UGH! Please help!

Nikkita - posted on 06/05/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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So, my daughter's father has been absent since soon after I told him I was pregnant. Although we were dating at the time, he became nasty & disappeared. He would pop up every now and then texting me at random times asking me to come over, but I never went. I would also get LATE night (between about 2-4 am) phone calls from some private number. Then person would never say anything, and then just hang up. I think it was either him or his "sister" who called me private on day being nasty while asking about my pregnancy. The phone calls stopped one day, and I was happy. Then last night, I got one. I think it may have been because he got his papers saying that I am putting him on child support. Maybe? I mean, it won't stop me from putting his sorry @$$ on child support, nor will it make me want to get back with him. What if this "sister" chick of his is really like his fiance, wife, or something like that? How do I deal with that? Am I thinking too far fetch? Please help me...even if it's just telling me a story that you've gone through. Thanks ladies! =)

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Endia - posted on 06/09/2010

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Hey girl...i going through this RIGHT NOW as we speak!!! to make a long story short...my son's father has an ex from 10yrs, found out that i was his babymomma and she dont like the fact that he comes down spends the night, weeks at a time or months @ house to see and spend time with his son.Like why not? he's my sons father!!Crazy heffas?..lol..but anyways,i dont have a clue how she found out where i lived,but one day she was nicely parked in front of my house at the crack of dawn,screaming my son's fathers name...i was like "Who n the hell is that?lol,of course he made up a quick lie and went outside to see what she wanted.so i just let him go handle his buisness.then after he said what he had to say to her,she remained parked outside my home.so i wen outside and asked her.."who are you? she said "troy is my man(my son's father of course) i said " no he isnt". he is mine.i said ok imma let yuo think that! so she boldly asked me "could she come in so he can tell her that he's her man and not mine..i said i dont see why not as long as you dont act a fool in front of my chid and talk as civil adults. she said kool. So her & i both went in my home to talk with my son's father.I told him why she had come inside,and she went on and asked him who was he with? he said 'Im with her and i ll appreciate if you leave her & i and my child alone and to never come back to this house. So it wasnt even a week had passed..she was back down my house.she had made like 5 or 6 appearances at my home,and calling my home in between..so as you all can see she one crazy somebody!!!!! she cant handle rejection at all.It had gotten tthe point i was at wits end with her..so i called the authorities filed a report and pressed harrassment charges and changed my phone number.and ever since then i've been so at peace.God is Good!!! as far as child support..File for it girl!! It's the best for your child & also it will make ya childs father step up.Because i tried to ignore child support for my son because i loved his father so...Yeah right that would be the day..lol..i filed for child Support & filed for full custody just in case he tried to act stupid and come get my baby.Which WILL NOT happen. Men will do their dirt and if you take them back that will automatically let them know they can do whatevers in their power to do to you.& it dont matter who they with as long as they take care of their child..if they dont "THEN there will BE A MAJOR PROBLEM.Its not where they at..its where they wanna be.I just let go and let god take control in my life,and once did that i know the bad will turn around for my good.Put ya foot down girl.Hope this helped:)...Just speaking from experience!!! be blessed!

Emily - posted on 06/06/2010

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I would personally change my number!!=]...And continue with the CS stuff...and let that be that...bc if he really wanted to be there..then he would be...and not just every once in a while...u know?=]....good luck..and i hope this helped=]

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Anna - posted on 07/16/2011

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If he has never been in the child's life, do you want him in it now. If you put him on support you are opening the door to the courts giving him visitation. You should just go to the court and force his parental rights if he doesn't want to be in the child's life. Since he hasn't paid anything or visited the child in the last 6 months or more it is a good possibility the court would force them from him. Do you really want to have to force your child to go see this man, when your child doesn't even know him?

Aurelia - posted on 06/09/2010

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hello, well i took care of my daughter for 11 years. no CS or nothing. I filed for CS and now he is paying. u should continue the processes. It is very hard to be a single parent. I went thur a whole lot. even if he call and wants to work something on the side. don't agree with it. Just go thur the court.

Alicia - posted on 06/08/2010

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Oh I love booty calls and txts late at night when you can't call to see how your child is doing. Freaking wonderful!!! I do believe you should confront him about his "sister" calls it could be him playing on the phone thinkin that he is getting to you someway or somehow. You could be right also that maybe its him calling because he got those speical papers served to his ass and his reality check is about to kick him dead in his butt. And if this '"sister" chick is a wife or a long term gf that he cheated on with you that's so not your fault and how would you known that??? Dont worry about it until you get some facts about it. Dont stop with the child support either he will eventually get and step up hopefully. Hope everything works out for you hun!!!

Karen - posted on 06/08/2010

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Hello Nikkita. How are you? I understand what you are going through. I had a similiar situation. I had gotten back together with my son's father after 6 years. I broke up with him for cheating on me numerous times. In 2009, we got back together, telling me he wanted to get married and I tohave his last child. When i found out i was pregnant, he sai he didnt want o raise or pay child support for the baby. He deserted his on who is 7 years old also. The next timne i saw him was when he took me to court to decrease child support for my son. Do not take his phone calls. He prolly wants to try to manipulate you. My son's father gave me his new number just days before the court date. No your thoughts are not wrong. Change your number. i feel for you. Make sure you get a support system for yourself. Don't be ashamed of being a single mom. God will bless you for being a good mother. I wish you all the success in everything you do. God bless.

Merrill - posted on 06/08/2010

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you can also put a block on your phone where they have to unblock their number to call you.

Jeannie - posted on 06/08/2010

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Definetly report the harassing phone calls! You don't need that stress right now. Like you said, it may or may not be him, but regardless it needs to stop. As far as being a cell phone or not, it doesn't matter. There are ways after having the correct paperwork in progress that the numbers can be traced. Cell phone companies have a way of knowing EVERYTHING about what is coming and going to your phone. It's a government security system that is in place. Now, as far as he is concerned, yes, file the child support don't back down. But realize that with him paying childsupport is acknowledging him as the father and he at that point has rights to his child. He can see the baby (if he has the initiative to wanting to) regardless of what you say. I doubt this is the case in your situation, doesn't sound like he wants any part, but a baby changes people sometimes. Best of Luck girl! With him and the calls.

April - posted on 06/07/2010

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Get your number changed or block the numbers. If you have Verizon, you can block up to 5 numbers. If ALL these numbers are coming up as private then get your phone number changed and explain that you are receiving harrassing phone calls. Talk it up as you are explaining it to whatever cell phone company you have by mentioning how you have a child and how bothersome it is and how you are a single mom and getting "scared" and I bet you anything they will do it for free = )

Terry - posted on 06/06/2010

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My ex would never call, then when it was time to go to court, he would call to beg, play let's make a deal, and then threaten me. Whatever. Ignore this crap, be calm when possible, and do what you have to do. It's all just noise.

Darcy - posted on 06/06/2010

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Yah this sounds like my youngest son's dad and any guy that suddenly up and disappears after finding out he is going to be a father and doesnt bother being a part of the pregnancy or the baby's life has some serious issues. It doesnt matter if he is married, engaged or anything like that; you are better to have gotten this person out of your life now rather than later. He does need to pay child support whether he's involved or not. Regarding the phone calls, if they dont come from a number you recognize then dont answer them. If it's from someone important they will leave a message. If you stop answering, they'll eventually stop calling. I used to get these calls then I just started muting my phone in the middle of the night and eventually the calls stopped.

Chalita - posted on 06/05/2010

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I agree with Beverly, yes you should continue with the child support. As for the phone calls, if it is a land line that you are receiving the calls on, you can have your telephone company trace the calls to see where they are coming from and they will report it for you. If it's a cell phone, you may not have a leg to stand. Check with your police department about the cell phone. Just call the non-emergency number and ask questions about telephone harassment on cell phones. It doesn't matter who is making the calls, be it him or whomever, it is a form of harassment and is against the law. But you have to prove it. Child support is a help when you actually get it. Getting it is the hard part. Don't get me wrong, the courts will award it, but the father/mother has to pay it. If they don't pay it they get to go to jail. Once they are in jail you still don't get it. So who wins. I'm not telling you not to file for what is your child's rights; I'm just saying it has it's ups and downs and you tend to stay in court more than anything else. Stay strong, pray and enjoy your child. Good luck and be blessed.

Tangela - posted on 06/05/2010

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I was in the same situation. didnt hear from him da whole time i was pregnant or even after i had my daughter but soon as he got served he wanna call still got my child support tho cause i gave him a chance to help me out. So still go after da child support! Sorry cant tell you much about the calls but you can still report it tho cause thats harassment. Good luck!

Beverly - posted on 06/05/2010

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yeah definitely.. anybody you can speak to, family, friend, adult counselor, lawyer... they might have a better knowledge of how to handle this situation.. i wish i could tell you something more, i hope your daughter's father would be man enough to face this reality.. and don't let anybody try to scare you or put you down, your child has the right to have a decent life(not that you can't give it to her).. with or without an involved father around, that is why you have to file child support for her.

Nikkita - posted on 06/05/2010

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Thank you Beverly! About the calls, I'm not sure if it is him though, so should I still talk to some one?

Beverly - posted on 06/05/2010

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I think you have to talk to a lawyer or at least a councilor reagarding this issue. Those "prank calls" is like a form of harassment of some sort, i mean come on late at night.. it is not right. And yes continue on filing for the child support, as a single mom myself, a little help goes a long way than nothing at all.. Stay positive and be strong, your daughter depends on you. God bless nikkita!

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