To all single ladies,would You date a guy like "this"?

Summer - posted on 10/14/2009 ( 81 moms have responded )

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I started thinking about getting back into dating and meeting guys. My mind started wondering what kind of guy do i really want now that i am a mother ( no guys like my ex thats for sure), but then something hit me. What if i meet a great guy that had everything i want in a man but had huge issue. He has kids he doesnt see/take care of. I mean there are thousands of single moms and there are thousands of men that made it that way.



So Would YOU date a guy that didnt take care of his own children (example: didn't pay child support,didnt go see them,blames the mother for not being apart of his childrens lifes,etc). Although besides that he had EVERYTHING you WANT in a man?? JW.



For me thats a deal breaker 100%!!!



I know as a single mom i wound never date a guy that didnt take care of his children. But i see A LOT of single women who don't have children date deadbeat dads to there children. Trust me my ex is dating a 19 year old who thinks he sooooo wonderful. She doesnt have children so she believes everything he says. I guess we live and learn right?

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No; as a single parent, I wouldn't date a man who did not take care of his children. I agree with the last piece of advice you received. Unless you like alot of 'drama,' pray for him & send him on his way!

Joan - posted on 10/15/2009

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NOOOOOOOOOO and a hundred times NO! He does not haveEVERYTHING you WANT in a man. He is a jerk and will be a jerk to the next poor women who is fooled by his charm. They can be very charming but he is a wolf in sheeps clothing!

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Angela - posted on 11/02/2009

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Quoting April:

Um, to me, a "great guy" is definately NOT someone who doesn't take care of their kids.....so what you said was an oxy moron.



TRUE   TRUE    SOOOOO VERY TRUE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   He's not a great guy he's a looooooser!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naomi - posted on 11/02/2009

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i see what ur saying no i wouldnt be able to date a guy if they didnt take care of there own kinds because what if we have are own than once again im a single mom with dead beat dad.

Angela - posted on 11/02/2009

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A man that I had dated in high school well we started talking again about a yr ago. one day he made a comment about paying his child support we argued 4 ever!!!!!!! That really turned me off.... I honestly think if it was'nt for his mom he would'nt pay.... needless to say we raarely talk annymore and it could've gone far, marriage even..... And also if your kids are young and they dont act like yhey like a man take it to heart. Kids sense things we dont want to see.........

Julia - posted on 11/02/2009

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No I would not! What type of man are you if you are not taking care of your children!

Julie - posted on 10/25/2009

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To be honest it all depends on the circumstances. there are guys out there who would love to be part of their childrens lives but the mother does not allow them. However, how do you find out if they are one of those guys or whether they choose not to be part of their kids life. i think that is a really difficult situation to be in.

Joann - posted on 10/25/2009

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Dating a man that doesn't take care of his kids is saying you are settling and not really getting what you deserve. If he is not taking care of his responsibilities tells what type of man he really is. Most men will make excuses and that's what it really is, for not seeing or paying for their children just for the sympathy. You have to put yourself in the other mother's position because we all know how hard it is to take care of children when you are not receiving the proper help from the dad. It can be hard and stressful. I don't think he should be dating anyone until he has his house in order. Keep your mind straight and remember if it seems too good to be true it usually is.

Krystal - posted on 10/24/2009

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No, I wouldn't date any guy that didn't take care of his children. No offense but how would that benefit me? I know how it feels not to have the father helping with finanical needs and basic care. So I would definitely not date a deadbeat. If i want to date, that's just dating no need for any involvement with my children. But, I'm getting serious then I'll see about letting my children knowing the guy. Other than that, I agree with you 100%...

Tina - posted on 10/22/2009

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no dont date a dead beat dad there could be all sorts of reasons as to why he dont see his child/children he could be (hopefully not) a pedo you just never know

Rachel - posted on 10/21/2009

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I would absolutely..no way in hell...date a guy like that! If a man cant take care of his children...i believe they call that a dead beat dad. If a women agrees to date a man like that..i think she has more issues than he does.

Jan - posted on 10/21/2009

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NO NO NO WAY........ if i have one regret in my life i wasted my precious life on losers..... make no mistake men who do this are losers........i am an older mum amd granny...... you want a kind decent man who loves his children will be kind to yours......and kind to you as you i hope would be to him his children and your own......and sorry but what does it say about you to even ask this question.... do you have low self esteem...... if a mother or father cannot or does not want to love and protect and build a good loving relationship with their children from a past relationship then god help the children of the new relationship...... stepboyfriend fathers to be...... o open your eyes please....... sorry if i sound harsh........ i had a very difficult childhood after my parents divorced...... and met two complete prats who told me they wanted the children...... then walked....... i love and adore my children......but it left them fatherless and hurt forever due to the two exes...... run for the hills if you meet a man who blames everyone but his lack of committment to his own genetic flesh and blood.....cos you just dont know what he will do to his non genetic girlfriends/new wifes kids......good luck

Lena - posted on 10/21/2009

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No thats a big turn off. Because it means he doesnt see them as his responsibility and lacks the ability to work through issues...that are really important. If the guy at least paid child support that would be something..then it could be understandable that maybe the mother just wont let him see them. But if he doesnt even do that than its because out of site out of mind. and what are the chances of him actually respecting and caring about your children. mostly respecting your relationship with your children. He probably would expect himself to come first over them, maybe not at first but eventually. Big NEGATIVE. Big enough to blast alll the good stuff out of the water. Use your head...on this one. its still early enough that your heart hasnt a say just yet.

Stephanie - posted on 10/21/2009

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I honestly think it depends on the circumstances. Right now I am dating a man who is fighting for joint custody of his son. He and his ex were never married and up until about a year ago she was ok with him picking his son up 3-4 times a week for dinner, etc and he always buys clothes, shoes, etc for his son but he doesn't pay a set, court ordered child support. Well now that she has a new boyfriend, she refuses to answer the phone when he calls, refuses to answer the door when he goes to pick up his son and has now threatened him with child support and even went so far as to say she is going to request back child support and will tell the courts he hasn't been in his son's life for the past 2 years which is a total lie. So right now, he isn't able to see his son, talk to him or anything. That wasn't a deal breaker for me. There are a LOT of horrible, scorned, jealous women out there that make it very hard for the dads. I have an ex husband and we do everything we can to maintain a cordial, respectful relationship for the sake of our children. Then I see the way my boyfriend's ex is with him and those type of women are what give good dads a bad name. Make sure you know the entire situation before you write a great man off.

Roisin - posted on 10/21/2009

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no dont date a guy like that. if he cant look after his own flesh and blood, he really will never be any good to you. i dont even mean with you child i mean in everyday things. guys like yhis will always be looking for a younger better looking model as when we are young and think we are in love we bwlieve everthing they say

Kelly - posted on 10/20/2009

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I would never ever date a guy who didn't take care of his own children. I would rather be single. What kind of man could he really be? That shows really bad character in my book. P.S. Mr. X would have to date 19 year olds, they are the only ones who don't know better yet.

[deleted account]

He's her problem then, let her deal with the BS....Make sure you file for child support before he does... Then see if the Judge is single.

Veronica - posted on 10/20/2009

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I could never do that. It's funny because I recently had the opportunity. He became a father while we were just friends and now he doesn't want anything to do with his child. It's definitely something I can't stand. When you're young, and unbound by parenthood, it's hard to see the imperfections that people could have as parents. Of course, maybe your trash is her treasure? My friend's dad left her family, but then went off and became an awesome dad to a guy who she's good friends with now. Makes you wonder why some guys choose to like some kids, and completely abandon others.

Valerija - posted on 10/20/2009

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DEFINITELY NOT! Once a loser always a loser thats my modo if he didnt take care of his first kid he wont take care of the second third etc stay away

Alison - posted on 10/20/2009

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my sister never met her dad till after she was 18 and my lil bro still has never met his dad... we all have different fathers and so because of that i would not date a guy like that

Paula - posted on 10/20/2009

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The thing is...well sometimes they can be really convincing when it comes to why they don't have anything to do with their kids. You have to try to get both sides of the story and decipher what the truth is. Know that he might be telling the truth, or he could be full of it. The thing is, he may THINK he's telling the truth, like his understanding of the situation may be what he is telling you, even if it's not the reality of it. I've dated guys (many years ago) who was a dead beat father but claimed he really wanted to have something to do with his kids. I found out that it was the mothers who were standing in the way but they had good reason..it just took me a while to understand. I have also seen girls who keep their baby daddy away for no real good reason. I've seen both sides and i think that we are all (including me) sometimes too quick to judge these people.

Kristin - posted on 10/20/2009

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it is a VERY natural part of a man to WANT to take care of his children. it's a huge part of what makes him a man & what makes him feel like a man. he may seem on the surface to have everything you want, but do not miss this simple fact: the fact he doesn't want to take care of his own children means there is something VERY wrong with him

Summer - posted on 10/20/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

I think that every man probably has his issues, but this is a big one. I would find out why and how come and if he's going to change it. Your ex sounds like an ass...19 years old? Ick! lol :)



Yep 19 year old. He's 28. He is an ass. I mean he's a very smooth talker and knows just what to say.  He blames ME for not letting him see his son and ofcourse she wasnt around when i told him i was pregnant and he said "i have other things to worry about in my life". I just shake my head. I'm to busy being a happy single momma to my lil angel to worry about that drama.  :D

Jelena - posted on 10/20/2009

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Definitely not... but you have to make a difference between a guy who doesn't care, and a guy who pays for the child expenses but doesn't see the children. Let's be honest, a lot of women are capable of a lot of things to get back at the ex on the child's expense.. And I know a guy who has a son, but he never saw him because the woman took of before she gave birth to their son. Is he to blame? Every story has two sides. You have to be careful, but definitely NO for guys who deliberately don't take care for their children.

Olga - posted on 10/19/2009

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to your other question. i dont mind the ladies that my ex dates. I dont think its right if he is treating them all high and fancy and not taking care of his child. but to me if lets say he is a good father then i only wish he would date a girl who accepts him with kids and treats your children right with love and that they are a good example.

Olga - posted on 10/19/2009

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No way in hell would I date a guy who doesn't take care of his own children. My own baby daddy doesn't help me with our little girl.. why would i put myself in that situation again? I guess when girls dont have kids they don't fully understand. Like you said you live and learn. My ex has not just our daughter but another girl who he got pregnant and left and how has this new gf of 2 yrs now who only knows about our baby and not his 2nd. This girl also thinks he is the bestest bf in the world. but anyway to answer yoru question. No I wouldn't.

Summer - posted on 10/19/2009

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Heres another question. How do you ladies feel about the women who date you exs? If they dont take care of your children do you think they will change with someone else?

[deleted account]

My ex is a prime example of what you wrote...he has 5 kids - none of which really want much to do with his sorry ass, because he has never been there for them.
My ex made me seem like the bitch because I had my son, my Mom died less than a month after he was born and the ex was cheating on me during this all. (found that out later)
He played the "my ex is a bitch" violin waa waa song to me, and I bought it long ago...
Not any longer.
The damage that these kinda guys can inflict is irreversible to children.
My ex walked outta my son's life when our son was about 4. He is forced to pay child support, he won't voluntarily and once every year or so, he quits his job and I got 8 or 9 mo. to a year without help from him.
Not once has he written, called, sent a birthday card, christmas greetings - ANYTHING!
There's a term for these spineless dweebs that claim that they are "superdads" but can't show evidence of being worth a damn to their own kids.
In nice terms they are cretins. There should be a law that says if you abandon your parental responsibilities to provide for that child, you should have your stuff cut off.
I know that sounds bitter, but, for me, there's some deep seated scars from what my son's father has done to both his own child and me.
So, my answer to the question asked would not only be a no, but a resonating HELL NO!!!!

Kathy - posted on 10/19/2009

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NEVER date a man that doesn't take his responsibilities seriously. Eventually he will treat you and your children the same. Sorry, but you can't change a man. You get what you get. Your first obligation is with your child. They will be grown someday (sooner than you think) and if you want a close relationship with them, be smart now. There happiness is also at stake.

Relli - posted on 10/19/2009

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No way! I was seeing a guy and found out he had two children. Asked detail about them because he didnt talk about them. He went on to say the mothers didnt let him see them. WTH?! I asked if he wanted to see them. He said yes but then shrugged his shoulders. I told him that when a man wants his children, there is NOTHING a woman can do to keep him away. He quickly became an ex.

SALLY - posted on 10/19/2009

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I guess i would at the situation. some moms have made it impossible for the fathers to see there kids and we all know how long it takes to get anything done through the friend of the court. I would honestly talk to the guy about what is going on if it is that he truly has just abandon them then no i would not see him again, but if he honestly gave up because of the courts then maybe i would consider it. sometimes woman make it harder because they are hurt and not thinking of the child involved they are just trying to hurt the other one. The guys generally give up because they don't want to see the child hurt anymore and honestly believe they are doing the right thing...go with your gut

Morag - posted on 10/19/2009

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My goodness it all sounds so familiar!! Sounds just like my ex!! One thing i tell myself is that my kids see how he is and they know who is ALWAYS there.....mum.

Kelly - posted on 10/19/2009

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HELL NO! What happens if the guy gets you pregnant? Actually that happened to me. I'm taking care of my child and the father doesn't want any part. I go to court for child support on Nov. 23rd. If he doesn't want to be a part of his child's life, then thats his fault! But he will pay.



I will choose my men wisely now since I have had my son. Me and you are in the same boat!

Miranda - posted on 10/19/2009

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That would be a surefire sign for me that he wouldn't be right for me and my kids. It seems that most of those situations there is a real reason he doesn't see his kids. But I do have a friend who is sweet with my daughter but doesn't see his own daughter. I have known him for 10years and I feel that it is the mothers fault in this scenario. If he seems worthwhile you might want to at least try to check into it a little bit. But you know, be careful.

Gabriela - posted on 10/19/2009

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OMG my x is doing that taking care of ALL his other girl frineds kids an not his own so i wouldnt even bother he is a dead beat dad and that will never change no mater who he's with....

Lisa - posted on 10/19/2009

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I could never date a guy like that. His actions define his character, and if he isn't willing to help with his own children, what makes you think he would help with yours... or rather just be there and be supportive or you and your child. Clearly a guy like that wouldn't understand how important your children are to you and that no matter what, your child will always be more important and come first to them. Being that my ex is THAT kind of guy, I know that he is just too selfish to understand your bond with your child and that their needs come before your own and especially his.

Samantha - posted on 10/19/2009

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Hell no i wouldn't date anyone like that. Of course i'm through with dating period. I gave up after my last boyfriend. He was so sweet and then his maturity level hit home. He was four years older than me and his maturity level was that of my four year old son. So i couldn't handle raising a child older than me and i am now single and remaining that way.

Megan - posted on 10/19/2009

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ive met too many guys who are more willing to take care of someone else's kids than thier own. and frankly it sickens me. my daughters father is a very small thing in her life but the biggest thing is he isnt taking care of her. so why would i support that behavior in someone else's kids?

Britanie - posted on 10/19/2009

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if he wont be a man and take care of his own children, what type of step father will he be if it makes it to that point?

Cath - posted on 10/19/2009

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if a guy can't look after the children that he has already got there is no hope of him looking after anybody else's children. Alarm bells should ring as soon as you find this fact out and steer clear!!

Jennifer - posted on 10/19/2009

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I would rather die then date someone like that. Thats the type of man that has no balls.

Andrea - posted on 10/19/2009

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I don't think I would because dating for fun is out of the question for me. Now I only look for 'daddy' material. =)

Julie - posted on 10/18/2009

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my kids fathers we not in their lifes and when they were they put them through hell so men who cant take of the kids they have are no good.if they cant treat their own flesh and blood they right way what good are they 2 any1 else

Bettina - posted on 10/18/2009

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LMAO! My ex is a deadbeat. But his new girlfriend thought he was absolutley wonderful. She blamed me for him not being "allowed" to see his son. They got married, had a son, got divorced and now he does the same exact thing with his new girlfriend. Any "man" that does not take care of the children he has is not the man you want to date period. Mom or not.

Erin - posted on 10/18/2009

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I have been with men like that, who can't take responsibility for their own actions, that includes having their children and taking care of them. Any man that is not going to take care of his own kids, isn't going to take care of yours, or you the way you should be taken care of in the long run. You want a guy who respects women, respects and loves his momma, but doesn't need or want a second (you) and who steps up to the plate of taking care of his kids and perhaps yours too. I am a single mom and I don't have much support from my ex. He does have other children, and he takes care of them, so that is difficult too. Good luck in your search, and just remember that this person is going to be your babies step dad and has to be the best!

[deleted account]

This issue is a deal breaker for me... He would leave his own, he would leave you in the same way.

Christine - posted on 10/18/2009

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No way.If a man has enough time to date me and take me out, he has more than enought time and money to take care of his kids.That means he is putting me over his kids, and i would never except that, because i would never put a man over my kids. All bets are off if you dont take care of your own. OR at least try to.

Sierra - posted on 10/18/2009

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definantly a no. if he cant take care of his own kids then hes not capable of taking care of anyone but himself.

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