Lakisha - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 1374 moms have responded )
my question is basically asking what would make being a single parent easier in your opinion; what is lacking in your life pertaining to rising your kid(s) by yourself?
Lakisha - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 1374 moms have responded )
my question is basically asking what would make being a single parent easier in your opinion; what is lacking in your life pertaining to rising your kid(s) by yourself?
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Amanda - posted on 08/26/2011
and if you work full time and the child is sick you have no one to cover for you and you have to care for the child and miss hours at work
Nayanda - posted on 08/26/2011
I think the hardest part is not having time for yourself.
Kellie - posted on 08/23/2011
my husband died when our daughter was 5 months old she is just turned 4, we talk about her father alot but now she is asking for a new daddy, i think that the hardest things are when my daughter sits down and thinks about something and asks me a question and goes on and on but i dont quite know the answer to them
Charmaine - posted on 08/23/2011
the hardest part is being both mommy and daddy. these kids are sooo smart they know you are lacking somewhere. it can be tough but never allow them to see your weakness.
Shaylynn - posted on 08/23/2011
Honestly i have done it alone about as long as i have done it with my ex. Its hard as far as working and paying the bills by yourself, but its beneficial to your child. My kids still love me and are happy to see me evry time i walk through the door. I think the hardest part would just be not letting the guilt of missing so much time with you tear you up. Stay strong
Melinda - posted on 05/21/2011
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Karen - posted on 05/16/2011
I am a full time mother, sales person, i work 9 to 12 hourdays, thehard part for me is their is not enough time in a day to get it all done :( its very hard to spend time with my little girl, she is the joy of my life but some times when i am at work i feel guilty for not being with her. Her father doesnt attempt to see her or call her..... its so sad:( yesterday my girl said to me " you amazing mom"
Jennifer - posted on 05/04/2011
Never getting a break. Not only am I a single mom but all of my so-called friends disappeared after I had her and the people I share DNA with are useless. It is funny how when I was pregnant and it became obvious I was going to be doing this alone, so many promised to be there for me and to help me, she is 19 months old now and NO ONE is there.
Samantha - posted on 04/29/2011
not having anyone to share the funny things the kids do and say during the day. not having someone to be proud of you and to nurture you the way you do the children. I feel invisible. I am 25 years old and it feels like I am a pile of bills and stretchmarks. My work is never done and no one thinks I am beautiful or amazing. I am just mom. It's the loneliest feeling ever.
Aisley - posted on 01/25/2011
well in my case its missing the money. i have family members i can lean on for help with her but getting by sometimes is hard. my BD doesnt pay his CS so he isnt really helping at all. speaking from an aspect of my own i find it hard not having someone to share my daughters life with. i feel we both miss out not having a "daddy: figure in her life. she misses out obviously but i also feel as a parent u want another parent around who loves your child as much as you and wants to talk about how amazing the new things she is doing is and how much she is growing u kno? and to have their input.
Braeden - posted on 01/25/2011
For me, I rely on being able to make an income from home. Even though, I'm single, young and have no education higher than high school, I've been able to make a living while rarely leaving my daughter. I am thankful everyday for being introduced to the wonderful company that I work for. I really can't imagine having to go to school and work and paying to childcare. I still wish my daughter had a father in her life but I feel so much better that I can give her everything else that she needs.
Jessica - posted on 01/21/2011
HA SLEEP!!! if i could get some sleep... i mean the real sleep where you go to bed and nothing wakes you up and you get up when ever you feel like it. that would be so nice to be able to do that once and awhile!!
that and not always being the one doing everything all the time. sometimes my baby is crying because she needs something and my daughter needs help getting her shoes on and my other child just fell and hurt herself and my son can't find his coat all at once and i just would love it if someone else was there to help when that happens!!!!!!!!!!! and sometimes maybe once and awhile someone else can deal with them for a little bit. i get zero breaks ever! i get a break maybe once or twice a year for a few hours at time... and it sucks!
i don't mind being a single parent. i look at the alternative of having their dad there and and all the drama that it brought and i am thankful that i don't have to deal with that. my life is so much better off and easier. i am a stronger person because of it. i know he could never handle it and that brings me some strength. i just wish it wasn't always all on my shoulders all the time. sometimes i get angry when i hear about how he did this or that or went out and ran around doing that.. he has no responsibilities at all and he didn't have to give up anything when he had his children... that part is what kills me the most. but in the end, i have to remember that childhood isn't forever. it goes by fast and it isn't always hard. there are good moments mixed in there too and it is going through the tough times that makes the good times better and more appreciated. and he will never have that and he will never have those memories to warm him when he is older. i will. i get to look back on being on mom... he gets to look back on being a dead beat that was never there. kids grow up so fast.
Ashley - posted on 01/08/2011
being a single mom can be hard but i find alot good in it. for one i dont have to argue over disciplining. or anything else i do. bed time is when i say i dont have to compromise on it. i can take him where ever i want. ya know
Rosette - posted on 01/07/2011
The hardest part i have faced about being a single mother is the expenses i have to face but am always happy with my kids,little i have, i budget for it and take care of them the way i can. Knowing that they are happy and being with them makes me the happiest.
Jennifer - posted on 01/06/2011
I think it's sacrificing the me time and always feeling like your inadequate and not doing everything for them. I don't know about those of you with girls, but I find with a boy I really feel like he misses out not having his dad around.
Jodie - posted on 01/06/2011
the reason we females,were given more strength,than the male race,cos this was always going to be a job for some mums,that wld challange every day stress,but you can change that,by getting out and meeting new ppl,cos not only being a single mum,is hard work,you need support,if you can do it alone,you need to gain a support network,cos it only gets changelling,& that boils down to how u parent your child. learn with your child,dont make thm clingy,its just a horriable habbit,2 allow.interacting for your son,to get social skills,without that your scwered.parenting can be very easy,if you have the rapport my daughter and i.our realationship boils down to trust,rules,advice,raise ya kid, to hve morals,respect,kind,but stern.and your life as a single mum,will one day make it up too.kids need guidence,not lectures,and it doesnt work,it just makes thm more wild,give thm boundries,space,privacy,b a m8,but their mum,understand it frm a teenage point of view.at times u must feel like supermum,n yes every mum hve their agenda.good,cos we nd 1,for our lives as a single mums, we are stronger than u give yourself credit for,dont ever let the pass follow you in2 2011.im learning the hard way,but in he end,il be the person,that raised above,my sad ass life,we claim,we are doing,and put walls up to keep u safe,it workd 4 me.just take care of u and ya boy,get thm involved in sports,theres alot you can learn bout can single parenting conquer thru all th pain gain,be kind to yourself.
Tiffany - posted on 12/29/2010
The hardest part about being a single mother in my opinion, is not having a second set of hands to help you out when you need it. You're trying to cook, clean, do bath time, change diapers, fix bottles, comfort a crying child, etc. all @ once. That is the hardest for me. Or when you aren't feeling well but yet you still have to do everything that needs to be done.
Amy - posted on 12/26/2010
The hardest part,according to me,is that some times it can get really lonely.Especially during "one of those days",without anyone around you to console or comfort,it can get too hard to manage.Feeling overwhelmed is something that i have confronted many times before but fortunately,after having so much of it,i now know how i can handle them all.And instead of worrying too much,i also started a place where i can pour all my feelings and even share it with others:http://helpforsinglemother.net/
Good luck to all single moms out here.I am sure you will do just fine.You might have hard times every now and then but with a little push within yourself and with the blessings of Lord,you will do great eventually.Bye :)
JOYCELYN - posted on 12/20/2010
BEING ALONE IS REALLY DA HARDEST MY HUSBAND AND SEPERATED ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO AND THIS PAST SUMMER I FOUND OUT THAT BOTH MY KIDS HAVE SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS SO DA DOCTOR VISITS SLEEPLESS NIGHT GOING THROUGH IT ALONE IS THE HARDEST BUT NONE THE LESS I LOVE THEM TO BITS AND PIECES. HAVING TO LEAVE WORK BECAUSE OF AN EMERGENCY THEN KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE NO FINANCIAL BACKUP MAKES IT HARD TOO REAL HARD!
Nijjia - posted on 12/19/2010
In my opinion it s hard being a single mom but when you think about it being a single mom makes you stronger as a person and to be able to handle the things we go thru is tough but we make it thru and we do the things we do make our child(ren) happy safe and fufilled among other things so i give myself and other single mothers props for doin it on ya own
Sherri - posted on 12/18/2010
I think I have to agree with Lucianna B..."Being a single mom sucks when it comes to not having someone have your back... If your bills arent paid, they just arent paid. When your late picking up the kids... Your just late. There is no hubby around to catch you when you fall, or when you mess up. When you get stressed you can't just leave and get some air. Nope, you just have to see it through. You get lonely. When you raise the kids all by yourself its all on you to make a good person. With good manners. good morals. Great attitude. And Smart. and all you can hope for, is that will one day they will be successful. Thats alot on one person. Man its hard!!" ....Ialso have to add that being the sole disciplinarian has to be the hardest...I am tired of ALWAYS being the"bad guy" But, when you dont have a choice, you just do it!!! I also do ALOT of praying!!!
Alisha - posted on 12/18/2010
not having a father figure around!!!
Cynthia - posted on 12/18/2010
i got to agree with everyone. It's not having the extra back up. I rent a house and the yard work, the dog, the inside cleaning, along with every detail that comes with a child all falls on me. By the end of the day (which seems to be midnight or later) I'm still not done conquering the world but I'm dead tired. But the hardest thing is sometimes feeling as though when I am taking care of everything else, I sometimes feel as thuough my son isn't getting that extra attention that he deserves. I make it a point to be apart of everything he does....but it takes it toll and having a back up would help out alot on those days.
Kyla - posted on 12/17/2010
My hardest part about being a single parent is having to give my kids up to a man n his girl friend he left his family for. I can not trust this man with my kids. He has passed out way to many times and his girl friend takes care of them. I was not the one that left my kids and I get punished by missing out of things in there life while he has them.
Kristen - posted on 12/17/2010
it's just not having the backup - someone to be there when I want to have a minute...... or a shower!! When you tired and have a long day, there's nobody to give you a hand or a break. I feel like my son isn't going to have the "man" things that he should see from a guy............
Lyndal - posted on 12/16/2010
what i think would help is dont let others judgement changeur individual parenting style.i got massively judged mainly cos iwasvery attractive but funny i wasnt dating everyone and i was young at heart.my parenting style worked.mykids feel safe and loved and totally admire me and my strength.theyr now 19 and 25 and still live with me.good luck x
Lyndal - posted on 12/16/2010
i found the hardest thing to be running the household financially.was scary at times working alot paying the mortgage and neing the sole provider.mix that with trying to make a family with a new dad too hard.ive spent the last 9yrs it being just us and i loveit.wouldnt change our exceptionally close bond with any relationship
Miriam - posted on 12/16/2010
The hardest part of being a single mom is always second guessing yourself. Did I do the right thing, did I say the right thing, and finding patience when there is none left. I love my daughter so much and I want to do the best I can but it can be exhausting, since she is twelve and very strong willed. Having to do it all on my own and worrying about money is very hard sometimes too. However, I would never want to go back to a time when she was not in my life. Although she sees her dad every other weekend or so, he is an absentee father and was always that way even when we were together, so he is no help at all. No matter what though, my life is so much better since the day my daughter came into it. I thank God for her every day : )
Jodie - posted on 12/16/2010
being a single mum is a job,that is the most hardest job in the world. nothing is ever easy raising kids alone, all you can do think that you are doing the best to make parenting easy,for you and your child. its all how you raise ya kids,and the boundries you make for them, parenting can be easy,if child is aware who the boss is,kids need direction,never let your child rule you,course trust me,if you allow your kid to over rule,thats when it begins to be hard.its about routiune and rules,if you dont set boundries,then you will eventually have issues,as kids without direction,do eventually,know how to wrap mummy around ya finger,trust me you dont wont that. so if you wont to make life easy for you as a single parent, then you need to take charge on how parenting works for you,all kids are different,all parents have different ways of raising their kids,to make it easy for them.all kids need is,rules,structure,direction,and consistancy,if you can do that,then raising your child as a single parent,will help you in the long one. parenting is never easy,its challenging, but it isnt possiable,to raise your child. parenting is always going to have challanges,with your child as they grow up, but you just lay firm rules to make it easy for you,you will be ok,
Gwen - posted on 12/16/2010
I think the hardest think about being a single mom is not being there for my children. I feel that the emotional support that they need as growing children is missing. I think a great support system is good. People who actually help enhance your child's knowledge and growth is important. This site has a lot of good information to make your life and your child's life easier.
TIFFANY - posted on 12/16/2010
I think the hardest part of being a single parent is knowing that your child didn't ask to be a product of a single parent household. And that eventually they realize there is someone missing. Knowing that no matter how much you put in as a single parent, a women cannot teach what a man should be teaching and a man cannot teach what a woman should be teaching. The agony of knowing and accepting that your child is missing a very important person that help to make up their life. Tuggs at my heart DAILY!
Stephanie - posted on 12/16/2010
the hardest thing for me is when I can feel my blood starting to boil, I don't have a way to give myself a "timeout"
Dena - posted on 12/16/2010
I was asked to forward this information:
Federal Court Decision
A decision was received this past week in connection with a parenting rights test case filed against the New York Chief Justice, Unified Court System and others on November 10, 2010. A federal court judge reviewed the background together with an earlier case filed in February, 2009 and argued in September, 2010. An order was then entered which consolidated both actions with the earlier one designated as the Lead Case and the latter one as the˛Member Case. All motions for dismissal filed by the New York court defendants were denied along with the plaintiffs motion for preliminary injunction. Both actions were then allowed to proceed without prejudice to renew those motions in the consolidated action.
This procedure is not unlike one employed in the Oneida land claim litigation of which I was a part during the nineties, see i.e. Oneida Nation v County of Oneida, 132 F. Supp. 2d 71 (NDNY 2000) (involving successful maintenance of gaming compact challenge against tribal motion for injunction). The current Lead Case, brought on behalf of parents similarly situated will soon enter its third year with opportunity for class action status in the event other victims of custody, support and alienation practices seek to join or intervene. This is a comprehensive challenge based upon rights protected under our Constitution and can be viewed in its entirety (the Member Case) on federal pacer docket and elsewhere on this site. A planning session surrounding this case and a national Parenting Rights Convention is scheduled for December 26-27, 2010 at the Plaza Hotel in New York City - 7 PM, see details on this site.
View Lawsuit Here
Andrea - posted on 12/16/2010
In my case, being a single mom is easier! Lol. Of course my ex was like another child. He could not keep scheduling straight, was late to everything, kept our daughter in day care when it was not necessary, and would let her do what she wanted and feed her junk. So I had to constantly do junk food clean outs, in which I would take bags and bags of candy, little debbies, etc to work (coworkers loved it) just to give my kid a chance at a decent dinner. I had to bring him his food to work, because he would always forget or not be able to leave to get food, constantly reminded him to brush his teeth (yuck!), covered all the bills and had to constantly nag him to get any financial help.....basically it was more work than it was worth. Now I am seeing a wonderful man, that even though he does not live with me, is so much more helpful and caring than the ex ever was. He is my backup. When I am having a rough time, or ex is pissing me off, he supports me, and yesterday even sent me flowers to work because I was feeling stressed. So now I am starting to see that it will be easier.
Lesley - posted on 12/16/2010
I would say the hardest part is having the role off both parents and hoping ur hard work pays off and being able to fill both boots! My son is the best thing thats ever happened to me best thing to come out off a bad situation
Kim - posted on 12/15/2010
My daughter doesn't see her dad either and the hardest thing is scheduling things like hair appointments. I haven't had a "real" haircut in over a year because it is too hard to schedule. I can never get someone to commit to watching my daughter weeks in advance to make an appointment like that. And of course dating is impossible! But overall I am happy to be raising my daughter alone, I know I am doing a better job by myself than if her dad was involved!
Alysha - posted on 12/11/2010
having someone else there to tell you that things'll get better. having an actual adult to talk to about adult things. having someone hold you instead of you holding them. knowing that if you ever want to go out by yourself, you have to get a babysitter. knowing that when you go off to work or school than they are always in the care of someone else. Knowing that whenever the baby cries at night, your the only one that has to get up and figure out why they're crying. Knowing that you're sacrificing your sleep, sanity and social life for this child and no one else has to. Knowing that at night, you're going to bed alone, exhausted and wanting someone to just be there.
Melinda - posted on 12/10/2010
Its Not easy that is for sure. Sure you get support and help from family but you are mom and dad and friend all in one nice little package. No free spare time or having someone's shoulder to cry on but in the end its well worth the time and patience and tears
Janet - posted on 12/10/2010
the hardest thing or things about being a single mom is not being able to get enough food and or clothes with just $20 a week for 61/2 years. but i struggled and ended up using credit cards only as a last resort for things he or i had to have, sometimes food! never gas for my car for work, that's always cash and always will. also having to decide as of this year to see a lawyer after trying one of those companies who said they'd help you out of debt, but again they're so totally wrong! i got sued like millions of others are now, and just went through bankruptsy. am not proud of it, but am so happy to be free after a year long entabnglement with them and can start over again with a clean slate. going to take a little time to climb out again, but i know i can do it with support not financially from my family or friends but on my own as it's always been. my son has learned the meaning and is going through an economic course in high school right now and is so far enjoying the course saying it's invaluable and he'll learn a lot from it. he's already decided a credit card for only having it as an emergency card/last resort when something major happens which i hope never will happen to him like it's to be every twist and turn in my life. but life is an ongoing learning process and that's the way god meant it to be. i've been a single mom since sept. 11, 01 when my ex was kicked out and have been going since then at the same part time job, living here with my parents for family support and hoping to get back on my feet bit by bit. nat's learned a lot from my ex- periences and vows never to go through what i have including bad marriages! just take it one day at a time and you'll get through life. for me things lacking in my former marriage, wasn't being able to talk with my ex as he'd always bring work home and never have time for me or my son, even when i wanted to go on a day trip or vacation it was me to had to finance things, he was unwilling to help out except for paying some of the bills when they came in and work, work and work more! never even told me how much he loved me, appreciated what i did for him and my son as well as being there through his hard times when he moved here from england and no job for almost a year! i did more than my fair share and now i feel living with a man for a while first before making any commitments is the right decision to get to know the person inside out and then going from there. i know it'll be hard, but the new man in my life really appreciates me for who and what i am right now which to me is more import- ant than anything and has told me how much he already loves, likes and sees in me from the inside out which is sometimes more important than outside in! just take my advice one day at a time and when the sun shines, then you know you've got a good day coming at you as you can only smile and say, it's going to be a great day as god's given it to us!
Cheryl - posted on 12/10/2010
Trying to deal with the temper tantrums and can't walk out for a cool down walk because you would be leaving them alone. The major thing I have is being alone and in the MOMMY role without someone reminding me that I am more then a MOMMY.
Done it for 28 yrs, can handle the expenses and everything but toughest is trying to deal with the day in and day out of everything alone.
Shannon - posted on 09/26/2010
I have been doing it 100% solo for 2 years now with a 5 and 3 yr old from the same "sperm donor". The best part about being a single parent is know ing that we WILL MAKE IT THROUGH!! The worst part is finding time for everything that needs to be done! Laundry, dishes, homework, work, play time. cuddle time....etc..etc..etc...as all you single mom's out there know. Sometimes I wish I had 1 or 2 nites a year KID FREE....and to be able to sleep in once a year would be huge for me too. But all this NO TIME thing is for the birds...I get 2 happy and healthy kids outta this...and they are smiling and being kids. So it makes it all worth it!!
Rachel - posted on 09/24/2010
I love being a single mom! Waking up to my little baby boy is the best thing ever. my biggest thing is lack of sleep and getting a break...luckily i have a great family who helps me out alot!
Kelly - posted on 09/24/2010
Now that my sons are teenagers..I feel bad for them that they dont have a male role model in the home. But we do go to church, and they have their youth pastor and my pastor as well as their grandfather. But as far as a father, he is not around and never has been. But I try to stress to them that even though they dont have an earthly father, they do have a heavenly father that will NEVER leave them.
Janice - posted on 09/24/2010
On my day off, I usually make a weeks of dinners, freeze them and take out before you go to work, when you get home pop them in the oven to heat up. I work 60 hr weeks, 2 boys in sports. its a real help and we decide to eat out great one less day i have to prepare for, more time for me and the kids.
Janice - posted on 09/24/2010
I made it 16 yrs so far, It is tough no doubt. We are the heros in our childs life. I have had my childrens father in and out of his life. emotional rollert coaster. We are drs. physciatrist, teacher. Ladies you do need time for yourself, Tak a couple hrs a week, ask family to help, friends ,switch off. I know it caught up with me last year and ended me in the hospital.. Please tak a couple hour for yourself a week, without mom where would our children be.
Cassandra - posted on 09/20/2010
To me it is explaining why there father can't be or isn't around.
Ceola - posted on 09/19/2010
Well i 100% agree with everyone but i must admit becoming a solo mother has made me a better person and learn how to appreciate things more and people more... my children are pretty easy going and then bang the little devils arrive to a couple hours... to makes things easier would be a course of getting over the guilt and continuous worrying and stress that would be great ooo and of course extra income. Exercise works for me in the stress department
Jamie - posted on 09/19/2010
It would be easier if I didn't have to WORK all the time. I work 40 hours a week at a job, then have to come home and still cook, clean, and do laundry; and take care of my daughter. It seems like I don't really have anytime to spend with my daughter b/c by the time I get home from work (around 6pm) it takes me about an hour to cook dinner (now 7pm) then I have to clean up, give my daughter a bath, and then its time to put her to bed.
Sarah - posted on 09/18/2010
Honestly the second Income if i had that being a single mother would be much easier i actually think that doing this alone is kinda easier in a way not that its not the HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD but personally if i just had the income it would be much better to provide the life i want for the kiddos!!
Crystal - posted on 06/01/2010
I am finding for myself that being a single mom I just try prioritize everything trying to make sure that baby is happy at all times and when he is not try to figure out why. Once all of that is done make time for yourself. I go to the gym (my gym has childminding with certified caregivers) This way I feel good about myself, have some adult time and know that he is in good hands although it is important to make sure babies needs are met it is also important that mom stays happy and healthy also.