Ways to cope with my daughter being around her dads girlfriend for the first time

Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2012

I'm going through the same situation. Except when I told my ex about our daughters concerns. He basically says she's a liar and then his girlfriend text me calling me and my daughter awful things. Now I find out they are getting married this Friday and my daughter isn't invited. He never had anything to do. with her but plays father of the year when this woman is around. I had even took this woman to lunch as a mother because my daughter is my #1 and her being a mother, I hoped she would understand why I wanted to meet a woman that would be spending a lot of time with my daughter. I have encouraged her relationship with her dad and now his girlfriend from the beginning. But after the events of this week, I'm not sure what to do. My daughter literally makes herself sick before its time for her visitation because she says her dad stays on the phone or computer whenever she is there. Any advice?

Sarah - posted on 08/01/2012

my daughter is 6 and her dad is an recovering herion user and alcholic ( btw - ive never touched drugs ) He was single for years then out of the blue said he was getting married to and recoving drug user with a child of the same age.

We were going to court at the time and i got the judge to rule that contact had to be supervised by my self in a public place and that the wife to be was not to be involved.

this went fine for a few months but i knew i would soon have to introduce my daughter to his wife. I decided to go to mediation with supervised access for him. I told my then 4yr old what was going to happen and that daddy had a wife that wanted to meet her. I used the mediation to introduce his wife for 10 mins at atime and build it up over a year then my daughter got to meet her son on a play date.

I found this a lot easyer and less upsetting for my daughter.

hope this help :)

Sarah - posted on 08/01/2012

my daughter is 6 and her dad is an recovering herion user and alcholic ( btw - ive never touched drugs ) He was single for years then out of the blue said he was getting married to and recoving drug user with a child of the same age.

We were going to court at the time and i got the judge to rule that contact had to be supervised by my self in a public place and that the wife to be was not to be involved.

this went fine for a few months but i knew i would soon have to introduce my daughter to his wife. I decided to go to mediation with supervised access for him. I told my then 4yr old what was going to happen and that daddy had a wife that wanted to meet her. I used the mediation to introduce his wife for 10 mins at atime and build it up over a year then my daughter got to meet her son on a play date.

I found this a lot easyer and less upsetting for my daughter.

hope this help :)

Beth - posted on 07/31/2012

Get your ex's side of the story and also make him aware that your daughter was upset by the displays of affection between him, his gf and her children. He may not have been aware of the upset it caused and hopefully didn't intend to upset your daughter.

Let your daughter know that she isn't being replaced by the gf's children. Your ex will always be her biological Dad regardless of the amount of contact between them for the rest of their lives.

Talk to your daughter as well, helping her to work through her emotions and letting her know that you are there for her (regardless of your own feelings). Hopefully with some support from you, she will gain in confidence to let her Dad know her feelings etc..

It is also up to your ex to make sure that he bonds more with your daughter and to realise that it was/is probably very scary for a young girl to meet up with her Dad's new gf and her children for the first time. Hopefully he'll take this into account the next time and be more supportive of your daughter.

As for you, just be there for your daughter and let your ex know of any fallout due to his behaviour when your daughter gets home after a visit. Hopefully that'll mean that the situation gets itself sorted.

Sarah - posted on 07/30/2012

Thats a tough one... Because your daughter doesn't seem to be at a point where she would feel comfortable to let her dad know she is uncomfortable, I think you need to let her dad know how she feels. I think you need to tell him that she has only had you in her life for two years and feels he could pop out of her life as fast as he popped in it. Her dad is the one she needs the reassurance from. You can reassure her all you want but it needs to come to him.

I know how hard that must be for you.... There is no way that you, as a mother, could ever be replaced by a dad's significant other. You know the relationship you have with your daughter... You have been there everyday for the last 7 years. Your daughter knows that. But it has to be hard to feel like the one picking up the pieces.... again.... You have to stand up for your daughters feelings. And if Dad isn't willing to "see it" than tell him, your daughter doesn't want to go with you because she is uncomfortable. He would have to take you back to court for it to be enforced. But that doesn't solve the emotional impact of your daughters dad finally coming into her life and then "re-abandoning" her..... so I think the best thing for you daughter, even though its the hardest thing for you, would be to convince her dad to step up and reassure his daughter.

Being a mom is so much harder... you have to do the right thing for your daughter even when its really hard for you personally.