Maggie - posted on 02/08/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )
being a single mom is hard and i know that my decisions and choices have had a part in making me a single mom. i was wondering what other mothersthink about what i have done and if i was truly unreasonable. heres my story.
my boyfriend didnt want kids, and when i got prego and decided to keep it he said he would be there to support me in any deciion that i made. our first big fight was about the name. the only doctors appointment that he came to was the ultrasound to find out what we were having. when it showed that we were having a boy i was told that because it was a boy it was his god given right for his son to have his last name. he continued to say if it was a girl then he "wouldnt give a shit" but because it was a boy it had to have his last name. i told him no. i said that you should want your child to have your last name no matter if it was a gorl , boy, both or neither. it made me very upset that he thought that way and i told him that if he wanted his son to have his last name then it should be for the right reasons.
our next fight was at the hospital. prior to me going into labour, i had asked if he wanted to be in the delivery room, he said yes that he wanted to cut the cord. so i explained to him that he couldnt just sit off in the corner till it was time to cut the cord, that he was in there to be labour support, and that it was possible that me may not get to cut the cord anyways depending on the delivery. he then decided that he didnt want to be in the room with me. so i asked my best friend of 10 years to be in there with me. nothing else was brought up untill my water broke, and even then he never said anything to me, he just assumed that he was going to be in the room still with the idea he was going to sit off in the corner till it was time to cut the cord.
so i didnt let him in the room. my best friend caught a bunch of slack in the hospital from my mom and from him and his mom. she was told to just leave and let him be in the room, that i wouldnt notice anyways . thankfully she stood her ground and said that if i didnt want her there then i would tell her and untill then she wasnt leaving.
when Ryker was born shit hit the fan again. everyone was fighting and mad at each other, i on the other hand didnt know what was going on. it wasnt till after i got out of the hospital that i found out. the "sperm donar" ( my opinion is that a father is someone who raises a child and loves his child not that he just gave his sperm) came to visit the next day in the hospital for about 10 min where he told me that without him my child would grow up in a garbage bag. i said that i couldnt have him in my room but he could take Ryker to the nursery and spend time with him there, that it wasnt Rykers fault we were fighting and he deserves to have a father in his life. nope.. he just tossed him down and stormed out. after the hospital i thought that it would be best to cool down and give him tome to cool down so i went to a friends after i got out of the hospital, rather than to the house that we had bought.
he decided to change the locks on the house so i couldnt get in... i didnt have anything for me or my son except for my hospital bag. and i didnt hae any money for a lock smith to get in. anyways i havnt lived there since then, tho most of my things are still there... i ended up sleeping on a couch for the next 3 and a half months at my friends till i borrowed a bed and set up a little area of my own. he has not paid child support for over 5 months now, nor has he bought one single thing for Ryker, not a diaper or anything.
i am wondering if i over reacted to everything and i am totally to blame, or if you think that i was in line. i know its not all his fault and its not all my fault. im just looking for some input here, i want to know if my son being fatherless is all my fault.