Want to put him on child support but don't want him to be near my son

Alyssa - posted on 04/26/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Long story short , around November I had found I was pregnant I had told my ex boyfriend the news he was happy & so was I . Throughout the 5 months of my pregnancy , he had showed he cared he done rubbed my belly , kissed it , talked to my son , etc . We had days when we would get into a fight & he would end up laying his hands on me only reason why I never called the cops because I ain't want no trouble , I was scared but always forgave him . But recently , had found out he cheated on me so once I found out the truth I left him for good ! He basically left me & my son for a hoe . I could never forgive him for that . Not only that , but lately he been hitting me up every 2-4 days bothering me & will end up saying threats like Ima uppercut your belly & how he's going to shoot me in other words kill my son due to his mistakes . Now my thing is I give birth in August I wanna know if I take him to court once I deliver my son , can my son get the justice he deserve ? I mean I've been gathering evidence of pictures of my face & etc when he use to abuse me during my whole pregnancy , & was wondering as long as I have evidence I can put him on child support & he won't be able to see my son ? It's just not fair to me or my son at all , how he leaves us like that & is pretending as if he don't have a son on the way . I don't know why he hates us so much out of no where , I honestly don't want him near my son after everything he did & said . He don't deserve the title as a father at all ! & my son don't need that fake love around him p.s he never even baught my son anything & ain't planning too !!!

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Sarah - posted on 05/03/2016

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Alyssa, continue to document all of the threats he makes towards you or the child. To that end I would ONLY communicate via email or text, as then you have an actual copy of what he says. When the baby arrives, list him as the father, that is the right thing to to and if you don't you won't be able to pursue child support without a DNA test. You can request a temporary restraining order to prevent him from accessing the baby in the beginning but unless he is deemed a danger to your child (by a judge, not by you) he will be entitled to a the very least supervised visitation if not partial custody. Like Evelyn and Raye pointed out, child support and custody/visitation are two separate things. He may be force to pay support and not permitted to see the child, but don't count on it; he is the father of the child after all.

Ev - posted on 05/02/2016

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The reason he never bought things for your son is that he was not under child support orders for the court and that is what they are for....to get him to be responsible for his share of the care of the child. But at the same time you can not keep him from seeing the child either. He can and will if he so chose to use his rights to see his child through the courts.

Alyssa - posted on 05/02/2016

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Your comment/advice was so ignorant . Duh he has to buy stuff for my son I ain't make this child by myself , everything my son has is because of me . Just get off my post honestly lol .

Ev - posted on 04/28/2016

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Marla--either you are a troll or if not you need help desparately. You do not ever hit a child and a newborn is not able to understand anything at this point and time in their life.

Raye - posted on 04/26/2016

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Child support and custody/visitation are different things and legally separate. If he pays support, that doesn't automatically mean he would have visitation. However, if the father is made to pay support, many times they will fight for some kind of custody. They think it will reduce their payments, but what they don't think about is how much children need in time and provisions, and he will still be on the hook to pay for that stuff when the child is with him, so having partial custody won't save him anything if that's his only reason for going after it.

I would suggest getting orders for custody/visitation first. The court orders would be a protection so if he showed up one day and decided to take his child, you would have legal recourse. Police won't help if there are no court orders dictating custody, because you both would be parents to the child, and police can't determine who should or should not have the child... only a court can. He likely will not want to have much interaction with the child, and if you're not asking for money at this time, (hopefully) it won't be a fight for you to get custody. If necessary, you can present the texts to prove his threats. But if you don't have police reports or doctor visits to back up the abuse, then that's not going to help much in court. If he does try to fight for custody, abuse to the mother doesn't necessarily mean he would harm his child, so it really would depend on how strong your case is and what the judge would decide. If they award visitation to the father, you can request it be supervised until he proves he's not a danger to the child. If you can't afford to hire a lawyer, you should still try to have a consultation with one so you know the laws in your area and can get a better idea how cases like yours are likely to play out in court.

After getting custody/visitation figured out, then file for child support. if he gets pissed and tries to change custody because he doesn't want to pay, a judge will see right through that. And also, payments will be based on the amount of time each parent has with the child, so with orders already in place stating that, it should be easy for them to calculate what he would owe. It is the child's right to have the best upbringing they can have, and both parents are financially responsible for the child. So never feel bad about filing for support.

Ev - posted on 04/26/2016

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{{ We had days when we would get into a fight & he would end up laying his hands on me only reason why I never called the cops because I ain't want no trouble , I was scared but always forgave him . But recently , had found out he cheated on me so once I found out the truth I left him for good ! He basically left me & my son for a hoe . I could never forgive him for that . Not only that , but lately he been hitting me up every 2-4 days bothering me & will end up saying threats like Ima uppercut your belly & how he's going to shoot me in other words kill my son due to his mistakes .}}
~~I do not understand this--you called the cops after that one time to get him to stop but did you ever have him charged with any assault or other issues. Because if you did not then there is nothing you could do. Right now if he is threatening you every few weeks you need to call the police and report him and see about getting a restraining order for against him for you. But keep in mind this restraining order will not keep him from seeing his child potentially.

{{ Now my thing is I give birth in August I wanna know if I take him to court once I deliver my son , can my son get the justice he deserve ? I mean I've been gathering evidence of pictures of my face & etc when he use to abuse me during my whole pregnancy , & was wondering as long as I have evidence I can put him on child support & he won't be able to see my son ? It's just not fair to me or my son at all , how he leaves us like that & is pretending as if he don't have a son on the way . I don't know why he hates us so much out of no where , I honestly don't want him near my son after everything he did & said . He don't deserve the title as a father at all ! & my son don't need that fake love around him p.s he never even baught my son anything & ain't planning too !!!}}
~~What justice are you talking about for the baby? If it is about the abuse to YOU and the threats to YOU. No, there would not be any justice for that that I know of. The abuse/threats happened to you not the baby. You can put him on child support after the baby is born but you also need to set up custody and visitation. You have to understand that the abuse and threats done to you will not be considered in his having RIGHTS to be a parent to his son if he chooses to do so. Also it is not up to you to decide if he can be in his son's life or not. He could go to court and file for visitation or custody if he so wanted to. Child support and visitation are two different cases and handled as such. I know you do not want him near your child or you and you can have it set that way where you are concerned. But the child has a right to know the father and the mother and not on one parent's terms or the others. As far as not buying things for the baby, right now he does not have to do a thing because 1) the baby is not born and 2) there is no court orders yet because the child is not born and until there are court orders for support and the other stuff you won't get a thing either.

Remember you did chose this guy to be with and a child is the result of this. The child did not ask to be born. So you are going to be parenting this child with this man for the next 18 years. I know you are hurting and angry about his actions but my advice up top and so on is just what can happen. You could check with lawyers in your area. Most give a free consult and you could gain some valuable information about custody, visitation and child support.

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