Trying to protect my unborn kid from a custody battle

Iysha - posted on 04/13/2012

Where a child's parents were never married, most states provide that the child's biological mother has sole physical custody unless the biological father takes steps to have himself considered for custody. Those steps include obtaining a court's finding of Paternity and filing a petition for custody. In some states, this is a bifurcated (i.e., two-step) process; in others, the two steps are combined. An unwed father usually cannot win custody from a mother who is a good parent, but he may have priority over other relatives, foster parents, or strangers who want to adopt his child.

Iysha - posted on 04/13/2012

Take it one step at a time. If he is not on the birth certificate and doesnt file a petition aginst you, youre good to go. There's no way a judge would grant him custody and grant you visitation, especially in a case where the child is a newborn. He said that he wanted a paternity test and if you didnt get one, he wouldnt be involved....well, there you go. The catch to that is, you cannot file for child support if he is not deemed the father. If he is deemed the father, he will want to be in the childs life. Judging by his use of the term "50/50," that means the reason could very well be that he doesnt want to pay the highest possible amount of child support he would have to if he had no physical custody at all.

Remember, if you do go to court with him, the judge wont be there to grant you what you want OR what he wants. The judge will be there to make a decision on what is best for your baby. That may or may not be what you want.

I'd say to talk to a law professional. You can pay for legal advice and not have the lawyer actually represent you. You can just consult with the lawyer without hiring him/her. If I were in your shoes, I would do that and look at my options so there are no surprises.

Also, keep a journal/call log so you know when he called/txt you about the pregnancy or baby or apointments, etc. Things he has said, things he has or hasnt done, etc.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/11/2012

Please put the focus on you, take care of your emotional and physical health and do your

best to enjoy the precious new life within. If you are obsessing about all sorts of possible

negative scenarios you are missing out on the moments right now!



If he's not a bad father, why deprive your child of his love & help? Why deprive your child of his

1/2 siblings? What possible reason to think that in 9 months or so, there couldn't be a peaceful,

reasonable situation with lots of family support (from both the Father's side AND Yours) in place for you and your baby?



I say the more people to love and share the childs life, the BETTER! It truly does take a village.

No one who has raised a Child would EVER say it's best to do it alone. Every Child deserves to know and experience the presence of a Father as well as a Mother. Bless You ALL!

Jennifer - posted on 04/02/2012

I speak in as I speak out btw.. :) I hope you have a peaceful home in which your child can grow to know that he or she is loved.

Jennifer - posted on 04/02/2012

Does he want to be there? If he does and the paternity shows its his then he has rights. If he doesn't then I can't tell you what you should do but if you truly want to avoid fighting and just focus on loving your child, then just go do it. Love your kid and live your life as best as you know how is all I can say. No regrets here for that and its not that I hate my son's father but I decided in my 3rd month that if he didn't want to be there and was expecting me to make all the moves then I would just go on. I gave my mind and offered counseling half way for a year so we could get on the same page as parents and no response. I have a kid and thats my #1. I decided since my own childhood in the courts with fighting parents that I would just go on.. any choice you make will be subject to anothers ignorance of opinion and gossip.. just keep your head up and know why you are doing what you do and who its for and those who know and love you will shine in your life.. the rest will just go on and live different lives. I think its good you want to avoid a fight.. he can't just take your child without cause. So no worries. The courts frown on fighting and they look highly on a mom or dad who just cares for their child. Don't let empty threats and fears deter you now from your kid (they will try).. just keep moving one day at a time and don't forget to enjoy the growing movements of baby.. don't let this person or anyone else try to steal your focus from your home.. my advice. Men will come and go but you are that childs mom forever and a good man will anhance your mothering abilities by simply loving you. I know this because well.. I just know that now.. Blessings and keep it focused on you and baby for now. Hopefully you and the father will come together through this and find peace between yourselves.

JoyC - posted on 04/02/2012

Whatever the case i think you should ask a lawyer and do everything legaly if there are not issues of drug addiction, abuse , alcoholism and all those bad things from his side.I only did what i did and chose what i chose because in my case things where dif and i did the best to protect us and it works until today!The best advise you can get from a lawyer on the legal issues and perhaps a psychologist will tell you what is best on that side of the problem

JoyC - posted on 04/02/2012

Full rights?? That only happens if the mother is not fit i think!I don't know much about your laws but courts do not give full custody to the father unless mother is judged not fit.Maybe he is doing this as an easy way out to not be in your lives and blame you on top of it? i dont know

Megan - posted on 04/01/2012

Heres the thing, I WANTED him involved. He told me he either wants full rights to the kid with me only having VISITATION rights, or he doesnt wanna be involved. Thats not right, As I am in no way an unfit mother. I have a stable job, a beautiful home, a stable lifestyle and family, and no drug, alcohol, or background problems at all. He is just being rude and selfish. So NO, I dont think he deserves that. My child would have a happier life living with me vs living with him in a room with 2 other half siblings (both of whom are younger then 3) in a crowded 3 bd room town home that already has 3 adults and 2 children living in it.

Teresa - posted on 03/31/2012

Oh... and you telling him that the baby is his and then not putting him on the birth certificate... might look rather 'shady' to a judge. Judges don't tend to like one parent 'hoarding' the kid from the other parent.

Teresa - posted on 03/31/2012

Unless he is unfit (drugs or abuse)... He SHOULD have equal rights. That's his baby too. Your child deserves a father and if he actually WANTS to be involved... he should be.



I don't know what the laws are where you are and I don't know what the laws are when you are not married, but where I am if you ARE married... 50/50 custody is automatically granted unless there are extenuating circumstances.



My advice... if he's willing to fight for custody, be aware that a judge could very well grant him 50/50, so... try to avoid a fight and come to an agreement WITH him instead of against him. Mediation would be a much cheaper option to a lawyer and a fight... assuming, of course, that you eventually realize your child deserves to have his/her father as a part of his/her life.



Good luck!

JoyC - posted on 03/30/2012

I am a single mom... but i am from cyprus.Here the laws are dif than where you are coming from but i can tell you what i did and you can look into the matter for yourself and see if the law is the same there as well! I decided when i was 4 months preg that i wouldn't allow my sons father into our lives because of his drug addiction! That is the first step you need to take! Deside what you really want first and you have plenty of time to do so! Until you give birth to your baby! WHATEVER YOU DECIDE MAKE SURE YOU WON'T BE CHANGING YOUR MIND!..Now, what i did is that i already informed him about this and said that we didn't want anything from him! I gave birth to my son without him knowing and as soon as we left the clinic i went straight to the city hall and registered my son under my maiden name! My son has my family's surname and once that is done ... according to our laws, then nobody can force the mother in making the child take the dna test! Not even the court! I hope this was helpful :)