Upset with ex and his mom do i have a right to be?

Kristina - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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Ok so this is how it all started my ex and i got together a year after he divorced his wife which was 3yrs ago. we were together for almost 2 1/2 yrs before i got pregnant. He was all lets get a place together and be together. I told him that my son would have my last name until we decided to get married if we decided to. He wanted to get married just because he wanted him to have the same last name. I told him no, i was so moody when i was pregnant. When i was 5mo. i found out i was having a boy and his ex-wife decided she wanted him back and he left me for her. She thought we were still together. We did not see each other until the day after i had my son when his ex had someone from the hospital call her and tell her that my son was born and she came up and saw him in the nursery the whole hour and a half that he was there since i decided to have him room in after he was born. She is an OB nurse where i had my son and was not working until 3days after i had him. His dad didn't sign the birth certificate, did not hold him until he was a month old. My ex's mother was much better she wanted to see him all the time and i was pumping and letting her spend time with him every other tuesday until my ex got a new girlfriend and decided he wanted to see my son to impress her and he was also taking this new girlfriend to see my son. When i was invited by his mother to her thanksgiving i said yes since the family had not seen the baby recently. Of course my ex threw a tantrum about this he wanted to bring his new girlfriend and didnt want me or his son there. He didnt see this side of the family untl his dad called a few days before christmas and asked to see him i was in a good mood so i said yes. this was a big mistake, because he had went to the courthouse a week before christmas and a week after our fight. and married his girlfriend (who he only has known since august). He was supposed to see my son at his mothers house, but he took him to their house w/o asking. I am not trying to be moody, but trying to protect my son from their arguments and his new wifes bad temper. She bashed my ex's head into a metal shelf just a few weeks ago.

Do i have a right to protect my son from someone who doesn't really want him?

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Janell - posted on 01/05/2010

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You have every right to be mad. I would be just as mad if that happened to my baby girl!!

Jackey - posted on 01/05/2010

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We are blessed with womens intuition..If you think that your son isn't safe with his father, then your son has to depend on someone to protect him and that is you. Dont worry about hurting anyone's feeling, because your are trying to protect your son. You really should not have your son in that kind of environment where there is fighting and arguing. And from what you said about the father, he doesn't seem like he has grown up. He isnt stable with his relationships, so how can he teach his son anything. Dont ignore that gut feeling. God could be telling you something you keep your son safe.

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20 Comments

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Nicole - posted on 01/11/2010

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hell yea you have a right to be upset. a baby isnt an instrument to be used to impress someone. i would get supervised visitation, his wife being violent; i feel is a good enough reason, but the way he acts is too. maybe get his family to write letters supporting it. it was very nice of you to continue to take him over to see his grandparents. i hope everything works out

April - posted on 01/11/2010

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oh hell yeah u have ever right to protect ur son. My ex tried doing that until i had a paper made stating our son was not allowed to see his girlfriend cause i didn't know her and there was no way that was happening. I don't allow my exs mom to see my children well she didn't for a couple of months cause she tried taking my kids. I will do anything to protect my kids from anyone even if it is their dad. Plus if he doesn't want to see him only for looks that's not fair to u or the boy and if he was a real man he would realize he's only hurting his son

Melissa - posted on 01/10/2010

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If he doesn't pay child support....he has no rights. Cut him off. He will only damage your childs life

Kayla - posted on 01/10/2010

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not only do you have a right to be mad, but you also have a right to get a court order stating that he must have supervised visitation, which is what it sounds like is needed... thankfully i have not had to go through this myself but i have had friends who have gone through similar situations. that is not a healthy enviroment for YOUR child to be in. Keep your head up and keep doing what your doing cause it seems to be working... and if he wants a fight give it to him just be smart about it and make sure you have all your facts straight before you start...

Jenn - posted on 01/09/2010

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yes, you as his mother have every right to do what you feel is the best for your child! don't dought yourself!!

Yvonne - posted on 01/08/2010

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I agree with Jackey, use your intuition on this... you need to talk to his mom and let her know the rules or if she wants to see your son she can come to your place. Since he is not on the birth certificate you do not have to let him see your son. I would tell him that if he really wants to be a part of his life go to court for visitation but then he will have to pay child support and I bet he doesn't want to do that... A lot of men want the glory of having a child but not the true responsability of one. I will keep you in my prayers...God bless you.. I raised 3 kids by myself and that was because I had God and great family and friends...

Laurence "Tutu" - posted on 01/08/2010

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You have EVERY right to protect your son from anyone that may harm him, you included. What you should do is tell then father that you don't feel comfortable with your son around his new wife. If he can't respect your wishes then get a restraining order against her that way the father will have no other choice but to respect your wishes. But don't let go of your resolve. And don't worry about whose feelings you may or may not be hurting.

[deleted account]

My dear, I agree with everyone else. You are justified to be mad. Not just for your ex taking your son to his house with his new wife without explaining but for him to think he can pop in and out all the time and just generally not support you in raising your son. You are the primary car giver meaning that legally you can dictate to a tee exactly when where and for how long the father can see your son. If he has a problem let him go to a lawyer, they will tell him he has no chance in winning because he hasn't been around and is unstable. My advice, only let him take him or see him if you are sure he will respect your wishes or you feel comfortable. Also, keep a journal of his visitation, if he is on time and that kind of thing just to back yourself up.

Kayla - posted on 01/07/2010

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you have every right and your ex sounds like bad news! if he's not on the birth certificate, he has no right to see your son at all! I would get a restraining order from him and his wife. if he's going to act like that with his own son, then there's no telling what he could do to you and him. him and his wife sound dangerous, and he can get over it! he should've stepped up and been a man when he was supposed too!

Amanda - posted on 01/07/2010

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100% you are in the right. Believe me I am going through a difficult time right now trying to keep my son from his druggy father. He to has a new gf and he brought my son over there without my permission and I found out through myspace and pictures. Not to mention when my son saw a picture of the new gf he said "that's my new mommy!" I freaking LOST it and that was the nail in the coffin for me now I am in a fight for my son's protection and health to keep him away from his druggy dad unsupervised and not to mention I dunno this new girl and I have no idea if she does drugs like him and I tend to believe birds of a flock fly together!

Krista - posted on 01/07/2010

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HONEY YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT. THAT'S YOUR SON. YOU HAVE TO PROTECT HIM. IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO HIM YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF. YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOUR SON AND LET HIS DADDY CONTINUE TO ACT A FOOL. IT SOUNDS LIKE DADDY NEEDS TO GROW UP AND BE A DAD, BUT YOU CONTINUE TO BE A GREAT MOTHER TO YOUR SON, BECAUSE WHEN HE GROWS UP, HE'S GOING TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH TO MAKE HIM HAPPY. YOU CAN'T HELP HOW HIS DADDY IS ACTING, AS LONG AS YOU'RE THERE FOR HIM, THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. YOU LOVE YOUR SON VERY MUCH, AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM, THAT I CAN TELL IN YOUR LETTER. JUST LOVE YOUR SON, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIS DADDY, BECAUSE WHAT HIS DADDY IS DOING NOW, HE WILL REGRET WHEN HIS SON GETS OLDER AND UNDERSTAND HOW HIS DAD TREATED HIS MOTHER!!

Sheri - posted on 01/07/2010

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You have a right to do whatever is done in the best interest of your child.... If you can be sure to make note of things that have seen or that you know have gone on as far as your ex goes so that you have some kind of a paper trail incase you need the info in the future in order to protect your child.

Ashley - posted on 01/07/2010

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you have every rite to be mad. i would not let none of my kids around someone like that

Renae - posted on 01/06/2010

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Damn right you do, your son rely on you to protect him, i have a case very similar to yours, and my advice is this, collect as much evidence as you can about your ex and his new wife. Anything that would prove the child would be unsafe if the "father" was ever to go for part cusody or visitations, see a family lawyer, from what i know QLD or Australia Law does not encourage sole cusody unless it is an extreme situation. He might not be on the birth certificate but if he takes you to court he can demand a DNA test, thus proved that he is the father. You son doesnt need to be exposed to such antics thats what destroys them and children don't need that. I'm going through court with the father of my child. I go out of my way to make sure Azabiar is never exposed to the stress that this kind of situation can bring. Just get advice, get him before he gets you. Next thing you know he had "rights" to see your son. Disgusting isn't it?

Jennifer - posted on 01/06/2010

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ok so thsi is how I see it. You are the mother of your son. You are the soul provider and caring for your son. He is your baby in all the ways that really matter. Blood is blood but you are the one taking care of him 24/7 and not his dad. If you feel that there is something wrong with the environment your son is in then it is your right to take him out of that environment. I would not want my child in a situation like that. Think of your little boys well-being and dontw orry about hurting anyone elses feelings. They obviously didnt thinf about yours when they disrespected you. I feel for you and your son I really do. My daughter goes to her dads everyother weekend now, but for a long time she didnt see him at all. But even so, when she is at his moms (her grandmas) if he comes over there she has my daughter call me to make sure that it is ok for her to go with him. That is what your ex's mom should have done. So no I dont blame you for being angry at either of them! Just do what is best for your baby boy :)

Chestina - posted on 01/06/2010

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WOW......honestly.....WOW,
Okay this is how I c it. You are the mother who cares for that child. You tend to that child. He has not right to disrespect you and not let you know that he was taking YOU ALL son to the next females house even if she is his wife. I would not want a woman around my child if she had the temper that she has because its not a good image. Then I also feel like you should get a restraining order ( I know it sounds drastic) but you never know how some women are..Its the safety of your child you are worried about.

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