To Contact or No

Gamemakerchick - posted on 11/01/2017 ( no moms have responded yet )

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This is kind of a hard question to get out there.

A little backstory first.

My son is 5 and a half, and his father has never seen him. This is at the decision of the 'father', as he doesn't consider his child his simply for the reason that he does not want to have a kid. We had separated a month before I found out that I was pregnant, and the only time he had something to say about the pregnancy (I had contacted him many times while I was pregnant) was that after my son was born - he told me that I should have had an abortion. Kind of too late for that, and I do not believe in termination anyways if it can be helped. I had moved on with my life and have raised my son into a smart and curious young boy. I have never pressed any personal involvement to legal extent with the paternal party, but I have attempted to reach out time to time to give an update or what not. This has met with me being stonewalled, blocked and harassed by his friends via email. (Yes it is his kid, I am not keeping him away from him in any way, he had demanded a court ordered paternity test after my son was born. No that would not have been a chance for him to see his son as he lives half a country away)

My son knows that his 'father' is not in the picture, and that it is not my child's fault. He asks questions every once and a while and I answer them how I can plainly.

While working on a large family tree project, on a lark I searched some of my ex's information online and found a physical address for him that was noted as pretty recent. My ex was in prison last year for selling drugs to an undercover cop, so I am guessing that is why this information was readily avaliable.

My qualm now is that I very badly want to write to him - to tell him how I feel about the whole situation and what he is missing out on. While I have tried to talk in the past, I always gave up - I was scared and didn't know what good it could bring. I am stronger now and what to at least try for my son's sake. I also want to be able to understand a bit more about why he wants nothing to do with his son. While blocking me and harassing me is a pretty firm 'not interested', I guess I want to see if there is a reasoning I can better understand.

I know I shouldn't poke at the bear to say, but I feel that for my sons sake, I need to at least try. We aren't needing for money as I have a great job and can afford the two of us OK, but I don't want to feel that I have failed my son. Any input would be appreciated - I don't want to go into this on a lark. Either way, my son and I are taken care of and happy - with family all around.

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Anamaclellan - posted on 11/03/2017

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I am so sorry you are going through all this. I have a 5 year old son who has an absent father so I can relate. It seems pretty apparent that right now he doesn't want to know your son, maybe leave him alone and just live your life for you and your son. Let him come to you, that in my opinion, might be the only way to truly know that he is coming into his son's life for himself and not because he feels you are making him or making him feel guilty about it. I hope I am making some sense. I know your intentions are good but just let him go for now.

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