trying not to be so mad

Tisha - posted on 10/12/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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looking for some advice outside of my circle. my sons father has gotten married and has just had their first child. i'm so angry all i want to do is go and beat her up. i can't stand her and i can't stand that she has what i want. i need to know how to deal with this and what i can do to just forget about it all.

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Jennifer - posted on 11/23/2009

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Breath!!! Not the same situation but the pain is. My ex moved his girlfriend and her daughter into my house and left me and my son to fend for ourselves so wanting revenge totally natural. I never thought it would get any easier...but it does. I heard from friends and family that Karma has away of getting back to them. Put yourself first and your son! I had a stupid dream that one day he will come and say oh I made a mistake please take me back.....Truth is looking back it was a abusive relationship that only mentally messed me up. I'm being the best me I can be my daily life is simple and budgeted which it was never before but I'm happy. He will get his ...and slapping her won't make you feel any better it could turn on you with getting charged...I thought about it at a grocery store lossing my son would be hell on earth for me. You never forget the pain but it becomes liveable if that makes sense and eventually you will have more good days then bad days. Venting helps.

Ginger - posted on 11/23/2009

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oh god you poor thing,i can only imagine how you feel,my ex as a long tern gf and i hate the day she will be stepmom yo my son.i dont no why we feel so passionate about things i know for a fact i would never have him back but it kills me to see him shreekin all responsibility and havin what i THINK is a brill life,the only advice i can give you is that its easy to think he has got it made but hun she is ONLY GETTING what you got and was it really that good?????

Maggie - posted on 11/01/2009

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I understand how you feel....my son's father left me for his cheating ex and she knew we were together and had a son...and let me tell you, all kinds of things came through my head like putting sugar down her gas tank...lol....but I realized that will not make the situation better...the best kind of revenge is you living your life....believe it or not he wants to see you hopless....like you can't live without him....don't give him that satisfaction!!!! Show him that by the grace of God you are a survivor.....and that you are best without him.....don't allow your child to feel less loved because of him moving on....look at it as her doing you the favor and taking the dead weight off your hands.....God closed that door but guess what...he opens doors also...have faith and don't lose hope....that new door will open...it's up to you when it will open.....will you forgive and try to forget and move on or sit there in anger witnessing him moving on with his life....

Kathe - posted on 10/31/2009

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I understand how easy it would be to hit this woman, i have been there. But keep your head on straight u have a child to care for. U dont want to go to jail, then he would have your child. Keep focused on your child and caring for them. You may need to talk with a councler this does help. After my divorse and when my ex stalked me I went for councling . My x wanted the divorse after 28 years and an afair with my employee/ best friend. I have not touched her and she is not worth jail time.

I got life time alamoney which she did not like. She has him but I have his paycheck.

I hope you are receiving child support, he is required by law to do this. I hate to say this but, hitting his pocket will tick her off more than anything. And child support and alamoney is the way to go.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/30/2009

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I completely understand what you are feeling. It does suck but unfortunately this is the path that has been chosen for you. Apparently there is something better out there waiting for you to come along. I don't think there's really anything that will help make you feel better except haning with the besties. Go out with your friends and have a good time. You will eventually get over him as well all do.

Krystal - posted on 10/28/2009

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I understand your anger. Now, you have to find someone to get rid of this, because you can't let something like this get you down and out. For the simple fact, you know are beautiful and great mother. So what he has another kid with someone else. Just think you had his first kid lol...Take in stride..I suggest you find some kind of outlet that'll help you release some of this stress. Enroll yourself in a kick boxing or the gym...So you can funnel it out. I know you are a strong individual. Remember, the only one that matters is your child. You will find that man, that builds a solid foundation of companionship you need. You are a woman hear yourself roar! I know you can do it..Best of wishes and Good Luck~Krystal

Erin - posted on 10/28/2009

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Don't let them take your life away. You should remember that you have to love yourself and your kids first, they are most important. It will take time, but being angry will not let you free yourself. You can see a therapist as someone suggested, but some people don't feel open to doing that. I myself feel that writing is a good option for me. No matter what the situation is. You can keep a journal or even just write a letter. You don't have to send it, or give it to anyone. It is simply about releasing what you are feeling. I find that with writing you can be as open and honest and detailed and free as you want to and nobody has to know. But you have gotten it off of your chest and it is a big relief just to say how you feel and release it and not get someones opinion (as in a therapist).You can rip it up, throw it away, burn, or even save it if you want to remind yourself why you dont want to go back to those feelings. But letting go, will help you move and trust me you will feel relief and much more happiness for you, your kids, and a happier life ahead. Take some time for yourself also...you dont have to run out and start dating right away and all that stuff. Find out what truly makes you happy. That may take a little time or it may take a longer period of time. But when the time is right you will know, and you will truly be happy. No reason to hang on to anger, because you are not bringing your ex down....just yourself, and you kids. Kids are smart they can pick up on those things. Focus on what is good in your life instead of whats bad. Remember...it could always be worse!!!!!!!!!!!!

Krista - posted on 10/28/2009

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There is no simple answer to this but you need to figure out how to make you happy. Don't get me wrong I'm great at giving people advice but have a hard time taking my own advice actually try but never do. Remember you can be happy to and happy is moving on for you and your son. Find a man that will treat you the way you want to be treated then how your feelings will gradually not be as stronge.



Keep in mind the one thing she can't have is that you have his first born son :) I know how it is to try to get him back and only ends up in more hurt. Just try to get a hobby to distract you from his life. Try not to learn or hearing anything about his life It will be a struggle and remember you have your son in your life to make you smile I try to remember that every day.

D'Etta - posted on 10/27/2009

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The moms above me posted great advice about forgiveness. ...I like to be a little bit petty, however, so I say that you can rest assured knowing that your baby got all the fathers "good" genes so he has nothing left you want... haha

Dawn - posted on 10/27/2009

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Remeber ladies please!!! You are wonderful people, you are beautiful. Don't let someone take your joy. A man will not make you happy and feel worth! Remember to please get in touch with who you are and love yourself. Have forgiveness so that you don't carry around this huge suitcase full of pain and recentment. Turn around and look at that little face that your resonsible for. God gave you that little person as a gift or as a reward. Please focus on that.

Dawn - posted on 10/27/2009

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That is a normal reaction to what your feeling. Do you have a church? My advice and I wished I had done this when my girls were young. Raising children in church is the best thing you can do. They have wonderful people there that will pray with you and help you. You need to understand that your self esteem is probably low (like mine was) and you feel that you want this man. In reality you really don't want someone that has no committment to you and his own child. You want someone that will love you no matter what happens and when a promise or committment is made such as having children and marriage they will stick it out to the very end. Life is hard and full of rough roads, you have to stay focused on what is important and why your really here. God loves you, simular to how you feel about your children. He wants great things for you and if you trust him he will give you all that you want. Good luck, time will take care of it.

Janet - posted on 10/27/2009

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I know how you feel. My %^&$#&U ex is still with the one he left me for (via affair) in 2003. They had a baby in 2007......I of course am still alone as I have been since he left. It really hurts and makes you feel worthless and unlovable. At first I was ok with it, but as time went by I saw this for what it is- just more of a bond for them and my & my kids importance in his life getting smaller. At least I used to be "the mother of his kids" now I am not even that. My ex and I were togeather 17 years & had 3 kids and now (since 2003) life is really sad.

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Completly understandable! I can only tell you how I deal with my frustration and anger - I have a therapist! They are trained to help you express your emotions, and move on. Just go into therapy with and open mind, willing to share everything, and desire to move on with your life. And don't bring your child.

I also scream at my pillow sometimes. and occasionally write really long nasty letters to my ex that i never send. and I keep a journal, somehow writing down my feelings and thoughts helps me to work through them.

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