What do I do about my child's father?

Samantha - posted on 06/23/2010 ( 98 moms have responded )

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Me and my child's father haven't really ever got along while I was caring his child he would fight with me and push me around he wouldn't buy anything for our child but would go out and buy an outfit for his sisters baby he left everything up to me and my family so after I had my child 3 weeks later I left him and I told him that he could still be in our child's life but I just couldn't be with him...Well it got to the point that we would fight online,on the phone,face 2 face he would get his one sister to call me from 12am till 5am calling me unfit and so on mean while a month has pasted and he didn't see our child on Fathers Day I had to yell and fight with him to come out and see our child and he only came out for 2 hrs.....I then met a guy and got together with him and during the hole 9 months of seeing this new guy my child's father made my life a living hell to the point I had to call the cops and make it so he couldn't talk to me or come with in 100 feet from me, he then took me to court to get all rights of my child but he lost the case and got no rights what so ever but about 2 months ago I felt bad an gave him a 2en chance to prove that he wanted his family back and could be the man i wanted him to be, I gave him a list to do:

1.come once a week to see our child for an hr or 2

2.then after a month or 2 of doing that he could take her out for the day

3.after 2 months of that he could have her over night

4.if all went well he could have her every other weekend



he came over one time and seen her he ended up sweet talking me into taking him back so I did and it only lasted 2 weeks before he ended up hitting me in the face in front of my 2 friends and my child so i left the living room with my child and locked the bedroom door 15 mins later my friends left for 10 mins and with in to 15 mins my child's father pushed me into a brick wall and cut my back open now its been 3 months since he has seen our child and now hes asking me to take him back again that he has changed and loves me so very much and so on and wants to be with his child.....Now is he using our child to get me back or do you think he does miss her and does want his family back? and it also doesn't help when he calls me he never asks me about her just wants to go on about me or who I'm seeing like I'm so stuck because I came from a broken family and don't want that for my child but I also know its not a good thing to be with her father but im still stuck and have no clue what to do.....can someone pls tell me what they think about this all?

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Michelle - posted on 06/23/2010

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What he did to you (and is doing to you now) is abuse. GET OUT AND STAY OUT. Otherwise, you'll end up putting that precious angel in harm's way. No matter what you want to believe, if he's abusive to you, he'll eventually perpetuate the abuse on your daughter. And trust me when I tell you that, after a while, your local children's services agency will come knocking - and part of your case plan will be to stay away from him.

You need to record the phone calls. You need to document the abuse if you allow it to occur again. You need to press assault and battery charges if you allow it to occur again. You need to get a restraining order - and follow through when he calls to harass you by calling whomever is to be called when he violates.

No, he doesn't want you. He doesn't want her. He wants to control you, and the best way to do that is by using your child. He's using her, and he's abusing you.

There are lots of resources available to young women in this situation. Call your local United Way, Red Cross, or Volunteers of America. Alternatively, show up at any church and ask to speak to the minister - they usually have more inside connections with those types of agencies than the social service agencies do.

Kara - posted on 06/25/2010

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Most abuse happens at the first pregnancy.
Most women take between 7 to 11 times to leave an abuser.

Step one: Recognize that there is a cycle to this. All good, Tension Building, Explosion, O' I'm so sorry it won't happen again.. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT.

Step Two: Create a saftey plan. GET OUT and don't let him back. There are shelters if you need them in most areas. Hopefully you have family or friends that can help.

Step Three: Seek protective services - Most shelters offer legal advice. Get a restraining order. File Charges. Even if you aren't staying there they can assist with these things. Find out what is available in your area.

Step Four: Seek therapy. What drew you to him? Don't repeat the same pattern with a new abuser.

I'm sure there is a lot of in between.. SEEK HELP.

1 in 4 women will suffer abuse from an intimate partner.

Re evaluate the custody agreement. Supervised Visitation ONLY.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Ebony - posted on 06/23/2010

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LEAVE HIM ALONE! He means no good to you and it sounds as if he still doesn't care about the baby! You must think safety. You took him back once and got your back split open for it! It may be FATAL the next time he decided to hit you and then you won't have to worry about your child. You won't be here to raise her and just think of what she is going to go through with that type of dad around her. He hit you, no questions asked,I'd hate for your daughter to start looking anything like you and you're not here to help defend her! She needs stability and the father only wants you. Using the kid is weak. You have to stay strong and away from him. Don't fall for the sweet talk again. He has to get the picture and all you're showing him is that is he sweets talks long enough, you'll give in. Don't show that to your daughter. You don't need him and, in time, if he really wants to be in his daughters life then ALL his actions will show it! NOT JUST WORDS! Get another restraining order and let the judge straighten him out. Suggest classes for Domestic Violence. He may not like it but he needs it and so do you. It will show him you are serious and these are the steps hes going to have to take now since he can't keep his hands off of you. Put a record behind him...That will also show you if he is serious. He won't take the classes if his child isn't priority.

LISA - posted on 06/25/2010

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my daughter who is now 5 is scared by witnessing verbal abuse my ex husband, note ex! did to me. She now receives councelling and may never forget that for the rest of her life. I booked a removal van, employed a solicitor and left. go and never look back. It's hard and your heart will always want to return but dont. x

Kim - posted on 11/22/2013

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are you serious that you don't know what to do? every abuser will tell you how sorry they are but they never change it is a cycle. call Dr. Phil, he tell you what it's like. There it's a reason the courts removed his rights, that's not easy to get. Your child should be your first priority stay away from him.

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Heather - posted on 01/31/2014

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omg 4 years later, I find this , I read it , I know wha5t to do , I did it , im done. 15 years later , I feel I can believe or trust. no .............. same shit again. 2 new babies . now no police involve . massive serious manipulate pro!!!!! . no one believe, terrified beyond extrems!!!!!

Donielle - posted on 11/24/2013

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Bottom line u have to live for yourself and your child!! He doesnt care nor does his family. Raise your child in a peaceful enviroment

Alex - posted on 11/20/2013

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leave him alone and keep him away from your child he will end up hurting both of you next time.it is obvious he is.mad because youve moved on and hes still stuck.keeping contact with him wont amount to anything good.you might love him and who doesbt want to make their own family, but he is clearly not family material.he needs to grow up and you need to fo us on your daughter because she needs you

Caroline - posted on 09/10/2013

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I have been in a relationship full of lies,we have twins together and i have been in a relationship for 5 years and the twins are almost six month.I have found out that he has been cheating on me with his ex the mother of his first child.I told him that i'm done with him but he keeps on coming back as i do love him too.
My problem is that he doesn't know who he wants to be with,he always says i should give him time for him to decide from last year till now he haven't made up his mind.
I'm fat up should i wait ,can i give this relationship a break or should i move on.
PLEASE HELP I'M DESPRITE

Sheila - posted on 07/31/2013

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Your relationship with your baby's father is already broken. Often times when a spouse abuses their partner and there is a breakup, the abuser will make promises to never hit you again over and over, but the abuse often gets worse and continues when you take them back. There is also a child to consider that may also become the subject of abuse in time. There are organizations for women that are in abusive relationships that offer support and counseling.

Heather - posted on 02/19/2013

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I was going threw the same thing for like 7 years and 3 children later! It's just a control thing and he can't anyone else to be with! You need to be stronge and trust your gutt. That's what I did and my youngest is 7 middle is 10 they are both boys and my oldest is 15 year old girl. The children are very happy that I'm happy and they don't see or hear me and their father fight anymore. I left their dad and found a great guy to be by my side and help me raise them. I went threw court and the children's father has them every other weekend and on Wednesday for dinner. I did all that threw court and the children like that they have me and only me. So my advise to you is leave and don't look back it hurts but be stronge that women can be and find a good man to help you out for yourself and your daughter you too don't need him!!!!

Nancy - posted on 02/10/2013

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I'm short of words here, I don't know what to say about what Dr khakani has done for me. My lover scott left me for almost 2years, I really loved my husband scott because he was my first love, When he left me I thought the world was over. But when I came in contact with dr khakani he just told me that my lover will be back to my arms within 48hours and that he will love and respect me forever. So the most surprising thing is that my lover is now back to me and we are now together. My lover bought me a nice car and now I also have access to his bank account to show me that he will never leave me or hurt me again. Am so grateful to dr khakani. Please Dr khakani is a great man..contact him for any kind of help and he will never disappoint you. His private email khakanibestsolutioncentre12@gmail. com or cell phone +2348062216903

Coffei - posted on 01/26/2013

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This post was made in 2010, I would love to have an update to see how things turned out for you and your daughter Samantha? Have you moved on or did you end up going back to your daughters father? How is the relationship with your daughter and her father? I pray you both are safe, happy and healthy. God bless!

Beth - posted on 01/18/2013

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I think it is important to remember that it is more important that your child grows up in a HEALTHY family than it is they grow up with a mom and dad living together. Just because your child's father is not with you does not make your family "broken". This guy is a manipulator. Be an example for your children that being hit, beat up, and pushed around is NOT the way any man should treat his woman. You dont deserve that, get out and DONT look back.

Nancy - posted on 01/14/2013

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You were right the first time to have a restraining order against him.If he's hit you once,he'll keep on doing it.You may not be so lucky next time.Keep him away from you and your kids.You shouldn't put up with that and neither should they.You don't need any man that badly.

Jamielee - posted on 01/13/2013

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I know this is way late. As a mother we need to protect our young. Some mother's have it and the ones asking about, if she should stay with a mentally abusive spouse, just don't. If a child is taught to yell they will never truly listen.

Marie - posted on 12/25/2012

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Been there done that. My advice is you have to break the cycle between the two of you. Go thru a third party if need be but keep your distance and stand by your word.
Be very careful your children are watching.

Jen - posted on 12/24/2012

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don't force him or chase him . real this man is a coward the low standard in life . Does your child need to watch you both fighting no . better if you want him to pay child support then you take him to court and get some order so that he not going to come and abuse you . plus you not to go and abuse him.
you got to look at your child and think what is the best interest of the child and right now it not the best if you both fight in front of the child. You need to have place where you can drop your child off if the court grant him contact with your child.
don't have him around your place call when he feel like it . It seem he need help with his angry issues .
Best thing is go and talk to a lawyer on what are your rights and your child right and work out a way to stop him call you only if he going to talk to his child . otherwise you hang up don't lower yourself in their crap

Nan - posted on 10/28/2012

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Samantha you can not make a cat bark! He beats up women. That's who he is. You should not have to explain how he should treat his child men know what to do. Finally run from that guy. Get some help for yourself thr battered women's shelter has great counsel ore. He is not being helpful keep away from him.

Lisa - posted on 07/16/2010

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I think you and your child need to move on..ALONE! He is who he is. What has he done to modify his behavior? Has he started going to church actively, sought counseling? I bet I know the answer is NO. Move on.....

Immaculate - posted on 07/15/2010

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pls be little careful, a loving man can't treat his loved one like that, many ladies have lost their lives coz they can't make a decision once and for all. The father of my son could come back pretend he is drunk, bit me so badly, even says "l wish l could come back home and find you dead". but the day l packed out
he ran everywhere looking 4 me, claiming he was sorry. when l made a u-turn, this time he struggled my neck, l was admitted 4 two weeks in hospital, from that time l discovered that he was just after my life, l had to quite forever, till now. so pls investigate his motive, and attitude towards you.

Katharine - posted on 07/09/2010

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I came back to this post because I wanted to add something.
When he lost his rights, I can assume that the subject of abuse came up in court right? That there is documentation...somewhere around...saying that he is an abusive guy. If that is the case, YOU could lose your child, by having him near you.

Rosalynn - posted on 07/09/2010

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Sounds to me that the man who helped to father your child is an ABUSER!!! He doesn't care about your child nor does he care about you. However, after reading your post, I must ask you this question: Do you care about yourself? Do you love your child? I ask that because, if you have to sit for one second a try to second guess whether or not that man is using your child to get to you, or whether you should give him another chance, then sweetie, take it from me, you do not love yourself or that baby that you have. Anytime a man puts his hand on you and it isn't to caress you or show that he loves you, but it causes you pain, suffering, and leaves bruises, then baby, that man is a LOSER and does not deserve you even thinking about him... Sweetie, focus on getting you together and raising your baby by yourself. Ignore him and all of his calls and advances, because he'll only repeat the same thing and worse, and where will your child be if your dead or hospitalized for a long time? I don't know if you belive in God or not, but I do, and if you do, I would suggest that you pray and ask God to help you get rid of the feelings that you may have for him or think that you have for him, and help you to haver strength to cut him out of your life. If he is truly serious about your child you share, then in time that is what it will be about and only about. But the moment he asks questions about only you and your life and world, then you should know he isn't ready to be a father, but he will continue to only be the sperm donor of that child... Please be wise and not stuck on stupid like I have been in the past... It isn't worth it!!!

Amanda - posted on 07/09/2010

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Get a restraining order and if he truly wants to see his child then start with supervised visitation, he should be court ordered to go to anger management as well. I hope you have sole custody of you child. It's all a game to controll violent men I have learned the hard way. You should really have a restraining order and stick to it!!!

Amanda - posted on 07/09/2010

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GET OUT AND STAY OUT I myself had an abusive relationship the hardest thing to do is leave ... once you do dont EVER go back!! He manipulated me (sweet talked) to get me back it's great for a week then back to the normal abuse, control, phyco behaviors and nothing will ever change. Sounds to me he is very controlling and once he loses controll he wants you back, I believe its all about you and NOT the child! Thats how my situation went. He pretends to care & say he's the best dad around but dont fall for it let it go in one ear out the other! Your child comes first and foremost, there are plenty of men out there (and yes its hard to find a nice man) but in time it will come together. My advice to you is stay single, me the greatest mom you can be and join a group or something where you can relate to other women in the same situation. My best to you... its been 3 years and I'm finally getting what I deserve peace and happiness and a wonderful loving man. May you be blessed! :)

Corinne - posted on 07/09/2010

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I have gone through EXACTLY what you have. My daughters father abused my on a regula basis, before, during and after my prehnancy. He has attacked me while i was holding our child, and even after that he convinced me that he would change and that i should be with him. Well after a few months we had another HUGE fight and that ended uo with him attacking me and stranguling me. What i had learned is that even though they say they will change, they wont and the viloence just escalates. For the safety of your child and for your own, stay far away from him...Please....... and i will pray for you

Naomi - posted on 07/07/2010

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walk away you need to do what is best for that baby and you he seem a unfit person all togther he needs help

Brittaney - posted on 07/07/2010

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He was totally sweet before I got pregnant, and was still even sweet and acted really excited after I got pregnant, but I had to move 2 hours away for my job, so I can barely get him to even talk to me on facebook. I don't trust his family or the people around him. So any visitations that he wants will be supervised, and he will never have my kid over night. His first daughter's mom put a restraining order on him, but I don't know the reason, so all the more reason to be careful with my child around him

Heather - posted on 07/07/2010

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I definately don't think you should take him back. He't not going to change and it sounds like it's definately not safe for you or your child to be around him. I have a similiar situation although he isn't physically abusive to me but always calls and says he wants to be around and wants to talk to my son on the phone (he's almost 3) and still only sees him once every six months if I'm lucky and really push. I figure if they can't make the effort for things like Christmas or Father's Day then they don't deserve us making the effort for them...I did it for 3 years and can tell you that nothing is different now than it was then and he doens't see him any more often whether I push him to or not

Kelly - posted on 07/07/2010

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DO NOT take him back. it will do more harm than good to your child staying with him than it will raising her alone. i stayed until my children were 11 and 12 . they are now 14 and 15 but have some issues with trust and such due to staying with an asshole. I should have left when they were babies and avoided all of it and they don't change. My ex said that for 2 years and drinks and parties more now than he did then. I've been going through a grueling divorce for almost 3 yrs, he keeps dragging it out. So get out and do yourself and your child a big favor and keep him away. If by some miracle he changes in the far away future let him have supervised visitation other than that MOVE ON for her sake and yours...

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I got to be honest with you, he is not the problem - you are. You seriously need to develop self-esteem and self-worth; because you insist on attracting and entertaining this drama back into your life long after it has demonstrated it's nature. The idea that you would let this person 1. have unsupervised access with your child is somewhat disconcerting, and 2. Then invite him to take her for every other week-end? I'm going to ask you this, and I hope you can be honest? Are you feeling tied down, missing your life before becoming a mother? Because there's just no way to justify pushing your daughter in the direction of someone who is obviously dangerous.... I do hope you take some time to reflect on your responsibility in creating a life for yourself and your child; and seeking positive support systems that can help you change from within... peace

Tamara - posted on 07/05/2010

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he doesn't want to be with u? You can't make him be a father to your child. It is him who is going to have to explain to this child when he/she gets older why he was not around. Why are you tormenting yourself and ur child by allowing this to continue. You are a strong women and you have showed that by being a single parent. Remember you want your child to be proud of you.

Lottie - posted on 07/05/2010

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I feel so sorry for you but all i can say is why promote access as it will go against you if you go back to court! My daughters father took me to court of acess we fighted through the court for 18months i just got full custody, even thou there are 5 incidents of domestic violence they still let him have access to her fortnightly for 4 hours it is going to be overnight access in four weeks the first session and everytime there is a hiccup with problems. Men get satisfaction out of messing us around with timing money etc Chloe came back last week from seeing him for 2 hours and said i hate you mummy you a fat b**** she is 2! i havent stooped to the level of slagging her father off as i know in due course she will realise. it is so hard you must try and focus on the best for your child i can understand you wanting the whole family thing back i do too but he is not right for us and doesnt sound right for you too. My best tip is never contact him and just keep it short and sweet to the point with him if he contacts you.

Kirsten - posted on 07/05/2010

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My partner and I broke up when in my early pregnancy, due to physical and verbal abuse by him. I remained close to his family, and 3 weeks before my daughter was due, begged him to come down for the birth as I firmly believed he would regret it if he missed out on such a wonderful experience. He came down one week prior to her birth, the night she was born he didn't even walk me to the ward, he went home. The next day he didn't come in to the hospital until the afternoon, saying he stayed up all night playing the playstation and was tired! When i dared gt anoyyed about it, he left the hospital, going back to my home. Because of his pressure, I left the hospital later that night. The police first attended my house when our baby was 3 days old due to his violence and abuse towards me. This escalated over time, with violence toward me while I was holding my daughter, with the police coming to know me quite well. I did the same thing, still allowing him visitation on weekends after i saked him to leave. He came to about one third of his allocated visits, each time being abusive and trying standover tactics with me. When it came to doing exchange at the police station he ceased coming at all. I decided to go to family court to get visitation orders put place so he had no right to keep demanding and intimidating me. After putting me through hell, he didn't bother turning up to the last court hearing, in which full custody was given to me, with him having no visitation rights whatsoever. He had been out of lives for 7 years, my daughter not knowing him at all, except from being told by me all her life that he loves her more than anything, and she has always had pictures of him in her room. He did find us on facebook earlier this year, stating that he loves her, that she is everything to him, and he wants to be part of her life. I did let her talk to him, gave him a day and time to call her, which he was late both times. Mind you, he stalked me and became abusive towards me online and over the phone, never actually asking about his daughter that he supposedly loved so much! The second time he did ring, albeit late, my daughter did decide for herself that she didn't want to talk to him, at which point he lost it at me, it was apparently all my fault! I told him if he was serious to go back to family court and do things the proper way. I had to change my phone number because of his threatening and abusive calls. Of course we haven't heard a word back from famliy court! Kids need a stable and loving home, not parents who are in and out of their lives, being abusive and causing disruption. Take it to Family Court, don't let him walk over you, make him prove his sincerity to his child.

Terri - posted on 07/04/2010

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he needs to go to anger management by the sound of things ....before he starts any relationship with anyone

Shannon - posted on 07/03/2010

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My ex was violent with me. I took him back several time because "he had changed". He went as far as to try to choke me with my newborn in my arms. I have a court order that he has no visitation. He has never paid child support~probably never will. Once an abuser, ALWAYS an abuser (with an exceptional 1 or 2!) I tried supervised visitation at first, at his mothers. However, he would spend minimal time & then just leave. I ended up not allowing him to see him. He has not seen our son since he was 4/5 months old. My son is well adjusted & has great male role models in his life. The influence of that type of male is just going to repeat the cycle & teach the child the same behaviors. If you aren't strong enough yet to do this for yourself, do it for your child!! Your strength for yourself will eventually come back. It takes some time to realize you do not deserve to ever be treated like that as the abuser has usually "mentally" beat you down long before the physical abuse started. God has blessed me with a new start! It is possible!

Krissi - posted on 07/01/2010

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Listen. . . You need to RUN from this Scumbag. But, from the sounds of it, you won't. You have continually repeated the same behavior by going back to him or letting him back into your life after he has seriously ABUSED you... You have no boundaries, and you are probably starting to lose your self worth and self respect. However, no matter what mistakes you've made in the past by being "sweet talked" back to him (believe me, they ALL will do that after they beat the hell out of you) YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. If you pick yourself UP and get your self respect back, you will realize that you don't need him... and YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE. If you continue to be in contact with this PIG who thinks he has the right to hit you then your life will continue to be the HELL that you've allowed it to be this far... That is Guaranteed.
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER AND PROTECT THAT BEAUTIFUL CHILD OF YOURS!

Kacee - posted on 06/30/2010

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stay away from him. he is not fit to be a father or a lover to you. my best friend was in an abusive relationship for three years he would get mad hit her she would leave for the night he would buy her flowers and everything would be okay for a month and it happen again. u all ready gave in a 2nd chance. "first time shame on you second time shame on me" u gotta be a mommy and a daddy to ur child u gotta stay strong for ur child sake. yes its a hrad life without a father but a harder life having a a dad and a mom that are broken them selves.

Janice - posted on 06/30/2010

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My ex is abusive not only to me but my kids. No he didn't hit us. He called names, said the most cruel things he could think of, told people the kids weren't his...etc. Its abuse. While pregnant with our daughter everytime we spoke he would say things until I was cring and still wouldn't stop...Now that we are separated, he loves me, loves our children, would do anything for us...its a load of bull...He is going to say whatever he has to, to get you back and then it will be the same old thing. Only next time he might put you in the hospital. When our daughter was 5 months old was the only time he ever got physical. But I's a black belt and I was done with his crap.

Its hard because you want the family with the Dad. I wanted that too, still do. It breaks my heart everytime I see a family together because its all I ever wanted. But taking him back is a mistake. The hardest thing you have to face right now is that he is not worth the effort to try and build a family with. Cut your loses before you die trying. He doesn't want it, sad but true. All your doing now is enabling him to abuse you and your baby some more. You are so much better than that. Someone out there is worth it, but not him. Someone out there wants and will appreciate the family that he can have, but not him. My ex has brought nothing to my life but pain. For the most part I think ever being with him was the biggest mistake I could have ever made, it pretty much cost me everything. The only thing that made any of it worth it was the two beautiful babies I had with him. Take this from someone is has been there and is still there. Get him out of your life and his family as soon as you can. They are nothing but poison. It took being told by my oldest daughter to realize one truth, everything you think you can have with him is a fantasy.

Angie - posted on 06/30/2010

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Do not listen to a thing he's saying cause it's all lies! My ex husband and the father to my son did the exact same thing to me other than he was also having multiple affairs. I can tell you from experience it's all a game it has nothing to do with your child. It's a way that men manipulate women in to doing what they want. It's not that he wants to be with either of you, it's more like he feels that your his property and that you owe him for some reason and i can guarantee you don't. I stopped letting my ex have visits. If he has no rights then don't but if he does then do it on your terms and get it court ordered that he pays for supervised visits at like the fulcrum institute of some thing like that. then you will never have to see him to get hurt and if he doesn't pay or show up then he will loose them all together. do not give in to him it's very dangerous and nothing is worth risking your life or your child's to be with a man. if he hit's you what honestly makes you think that he wont do the same to a whining child when hes frustrated and if that happens and hes not suppose to be around then cps can step in and take your child for neglect and that's a can of worms you never want to open trust me! well i hope that i was able to help in some way! good luck!

Charlena - posted on 06/29/2010

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I honestly dont see where this had anthing to do with the child , all i was reading was 2 parents ( you and your ex ) who are only thinking of each others emotions and not whats best for the child . You both need anger management , putting your hands on each other isnt going to help anyone , I bet if you put your differences to the side and both agree to be civil for the child things will go more smoothly .

also i know you said he hit you and im not trying to say you were lying but sometimes women put their hands on men first so im not going to judge him calling him a jerk and what not .

Carmen - posted on 06/29/2010

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sorry about the mis spelling and left out words i was in a hurry and got ahead of myself and when its a topic im so passionate about i need to type to fast and misspell and leave out the words but you get the point ... just dont let the bullet held to your childs head like mine be the reason you finnaly have the guts to leave , or when you have to bury your chile or he has to grow up without a mother who can never explain why she thought her life was so invaluble that now in lying in a grave yard and every special moment in his /her life is spent talking to a cold empty tombstone ... hows that for your child to remonese to his own children about thier grandmother who died because he took her from him/her ,she didnt think he'd hurt her ,that the man claimed to love her and for no reason other then he needed his power trip to make him feel like a man and where is my daddy now ... sitting in a prison for his actions and the child is the one who suffers the most mother in the grave father in prison and raised by the state or some family member who truly loved you had enought love to accept you in to thier family to show him/her the love he should of gotten from each parent even if it was at separate times and shared holidays at least every now and then the chile got to experience life of some kind with each parent

Carmen - posted on 06/29/2010

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baby he is controling and abusive person and just think if he can do it to you just think of what he'd do your child if he got upset with him/her. one he hits you its all down hill did your daddy stick a tag on your wrist and say free punching bag to the most disguting animal on earth min nerve did i left the first true love or so i thought after he pit a bullet to his haed and said aint this gonna feel good baby, i had my mom kick him out since he didnt want to provide for us and i was 17 and had to live with my mom and dad who loved and cared for me and tought his daughter to never let a man put his hands on you and by the way who told you love hurts .... my dad told me love shouldnt hurt is a feeling of passion, senserity, compromise and understanding and choice and that i am worthy of my own opinion and am very much in controle of my own destiny you life is what you make it so go girl think of your child and your future if you have your head on right you go far and one day you'll find a guy who will love you and care about you and your like his own and will lay down his life for you and sacrafice his own happiness to make all you dreams come true and if you need me talk to me im here and my e-mail is wildfire8982002@yahoo.com my name is carmen and i was in your shoes not so long ago and the last time he hit me i was my dads face and how disappointed he was in me and i feel i let him you for not standing up for myself and my innocent child who never asked to be in the middle of some stupid guys insecure and domoneering ways

Crystal - posted on 06/29/2010

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It sounds like this guy is possesive and only wants you when you are happy with someone else. He will never change, he is just playing on your emotions and knows you will do and believe anything he says to keep you family" together. You really should move on and get away from him before he really hurts you or your baby. What if he hurts you to the point that you can't take care of your baby, do you trust him to take care of your child if you are not around? Just because he is the baby's father, doesn't mean he will be a good dad or that it make you a "family". Please be strong and just move on, there is someone out there who will be good to you and your child and who will make you happy. Once your child is old enough to understand and you explain - he will understand. This is all easier said than done, but in the long run you will look back and know you made the right choice.

Mirna - posted on 06/29/2010

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You have to be kidding yourself if you think you love this man!! He is a beast not a man! No man treat the mother of his child like that! Get out and stay out!! Ask the Lord to erase him from both your memories!! Rather raise your child with love all on your own, than to put her through all this.....it will leave terrible emotional problems on her. You should seek help as well, I think you are already addicted to being beaten up and abused, it really get to a point where you think you are not worth being treated otherwise, specially because she was not born in wedlock.....get over this emotionally and mentally and carry on with your life....there is a great life without an abusive boyfriend/husband! YOU need to understand this first before you will be able to move on. Love yourself and your baby for who you are and see this precious gift from God, He would not have trusted you with the life of your child if He did not think you could do it!! He knew all along that you will have to raise her on your own.....maybe that is just it...to also give you purpose and make you a better person..all the best of luck and only stand firm in your Creator!!

Alexis - posted on 06/29/2010

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Im going through the exct same thing except my baby daddy isnt violent.Since we have been apart he hasnt asked how his daughter is doing, never bought her anything EVER! and he a=only seemms to have intrest in what im doing and who with,yet he's out doing worse things.Ive been trying to chase him and fight to get him involved in our daughter's life but honestly as a single mother, i can't take the stress of chassing and fighting with him anyore.Do what's best for that little girl, you would think its to have her mommy and daddy around but not if her father is violent,alcholic,drug addict or doesnt even try bother with her.Just life life for you and that little girl.All my little girl knows is me and its sad sometimes but she smiles more then anyone i know and as long as she is happy and healthy that's all that matters! I will admitt some days are hard and it sucks when there's no one to help out or sub in for you,that's what being a single mom is about.I loved my baby daddy and now he's with someone else so i just dont think about him.I am my baby's mommy and daddy just as you are to that little girl.People do change yes but not in that way, if he was violent then odds are he probly will be again.He's probly just trying to get back with you cuz he cant do any better or he realizes how bad of a father he is being, but if that's the case he would be calling you asking how your daughter is doing and to visit her,not ask about you...he sounds like a douche just like my babby daddy that ive been chassing and fighting with since i got pregnant, honestly girl its NOT worth it

Courtney - posted on 06/29/2010

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i was in the same situation for 4 years, we have a two year old together and i wont let him anywhere near me. its never okay to hit a women especially infront of your children. Ignore him! call the cops. do anything and everything that you have to do to keep him out of your lives. there are many other guys out there that will love your child as there own and treat you right as well. focus on YOU and your baby for now and getting away ffrom him..

Maria - posted on 06/29/2010

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Leave him alone... It will be better for you and the baby trust me on that.. I left my 1st child baby father because he was not there for us... I was not in any abusive relationship thank God for that.. If you are not happy then leave this #$%hole alone before he cause harm to u and ur baby.... If he stalks you or anything like that take photo and if he calls get the conversation recorded to get rid of this jerk once and for all... You and the baby do not need to live in this type of environment...

Nichole - posted on 06/29/2010

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ok gurl its better to have no father than a crazy abusive one with a dumb family u need to keep u and ur daughter far far away from him if he can hit u he can hit her he is psycho and needs to be locked up get a ppo order on him and dont answer his calls

Joy - posted on 06/28/2010

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I Think he is an abusive man who only wants to abuse you. You and your child deserve better than that and He will only continue to bring you down. I am sure you want more for your daughter and to show her she deserves to be treated better. Remain strong and be good to yourself. Dont let him back

LATOYA - posted on 06/28/2010

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Don't go back!! I know u want ur child to know her father, but she shouldn't know at the expense of ur lives! Although he is saying those things now he hasn't changed. if u want her to know him then let him have supervised visitation, but whatever u do don't go back to him bc who's to say that the next time he decides to do something to u that he won't kill u!

Jenny - posted on 06/28/2010

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I just read your blog and I completely feel you on this. I have a 4 year old with my ex and it's been hell ever since. When I first found out I was pregnant, he seemed happy about it, but as the weight got put on I got more phone calls from friends telling me that they had seen my ex out with different girls. I "broke up" with him, only to find myself weak at the knees and going back to him. It happened until I gave birth. It was on and off, but then one day something clicked in me when he was trash talking me and pushing me up against the wall while throwing my clothes in my face, that I was done. I grabbed my things, took my daughter and left. I refused contact, changed everything and thankfully my family was very supportive and helped me. Now, I am happily married to a soldier and starting my life again.

It's really hard to look past someone who's been in your life and that you really grew to love, especially someone who is your babys father.

But let me tell you, if you can recognize what he's doing, and realize that you are so much better than it.. walk out. If you, personally can't do it, do it for your child. I have been in court since my daughter was 2 (she's 4 now) and we're still going to court.

1. Don't feel like you have to take it upon you to MAKE HIM SEE YOUR CHILD.. let the courts do that.. it's one less thing to stress about. He took me to court, and now I have full physical, joint legal. He sees her 10days/month. The judge most always sides with the mother.

2. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. It may seem pointless and a waste of time.. but do it. TRUST ME.. It's helped. Especially all the violence... family judges will absolutely not tolerate that. Men who are violent only want control and are weak (that's the only thing they have going) and you definitely don't deserve that. All the beatings I took my ex.. got me a 3-year TRO. Most cases only get 1 year.

3. Don't talk to anyone of his family, except him. Once you start talking to his family.. everyone is involved and it's a bigger stress/burden on you.

4. Keep busy and focus on your baby, after all.. the child is what it's all about. Sometimes you have to give up on "love and desperation." My biggest fear was being rejected, and I was getting that from my ex, so that's why I clung to him, but in the end.. my daughter comes first. It was extremely hard, and very tempting to answer my phone, but everytime he pleaded for me back, everytime he called my house, cell, familys phones, friends to find out where I was, who i was with, all this.. I thought about my daughter and said SHE DESERVES BETTER.



You have to change your thinking process, and put a 180 spin on it.

Erica - posted on 06/28/2010

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Stay the hell away from him, that should be pretty obvious, unless u want your poor innocent child to grow up in the mix of all that mess. That would make you as low as him if you did that. But Ms. Michell Price below me put it very well.

Kawaiiana - posted on 06/28/2010

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sweetie you already know what you need to do. my little girls dad was verbally abusive and has emotionally scared me but i became determined he would not do it to her. for a while he would try to come back talking about he missed us and was sorry but not being totally trusting would not let come around and sure enough he would always go back to his old was. baby your child has already seen him hurt you one DO NOT put that baby through that again. change your number most places do it free of charge if you are getting harassed. and if you can move tell no one who tell him and start over without him hold your ground and when he starts that i'm sorry and will never do it again. then tell hm to go out to your the busy highway in your area and play in the fast lane with both shoes tied together and blindfolded. but NEVER say anything bad about him in front of your little one cause that will have a negative impact on not jst him but you as well in the eyes of your child. let grow up and make her own choices about him.

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