Kris - posted on 01/07/2011 ( 56 moms have responded )
I'm pregnant with my first baby to my Fiance of 2 years, we have had a rocky relationship since day one (moved in quickly, got engaged after a month etc) but we loved eachother to bits.
The day I discovered I was pregnant my flatmates had to calm me down and talk to me, as the dad had took off in shock, which I had expected. I was over the moon to be pregnant, I had been told I was infertile and had given up hope. Dad went to an army training facility a year into our relationship, and came back a total different person to the man I had fallen in love with. He was short tempered, foul mouthed, disrespectful and increasingly becoming violent. He is now all these things, as well as jealous and possessive, controlling (he steals my bank card from my wallet) and has tried more than once to isolate me from family and friends. (Has succeeded with friends, most of the anyway.)
I still love him in spite of all these things, I still occasionally see the "old" him, then it dissapears as quickly as it appears. As I write this he is at a pub with his alcoholic friends, leaving me alone and pregnant at 2 am, as he has started as a new habit of night activities.
I cannot talk to anyone about what he is like, out of fear he will get angry with me, he has never hit me, but his father was violent during his childhood towards his mother. He has pushed me on several occasions, I dont take being bullied lightly so I stand up to him, but have to back down immediately out of fear for my baby. For the first 2 months of my pregnancy he has tried to convince me to have an abortion (an EXTREME insult to mine and my families beliefs) which is also a HUGE argument instigator.
I am trapped with him, we barely speak some days, then fine the next. We have discussed him being a "weekend dad" but this usually results in argument also. I cant talk to him about my concerns, as he gets angry/stops listening. In short, I cant win with him in anything. I believe in fairness and equality in relationships, but due to his race and religion he sees it differently.
I don't know what to do, I know I cant sit and wait for this to get worse but I cant leave either. I would have to leave while he is out, but I have no way of staying anywhere (my parents are an hours drive from mine) I have no friends, he dictates my entire life, I'm suffocating and he knows it. He doesn't want to lose me and knows what he must do to keep me in his life, but sometimes it just feels like he doesn't want to try hard enough..
Any advice would be hugely appreciated, mom knows what is happening and few close friends I have left, all tell me to leave but anyone whose been in my situation knows it simply isn't that easy.. :(