Visitation right or wrong?

Kristin - posted on 07/20/2012

Crystal,

My son does know his dad a little bit due to me driving him to see his dad who lives 3 hours away. My ex is a mental abuser and he has completely different ideas than what I consider normal. He likes to bully people into getting his own way and will blame everyone else for his mistakes. He also views boys or men as superior to women and that is why he only wants to see our son, he has nothing to do with our daughter or his other daughter with another woman. I have decided that if he wants to be in the childrens lives it will have to be on a regular consitent basis and he is un willing to do so. So I told him that he will have to take me back to court to see his kids. Only bad thing is our court order states he is to have reasonable and generous access to the children but he always asks once in a blue moon to see only our son and then expects me to drive the 3 hours to drop our son off and then drive back home then drive back down to pick our son up, so he expects me to drive a total of 12 hours with a one year old so he can see his son. I am unwilling to do so and if that makes me a bad mother in his eyes and not putting my kids first than that is his problem. I am the one who pays for everything, has them everday, feeds them, clothes them, takes them to parks swimming sports etc, I care for them when they are sick, not him. He cant even pay child support and routinely quits his jobs to not pay then tells me he is going to take me back to court so he can get out of paying the arrears, and tells me i am nothing but a gold digger. Now I dont ask him for any help with any childcare costs, dental or medical costs, sports costs nothing all i ask is that he pay his court ordered monthly child support amound, which he doesnt pay. I think he is the one who is not putting his kids first not me. Thank you both for your replies I feel much better knowing I am doing the right thing by standing my ground.

Crystal - posted on 07/19/2012

No you are not wrong. That sounds like something is up, if he wants your new man to adopt then why spend time with them all of a sudden? Protect yourself and your children cause that really sounds crazy. I wouldn't let him take him and not knowing if he would bring him back. Or now that he wants to see him out of the blue, you do have the right to ask why in the best interest of your child. I don't know the history but from just what I read it doesn't sound like a good environment for a child to even be in. Is this man a stranger to your son too, is he comfortable around him, and like you asked why only your son? I wouldn't even consider it after all this time unless he proved to me that this would be something he won't split on once it get old.

Christian - posted on 07/19/2012

LOL!!! He's trying to mess with your mind. You are not wrong. He can see them on a weekend when you don't have anything planned. You know in your heart what your intentions are. You know you love your kids and if he can't find way to see your child another weekend, then that is something you have to let him deal with. I don't even think you should ask him why this particular weekend is so important. If it was really important, like his last week on earth, he would tell you. If he bought expensive tickets or something like that, then he has to learn to check with you before making purchases that may affect you. You are not wrong (unless he only has one week to live).