Very, very lonely single mom. Where does one find all the good guys?!

Toben - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 131 moms have responded )

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I've been a single mom for almost a year and a half. Really single as in no "daddy" in sight. I dated once fairly recently but it didn't work out because the guy couldn't accept the fact that I have a child. I am starting to feel incredibly lonely and just want someone who I can share my life with and connect with on a mature level. I am so sick of having friends who are so involved with their significant others that it takes over their lives. On top of the loneliness I feel, I don't have many friends and am alone a lot. Any suggestions to solve my problem?!

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Tara - posted on 05/05/2013

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Thats how i feel also. I am a 39 year old single mother of two boys ages 10 and 8. i do everything on my own. My ex does take them every other weekend. I have been divorced for 7 years now and i feel very lonely. I do have some friends however, they all do have their own lives etc etc and that doesnt make up for yearning for that feeling of being loved and loving someone in a romantic relationship. I have tried online dating and only met losers or guys looking for a hookup. I am not sure what to do anymore. I want to feel wanted by someone not only physically but emotionally and mentally I want to feel that connection. I am afraid i will be single forever and once my kids are grown I will also be too bitter and too old for someone. Any suggestions?

Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2010

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I udnerstand the lonliness and sadness. I'm going through some of that too. The best advice I've gotten is from some Christian friends. I hope this doesn't offend anyone out there with dissimilar beliefs..but thought I'd share.
The advice is that you won't find the person to be with until you start being OK with being on your own. God will bring you the right person when you give up your "right" to find someone and live your life the way he would want you to.
Fill your life with good works, self-development and good friends who have a positive outlook on life and a healthy spiritual life. If your focus is on God and you are involved in a church (get really involved...volunteer and stuff) you will find that you will aquire a circle of friends that helps your lonliness and you will also have the potential of meeting a good Christian single man. Go back to school, take an art/self defense/home repair class, do something you've always wanted to do. Find things besides a man that can bring you joy and increase those things.

If you are divorced I recommend www.divorcecare.com.

As single Mom's our struggles are huge. And I completely understand the lonliness. My hope for all of us is to have complete, healthy, happy lives with or without a significant other. Hang in there ladies!

Jorge - posted on 01/12/2014

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Read some of the stories here and I have to admire the double-standard of some of the single-moms here:

"I'm a single mom but am not willing to take care of other people's children"

... yet they expect Mr. Right to love them AND their children unconditionally.

And they wonder why you are lonely. Also, all I read here are victims who have done nothing wrong. Really? You must have done something to be in the situation you are in (apart from the ones that had to escape the relationships because of abuse).

Now, let's take a look at the ones that are lonely and cannot find this elusive Mr. Right? Oh yes. The good men. The ones that happen to be all around you yet don't meet your list of requirements:

- Not tall enough
- Too fat
- Works too much (busy trying to have a good life, but you see it as having less time to devote to you)
- Has baggage (i.e. kids)
- Has custody of his kids (worst than a non-custodial dad because he won't have enough times for you)
- Too ugly (look at yourself in the mirror and see if there's a Miss Universe looking back at you)
- And the list goes on.

Ladies, there are good men all around you, but you have to bring your standards down, just like men have to bring down their standards by dating you and the baggage you bring into the relationship. If you are not willing to compromise, you will be looking at more lonely years.

I know it's hard to be a single parent. Take it from me. I am full-time single parent with custody of 3 kids and have been doing it for 5 years now (yes, without help). It's hard, but if you are able to give men a chance, they will offer what you are asking and much more. You just have to give the 'right' men chances. Where are they found? All around you.

But, don't just ask what THEY have to offer you. What do you have to offer THEM? Don't be selfish. What do you bring to the table besides baggage, debt, inability to go out because of your kids, etc? If he has a kid, are you willing to go to the movies as a group? (Most single fathers would love this. I know I would). If he has a nice stable job (especially in this economy), are you willing to respect his decision to do that so he can provide for himself, you and your kids without nagging that he has to work hard?

Lots of you join Internet sites and don't find anybody or you only find 'creeps' and 'jerks'. Really ladies? What about the ones that read your profile and asked you questions to know you better or even asked you out and you turned them down because you thought he was not 'Mr. Right'? What happened? Too ugly? Not tall enough? Not in a white-collar job? But he was interested in you and wanted to know you. You just discarded all chances of meeting him and finding out about him and his life.

Ladies, you will not meet Mr. Right if you don't go on dates. There are men out there that have been hurt by women. Men such as the sons you are now raising. What would you say to your sons when they get rejected for trying to meet some single-mom for which they show interest in? Will you tell them that they are a creep/jerk/loser who can't land a date even with a single-mom or will you tell them to try harder or move on to someone single with no baggage?

Keep it real ladies. Be yourselves and don't set your standards to high. Take a look at what you have to offer. And if somebody is interested in you, give them a chance. After all, a date does not meet you will marry the guy. It just means a date. A conversation over a cup of coffee. A nice dinner. A time of a man and a woman to meet and get to know each other. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't. You go on to date the next person that you have given a chance to until you decide on the one that makes you feel special.

Good luck ladies.

Ashley - posted on 01/22/2010

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Well i once read that in order to find love you must learn to be your own best friend ! I'm not sure where your from but i can give you some advice ! Since your feeling so alone channel that into you and the family you have, now when you start to feel you have no one to call or hangout with or huge , take the kids to a park or just you or go walk down your block or squeeze your little one and when you start going out and being your own bestfriend while your out at the store make conversation with everyone! i made a new friend today at walgreen talking about her 6 month old baby turns out she new to town from Alabama so play date we set up ! start with these little tricks and see the change when you step out of the norm theres change ! you may meet a single father at the park looking for the same thing you are ! and BAM theres love ! always think positive, goodness is around the corner for you I just feel it you just need to believe it !

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Kelley - posted 5 hours ago

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Happened across these posts when I was planning a trip for my daughter and I this summer (12). She has always wanted to go to this hotel in the Maldives (the one underwater with restaurants and rooms underwater)
Anyway, as I am looking through all of the "romantic packages" it hit me that there really should be a place where us Mom's (and Dad's) can go and plan trips/get advice.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not obtuse enough to believe that there aren't any lonely heart blogs out there but for once, I would just like to stumble across something where good advice was given about - well where to go with your daughter where there may be other single parents in the same boat as we are. It's not my style to do match or POF or the countless other sites out there - just haven't had the luck
What I am looking for is a wikipedia of sorts but that lists popular destinations and the real data that I am seeking; What is the men/women ratio and age groups? Is it all families (aka leaving me more depressed and feeling alone than when I arrived)
I keep putting off vacations with the hopes that One day when I meet "him" we are going to go overseas, or to Fiji etc., and then it hit me -- I haven't had a vacation in 15 years and I am wasting my life waiting for what ifs.
Going to do some more investigation on this but if you are interested, please drop me a line.
The Meetup concept is a bit stale and the closest that I have ever gotten to social dating.
I work a lot in NYC and have decided that I need to literally schedule dating into my life.
Anyway, stay tuned and again, should you have any input, please just let me know.
Thanks!
Kelley

Bharat - posted on 04/06/2014

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if you want love moment and best feeling of life i can help you
i have lot s love and i am happy parson who always smile
if you want good time and happiness then add me on Skype bharat2022 or wright me e mail rajlove4you@live.in when ever u feel sad call me i will make you to feel smile laugh and happy my name is Raj and i am form India ok dear

take care of your self
best wishes and lot love to you form Raj

Bharat - posted on 04/06/2014

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if you want love moment and best feeling of life i can help you
i have lot s love and i am happy parson who always smile
if you want good time and happiness then add me on Skype bharat2022 or wright me e mail rajlove4you@live.in when ever u feel sad call me i will make you to feel smile laugh and happy my name is Raj and i am form India ok dear

take care of your self
best wishes and lot love to you form Raj

Grace - posted on 04/01/2014

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how are u doing handsome.i am Grace yartey single and never married before.i am here for real and true love.i have read your profile and it very interesting,i would like to get to know more about u.better still we can exchange our email address for us to or add me on yahoo youloveme97@yahoo.com

Grace - posted on 04/01/2014

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how are u doing handsome.i am Grace yartey single and never married before.i am here for real and true love.i have read your profile and it very interesting,i would like to get to know more about u.better still we can exchange our email address for us to or add me on yahoo youloveme97@yahoo.com

Grace - posted on 04/01/2014

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how are u doing handsome.i am Grace yartey single and never married before.i am here for real and true love.i have read your profile and it very interesting,i would like to get to know more about u.better still we can exchange our email address for us to or add me on yahoo youloveme97@yahoo.com

Jerahld - posted on 03/26/2014

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yeah me too feels so sick and tired doing like that b 4 and i want it to finish it all by having someone to be with 4 d rest of my life.

Sarah - posted on 03/14/2014

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you disgust me as someone with 3 kids you should know better fancy saying you have baggage baggage baggage you do not you have beautiful children that are an asset you have the wrong attitude

Betty - posted on 03/03/2014

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Ted - posted on 02/28/2014

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I think people underestimate the consequences of divorce and enter into it frivolously. It's tough being a single mom, as many guys won't date them. I did once but when we did break up I never got to see her daughter whom I loved, Won't do that again.

Tony - posted on 02/19/2014

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have you ever thought of a new start by moving an you might find some one who will love you an your child i really do feel so sad as a male xx

Jason - posted on 02/19/2014

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I'm jason from USA,I'm a military officer as a SGT in usarmy, I'm from Craig colorado I'm a single DAD with a kid of 3years old now I'd lost her mom due to breast cancer since last 2years since have been single but it high time for me to be happy again, I'm in here looking a serious relationship with a serious woman who will show me love and trust till end of time, Here is my email jasonleftron@hotmail.com or jason_leftron@yahoo.com hope to hear from a serious woman from God thanks,

Jason - posted on 02/19/2014

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I'm jason from USA,I'm a military officer as a SGT in usarmy, I'm from Craig colorado I'm a single DAD with a kid of 3years old now I'd lost her mom due to breast cancer since last 2years since have been single but it high time for me to be happy again, I'm in here looking a serious relationship with a serious woman who will show me love and trust till end of time, Here is my email jasonleftron@hotmail.com or jason_leftron@yahoo.com hope to hear from a serious woman from God thanks,

Jason - posted on 02/19/2014

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I'm jason from USA,I'm a military officer as a SGT in usarmy, I'm from Craig colorado I'm a single DAD with a kid of 3years old now I'd lost her mom due to breast cancer since last 2years since have been single but it high time for me to be happy again, I'm in here looking a serious relationship with a serious woman who will show me love and trust till end of time, Here is my email jasonleftron@hotmail.com or jason_leftron@yahoo.com hope to hear from a serious woman from God thanks,

Jason - posted on 02/19/2014

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I'm jason from USA,I'm a military officer as a SGT in usarmy, I'm from Craig colorado I'm a single DAD with a kid of 3years old now I'd lost her mom due to breast cancer since last 2years since have been single but it high time for me to be happy again, I'm in here looking a serious relationship with a serious woman who will show me love and trust till end of time, Here is my email jasonleftron@hotmail.com or jason_leftron@yahoo.com hope to hear from a serious woman from God. Age is nothing to me and if you have kids that great cuz I'd love kids so much and if you don't have God will give you the kids as we get together thanks,

Mike - posted on 02/09/2014

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I can be that man believe in me I am looking for my soal family I leave it up to god my cell number#201702-5955"mike"

Lemonstomp - posted on 01/30/2014

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Seek out a family resource center, people from your kids school/daycare or your workplace. Those with common interests. There's a program I took called Parents as Teachers, it was supportive and NOT for dating. I'm not sure what you're looking for, but with the headline tag you've got (very very lonely single mom.....) you're going to attract men without self confidence who want to prove themselves to anyone. good luck with that as a 'good guy'.....also, as a tip of advice, romantic relationships are not the most important thing in the world, sorry to tell you.

-coming from a single mom of one 2 year old, been alone since his conception. i've found more meaningful relationships to be without the neediness of another one on my ankle.

Todd - posted on 01/29/2014

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Ladies, I`m kind, caring, an understanding. I`m not your old man. I will lesson
to what you have to say. I don`t expect anything but you friendship. I like kids,
if you still have them at home or not. I loved a lady that had children when I
meet her, I accepted her and everything,like her kids.
Age is nothing to me. I don`t care if your 18 or 66,I dom`t care.
IT`s like this,if you would like to know more about me please ask.
All you have to do is just (breakfree69) @ (Comcast) (.net)
Please,if you would,send me your sweet pics....
Think you,
Todd

Douglas - posted on 01/24/2014

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I need a nice single mum who is ready to be with me. Here is my direct no.+2347069581404.I will give u my facebook name when anyone interested calls me.thanks douglas

Enis - posted on 01/12/2014

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Hello there,u can send me a mail on enisjsj@yahoo.com for a better conversation on your issue if u dnt mind.....cheers

Julie - posted on 01/03/2014

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I have been alone for 12 years. I have raised 3 kids alone. I reconciled once with my ex-husband and that is how I also have an 8year old. I have dated rarely and have found it is better to be alone then settle. There are a lot of unstable and emotionaly draining and abusive men out there. DO you really want to settle for that. I have not in 12 years met anyone that I would consider longterm. What I have done is turned to the greatest and most rewarding love out there and that is Christ. He will meet you where your at and never leave your side. I have also seeked out other single moms. I am in a Church group right now that I asked the pastor if he could start. There are 11 of us single moms and we are in a group called friends for life. It helps with the loneliness. I also see my old married friends periodically and keep busy with working and time with my kids. Just remember what you went through emotionally and do you want to repeat that.Also More than half the marriages out there are not happy. Most of my married friends husbands I don't know how stay married to that. Anyhow. Sometimes grasses look greener across the fence. You have to find happiness in your life as it is now. Maybe oneday someone will come along who will sweep you off your feet but live like it wont and you will find happiness in who you are and your kids.

Nsereko Lukas - posted on 12/30/2013

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yeah.. its been long before they stole my wife and i felt like having one if is ready to have more funs and to make her feel like aqueen,i aint got nothing to hide, u should be part of my secret,wen i get closer to u,imean closerthan close thats when you'll seperate me from others u have been with,,,,,,,,nice reply

my addr; nbakhar27@yahoo.com
message number,+256-0775530120

Cheryl Lyn - posted on 11/29/2013

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I am trying to pray and be positive for my unhappiness...not working yet...I'm a full time single widow with two boys.sometimes I just dream of someone giving me love and attention. It's hard.I have my good days and bad. Try to keep busy. Do stuff with your kids. Read positive books. I know how your feeling. It will get better for both of us cuz good people deserve it

Cheryl Lyn - posted on 11/29/2013

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I know how you feel.I'm a lonely single widow of two boys...I've been thinking what makes me happy..reading positive books...things must get better.we are all are kids have

Rubbernsoul - posted on 10/27/2013

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I am just in a horrible, horrible place. I've been in a succession of abusive relationships. My marriage was the worst of them. It was verbally, emotionally and recently, physically abusive. I've been starved for love for a long time and I think that's why I made a stupid mistake that I will ALWAYS regret. A family member and I reconnected after twenty years. He indicated an attraction to me and I think I was so desperate for affection, I developed a very unhealthy crush. I recently tried to tell him but I did so in such a stupid, childish manner that it completely turned him off of me and now, I feel stupid, embarrassed and humiliated. I think what's worse is that I thought someone could like this beat down, broken down me and this just confirmed my worst fears. I was probably hallucinating the whole encounter and that just makes me feel more desperate and alone. I want to cry but I just haven't been able to let myself because I know I won't be able to stop and that I think it would make me even sadder to have no one to comfort me if I did cry. I just want someone to love me in a real, unconditional way. I've never had that and I am afraid that I won't. I'm just so sad. I haven't been sleeping and I just want to rest in someone's arms.

Rubbernsoul - posted on 10/27/2013

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I am just in a horrible, horrible place. I've been in a succession of abusive relationships. My marriage was the worst of them. It was verbally, emotionally and recently, physically abusive. I've been starved for love for a long time and I think that's why I made a stupid mistake that I will ALWAYS regret. A family member and I reconnected after twenty years. He indicated an attraction to me and I think I was so desperate for affection, I developed a very unhealthy crush. I recently tried to tell him but I did so in such a stupid, childish manner that it completely turned him off of me and now, I feel stupid, embarrassed and humiliated. I think what's worse is that I thought someone could like this beat down, broken down me and this just confirmed my worst fears. I was probably hallucinating the whole encounter and that just makes me feel more desperate and alone. I want to cry but I just haven't been able to let myself because I know I won't be able to stop and that I think it would make me even sadder to have no one to comfort me if I did cry. I just want someone to love me in a real, unconditional way. I've never had that and I am afraid that I won't. I'm just so sad. I haven't been sleeping and I just want to rest in someone's arms.

Columba Lisa - posted on 10/07/2013

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It can be hard. I've been alone for 14 years, raising my three kids. They're almost grown now! I haven't struggled much with loneliness, I think because I've been too busy to think about it. But I know I could easily feel that way, and will probably when they leave home.
I wrote about loneliness today. It seems best to start with our relationship with God. If we look to people to fill the need, we only make it worse.
Hugs,
Lisa
http://www.susannasapron.com/2013/10/thr...

Jamir - posted on 08/21/2013

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U sound nice let meet go 4 a drink and have good chat see how far we can go

Patricia - posted on 07/10/2013

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Sometimes I feel that I am so lonely, and when I find out other moms out there who are lonely too, it feels like a revelation. I never thought I'd feel this lonely.
It is like I am a puzzle piece and no one else can fit the jutting edges. I guess marriage (no matter how horrible it is) does make you feel like you fit into some kind of society and shields you from some of life's tribulations.
I just don't know what I need anymore. It seems like I am always on the verge of tears. Mom of two girls, eighteen and twelve.

Julie Ann - posted on 06/30/2013

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im going thru the same thing only im 46 and i have 2 boys in college and 1 in high school. im very lonely and dont want to be so depressing to my friends. they have their own lives and i wont call them because i dont want to be such a downer to them. i just dont know what to do

Susan - posted on 05/05/2013

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I am so glad to find this website and particularly this community. My ex-husband and I have lived in different states for years and we barely talked to each other. We are finalizing the divorce now. Our two sons, now 9 and 3, have always lived with me. It has been been hard to do everything on my own but it is even harder now. Even though he did not help much, it felt different when I was "married". Though divorce is what both of us want, deep depression is unavoidable and I feel extremely lonely and weak just like many of you. When I was married, it was as if I still had something to hold on to. But now I don't know what to hold on to. I have kind of a "boyfriend" now but he is far away too and he is so busy and "important" that it often feels like I am bothering him by calling him. I signed up for dating websites but you guys are right that there are a lot of creepy, at least creepy looking men out there. I have a very nice but also very stressful job and I already feel like I am failing now with my depression and parenting responsibilities and all the headaches caused by a bad divorce case. Is there light at the end of this tunnel?

Julie - posted on 04/03/2013

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When you find some place to meet a nice guy please let me know. I know what you mean but you are not alone. There are a lot of us singles out there. We just need to somehow make it all work. I am also looking for some good advice. I am tired of feeling stressed all the time.

Inger - posted on 04/02/2013

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it is very lonely, especially when you put your child to bed as your home bound and alone. sometimes what you need is a good friend to realise your lonely and need some company but that is hard when they r busy with there lives! i hear you...some suggest to join the gym. but if like me you need to be with your child how do you join a gym? i do a zumba class once a week and the first time i went i cried..it was like so liberating and i felt so sad for myself...i use to be confident, independant and so strong but a toddler just sucks out all the energy out of you! hugs and kisses

Prakash - posted on 02/03/2013

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Don't worry... God will protect you ....with his precious blood... God day..

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