This is Not the Happy Story I Pictured My First Pregnancy to be.

Chelsea - posted on 09/08/2012

I feel the exact way you do about resenting the baby's dad for how he treated you but still having the heart to care because he is your baby's father. I'm just hoping this is the baby's hormones that makes me care so much because it is his blood that is in me. My sister said she went through the same feelings hen she had her first baby and the father wanted nothing to do with them. She said it wasn't until after the baby was born that she was so busy she hardly thought about him and eventually moved on completely. I have one more month to go and can't wait til I reach that point because no matter how excited and happy I am to be expecting my little one, I have all this stress over how things are with the baby's father. I also applaud you for telling his parents because they do derserve to know they have a grandchild and I'm glad they are so happy to be ther for you and baby. My baby's daddy never told his family either and my guess is he never will. But one day I plan on telling them so they can have a relationship with their grandson, im just debating on if I should tell them now or wait a couple of years...not sure, I don't want to let them miss out on the baby while he's still a baby but I also don't know if i can handle more stress if they don't take it so well.

Danielle - posted on 11/24/2010

i was in a situation almost like yours when i was pregnant. the only difference is that my sperm donors family is not in my sons or my life. my advice, for your own closer is to send him an email message and ask him his intentions. this way you know where he stands. but no matter what his reply is, know that this is your baby and with or without him, that will never change. good luck, i hope it works out the way you want.

Jasmine - posted on 11/23/2010

all i can say is keep ur head up and enjoy ur baby and give him all the love in the world and u should never have 2 tell a father 2 b in there childs life and its better for him 2 not b there at all then b there sometimes!

Karen - posted on 11/22/2010

some guys are total %$#%^, sounds like you found one of them. i went through the same sort of thing with my ex, my daughter is now 9 months old. i'm afaird to tell you that the stress won't go away until he wises up or you end up having to do what i did, getting a court order to prevent him from seeing her. but it does help alot if you have some one to vent to, even if it's just on here. i would suggest finding a local mommy & me group, most cities have free ones for single moms and having a group of people who know exactly what your going through is the best help you can get. once your baby comes things will get better, seeing your son's face will make it all worth while.

being a single mom is hard, and even harder with a newborn, get a strong support system in place, ask a family member, a friend or by the sounds of it his parents if they can watch you son once and a while, even if it's just for an hour or 2 while you crash on thier couch, it will make a big differnce.

don't allow your ex to play these mind games once your baby comes because then he's not just playing them with you, they will affect your baby too but if he desides to step up and do the right thing than there is no reason why he can't be a part of his child's life as long as he is responsible about it. (showing up for his time with the baby, paying child support, not causing fights or acting nasty towards you or the baby ect.) let him know that if this is the way he is going to act then he's not going to be a part of your son's life and make sure to keep a record of everything with dates and times starting with anything you can think of now, it will help you later on if it comes down to having to goto court

Jennifer - posted on 11/21/2010

i am so sorry to hear all of this but i totally know what you are going through. i was only with my now boyfriend for a few months when he purposely got me pregnant. he broke up with me two days before i found out and by my fourth month wanted completely nothing to do with us. sometimes you just need to let them go and do it yourself. as long as you have a good support system than you should be fine. women become mothers as soon as they become pregnant, as for man it could take them forever to understand. i raised my son for 14 months on my own with help from my mother. than i actually contacted his father out of the blue and found out that all this time he has been holding on to the idea of him having a son but he just wasnt ready...plus i also chnged my phone number, moved, and blocked him from about basically everthing so that he could never get in touch with me. well suffice it to say we got back together and are going to see if it works out but even if it doesnt i know that i am strong enough to go it alone and you will realize it too. dont push because children can still grow up well adjusted without a father in their life and sometimes it is actually better for them depending on the guy....i hoped these words helped you and good luck with your situation

Dana - posted on 11/21/2010

Girl, I totally know how you feel. When I told my babys daddy that I was pregnant, he flipped out on me, told me he didnt want a kid with me, & left... The next day he changed his phone number , moved out of town, & disappeared. We havent spoken since... My son is 3 now, & his dad has never seen him, never called or anything.... At first, I was so depressed & hurt & angry with him for leaving me.... I felt like my heart would break, and I felt so alone.... But the minute I saw my son for the 1st time, all those feelings went away... I cant really explain it, but once my son was born, his dad didnt even matter to me anymore. I wont lie to you- theres times when I look at my son & think to myself, how could his dad act like he did. How could he just walk away without looking back, not caring for the son he left behind... & it does hurt me to know that my son will most likely never know his dad... But whenever that comes to mind, I remind myself that his dad is a jerk, & we're better off without him!
I applied for child support, & he's been ignoring the orders for DNA testing & we have our 1st court date scheduled for Dec. 17th... I have a feeling he wont show up, seeing as how he's gotten away with avoiding it for 3 years.
I just want you to know, youre not alone. So many of us single moms have been in your shoes, & we've all survived it! =) You'll be fine, & once you get to hold your baby, you'll see that things have a way of somehow working themselves out. If he doesnt want to be there for his kid, its his loss. One day he'll realize what a mistake he made & he'll regret not being there for his kid. & He will have to deal with that on his own. All you can do is be strong & do whatever it takes to give your child the best life possible. There will always be stressful times, & there will be times you feel like you just cant handle it anymore, but I promise- you can do it! =)
If you ever need to talk, I'm here- I've been doing it all on my own for almost 4 years!
Good luck !

Candi - posted on 11/19/2010

It really sucks that you are in this situation. Sounds like to me that I would have to agree that he was only giving his big speech to impress his parents. You did make a good honest attempt at involving him in the relationship, but he is just immature. Some men are just that way. Maybe he will have a change of heart when your son gets here and will be more involved like he should be as a dad. I would however, file for child support. You will need some help from him even if he isn't around all that much. Be thankful that his parents want to be involved. I would let them be a part of your son's life as much as they can be. Don't hold any hard feelings towards them just because their son can't man up right now. It is a blessing to have grandparents that love spending time with their grandkids. I wouldn't worry too much with the baby's daddy though. He really doesn't know what he is missing out on. It's a wonderful feeling and blessing to be a parent. His loss.

Anita - posted on 11/18/2010

Similar to my story, minus the friend dating.

If his mother/family is being supportive, and are there for you. Be blessed. Having his family supporting you from the get-go will definitely help open his eyes once the munchkin arrives. If his mother is only pretending to be there for you, but is MIA a lot.. than I wouldn't rely too much on her. But it seems as though she is there for you. If HE doesn't want to go to the doctor appointments with you, invite your mom and his mom instead. Let them be your supporters.

My daughter is 7months old, and I had to go through my pregnancy completely alone. My mother waws 3000 miles away from me and his mother pretended to care and then denied him being the father. Until now.

So basically, if she is a good hearted woman and is there for both you and your baby... consider that eventually (by her parenting skills) he will man up. But they don't generally show until after the baby is born, and about 5-6months old (the baby is Fun to them) and they get it.

My sperm donor has definitely turned around and shows he cares for his daughter. = WHEN it is CONVENIENT for him. .... and in this situation... it hurts both me and my kid. Because she doesn't recognize her dad, and he expects her to accept him with open arms, but then gets mad at me for her not knowing him.

All the best to you and yours.

Filing for custody and support is definitely an eye opener to the "sperm donors", if we are lucky enough to catch them.

Jennifer - posted on 11/18/2010

It sounds like to me he is scared but immature. I think that you have made an honest attempt at including him. He might come around later but in the mean time keep his mom included and don't worry about him. The stress is not good for you or the baby. Women all the time raise children on there own. I would however still make him pay child support!! It does sound like his parents are going to help you with what they can and count that as a blessing. Some mom's don't even have that!