"Unfit Father"

Cathy - posted on 08/07/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Hello,



I'm single mom of 1 daughter. She is 3 years old.



I'm asking why "Father" or "Lazy Father" always complaint about wants to

see my daughter without child supports? He kept begging to let me send

my daughter's pixs to him. I kept saying no and ignoring him.



Geesh, I don't understand why he wants to see my own daughter's sakes???

I was broken heart when he left me when I was 5 months preg. So, After my

daughter born. He changed his mind and wanting to see her. I told him no

way because he was not there for me while I was preg, checkup Dr, and even

at the hospital. (SIGH)



How can I rid of him!??? (tsk...)



C

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17 Comments

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Julie - posted on 08/10/2009

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I went though the same thing, Tell him to take you to court and get visitation. Then if he does, you make him prove he is her fatherr, then you have him up for child support.Then if it makes it to court you tell the courts how he did. You tell him to leave you alone until then and if he keeps bothering you take out papers on him restraing order.Show him you aren't playing with him.Keep your head up and don't take any mess.

Ashley - posted on 08/10/2009

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If I were you, I would take it to court. I know court gets messy but still. Take him to court if he wants to see her that badly then he can pay child support. I understand that you are broken hearted but what about your daughter? I'm not trying to throw her in your face, I'm simply asking. When your daughter gets older and wonders about her dad, is she really going to understand why you didnt let him get to see her when she was young?

Shyvonne - posted on 08/10/2009

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my story diffirent he went round telling ppl how i wouldnt let him near not that he every tried like. n 1 day when we bumped in 2 him he took 1 look at r daughter n turned and actally ran away from her. he moans that he has 2 pay csa 4 her, cos he dont want 2 know her. all i can say is if u think he will bring summat 2 ur childs life then make him sit in ur house with her n u sit upstairs n see how things go.

Paula - posted on 08/10/2009

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The father of my son wasn't there for me either when I got pregnant but I still wanted him to be in his life. He wasn't that sure if he wanted to be in our/his life or not but when he was born he fell in love with the child. BUT he didn't wanna have any responsibilites and he wanted to confirm that he's the father when it would have suited him. I played along coz I just wanted my son to know his father.

Now I got fed up and I started the process that he would confirm legally that he's the father. He's pissed at me at the moment coz I'm forcing him to do that and is blaming me that there won't be now a relationship between him and my son.

He's a jerk, I know, but it is still tearing my heart that I have to find a way to tell my son, when he's older, why his daddy won't visit him. If the "daddy" would change his mind later and would tell me that he wanna see the boy, I would let him if I could trust him not to run away again. As it is said in some messages above, don't keep the father away if you just hate him for what he did for you. If you can trust him to be a good Dad, let your daughter and him create a relationship.

Melissa - posted on 08/10/2009

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You should go get sole legal physical custody of your daughter. I am in the process of doing that now with my son's worthless dad.

Jennifer - posted on 08/09/2009

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honestly if you dont get full custody then regardless of paying child support or not he CAN take her because the law says that she belongs to both of you other wise. i had to learn this the hard way. spend the money and do it. it will save you a lot of worry down the line. also law states that visitation and child support are two seperate things. sucks big time but its true. good luck. maybe filing for custody as well as support will deter him.

Dawn - posted on 08/09/2009

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Quoting Cathy:

"Unfit Father"

Hello,

I'm single mom of 1 daughter. She is 3 years old.

I'm asking why "Father" or "Lazy Father" always complaint about wants to
see my daughter without child supports? He kept begging to let me send
my daughter's pixs to him. I kept saying no and ignoring him.

Geesh, I don't understand why he wants to see my own daughter's sakes???
I was broken heart when he left me when I was 5 months preg. So, After my
daughter born. He changed his mind and wanting to see her. I told him no
way because he was not there for me while I was preg, checkup Dr, and even
at the hospital. (SIGH)

How can I rid of him!??? (tsk...)

C


Just wanted to let you know that I can empathize for you. I seperated from my husband 2 weeks before giving birth to our second daughter and I know how hard it is to give birth to a baby with out the father... Its all so hard but it gets better. And when you are not so hurt maybe you will want him in his daughters life..that is if he can be a good Daddy to her and do the right thing..Unfortunately I dont think we can get rid of them......but yes it would be nice..LOL

Latonya - posted on 08/09/2009

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I think you should let him see the child. Yea he is wrong for leaving you when you were pregnant but dont hold it against him. As your daughter gets older she might take her anger out on you for keeping her away from her father and you dont want that. What some people fail to realize is the child feelings. Do whats best for the child. You continue being the best mother toyour daughter. If he is a dead beat dad, as your daughter gets older she will see that and will no longer want him in her life and that will hurt him the most, knowing that his flesh and blood doesnt want him in her life.

Laura - posted on 08/09/2009

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I would get a lawyer and get something set up where visits start off slow maybe even supervised and child support can be set up. My daughter just started having visits with her dad, she is 7. they started off slow and there are rules set up since it went through court. You may not want to keep denying him of visitations cause he may be able to use it against you. I would call a lawyer and get advice so that nothing comes back against you.

Whitney - posted on 08/09/2009

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yes fathers are good....However thats only if he is not into trouble all the time. Like I am 18 now and my 1year old is without her father because he mentaly abused me. My own mother is afraid of him and my friends say he is "crazy" and will do anything. He has even threated to take her away to mexico. So I left him. Yes she is with out a father....But who knows I might find someone else. She doesnt need her BIOLOGICAL father to be in her life....as long as she has a man figure...like my father or a neighbor or even just a friend of mine....it's ok.....

In my case my daughter is better off withut her father....I dont say that because I'm mad at him....I say it and keep her away from him for her health and protection.

Isobel - posted on 08/08/2009

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I hate to say it ladies, but dads are good for kids, and it's better late than never. I don't like mine either but my kids love him...no matter what a jackass he is.

Having a dad in their life increases their chances of going to college, and decreases the chances of teenage pregnancies and criminal behaviour.

I say go to court, they will take his child support straight from his check and likely give him every other weekend for visitation.I didn't like the idea at first, but after some time to get used to it I love my weekends off. I don't know what I'd do without them

Penny - posted on 08/08/2009

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Okay... so my views may be a little different on this.. Obviously he is a piece of work for leaving you pregnant and not being there for you. However.. I would tell him that if he wants to see her he is going to have to prove himself. Like for instance paying child support. even though I do not think that makes a father... My ex pays his child support on time everytime.. (probably because he is navy and I could screw him if he didn't) but he doesn't call and talk to his son and it seems like such a hassle when I try to get him too. I hate it.. but my opinon is that it is still his father and still has rights to him . I hate it sometimes but I just have to remeber that I send pictures to him and all of that for the simple reason that I will tell my son that I tried when he comes asking me why his dad wasn't there I can simply tell him that I tried and that his daddy decided not to be there. The one thing that I have learned about being a single mother is that it is hard and is going to be hard. We are going to see the hurt in our childrens faces when they ask where thier fathers are.. but all we can do is be the best.

I am not sure why you would want to get rid of him.. Maybe let him talk to her on the phone or set up the two of you having lunch (tell him he has to pay) so you can be there as well. I think it is important to at least give him another chance to be there for her.. Don't just hand her over to him for any reason.. Maybe a day at the park with the both of you there.. I would never have to worry about my ex running off with mine but I know that is some concern of some..

Whitney - posted on 08/08/2009

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OMGosh! Iknow what your going through! We have a few things in that story in common...

heres a couple of choices you have....

One...Tell him he can see the baby if he pays child support.

Two...Tell him you were not there for me and you werent there for your child when she was in me...so I don't think you need to be around and tell him to get lost...I mean if he is a real looser than he dont need to be arond child....tell him BYE and him not to come around or you will take him to court for child support. If it dont scare him away cause he doesnt want to pay money....then atleast you can get money to help.

[deleted account]

Hi Cathy. New to Circle of Mom's. In response to your post I also agree with Mel Mel. I am also going thru a visitation problem with my youngest daddy. He's not cooperating at all. I also do not have very nice feelings for "daddy" but the child does. I agree every child has a right to know who "daddy" is. they can make up their own minds about them when they are old enough. until then they do have the right to know who "daddy" is. also not sure how it works in CO. but here in NE child support and visitations are two totally different subjects as far as the courts are concerned. Wish you the best of luck with this and just remember she's your little girl but she also has a right to know who "daddy" is. She can decide what she thinks of "daddy" when she's ready. keep in mind that your trying to do what is best for her not you. I know I have to keep reminding myself of that every weekend when "daddy" and I get into it over stupid stuff. don't like him wish he would go away but for my son I deal. again best of luck.

Mel - posted on 08/08/2009

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I made alot of spelling errors in the above comment. I apologize. My keyboard does not like to type letters in sometimes.

Mel - posted on 08/08/2009

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I don't know about setting up the custody order thing because that would really give him rights. You have to think is it just you being mad at him or is it that you feel you child is unsafe with him. As bad as it sounds because believe me I have been in this boat and I am going through a custody trial right now (which is a nightmare) but what is best for your child. It is important for them to have a relationship with their father (even if you hate them, which is my case) but I still want my little girl to know and love their dad. I also never want her to blame me as I did my mom for keeping me from having a read dad. If he is really unfit then just keep doing what you are doing, but if it is just you hating him because he did you wrong, then find a way to push those feelings aside, so you little girl does not feel that loss of no knowing thier real dad. Because there will be a viod that no substitute can fill. Give him limited visitation however. He does not deserve the right to make decisions one her part but your daughter deserves the right to see her dad.



And believe me I know how you can't understand why this person can't pay any child support, how he could want something to do with your child. But we as mother's sacrifice everyday for our children in ways that a man will never know. This may be another sacrifice you have to make. And it will be hard and heart-breaking but you have to do what is truly best for your little girl and not you.

Kate - posted on 08/07/2009

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i just got rid of mine hon he left me 2 months pregs, and now hes paying for his support by force. why dont you set up a custody order if you can? that shows you have sole custodyso that later he cant go well shes mine and try and run off with her ( i know mine tried)

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