Threatening Father?!?!

Desiree - posted on 01/19/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a single mother of two and currently my only income is from school. I would like to receive benefits from the government, but I must cooperate with the child support agency in order to receive any benefits. He is threatening to take my life if I proceed with the child support agency...are there any ways around this? I do not wish to state his name to the agency for my own safety, but I really need the extra help. I have filed for a good cause claim, but they said I did not have enough evidence...is there anything else I can do??

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Jessica - posted on 01/19/2011

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i would file an order or protection because once you have that they won't deny your good claim cause. i would go to your local women's shelter, tell them that you want to file an order of protection, and they will help you fill it out and go to court with you and everything. bring all your evidence, they will listen to you and try their best to help you. they can even talk to your case worker and help you file for good cause. i went through the same thing with my son's dad. with an order for protection they cannot deny your good cause claim and will have no choice but to honor it.



but if you decide to file and order of protection and decide to go after child support, the shelter will help you be safe that way too. they will help install secure locks in your home, give you a special cell phone, and anything else you need to protect yourself and your children, including helping you move to a new address so he can't find you. also if you ask the county to not reveal any personal information about you like your address or phone number, they legally cannot tell him anything and they will black that information out on the paper. and they would not make you appear in court with him or anything like that. personally, i would make him pay. he would owe you back child support from the time you had your children and you would receive his taxes to pay for it. he deserves to pay child support. you did not have these children alone and he is trying to get out of it because he feels like he shouldn't have to be responsible. i would make him be responsible for his actions by making him pay. your kids deserve it and so do you.



it is a tough situation to be in. my experience is that he will say all the threatening stuff like i will get custody, i will kill you, i will take your kids, i will report you, you are a pile of dung... anything to convince you that you should not make him pay because they don't want to have to pay. but in reality they are only talking and don't mean it because if they did, it would have already happened. he would have already taken you to court for visitations and set something up if he cared at all about his kids... i would not take it that much to heart. he will probably be just as involved as he is now and is just trying to scare you. don't listen to him or believe him. but do ignore him and don't encourage to him to have any type of relationship with your kids. in fact don't even talk to him at all. i would keep those records in case he does try anything funny down the road like trying to get custody or something to show he is unfit as a parent.

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as for court for child support? women automatically have all rights to their kids and the father has none, even if he signs the birth certificate. they do not address visitation at all in court. if he wanted visitation at all he would have to pay to go to court, for a lawyer, judge, filing fees, what not. and the most he would get is every other weekend but if you suspect he is doing drugs or anything like that, he would get supervised visitation for a few hours. my experience is court is really expensive and if he cared or really wanted to, he would have done it already. he also has to pay 50 bucks to get the birth certificate changed and file some paper work... my ex hasn't even done that and it has been eleven years!!!!!



i would do what you can to get the benefits. i know they help out a lot. you can also get MA and food support without doing child support but you can't get the cash unless you file for child support.



i am sorry you are in this mess. it is not fun and i have been through it twice... and it is still just as stupid as it was in the beginning 11 years ago with my son's dad and nothing has changed much. i learned to ignore them and never talk to them and not to let them bait me with anything and to never listen to anything they have to say. i also learned that no matter what they will never change (not even having a child will do that for them and no matter how much i beg or try to get them to care about there kid/s it will never happen) and nothing will make them change and to accept that fact... and the only thing i can control and do is change myself for the better.



good luck with your journey.

Desiree - posted on 01/19/2011

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Everyone refused to listen to my voicemails that I had saved and my good cause claim was denied. He is not on the birth certificate for either one of my kids and I really wish to keep it that way because I do not want him to have any legal say with my children. In order to stay safe I cannot state his name, but I really need the government benefits to support my children the best way possible.

Billie - posted on 01/19/2011

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He's threatening to take your life? Really? How? Record those conversations. Print those emails. Save those texts and you can print those too. Then take those and get an order of protection. Meantime if you go on benefits, the government goes after him to collect what they give you. You're getting a pass through payment of whatever's left so it's not you putting him on child support. Man I can't stand jerks like this who try to scare us into letting them run free of responsibility after they make a child with you! Did he sign the birth certificate or was there paternity acknowledged in court? If not after you give his name there will be a record of paternity and he will have the right to see your child if he doesn't now. You might have to decide if you want to do that or not. Last resort is that if it's not on record anywhere and you don't want to go on record anywhere saying that he's your child, tell the government it was a one night stand and you don't remember the father's last name. He could be Joe somebody. Good luck hon

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