Very, very lonely single mom. Where does one find all the good guys?!

Toben - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 213 moms have responded )

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I've been a single mom for almost a year and a half. Really single as in no "daddy" in sight. I dated once fairly recently but it didn't work out because the guy couldn't accept the fact that I have a child. I am starting to feel incredibly lonely and just want someone who I can share my life with and connect with on a mature level. I am so sick of having friends who are so involved with their significant others that it takes over their lives. On top of the loneliness I feel, I don't have many friends and am alone a lot. Any suggestions to solve my problem?!

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Tara - posted on 05/05/2013

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Thats how i feel also. I am a 39 year old single mother of two boys ages 10 and 8. i do everything on my own. My ex does take them every other weekend. I have been divorced for 7 years now and i feel very lonely. I do have some friends however, they all do have their own lives etc etc and that doesnt make up for yearning for that feeling of being loved and loving someone in a romantic relationship. I have tried online dating and only met losers or guys looking for a hookup. I am not sure what to do anymore. I want to feel wanted by someone not only physically but emotionally and mentally I want to feel that connection. I am afraid i will be single forever and once my kids are grown I will also be too bitter and too old for someone. Any suggestions?

Jorge - posted on 01/12/2014

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Read some of the stories here and I have to admire the double-standard of some of the single-moms here:

"I'm a single mom but am not willing to take care of other people's children"

... yet they expect Mr. Right to love them AND their children unconditionally.

And they wonder why you are lonely. Also, all I read here are victims who have done nothing wrong. Really? You must have done something to be in the situation you are in (apart from the ones that had to escape the relationships because of abuse).

Now, let's take a look at the ones that are lonely and cannot find this elusive Mr. Right? Oh yes. The good men. The ones that happen to be all around you yet don't meet your list of requirements:

- Not tall enough
- Too fat
- Works too much (busy trying to have a good life, but you see it as having less time to devote to you)
- Has baggage (i.e. kids)
- Has custody of his kids (worst than a non-custodial dad because he won't have enough times for you)
- Too ugly (look at yourself in the mirror and see if there's a Miss Universe looking back at you)
- And the list goes on.

Ladies, there are good men all around you, but you have to bring your standards down, just like men have to bring down their standards by dating you and the baggage you bring into the relationship. If you are not willing to compromise, you will be looking at more lonely years.

I know it's hard to be a single parent. Take it from me. I am full-time single parent with custody of 3 kids and have been doing it for 5 years now (yes, without help). It's hard, but if you are able to give men a chance, they will offer what you are asking and much more. You just have to give the 'right' men chances. Where are they found? All around you.

But, don't just ask what THEY have to offer you. What do you have to offer THEM? Don't be selfish. What do you bring to the table besides baggage, debt, inability to go out because of your kids, etc? If he has a kid, are you willing to go to the movies as a group? (Most single fathers would love this. I know I would). If he has a nice stable job (especially in this economy), are you willing to respect his decision to do that so he can provide for himself, you and your kids without nagging that he has to work hard?

Lots of you join Internet sites and don't find anybody or you only find 'creeps' and 'jerks'. Really ladies? What about the ones that read your profile and asked you questions to know you better or even asked you out and you turned them down because you thought he was not 'Mr. Right'? What happened? Too ugly? Not tall enough? Not in a white-collar job? But he was interested in you and wanted to know you. You just discarded all chances of meeting him and finding out about him and his life.

Ladies, you will not meet Mr. Right if you don't go on dates. There are men out there that have been hurt by women. Men such as the sons you are now raising. What would you say to your sons when they get rejected for trying to meet some single-mom for which they show interest in? Will you tell them that they are a creep/jerk/loser who can't land a date even with a single-mom or will you tell them to try harder or move on to someone single with no baggage?

Keep it real ladies. Be yourselves and don't set your standards to high. Take a look at what you have to offer. And if somebody is interested in you, give them a chance. After all, a date does not meet you will marry the guy. It just means a date. A conversation over a cup of coffee. A nice dinner. A time of a man and a woman to meet and get to know each other. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't. You go on to date the next person that you have given a chance to until you decide on the one that makes you feel special.

Good luck ladies.

Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2010

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I udnerstand the lonliness and sadness. I'm going through some of that too. The best advice I've gotten is from some Christian friends. I hope this doesn't offend anyone out there with dissimilar beliefs..but thought I'd share.
The advice is that you won't find the person to be with until you start being OK with being on your own. God will bring you the right person when you give up your "right" to find someone and live your life the way he would want you to.
Fill your life with good works, self-development and good friends who have a positive outlook on life and a healthy spiritual life. If your focus is on God and you are involved in a church (get really involved...volunteer and stuff) you will find that you will aquire a circle of friends that helps your lonliness and you will also have the potential of meeting a good Christian single man. Go back to school, take an art/self defense/home repair class, do something you've always wanted to do. Find things besides a man that can bring you joy and increase those things.

If you are divorced I recommend www.divorcecare.com.

As single Mom's our struggles are huge. And I completely understand the lonliness. My hope for all of us is to have complete, healthy, happy lives with or without a significant other. Hang in there ladies!

Ashley - posted on 01/22/2010

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Well i once read that in order to find love you must learn to be your own best friend ! I'm not sure where your from but i can give you some advice ! Since your feeling so alone channel that into you and the family you have, now when you start to feel you have no one to call or hangout with or huge , take the kids to a park or just you or go walk down your block or squeeze your little one and when you start going out and being your own bestfriend while your out at the store make conversation with everyone! i made a new friend today at walgreen talking about her 6 month old baby turns out she new to town from Alabama so play date we set up ! start with these little tricks and see the change when you step out of the norm theres change ! you may meet a single father at the park looking for the same thing you are ! and BAM theres love ! always think positive, goodness is around the corner for you I just feel it you just need to believe it !

Inger - posted on 04/02/2013

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it is very lonely, especially when you put your child to bed as your home bound and alone. sometimes what you need is a good friend to realise your lonely and need some company but that is hard when they r busy with there lives! i hear you...some suggest to join the gym. but if like me you need to be with your child how do you join a gym? i do a zumba class once a week and the first time i went i cried..it was like so liberating and i felt so sad for myself...i use to be confident, independant and so strong but a toddler just sucks out all the energy out of you! hugs and kisses

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213 Comments

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Chris - posted on 09/30/2014

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P.S. I would answer none of the people posting phone numbers etc. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Too many folks out there willing to exploit someone.

Chris - posted on 09/30/2014

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I can feel your pain. Although I am not a mom. I am a dad. I have raised my child alone for the last ten years (she is eleven now) and have come to understand that it is apparently unique to be a father raising a daughter alone (that could be a whole new post). Between raising my daughter, undoing the damage my ex does on her visitation days, working fulltime, and trying to keep the house up, there is no time left for me... I don't know the solution for you, but you have my empathy. I have no friends of family in the area to help and agree - being a single parent is an utterly lonely and wearing prospect.

There are no breaks. You slog through it best as you can. I pray every night. Other nights, vodka and OJ is a nice solution (on the visitation day... it seems to make folding laundry easier). I do not regret being a single parent - for the fact that I love my daughter and it is my duty to do the best job possible in raising her.

As far as dating, good luck. The rare date I get at some point the date mentions they don't want to be a mother to my child. Which is odd, I didn't ask them to be a mother to my child. In fact, I do not let a date even meet my child - I don't believe in running women in and out of my child's life - and won't. Perhaps it was the discussion where I said I can braid hair, paint nails, and play dolls with her. Perhaps once she goes to college in 7 years, I will have my life back.

Lawal - posted on 08/22/2014

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Johnnich - posted on 08/22/2014

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hello dear how are you doing am a man of 39 years old and would love to take good care of you and your child get back to me johnnich2009@gmail.com

Lesius - posted on 08/21/2014

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Marciano - posted on 08/13/2014

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i'm a young man 23 years old and i'm looking for a mail friend. The reason i'm looking here is that i like mature woman because they have a lot of life experience and they have a lot more to talk about then young women. If you're interested, this is my e-mail adress: marcianoduno@gmail.com

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Erika - posted on 08/11/2014

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The good guys are probably not any of the men who have posted their phone numbers on this site. Really! Praying on hurt, lonely, single moms. Look for a church- like one of the newer ones. That is where I found my friends and support.

User - posted on 08/08/2014

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Sarah - posted on 08/07/2014

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Abu - posted on 08/02/2014

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Foxtrotter - posted on 07/31/2014

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Jackie - posted on 07/27/2014

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I lost my husband in 2009 .I have child thats 12 now.I am very lonesome but I dated here and there but every guy lies or is he in drugs.I have one good friend but don't get to see her much because she is married I also have problems with depression
I need someone to talk to lonesome.

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Tameika - posted on 07/09/2014

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Hi Everyone! I completely know how ya'll feel. Lonely nights and being a 3rd wheel can be a lot to try to manage and keep smiling for your precious baby(ies). It is definitely not easy but it will test your strength and courage. It will force you to really get to know who you are. I have found that going back to school and getting into volunteering helps a great deal.

David - posted on 07/09/2014

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[deleted account]

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Bleh - posted on 06/30/2014

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Guys are a little reluctant to enter a relationship with a single mom because they are afraid of the children. If you are just looking for a date, I dont think guys would mind. But if you are looking for a step father for your kids. It can be a challenge.

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Lorraine - posted on 06/26/2014

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Im a single mum for over a year and half now, I also work full time. I love my little boy to bits but am so lonely lately I never get out or have anything in common with my friends anymore, I spend most night in crying when my baby goes to bed. I used to be so confident and outgoing now just so lonely,

Craig - posted on 06/21/2014

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Hemacranhas - posted on 06/20/2014

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try to enroll in fb and become a register member in the humanity websites ..have fun with them...dont write for the sake of writing write with the heart....

Sarah - posted on 06/19/2014

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Wow! The offers!! Gross!! LOL

I am going through the same thing as you are so I completely understand. It seems like I'm always the only single one of the bunch and get left out of a lot because of it. It's hard but until you learn to be ok with yourself and your lifestyle you will never be able to be in a stable relationship. Try taking classes or joining clubs or just getting out and doing things on your own. I've recently started doing new things and it's hard to do it alone and really scary but it's very empowering and rewarding as well. Don't give up on yourself.

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