Two Last Names

Danielle - posted on 02/10/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My 6 year old daughter has two last names and she is currently in Kindergarten. I'm not sure what last name she should use?? Mine or his?? Her dad is involved but I taught her my last name & she says she wants to go by my last name, but I would feel guilty if she did (eventhough I did teach her mine and not his)!! I don't want her to write both!!!

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Amy - posted on 03/07/2010

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my son is 9 and he has 2 last names and uses both of them all the time. its a source of pride for him that he has both my last name and his dads.

Ponda - posted on 03/08/2010

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For several reasons (outside of this conversation), I talked to a lawyer specializing in this scenario, since I wanted to carry on my last name as did the father. She (highly) recommended that I use my last name first in case there was a (worst case scenario) split. As she put it, the hyphenated last name is becoming more typical in today's world. While legally, if both names are on the birth certificate, then both names are to be listed on documents. When the child is old enough to make a legal decision, then they can change it at that time to legally change their name to one or the other. With that said, she indicated that typically, the last of the 2 names is dropped more often than not especially when a mother becomes a primary caretaker. In addition, I have talked to a school attendance administrator who deals with this. She indicated that she sees several of the students that have 2 last names and their documents reflect as such, but one of the names is typically dropped in everyday conversations usually because of the child not wanting to reference both names. Hope this helps.

Kathy - posted on 03/05/2010

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My daughter has two last names, mine and then his. In elementary she used both last names. When she started middle school she decided to use my last name only on school papers and things that don't require full names.

Rain - posted on 02/21/2010

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My daughter has two last names as well. His - then mine follwoing a hyphen. She has always gone by my last name even when we were married. (His boys have his last name so he didn't care about a girl. We only put his name there due to the military and insurance issues) It also lets her grow up with that connection to me, us having the same last name instead of being different. I think that's important for her. He really doesn't have much to do with her. She's in preschool and by law, they use both (what''s on her birth certificate) but then they only refer to her with her first and our last name. I guess the other poster is right about his rights issue but since all her records have always been with just my name, the court papers only list her by my laast name and even he filled out his portion of the paper work with her only having my last name, he'd be hard pressed to make an issue of it now, after 5 years.

Hope this helps.

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Taylor - posted on 02/15/2014

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Ok,I am a little confused. I guess my question would be, does anyone know, legally, what names need to be used and when. My daughter (her biological father didn't want a relationship with her until she was 4) has won in court for my daughters name to be legally hyphanated (mine first then his) He THEN started a name change for the spelling of HIS last name AFTER he brought me to contempt court. So now I have her enrolled and signed up at Dr's office, school, daycare with My last name - his OLD last name and he is going thru the process of changing the spelling of his last name on her birth certficate....however, he is threatening to bring me to contempt court AGAIN if I don't write both names on everything (sign in sheets at daycare, notes to the teacher, girl scout cookie order form.....) Would a judge MAKE me write her full hyphanated name EVERY time I write her name. He has already told my daughter who is now 6 and just in kindergarten that she is not ALLOWED to just write my name, she HAS to write both and when she cried and said she didn't know how to spell his yet, he made her sit down and write it over and over ....she now cries every time she writes her name and says she just doesn't want a last name at all.....Any suggestions on what I can do?

Mia - posted on 01/27/2014

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@Christina Lujan

I've done several name changes on my own, they are definitely a pain in the butt yet I find them worth it lol. I live in Texas and the forms I needed to change my sons last name were: the "original petition for the name change of a minor in a proceeding that is not part of an adoption", a "Decree for a change of name of a minor", an "Affidavit", and a "Waiver of Service" form for the father. The father is to sign the "waiver of service" form in front of a notary. The court here charges $214 for the name change papers to be processed and from there u wait for a court date that they will Notify u about in the mail. After court I had to get a certified copy of the approved name change and get the process started to change his sscard and birth certificate so that the school will change it in their data as well. I send the fathers papers certified to assure he got them. I read somewhere that as long as u prove that u notified the father of the name change then it can be granted however that is not my experience. Hope this helps u! Good luck!

Christina - posted on 01/13/2014

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My two year old has two last names, mine and her birth fathers but I want to take his off because his is first and that is always the one that people use. I want to take his off and just leave mine, how could I go about doing this and how much would it cost? he has not seen her since she was maybe two months old! but technically they take money out of his checks for child support although I only get paid the disregard. What should I do, I live in Fresno county.

Valerie - posted on 10/11/2013

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My daughter is in 2nd grade and she has 2 last names and i just found out there using his last name .. I am really mad with this because all she knows is fernandez and he has nothing to do with her i take care of her.. So i call the school and they tell me because its ththey have to use the first last name because they will get introuble with the state.. Wht can i do to change this .. Im cool with them letting her use both but just his? Nooo... What can i do?? Need some answers plez

Leyna - posted on 05/14/2013

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Why do schools required that my child's last name be changed to the father's last name? We were married out of wedlock so we used my last name? Does this even matter? Please help!

Connie - posted on 01/25/2013

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im kinna having the same problem, my daughter is in kindergarden now and ive registered her with her legal ldt name, then they asked if i wanted a prefered last name for her so i have put mine down as its a nicer name and i have her 75% of the time. So last week e dad finally went to the school for the 1st time since she started and had a fit that ive put her last name as mine, and is now saying if it doesnt get changed he will take me to court over it. Is that possible for im to take me to court over this or is he making a big deal. We were never married thank goodness for that ) but it does have his last name on the registraton form at her school. So i just need some advice on this please nd thank you

Brooke - posted on 03/08/2010

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you can put dwn in her personal details both names for school records but when they ask prefered names just put your last name =) lots of schools dont hav a problem with that kinda stuff n they understand f you were to exlpain it to the

Diamonique - posted on 03/07/2010

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I wanted to do the same but i was confused on how u go about writing it his hyphen yours or yours hyphen his. And is it true as long as he sign or have a dna test you will be fine....

Charlene - posted on 03/07/2010

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Well, Use whichever one she chooses. She will not resent you for not using his last name. And if she knows that yours is hers... THen as long as she knjows she has another one and can tell you that... it really doesnt matter. My daughter has 2 last names and she uses her daddys. thats the one she chose when she started school. Your child is smart. Let her choose this.

Megan - posted on 02/26/2010

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My kids have 2 last names aas well. My son started school this year and is in Kindergarden and he choose his last name. I left it up to him. Don't feel guilty, it brings more stress than what you need. We as single moms need to lessen our stresses.

Arrynne - posted on 02/20/2010

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Truthfully.. if the child has 2 last names she should always go by both last names. They are both her legal name and teaching her to use only your name is telling the child that you are more important as a parent than her father.. which btw is in direct violation of his basic parental rights and he can have it enforced in court if he wished.

Lauren - posted on 02/13/2010

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You should use whatever is on her birth certificate. It would make her life a lot easier.

Twyla - posted on 02/10/2010

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my son is 9 and he has both our last names. When I sign important documents I use both but in class and generally speaking we only use his first last name which is mine. On the other hand his dad had 2 last names growing up and hated it. He wanted only one and that was the one of his dads. Till this day he asks for me to legally change his name to have only his last name.....

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