what do u tell the kids

Rachelle - posted on 01/07/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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my son is from a guy that took off when i was preg. then i thought i met mrs right and got married when he was 2 1/2 he only know him as dad. Then a few months ago he left me only want to have any thing to do with our doughter. Its hard for my son how is now 5 to understand the guy he thought of as dad isn't. i have full custodey of my doughter one more court date to find out if that will stick but he hardly comes and see her. do i really have to lisen to him cuse me out every phone call. he has supervised visitation at my parents house with them i'm tired of the abuse. when we were married and even when hes gone i don't get it i did every thing for him he just needed space he has it now. They order child support i havn't sceen any thing and i live with my parents i don't know how i'm going to get on my own and make it any ideas would be helpful

rachelle

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5 Comments

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Kim - posted on 01/08/2010

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sorry to hear that you too are another victim to the degenerate half of the male species. I too went throug what you are ...well very very similar down to the living with my parents and my two kids who were from two different men blah blah blah. No you dont have to take his abuse Rachelle. Stand up for yourself. I did; And we ( my parents and i ) have always told my kids the truth. not all the gory details. but the truth. this is my we left. it wasnt good for mommyand you to stay anymore. and i wasnt good for daddy either. yes we loved each other. we love each soo much that its best for us all that we not live together anymore. Daddy loves you guys sooo much. If hes missing visits or not seeing them tell the kids that its probably too painful for their dad at this point but that he loves them and when hes feeling better he will probably come see them or at least phone. I have never said anything bad about my exes to my kids even though one was in and out of jail and one ended up being a pedophile...those men are still my boys dads and they have a right to love them. the boys are now older so we tell them a bit more as they get older....plus they remember more.i always try to find the good things about those men that i see in my boys cause it makes the kids soo happy. its hard to do but its not right to put them down. i do that in my head or with friends. lol as far as getting on your own......you will .......i did......and it will happen quicker than you think.....you will want out of your parents place ......i did.....i felt like a kid liven at my parents......i dont know you or your parents but mine turn on the alarm and i couldnt go have a smoke after that.....grrr.....so i was outta there......dont worry too much rachelle i know its hard not too .....we all had the family and though that we were happy and then out from under us someone yanked the carpet and we were living at home again with our kids ,......this is not how we pictured our lives when we were little girls is it? i know i didnt. being abused and all that and anyways you get the picture.....i hope i helped you......if you want to talk more add me cause i been there girl and then i had two more kids with two more losers.. i didnt learn.....so learn from this girl learn so you dont go through it again and again like i did.....now i am just single.....no men .,...,,lol just me and my kidlets....,.and thats just fine by me.....well now i have too many it scares all the men away.....lol just keep your chin up and love your kids.....don lie to them ....trust me on that one......and ask for help when you need it.....trust me on that one too......i know you can make it through. If i am still here then you can do it too.

one single mom helpin another

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2010

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Like the other moms said... tell him the truth in a way that he can understand. Always tell him the truth no matter if he will like the answer or not. This will set up good communication between you for the future. I have always told my girls the hard truths as well as the easy truths and we have a wonderful open relationship. They know that I'm gonna give it to them straight (though gently) no matter what. Its a trust thing.At his age I wouldn't volunteer info about the situation. Just answer his questions when he asks.

Gifty - posted on 01/08/2010

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Hi Rachelle, sorry u've to go through this but believe me it will get better. Like Phi said just tell him the truth about mom and dad not being together anymore but specify that u both love him and it's not because of him that dad is gone. you just keep on loving them and dad will soon be past topic. Good luck with the court hearing and stay blessed.

Yvonne - posted on 01/08/2010

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Just tell him the truth,,, that you don't understand either but you love him, the son, more then anything and that you guys will make it through as long as you are together. As far as the ex is concerned I would start recording the calls... let him know that you will be so that you can use them in court if neccessary. No one deserves to be put down and cussed out... you are already going thru enough and trying to keep yourself going for your kids.. I don't know what state you live in but some of them will help pay for college so you can get a degree that will support you and your family. It will also pay for daycare. I know in Missouri there is housing for low income families.. My friend was living in an apartment with her baby and it cost $32.00 a month. It is base on % of your income. She just passed her boards and is now an RN making 25.00 an hour which will double after a year. I will say a prayer for you and hope you can find yourself in all of this mess.

Phi - posted on 01/07/2010

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he is smarter than you think so the truth is the best ting, just tell him that mommy and daddy cant be together anymore dont insult your ex becasue they will resent you for it, and never belive you. it isnt sounding like he will have or want visits with either of them after some time has passed thye will get over it maybe when they are ten maybe tomorow but my biggest bit of advice is to remeber that they dont need a dad becasue they has a great mom so wait a long long time before you marry again

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