What is the hardest part about being a single mom?

Lakisha - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 1382 moms have responded )

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my question is basically asking what would make being a single parent easier in your opinion; what is lacking in your life pertaining to rising your kid(s) by yourself?

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Luciana - posted on 01/05/2010

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Being a single mom sucks when it comes to not having someone have your back... If your bills arent paid, they just arent paid. When your late picking up the kids... Your just late. There is no hubby around to catch you when you fall, or when you mess up. When you get stressed you can't just leave and get some air. Nope, you just have to see it through. You get lonely. When you raise the kids all by yourself its all on you to make a good person. With good manners. good morals. Great attitude. And Smart. and all you can hope for, is that will one day they will be successful. Thats alot on one person. Man its hard!! And I have 2 little boys... IM RAISING MEN. lil ol me. But im doing it and sometimes the sun dont always shine but the rain doesnt last forever. I pray on it alot.

I know I can do this. I have too!!!

Rhonda - posted on 01/06/2010

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The hardest part of being a single mom is the whole dating thing. I'm very protective of who I let know my children. And then when you do find someone that you trust with your family...it is hard on the kids when it doesn't work out. Especially after two years of having them in thier life.

Sabrina - posted on 01/05/2010

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never having backup.. ur always the bad guy.. and if ur baby sees the dad all they do is spoil them and send them home brats i think thats harder than paying al the bills by yourself.. atleast mentally

Shannon - posted on 01/06/2010

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The hardest thing for me is being the sole disciplinarian, "when dad comes he is sooo fun, and nice, he always plays" however dad doesnt feed her, bathe her, pay child support, hold her when shes sad, read to her, teach her, unconditionally love her, clean the house, dishes, laundry, homework, etc. Being the only parent takes its toll. It is very difficult for me to stay consistent with time outs, and discipline, because I have no backup, You don't always want to be the bad guy.

[deleted account]

I relate to not having a break, and when I do get me time, it's his visitation with his father, which I find stressful. His dad's mantra is that we have 17 more years of this and that seems like a prison sentence. If we hadn't a child together I wouldn't give this man another moment of breathing room in my world.



Of course then there's the advice from others: either they don't know what you're going through,and give you empty flippant responses of no encouragement; or they have been in similar situations but scare the hell out of you with possibilities you hadn't even thought of yet!

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Michelle - posted 4 days ago

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its funny on how much my ex husband ruined me... but why do I still want a life with a man and marriage again... yes i have a boyfriend that i have been with for 3 years but we don't live together... my kids adore him.... i hate being alone when he isn't with me...

Michelle - posted 4 days ago

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Honey I understand.... I have 2 kids 4 and 7 years old... being a single mom sucks... I had a husband but all he did was work and sleep... he was mean to me... he never wanted kids but he gave them to me to make me happy.... but I wanted a family that included a father... but him always choosing work over the family drove me away... other things happened and I finally filed for divorce after our second was a year old... I have a boyfriend but I don't live with him he is much older... but is not ready to live together... I am very tried and burnt out I have basically been doing this since my first was born.. I don't have patience with my kids anymore.. they fight all the time... nothing is ever peaceful...

Lourdes - posted on 01/20/2014

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Financially it's hard. In our married life, we lived in a big house, drove nice cars, my son was in a great, private preschool and only had to be there half a day, we traveled and I was a stay at home mom, etc. Now I work full-time, I am away from home 12 hours a day, my daughter had to be in daycare all day, my son has to be in after care at school and I am struggling to make the bills. I had to start a new career because I can't work in my former career til the kids are older and by then I will have to be retrained and spend about $10k to restock my kit then attempt to get into a union. I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment and it's a struggle every.day.

All that being said, I think my biggest struggle is patience. I used to have so much too time to focus on my children and now my time is so limited and I am so exhausted that my patience is lacking :(

Adriana - posted on 12/15/2013

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Emotionally , it's wondering how the father can just leave and not love the child the way a father should. Worst part is it's usually the baby and mommy who suffer from it and not him.

Other hard parts for me anyways is expenses.

Branette - posted on 12/13/2013

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Honey, I feel your pain. And I just have one. It's just flat out hard sometimes & you feel like the life force is being sucked out if you. I don't get child support either. And it is tough when it's all in your shoulders.
I totally inderstand. I just know that I have to stop & be still & just hand it over to God sometimes. The constant worrying, hurrying, & planning. I just slow down & take it minute by minute, hour by hour. And I lay my burdens at my Lords feet. This is what helps me. It doesn't change my circumstances, but enables me to deal with them in a much more calm way. I wish you all the best. And give yourself a break, you sound like an excellent mother. One more thing, MAKE SURE you take care of YOU.

Honey - posted on 12/11/2013

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I'm exhausted. I have five children total. Only 2 left in the home. But it seems that when I was younger I had more energy. I just don't have help emotionally and financially (yip, no child support) I'm burned out. All the issues fall on my shoulders. Its just the way it is. I just had to leave work early to pick up my "sick" kid from school. there goes 4 hours of work missed, AND, she wasn't even that sick..ug! Family first. But for once I would like to come first. I have had kids since I can remember. I started at 18 and now am 44...I haven't finished my education because I had to go back to work full time but I am going to try anyways. I was doing great with grades at first and now...feel like a loser because the "mom" job comes first. So...tired and beat down!!!
Its MY fault too, I chose the wrong man!

Carren Ann - posted on 11/03/2013

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if you are financially stable and you can give your children full attention what can you ask for

Sally - posted on 01/30/2013

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I love being a single mom it was hard being married although i would like to work less!

Nicola - posted on 01/29/2013

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Hi ladies I'm a single mum of four and I love it . My ex left me for someone else and has since married her and had 3 further children . My two youngest are both special needs and I can honestly say that their father does nothing for any of them . The older two dont have much to do with him or his wife but the younger two sometimes want to see him sadly his new family come first . I have been single since he left and yes I too would love to have someone special but nevermind . If I'm honest I actually get on with my ex'swife think I feel sorry for her really because she's blinded by love still .

Shelly - posted on 01/15/2013

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Janet, I agree it is hard. You have a whole different set of circumstances too. My husband married the woman he left me for, but they haven't and won't have children together. My oldest is 19 and doesn't go see his father anymore, but talks to him on the phone. He no longer lives with me either. My daughter goes to see her dad a few times a year for a few days each time and his focus is solely on her. She has a good relationship with him, but knows it is not a true father/daughter relationship. You will find love and happiness. Hang in there. Your kids will also see that you have taken the high road and thank you in the end.

Janet - posted on 01/14/2013

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Thank you Shelly....I completely agree with the "getting along for the kids sake" but I am not the one that is bitter.....my ex got me pregnant while he was cheating on me and said he did it so our son "wouldn't have to go thru this alone". He is angry at me for a reason that I am not aware of. He refuses to talk to me about anything....and lets his wife, the lady he was cheating on me with, talk about me in front of my boys. My oldest yelled at her and stopped going to his house and finally after about 2 years has started going to his house again which I think is a great thing, for him to see his father again...As for another relationship.....I believe there is something wrong with me ......it's been 14 years, not for lack of trying, I have not found anyone which is very stressing to me ......I feel I have so much to give and no one to give it to. I have been in a few relationships....none of which have worked out.....unfortunately. I get so burnt out from all the responsibility on me.....it's soooooo hard....

Shelly - posted on 01/14/2013

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It is hard to let go, but you should for the sake of your children and yourself. How can you find happiness and love again if you are filled with bitterness? Continue with counseling and go to church. Ask God to help you let go of the anger and bitterness. Your kids will thank you for it later. My ex-husband left me after multiple affairs for another woman and it took some time but we get along and have a good relationship for the sake of our children. We work together and it makes a world of difference for our kids. My new husband has a bitter and angry ex and it is frustrating to see how it affects their daughter and the drama that it creates. Hang in there.

Janet - posted on 01/14/2013

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What is lacking is having time with each of my kids.....I have to work so between working cleaning, sleeping and all the other stuff......I wish I could have fun time with each one, I have 2 boys.

Myra - posted on 01/13/2013

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Well, in my case...her dad is in her life and the hardest part for me is...lately we've been struggling being on the same page...at least that's how I feel...when she comes back from the weekend with him she acts different towards me...not as loving and a little more bratty...then it takes me a couple days to bring her back to her normal self...It is tiring and it shouldn't be routine...I take it day by day...it shouldn't be that way but I don't know what else to do

Laura - posted on 01/13/2013

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I CAN NOT get over my hate for my ex & the hurt he caused all of us. It is literally ruining my life & health yet I can not seem to let it go no matter how I try , I've done the counselling bit & still no change. What is wrong with me??

Chelsea - posted on 01/12/2013

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Making time 4 me. Whether its exercising, a hobby, or just a break from kids and spending enuf quality time w each of my children. For yrs I didnt get how important I really was. I didnt understand that mommy needs to have things going on in her life such as hobbies, friends, etc. after all I am human n im a better mom when I get a break n get,some stress out

Dawn - posted on 11/20/2012

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I agree....how do you say no to expectations when your family is providing housing, financial assistance, etc?

Denise - posted on 11/20/2012

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The hardest part about being a single mom is mantaining a healthy balance of SELF IDENTITY versus EXPECTATIONS!!!! What is lacking is the necessity of VALIDATION that its okay to say NO and that you made a wrong choice, you gave your egg to the wrong man, not FORGIVE yourself and move on. Fall in love with YOURSELF again! I am a successful single mom of a 22 year old son in grad school. Please visit my FREE blog talk radio show: www.blogtalkradio.com/denise-bolds.

Dawn - posted on 11/19/2012

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Knowing he has a 14 yr old son that he does everything for and nothing for his daughter. I'll give up the sleep and everything else...I just don't get why when he wanted a daughter when I was pregnant. And having everyone tell you what to do and when to do it...I don't have control of my life.

Jessica - posted on 11/16/2012

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Doing it all by yourself. My family helps, but I am ultimately responsible. Free time or time alone is minimal.

Kathy - posted on 11/16/2012

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I am a single mother of 6 month old twins (Partner decied he didnt want to help through the pregnancy or after and hasn't dssapointed) the hardest part is not having someone to help with the small things like waiting in the car while I pay for petrol instead I have to take both babies out or trust the stranger next to me to pay my petrol when she/he pays hers/his and just being there for emotional support someone to talk to about your worries concerning the kids or even just to pass you a nappy when your already on the ground with an upset baby. But sometimes people are happier and better of without the second partner there! As it is hard to be a single parent it is sometimes EASIER to not have the stress of another relationship

Yvonne - posted on 11/12/2012

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Being a single Mom gets slightly eaiser as your daughters/sons get older. But it will always be hard. Because you will always be the mom. But they grow up and that changes. They are still your sons or daughters but the way you see your children is always as your little girl or boy. That usually the very tough part of growing older as a single mom. They do begin to appreciate you. But it makes you stronger as a parent. I think the thing that u lack as a single parent is someone to give you emotional support. You develop ways of basically making all your decisions on your experiences and resources.

SHYTHINA - posted on 10/31/2012

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nothing makes it easy all we can do is pray and keep going rising kids is a hard job but we do it everyday day with the help of god some days u may feel feel like ok how much more can i take but when u look up at your kids u no u got to pull yourself up and keep going and just no that its all worth it be blessed

Tia - posted on 10/06/2012

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Wow! You sound just like me.It is so good that you joined this site huh! because now you have other people to talk to or with about being a single mom.I only have a few friends who live in other states now,but I just moved to a new place and I don't know anyone.I am going to college now and looking for a new job,but when I find one I know I will make new friends.I thinks its easier to make new friends at work than at school.I also go to the movies and out to eat by myself sometimes too,and I enjoy the movie and meal just as much as I would if I was with others.



You really have to know how to be happy on your own before you can be happy with others even if you've been single for a long time.I always just try to talk about positive things with my friends,which helps me keep my friendships strong.You said "So, the "friends" that don't have kids aren't my friends any more because they just don't understand and get mad at me for no reason" I really think that they do have a reason for getting mad at you.



It may not be a good reason,but the reason is probably that you talk to them too much about being a single mom and they mights not understand because they can't relate.They have never been in that situation before,so they are really not the people you should be asking for advice from or talking to about that.As for the ones dating,engaged or married to the children's fathers,you should be glad that you don't see or talk to them much,because it is easy to get envious of them.Whenever you start to think about how your child has a deadbeat dad,force yourself to think about all the good things that you and your child do have,and you will see that the good outweighs the bad.

Tia - posted on 10/06/2012

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Wow! That is a great question.For me,the hardest part is hearing my son ask call other men in my family dad;because he doesn't know who his is,and he is not old enough for me to break it to him that his dad may never decide to meet him.He is 2 now,so I know I have a while before he starts asking a lot of questions,but when the time comes it will be hard for me to answer his questions without getting emotional.I have cried myself to sleep many nights over my son having a deadbeat dad,who has never done anything for him,but I knew I had to stop because it is out of my control.I can't change that,and my family still fails to realize that.If the subject of dads or my sons dad comes up certain family members will say something to be to try to make me feel guity about being a single mom.I don't understand why when people see a single mom who appears to be happy they always got to reign on her parade.



I know me being married would have helped me avoid being a single mom,but there is no guarantee.Just as fast a boyfriend will leave his pregnant g/f,a married man can too.Married men cheat sometimes and divorce and abandon their kids too.Regardless,there is no excuse for a man being a deadbeat dad,and just because he doesn't love or want to be with his g/f doesn't mean he has the right or a pass to leave his child.I feel like some of my family members expect me to go find my son's father and try to force him to care along with kissing his @ss.But,I refuse to beg anyone to be in my or my son's life.He already had chance after chance after chance.



Another hard part is me going on social networking sites and seeing old friends and fam who are married and have kids,or even who are just engaged and have good men who are taking care of their kids.Sometimes,I think well that's good for them,but then I start to think that I wish that I had that.I wish I had a father for my child,and help from my child's father when I was pregnant.My child father wouldn't even talk to me when I was pregnant,and didn't even pick up his phone until after I had my son.Now,on to the solution-I think that the thing I am really lacking is having someone to truly care about and love both me and my son.I love my family and I know they love me,but I want my son to have a good male role model,and I want my son to see everyday how a man should treat his wife and or mother of his child.I want my son to know that marriage is important.It would be so much easier for me if I didn't have to rely on my mom who I know is ready for me to move out on my own.But,when I do move out on my own it would be easier if I had a husband to help me raise my son.For now,I just keep praying that I will meet the right guy soon and get married soon,so that I can provide a father for my son.I really think that I wouldn't think about my son's deadbeat dad(who I haven't spoken to in years) if I had a replacement.

Paula - posted on 09/14/2012

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The hardest part was realizing I hadn't prepared him as well as I thought I should have when it cam time to launch him to college...some things I should have started when he was 12! lol

Andrea - posted on 09/10/2012

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The hardest part for me is to help my kids wiht a positive male role figure... they are 12 and 15 yrs old and we left their father almost 2 years ago as we could not cope with his temper, anger and control isues anymore. It has been hard cos although he gives CS,does not get involved as much in their lives and uses money to control us; and they do not really want him around either. Has got to the point where not even like going every other wkend. We live in another country away from family so no grandads or uncles cousins etc... male friends are not really an option when you are a single mum. Most men tend to think that you are handing them the father's duty if you ask them to somehow play small roll (friend, someone they can talk to if something happens, drives etc) in your kids lives. However the boys know we do well despite the ups and downs. They are lovely sport orientated kids so my time goes around them and my full time college. Its hard for them to only have mum around when most of their friend's dads turn up for games or competitions or school activites. Teens feel mums are not as cool though they know we love them and would do anything for them; dont get me wrong... they love thier mothers, but what teen does not like havin a big man giving them a tap on the shoulder every now and again?...

User - posted on 08/21/2012

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honestly, being a single mom is hard at times...but i think that being a parent is difficult either way. I have a 11mo. old son and his father comes around onlywhen it benefits him.. I decided that I will not allow him to come in and out of my son's life..n decided not to fall prey to his mind games but to simply move on. As you go through the mothering process, you will bond with your child and and realize that you can raise your kid(s) on your own..with a little faith, support and strength. It may hurt at times when u think about the fact that you did not create your little one on your own..and that in my opinion every child needs a father.. I am a strong believer in God and I believe that if it was meant or if the bio father of our kids was supposed to be there then they would be..Everything happens for a reason..Look into your child's eyes and know that you can make it!! We have to be strong for them :)

Amie - posted on 08/19/2012

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I mostly enjoy being a single parent. The only time I wish there was another adult in our house is when I have to take one child to an activity such as sport, birthday party etc, but I also need to take another child to another activity somewhere else. But then again I can usually find another parent who is willing to help out.

Crystal - posted on 05/15/2012

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wishing there was two of me then I could work full time and be at every activity and school play i need more time in a day. But the days i have off we plan activities together and it seems to work but take for example her T ball is starting up every thursday and a few saturdays i feel horrible i work saturdays and wont make her game i will miss three to be exact but im trying to fix it where i can at least go to every thursday game. cause i worry her babysitter or grandparents wonts cheer her on like me or be there to push her to try something new in a positive manner. Its great that i jsut work days latest is 7 but sometime I wish i didnt have to worry about a sitter that i could do it all by myself. i think thats jsut cause i have a hard time trusting others with her cause its always her and I. sometimes i worry about who will pick her up from school if she is sick and i cant get outta work lil things like that would be nice to have a second me around.

Tammy - posted on 05/13/2012

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not having back up when you need help! being the ONLY one when the school calls cause your child is sick. You feel bad cause you cant leave work, but your kid needs you. Being the only one your child has to rely on when they are sick. This is THE HARDEST job ever. BUT....also the most rewarding. NOTHING like it when your child is looking for YOU and only you when something awesome is happening in their world.!

Deepa - posted on 05/12/2012

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For me, the hardest part is not having my husband to help me with discipline,enforcing the rules. If you have a 2 parent dynamic you establish a pattern where on parent is the though one and gets the job done.In my case it was my husband. He died. Its gets real hard getting the kids to listen.

Alysha - posted on 05/11/2012

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The hardest thing for me, is not having my daughter's father around to take half of the load. Also, having to juggle work, school, spending time with my child, studying and getting some sleep.
I don't know about all of the other moms out there, but The absolute hardest thing for me is not having another adult to talk to. I personally don't have any friends. (Though I do have "friends" that are moms that I see and talk to once in a while, but they all are married, engaged or dating their child's father.) So, the "friends" that don't have kids aren't my friends any more because they just don't understand and get mad at me for no reason. So, staying home with no friends or anyone to really talk to is the hardest thing. So, I know for me, when I wanna go out to see a movie, I go by myself and that's my "Me time."

Mogire - posted on 05/11/2012

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the other issue is lack of trust for any other man who may want to come into your life....

Mogire - posted on 05/11/2012

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striking balance to provide, be happy, make them happy, work and discipline while remaining a friend but once achieved you feel really happy and the rest doesnt matter!!!!!!!!!!!

Julie - posted on 05/08/2012

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For me the hardest part is being the bad guy all the time. And I have two boys, and no male figures to show them how to be a man. But I love being a mom to wonderful boys, sure learned alot especially the past couple of years from my boys, they come up with the grossest things to talk about.

Anu - posted on 04/25/2012

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Hi Julie im a single parent to a 3.6 yrs old boy. My husband left us coz he found someone else 2 yrs ago. It was the most difficult phase of my life. I stay with my parents and although they are wonderful and provide a gr8 support system for me n my son...they can be controlling at times and it really is annoying.



Why im writing to you is coz i can totally relate to you and felt as if u read my mind. I dont intend to get married .... not in a rush or probably never will. Its a bad world and not sure if the other person will ever adopt my son as his own. I keep telling my folks this but it makes no sense to them. As a mother or a single parent one gets so used to taking decisions single handedly that it just feel uneasy to share space with another man specially when it comes to your kids.

Amy - posted on 03/11/2012

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So many things raising a kid alone. when they ask about the absent parent. When they act out in school. When they ask so many questions and you dont want to lie but yet theyre too little to understand. Every year with a child being a single mom has its down points , but over all i dont think single parents are lacking anything bc one human can only do so much and it already says alot you doing it alone.

Amy - posted on 03/11/2012

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Lakisha- I have raised my son from birth and now that hes almost nine alone. I have been single 6 of them 9 years. I honeslty can say from my own exsperiences is what made me a good single parent is making sure i did for my son and only my son. I didnt put anything or anyone before him. I made sure he was the most important thing ad anything i did was to benifit him. I also made myself know that i cold do it alone and i didnt need a man and knwong that really gives you the power to do anything. So far i made it 9 yrs statred at 19 yrs old. The hardest part about being a single mom falls under many factors suchas: the lack of support, the lack of needed help, and so many more. Raising a kid as a couple is hard so raising a child alone is much harder, but not imppossible.

Trelanie - posted on 03/11/2012

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In my opinion, the hardest thing is having the responsibility load all on YOU! And when you are tired or sick you dont get a chance to have a break you just have to stick it owt and continue pushing forward! Not to mention when the baby is sick you have to play nurse and when she's up all nite ur the only one with her...u cant go to sleep and give her to her father! Also, i wish i could get breaks more often and time to myself but hey it will come with time she wont be a baby forever! Just hang in there and know that when times get hard you can always pray and ask for strength! The lord sees our struggles and hardships..he's there to comfort us all and help us thorough this tough time! Stay encouraged :)

Michelle - posted on 03/06/2012

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I have a good support system ,my family has helped me alot. What I think is the absolute hardest is is knowing that I'm it. every decision I make effects my son I don't have that otherperson there to help make a family decision. When my sone was born I work day time I had a really good job but Day care was so expensive and strangers were raising my son he was there form 6am until 6pm. I could't just quit working and stay home with him. So I to a position on nights which worked but now I was home with a toddler all day who wouldn't take a nap so became very angry my support system was breaking down and I felt lost and bitter. Had there been a whole family unit with the same goal objective life could have been diffrent for my son and myself.

Jennifer - posted on 03/02/2012

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I think the hardest part is the assumptions other people make about the kind of person you are or might be just because the father isn't around. Ladies know what I mean. If a man is a single dad everyone thinks he's a hero. Single mothers are either stupid or slutty.

Sarah - posted on 02/29/2012

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When I have to work and I can't find someone to watch my son-I get overwhelmed and angry at the father for leaving me in this situation-then I get emotional-the housework and bills don't bug me as much as not having a trusted and safe place for my son when I can't be there because I really don't ever want to leave him to go to work or anywhere for that matter!

Tanya - posted on 02/27/2012

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WHEN YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS THAT TRY TO CONTROL YOUR LIFE AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DO IT ,IT'S ANNOYING...

User - posted on 02/27/2012

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i agree that the most difficult thing about being a single parent is the fact that i am EVERYTHING, and getting a break is defo not easy. i hav 3 children of my own and also hav my godson living with me. ages 16, 15, 7 an 5, the 3 oldest r boys and the youngest a girl. i find it difficult to do things together as the older boys dont want to be around the younger 1s. i am a full time student and also hav a long tern chronic illness, i dont hav much support, but hav found through doing my psychology degree, that its all about being honest and upfront with kids, they are a lot smarter than we sometimes giv them credit for. as the boys r getting older they r able to understand more and HELP out more with the little 1s, although i do hav to scream and shout quite pften to get things done, but they do eventually do them and eventually it will be embedded in them so they would do it automatically. TEAMWORK is the key.xxx

Julie - posted on 02/24/2012

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What i noticed is that most of the married couples i know.THe women does most of the work.The husband is there but needs to be deligated to like a teenager to do anything and sometimes with attitude.50% of men commit adultry and alot are emotionally abusive toward women.Yes there are good men out there but what the percentage is I am sure it is around 30% or less. Just think of all the married couples you know and how many of their husbands would you be able to stand for a month or more. Since i worked in neuro ICU years ago, I remember the doctors saying that if a man gets injured a women is likely to stay a care for him but if a woman gets injured there is a 99% chance the man will leave within the year.I rather stay single and date when my kids are raised even though it can be lonely at times I am sure many married woman are lonely too. Marriage is over rated. I will stay single until my kids are grown, I have for 10 years and will for the next 10. So i dont expose my kids to pedophiles, etc. It takes a long time in dating to know if you can trust someone Years, and I know it can seem like grasses are greener across the fence but most of the time. NOT,

Janice - posted on 02/22/2012

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The hardest part to being a single Mom is when my kids do something really cool and I want so bad to share with someone and there just isn't anyone there...I am so proud of them, but the pain having no one there to share it with is tough. I have tried to include thier Dad, but if I call him, the conversation usually revolves around him. Even when I am trying to tell him what they did...he is so not interested. All he wants to do is tell me something like how he stubbed his toe and needed a bandaid.

So for me...is not having anyone to share with.

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