What do you tell a child when he asks either:

Brianne - posted on 06/13/2010

Tell him the truth that way he does not resent you in the furture

Kelly - posted on 06/05/2010

yes, be honest but don't bash. a simple he doesn't live with us should do for now. As your child ages it will become a little harder. I agree with the other moms about age appropriate honesty.

IDALIA - posted on 06/05/2010

I'm a single mother with 3 kids. My 2 big kids are from a previous marriage. I was raising them by myself back then, my oldest son start asking me about his father because at school were talking about the concept of a family. That was a big challenge for me, but I trust in the Lord that everything will past soon. I never deny him that he has a father ( some people try to cover that and make the child believe that they belong to them). But i explained him ( my son) that He is so far away, that at the moment he can't see him. I even told him that one day not sooner nor even i know when, he will be seeing his father. After that waiting time I met my youngest child's father and I married him thinking about my kids ( to have a male figure in the house). My son was proud because he start saying that he has two daddys one who lives with him and his biological that he hasn't met, yet. My second marriage didn't work, so He took his way and I stay by myself with my kids. Months later after my marriage broke up, my oldest kids' biological father appear ( after 7 years) wanting to see my kids. My oldest son reaction was that He won't speak to him bc doesn't know him, and his real father was my youngest child's dad. They call him daddy. He (my son) ended up telling him that if he wants to talk to him He must come to where we are and he will speak to him. Honestly, I never expect that response from my child to his bio-father. Then i was thinking about it, that was what he reap from his absence in my kids life. Like I said I never talk to my kids bad things about him and neither the reason why we broke up. Those littles minds ( the kids) observe and meditate about everything around them, even they are observing ur behavior and the things you speak. With the time they know a little of the situation ( only the oldest) he understood. My kids ended up seeing him but sadly they see him like a stranger. He thought that overnight my kids will be start calling him daddy. Until this date he does not call my kids and neither try to have contact with them. My kids say they don't miss him. The only person they miss is my youngest son's father but they understand why he can't be with us. Do not have fear to speak the truth; but like I say, you don't have to tell ur kids everything. Just go little by little that way they don't have the illusion that mom and daddy will be together one day. And yuor kids will not have a bad impression about you. My best advice: stand firm in the word of God and trust in HIM.

Sarah - posted on 05/12/2010

both my kids fathers are horrible men i tell my kids im mommy and daddy my son is 6 now and he knows his fathers never gonna be around hes cool with it cause i give him the support he needs, but if you have guy friends that u trust enough with your son let em hang out and do gut stuff , a little testosterone shouldnt hurt

Ashley - posted on 05/08/2010

no i think u should tell him sum information but wen ur child is old enough ta understand then u can gan into detail a bit more cause if u change the subject n wen ur child grows up n finds oot stuff bout his dad that u neva told him he mite resent you for keeping it from him as ive bn thro this ma self hope this helps x

Brittany - posted on 05/07/2010

I will oneday go through this, and I have thought about this over and over and over again! I have decided that when my son gets older and ask me where is daddy or who is my daddy i will simply tell him that his dad was not ready to take on the responsibilitys of a child. :) And if he wants to meet his dad anyways I will do everything in my power for that to happen and I will allow him to make his own decision about the P.O.S! :) I hoope this helps!

Elizabeth - posted on 05/07/2010

Thanks for the advice everyone. See I was 18 when i got pregnant and he was much older, and I left him because he was an expert a lying, stealing, manipulation, emotionally abusive and showing signs of becoming physically abusive.

Rachel - posted on 04/30/2010

My son knows who his father is (and his dad is not a total creep, he just has no concept of emotion or attachment to people), but I was honest to a point with my son when he asked once why his father did not come around. No matter how much you may dislike your child's father, vilifying him in front of the child does more harm than good, the child suddenly feels that since they are a part of that parent, then they too are bad. I told my son his dad and I grew apart and since his father lives in California now, it was hard to see him-luckily for me, my son does not really seem to care at this point in the game, but I know that should the time come when he wants to see his father when he is older, he will see him for who/what he is, and that knowledge alone makes everything else worth it. I have always made a conscious effort to not bad mouth my ex in front of my son, but I'm secretly awaiting that day when my son can show his father what he missed out on all these years.

Karen - posted on 04/30/2010

I went through this with my daughter. Same situation, he walked when I got pregnant. I never pursued support knowing I could provide for us both.
I told my daughter (now 11) that he wasn't ready to be a father, that he is alive (somewhere), but that I don't know where he is now (sad, but true). She went through a stage of "idolizing" the person she imagined him to be - difficult stage for me! Eventually, I told her that if she wanted to find him, I would help her when she was old enough (18) but until then I had better things to spend $ on --> her -- that seems to have satisfied her for quite some time.
I've tried to keep positive male role models in her life - my dad, her cousins, husbands of friends ... also, I've never spoken badly about him in front of her, no matter how much I've wanted to, because he is still her father.
I know that this is a long posting and I pray that it helps!

Elna - posted on 04/30/2010

Of course you will not have an adult explanation, sorry you misintepret my message. This is definitely not an easy subject and good luck to all the single mothers with young children! They will still grow up to be beautiful people with a lot of love and care. Life will always be full of challanges.

Jeni - posted on 04/30/2010

Im not sure 'Daddy doesnt want us and has a new family and life and cant even be arsed to pay maintenance' would wash with young children here!

Elna - posted on 04/30/2010

A Frazier has put it straight forward and there is not going to be an easier way out, because the sooner your child hears the truth the better he will except it. Children grow up and can hold regrets. Don't be the one who has to apologise. Love him and be honest!

Jeni - posted on 04/30/2010

My son has never met his father, and never will, he left when i was pregant, and never came back, luckily, my son hasn't asked who is daddy is (he will be 4 in September), but does accidently slip and call other people's dads daddy when he hears them do it. I think when it comes to it, i will say something like 'He had a very very important job he had to do, and so thats why he isnt here' and gradually change it as my son gets older until he is old enough to be told the truth. I can imagine that this must be pretty upsetting for you, i know it will be for me, but at the end of the day, he has you, and thats so important!! But i agree with Candice, dont say anything bad about him yet because he will get confused by adult issues he isnt old enough to comprehend.

Stephanie - posted on 04/29/2010

therapeutic lies are not harmful...my 5 years knows who her dad is and still asks for a daddy. I continue to keep him looking good til she grows up and takes notice for her self on how much of a p.o.s he really is. Changing the subject will work for so long til they get older, keep telling them the he is working and isn't able to come. good luck!

Candice - posted on 04/29/2010

don't avoid it, and don't lie about it, but don't go into gross detail either. i think they call it "age appropriate honesty". and try not to bash the guy either, cuz kids will take it as "you made him leave because you hate him".

i'm not sure what the situation is, but find a way to explain it in gentle, child friendly terms. "he wasn't ready to be a daddy", or "he made some bad decisions", or if all else fails..."I don't know" is an appropriate answer. also, ask your child what they think about it so you can address any concerns they may have that you may not be aware of.

A - posted on 04/28/2010

perhaps address by saying he is alive, however he has not made responsible decisions with his life and that mom's job is to protect, child, and keep it from harm. no matter who the person might be...