ladies happy women make happy mamas!! Get out there and date. Why should you not have love because you are single mothers. Michelle dont give up and be sad, just learn from your mistake. No more recently seperated men, seemingly unavailable men. Love yourself and trust in God that he will bring you what you are looking for. Just because we are single mothers doesnt mean we have to lock the vajayjay up, we need love too! And thats healthy.

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2011

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Last night I went to bed and we a little sad that i had no one to turn to or lay with or talk to. However, today I was at school and someone was talking about their relationship and I thought..."Thank God I dont have anyone to fight with and argue with." It's all a day to day thing. I switch from overwhelming loneliness to feeling truly blessed! My daughter is 9 and I've been alone since she was 3 1/2. Take it day by day and remember you're blessed. Being a mom is a higher calling for sure!

Meaghan - posted on 02/15/2011

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I am 26 and I am the mommy to a beautiful smart silly girl who will be 2 at the end of March. I am struggling being single myself just like you ladies put reasons down I am feeling the same. Emma (my daughter) knows her father really only by phone, and now he is paying child support, he also lives in CA. We are from CA too but we recently moved to Arkansas. Reading your comments really helped me tonight because I was being selfish for a few moments and really feeling sad about being alone. I feel like i'm being strong all the time isnt paying off haha but really is because I'm being the parent and I"M taking charge of raising my daughter. Someone whoever he is will see that someday whenever he comes along. I too miss having a 'friend" to talk with about the hard things. Thanks ladies. good luck to all us single wonderful mommies out there :)

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2011

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"When Mommy finds the right man, we'll get married." My daughter did the same thing for awhile, but I just told her that I want the right man not a lot of wrong men.

Christine - posted on 02/14/2011

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I can relate to everyone! I just turned 30 and I have been single for going on six years now! My son's father is happly married and some days are harder then others for me. I really want to meet "the one" and I am even on an online dating site. Iam not sure why it is so easy for alot of my friends to find companions and just get married into the sunset. That too is very frustrating for me. But I do appreciate that it is just me and my son and I love him to death. He does see his daddy on a regular bases so that is a blessing. Praying for a soon to be hubby, its really sad when my six year old ask's me "Mommy when are you going to get married so that I can have a brother or sister"? Any advice?

Shannon - posted on 02/14/2011

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You are not alone! I am 31 and am the single mother of a 2 1/2 yr old little boy. I have been on my own the whole time. I can convince myself most days that I enjoy being single for the same reasons Jennifer has mentioned but I also would like to have someone to share my life and my son with. I deserve that and so does he. Unfortanately, I do not know that answers to this and lack suggestions to boot. I can say that you are not an idiot! If anyone is an idiot it is the man that did not see you for the wonderful woman you are!! Dating, at least for me, has always seemed to suck but I try to remain positive. Good luck I hope the best for you and also hope you find everything you are looking for.

Jennifer - posted on 02/14/2011

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I'm not 42, I'm almost 28. I've been a strictly single mom for 6 years. I am wholly devoted to my daughter, but sometimes, I wish my bed wasn't empty, I wish I had someone to talk to through the hard stuff, and I wish I didn't have to make all the decisions myself. However, I also have, all of my daughter's love and affection, I know I am strong because Ive made it on my own, and I dont have to fight with anyone or be responsible for anyone other than the 2 of us, and I can come and go as I please. I figure that by the time I do find the one and get married and intimate with someone it's going to be different than I remember it and I'm going to need a "Sex for Dummies" book. But it helps me to count my blessings and realize all the things I have that I maybe wouldn't if I were in a relationship. I'm hoping that continues to work anyway.. :)

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