To Contact or No

Gamemakerchick - posted on 11/01/2017 ( 1 mom has responded )

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This is kind of a hard question to get out there.

A little backstory first.

My son is 5 and a half, and his father has never seen him. This is at the decision of the 'father', as he doesn't consider his child his simply for the reason that he does not want to have a kid. We had separated a month before I found out that I was pregnant, and the only time he had something to say about the pregnancy (I had contacted him many times while I was pregnant) was that after my son was born - he told me that I should have had an abortion. Kind of too late for that, and I do not believe in termination anyways if it can be helped. I had moved on with my life and have raised my son into a smart and curious young boy. I have never pressed any personal involvement to legal extent with the paternal party, but I have attempted to reach out time to time to give an update or what not. This has met with me being stonewalled, blocked and harassed by his friends via email. (Yes it is his kid, I am not keeping him away from him in any way, he had demanded a court ordered paternity test after my son was born. No that would not have been a chance for him to see his son as he lives half a country away)

My son knows that his 'father' is not in the picture, and that it is not my child's fault. He asks questions every once and a while and I answer them how I can plainly.

While working on a large family tree project, on a lark I searched some of my ex's information online and found a physical address for him that was noted as pretty recent. My ex was in prison last year for selling drugs to an undercover cop, so I am guessing that is why this information was readily avaliable.

My qualm now is that I very badly want to write to him - to tell him how I feel about the whole situation and what he is missing out on. While I have tried to talk in the past, I always gave up - I was scared and didn't know what good it could bring. I am stronger now and what to at least try for my son's sake. I also want to be able to understand a bit more about why he wants nothing to do with his son. While blocking me and harassing me is a pretty firm 'not interested', I guess I want to see if there is a reasoning I can better understand.

I know I shouldn't poke at the bear to say, but I feel that for my sons sake, I need to at least try. We aren't needing for money as I have a great job and can afford the two of us OK, but I don't want to feel that I have failed my son. Any input would be appreciated - I don't want to go into this on a lark. Either way, my son and I are taken care of and happy - with family all around.

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Sarah - posted 5 days ago

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If you want to privately reach out to his father, then do it. You don't have to tell your son. Keep a copy of the letter and any responses you may get for the day when your son may ask you about it. You at least have made a final valid attempt. I presume this man is listed on the child's BC so someday he's gonna be able to see for himself exactly who his father is and do his own research.

JediLin - posted on 11/09/2017

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I agree with "myhealer" comment. Although having a father is extremely important, having a good father is so much more important. Your ex does not want to be a father to his son, which is very sad but at the same time he is being honest and there is a reason why he would prefer not to be in your son's life. I pray that your son knows what a great mom he has and how much you love and care for him.

Myhealer - posted on 11/04/2017

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You are a great and caring mom to your son and I am sure he is blessed to have you! I really appreciate the fact that you are trying to reach your ex for your son's sake- that shows how loving you are. While it is a good idea for your to reach your ex, you may also want to think if he will be a good influence for your son keeping in mind that he was in prison last year. Also as you mentioned that he does not consider your son as his child because he did not want kids, it may clearly indicate that he is not interested in your child's affairs. Praying for wisdom in your situation!

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