What is the hardest part about being a single mom?

Shevaughne - posted on 04/10/2010

I find the hardest thing is that when your heart is bursting with joy at a new milestone or funny thing your little one has done that there is nobody to share it with. I also always beat myself up about my little boy not having a real father and what that may mean to him growing up. It hursts that I can not give him what he so so deserves. I try to give him all of me but am reluctant to have a male around because I feel it will cause more confusion for him if the guy disapears. It is hard to know what is best. very very hard.

Shevaughne - posted on 04/10/2010

I find the hardest thing is that when your heart is bursting with joy at a new milestone or funny thing your little one has done that there is nobody to share it with. I also always beat myself up about my little boy not having a real father and what that may mean to him growing up. It hursts that I can not give him what he so so deserves. I try to give him all of me but am reluctant to have a male around because I feel it will cause more confusion for him if the guy disapears. It is hard to know what is best. very very hard.

Shevaughne - posted on 04/10/2010

I find the hardest thing is that when your heart is bursting with joy at a new milestone or funny thing your little one has done that there is nobody to share it with. I also always beat myself up about my little boy not having a real father and what that may mean to him growing up. It hursts that I can not give him what he so so deserves. I try to give him all of me but am reluctant to have a male around because I feel it will cause more confusion for him if the guy disapears. It is hard to know what is best. very very hard.

Shevaughne - posted on 04/10/2010

I find the hardest thing is that when your heart is bursting with joy at a new milestone or funny thing your little one has done that there is nobody to share it with. I also always beat myself up about my little boy not having a real father and what that may mean to him growing up. It hursts that I can not give him what he so so deserves. I try to give him all of me but am reluctant to have a male around because I feel it will cause more confusion for him if the guy disapears. It is hard to know what is best. very very hard.

Leslie - posted on 04/08/2010

Definitely the sacrifice of time with the your baby (ies) to support your baby. Having to be the bad guy with no one to support you with the hard decisions.

Mindy Corrine - posted on 04/08/2010

I am in the same boat. I have family but none of them will ever take the kids or help take them to the doctor or ect.. it just doesn't happen in my family . they all say. I am just not a kid person. yes even my mom is that way.

Miranda - posted on 04/08/2010

The hardest part about being a single mom for me is knowing one day I'm going to have to explain to my son why his dad isn't around and making sure he knows he was wanted and it is and never was his fault. The lack of sleep, the sacrifices, the added responsibility I can handle but having to tell him his dad wasn't man enough to be a dad is going to be the hardest thing for me.

Mindy Corrine - posted on 04/08/2010

To me the hardest part is not having the option of letting the partner take over. Sometimes your tired or have had enough and just need to take a nap or peaceful break for two hours and you can't just turn around and say honey can you please take over. or honey please do the kids bath routine tonight and i can do the homework and detail cleaning..ect..

Alexandra - posted on 04/08/2010

I am lucky to have a healthy and beautiful 5 month old daughter. And I am extremely lucky to have never-ending support from my parents. However, sometimes I do feel the stress of not having a man around to help. I look at my daughter and am amazed at how fast she is growing and how much she is learning. I cherish every moment with her, especially every "first". But sometimes it hurts to think of all that her father is missing. It would be nice to have him share in the joy of watching her grow. I do not look forward to the day when I must explain why daddy isn't around much.

Stay strong single moms. You should all be very proud of yourselves.

Edwina - posted on 04/08/2010

The hardest part of being a single mom is not having anyone to turn to for help. You may have friends and family that help out at times, but Im talking there, in the house at the time that you need them. There is no one there at the end of the day to talk to...to help get your feelings out and explain things to. You become the good parent and the bad parent all wrapped up in one. But on the plus side, you become stronger, you begin to turn the negative into the positives and realize that in a moments flash, they are grown and you are the person that helped them become the best person they can be. When they graduate high school or college, you know and they know that you were the 1 person that stood beside them all the way. I have been a single parent for 13 years raising 4 boys. I am now seeing the rewards and thankful for every bad/good moment we went through. Its hard money wise and time wise. But the sacrifices that we single moms go through are so well worth it in the end. Blessing to all!

Kiesha - posted on 04/08/2010

The hardest part for me being a single mom is not having enough time to spend with my children.

Coretta - posted on 04/08/2010

Money is the only thing I find to be hard. It is very very difficult to make ends meet and still ensure your child is eating healthy balanced meals. Because my daughter's father has chosen not to be in her life, I get no child support. The advantage to that is....I hav no one to fight with over child rearing....my daughter is not torn between loving two parents differently and having to feel guilt...she doesn't hear arguements, mean words, mommy crying, etc. I think I've been blessed. i see so many other single mom's going through hell!

Annie - posted on 04/08/2010

I agree with most of your comments. I hate always being the one to say no and stop them doing things, I think I'm too soft because I'm so conscious of it. And being in charge of the whole days routine by myself is stressful, n I have two gorgeous boys under 2, so it's very stressful, but I grit my teeth somedays and think 'it's not forever'. They are wonderful boys and so worth it.

Chelsea - posted on 04/08/2010

the hardest part about being a single is never having any help at all. and you are constantly on the go and never have much time to urself.

Chelsea - posted on 04/08/2010

the hardest part about being a single is never having any help at all. and you are constantly on the go and never have much time to urself.

Louise - posted on 04/08/2010

i have been a single parent to two after coming out of my second marrage......sound like such a tart!!!!!!!!!!!! lol and one of the most annoying things is the way people brand you 'a single parent' my take on this whole way of life is if my children are happy and well behaived i am doing something right, i am not super woman and will not pretend i can work, keep a spotless home and cook from fresh every night, as a single parent we have to look after ourselves too so we can look after our child/ren.

Kate - posted on 04/08/2010

For me it is finding the time to have quality time with both my boys. And then finding time for myself. I've not had a break since sept 2008!

Lauri - posted on 04/07/2010

Most single parents have family members arournd to help in their times of need. The hardest part for me, being a single mom of two, is not having any family support to help me. During illnesses is the worst, having you and children ill at same time is the hardest of all.

Peggy - posted on 04/07/2010

I read your story9both of them and thank god my child isn't in special needs. But u know what??? Weither a child is termed 'special needs', or not, it IS so dificult to interrupt the nighttime routine, usually when men want to come around. i am having a really hard time with this as well. But the best thing I have discovered, though I fought it to the end, I simply can't have a man in my life right now. Too much to deal with. Male friends, yes, they understand- kind of becuz theyy only see thier kids everyother three days or so. But its hard, but aren't we blessed to be the one's there everynight and morning.

Brittany - posted on 04/07/2010

I think my boundaries are looser than they would be if I was married. I think its great that I have all the say but I know kids need boundaries too. So I worry that I spoil them....like not taking away the binky soon enough or not eating at the table together. I carry some guilt but take the path of least resistance so i don't stress out.

Barbara - posted on 04/07/2010

our culture has a way of making parents feel guilty if they need to be home with their sick kids or if they have to be home sick. How about our society valueing the benefits of giving moms the leg room to be at home more with their little ones.

Luanne - posted on 04/07/2010

Having lots of support will make it easier. what is lacking? not having their dad to share in all the wonderful moments of their life. I never intended to do this alone.

Shalonda - posted on 04/07/2010

the hardest part for me is always having to do everything for my daughter. Yes i have help from family but that's only when i have no other choice and i feel so guilty leaving her on them eventhough they enjoy her most of the time when she's not getting into everything. What would make my journey easier is having a supportive & loving husband to help out when i can't give anymore of myself.....

Julie - posted on 04/07/2010

Read Dr. Phil's book "Family First". I am reading it now. Life becomes hardER now and we have to be empowered to be strong with or without a man. Having a Mommy network, family, and maintaining a civil relationship with an Ex makes this difficult path less painful.

Tiffany - posted on 04/07/2010

for me its never gettin a break or time to myself

Penny - posted on 04/07/2010

The only part of it being hard for me is not having the other half to share in my joy in things. Also the sacrfices single moms do to raise their children is very hard and sometimes it would be nice for a shoulder to lean on. Plus both of my kids haven't seen their fathers in a very long time so sometimes it can be very hard for them to get use to a man around as well as respect the oppisite sex because they all leave so it is hard for not only myself to tust but for them to.

Stevie - posted on 04/07/2010

thehardes bit abou t being a single parent is the lack off supprt and help you get, its the taking a shower , or going to the toielet in peace, it just the can you look after the kids for 5min im ..... that is what i miss.

but the thing i am gratful for is when my child is older she will realise it was me and not her dad that did the hard yards and will love in respect me for it.

i cant tell her she just has to learn in her own time what her dads like.

Stevie - posted on 04/07/2010

thehardes bit abou t being a single parent is the lack off supprt and help you get, its the taking a shower , or going to the toielet in peace, it just the can you look after the kids for 5min im ..... that is what i miss.

but the thing i am gratful for is when my child is older she will realise it was me and not her dad that did the hard yards and will love in respect me for it.

i cant tell her she just has to learn in her own time what her dads like.

Paulette - posted on 04/07/2010

Handling everything alone as a single mom is difficult enough! But when you have 3 kids with issues like ADHD, anxiety disorders and autism and their dad has virtually abandoned them (except for providing minimal child support), HANDLING EVERYTHING IS OVER-WHELMING! Trying to work, go to doctor's appointments, school meetings, manage medications and typical (and a-typical) pre-teen and teenage issues is more than challenging to say the least. Employers don't want to accommodate the needed time off for appointments or illnesses or the unexpected issues that may arise. I have no social life and there's no such thing as "me-time" except when I'm sleeping ...and that gets interrupted, too. Whew!

However, even with the challenges ~ the testing of mom's wit, intelligence and memory; the lack of money and time; the challenges with employment, even with all that, my kids have my heart! We all get on each other's nerves from time to time, but we are close and find time to enjoy doing things together on a very low budget. We have extended family that we are very close to and spend time with on almost every holiday and birthday celebrations, etc. We have a church family, too, and a strong faith in God.

No one knows how much is needed for children with special needs as a single parent, especially when they're very intelligent, too! Other single parents understand, but often don't have to endure it all alone or with the challenges of multiple children with special conditions. My children can challenge everything, they need more motivation, more reminders, more specific rules, instruction and different types of consequences. As their parent I have to have more patience, which is often lost in the fray! Sometimes I have to remind them that I enforce rules and limitation because I love them. So, many times it seems it's really hard to maintain consistency & consequences. Sometime I want to just give in and spoil them so we can all just have fun! I have to go above & beyond to advocate for them so they get what they need in school, therapy & counseling, etc. It can be difficult to do what's necessary so they can develop skills and abilities to become independent, responsible adults capable of earning a living and contribute to society and not be dependent on society! Even so, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. I just pray that God will help me to make the best decisions for us all!

Heather - posted on 04/07/2010

agree with all the people who say not having someone around when you are sick, tired, or just had a bad day. I have a very supportive family who is always willing to help, but having that person to share your day with would be nice.

Maria - posted on 04/07/2010

Absolutely having no back-up, dealing with tantrums, other bullies and their parents, being the happy loving mum and the disciplinarian. Mind you, when their dad was living with us, I was all those things anyway, just seem to notice it more now. Still, my kids are mine and I have total responsibility for raising them as good decent human beings. I am so proud of them x

Beth - posted on 04/07/2010

Being unemployed! and unemployment running out! Trying to find a decent paying job to pay the mortgage,etc.Having a daughter who just turned 13 and all the things they go through at that age.. She has been through a lot of emotional issues of me losing my good paying job of 21years due to plant closure, and losing her Mamaw (my mother) to Brain Cancer in 2008.I was her main Caregiver and of course, my daughter was there through it all. And now not having her father around as much due to a Rare Bacterial Infection illness, having to be in Hospital in another city .And no Child Support. We have had a very rough way to go the past couple of years. And being a single Mom,I am very Independent! I know I can survive and make the best of it, knowing I have her by my side and know she will always be taken care of regardless of the obstacles we face along the way!

Dawn - posted on 04/07/2010

i agree with sabrina bouck my oldest daughter still sees her dad and boy does she come home with an attitude after bein with him which makes it harder on me cos im the bad one dad does no wrong i talk to dad about it and he thinks it funny

Rosemary - posted on 04/07/2010

dude my first child's father is an alcoholic and past druggie. he went to rehab before i got with his sorry butt. he was verbally and physically and mentally abusive. due to his antics, i have kept him away from her all of her life. he walked out on me when i was 4 almost 5 months pregnant and hadnt seen him since and nor do i ever want to. and i had explained to my child that if she wants to see him, somehow we will find him and she can see who he is all on her own without a force.

dealing with both pregnancies and i came out having post-partum depression. i dont take meds. i do talk to people that i know from school and work. it doesnt help though.



i live with my son's father and we arent together despite what we both want. he is dealing with depression and anger problems that i dont want to be associated with. i am not his punching bag. and my kids arent gonna see that side of him either. well actually his son my son will. my daughter though lives with my sisters. and i am greatful for that. should she see a man get violent with her mother can change her in so many ways. she could think its okay and be with men who repeats offender or she might turn violent on them. then again it can turn her against dating and it can turn her against men altogether.

growing up, i was against dating due to seeing my dad abuse my mom. due to that, i only played around. dating was out of the pic. and my mom was a single parent, if she can do it then so can i. my mom got myself and my 3 sisters away from a violent parent. she shunned us from that world so we dont find it acceptable. and with having my daughter, i kept that momentum going saying that if she can do this then so can i.

during my pregnancy, my daughter's father like i said was violent. he literally tried to squeeze the baby out of me cuz he wanted her dead. why? who knows. he is not altogether right and he is stuck on stupid literally.

this time around, my man had other priorities that jumped the gun before me for example friends of his came first. video games comes next. my daughter comes last. my son and i are in the middle somewhere.

on new years eve, my kids and i were dropped from my health plan. i fought tooth and nail to get them back on. its been a big rigamarole. my son right now due to his father's income isnt on any plan and he is 6 months old. yesterday due to his father's slacking, i went back to sign him up onto my plan. i am sick that he hadnt been at his scheduled appointments for baby wellness since the age of 2 months. he isnt up to date on his shots either. and i dont make a single thing. i am not on food stamps though someone at a medicaid office signed me up for it. i was denied services due to income. my income is zero. i work one day if that at my job making $7.41 an hr for a company i had been loyal to for 3 yrs. how can anyone survive? how can i feed myself let alone my daughter? my son is on WIC and that is partially helpful except i dont have diapers and i run out of formula super fast. the containers are small.

so being a single parent is hard esp cuz of income and also others' assistance and house chores, post-partum depression. it just doesnt come easy. but like everyone on this forum says " keep your head up. keep reaching for the stars and look on the faces of those children and think of them".

Dayna - posted on 04/07/2010

the hardest thing I find is never getting a break.

Ashley - posted on 04/07/2010

They hardest part is having to have a sitter. I know plenty of ppl who would help, but they live too far away. I have only one friend near to ask. I don't qualify for daycare help and can't afford it by myself.

Brandi - posted on 04/07/2010

trying to date! i have my daughter all week & everyother weekend. i'm trying to date someone right now- who also has a lil girl & he has her on the weekends...so there is hardly ever time alone, unless i can manage getting a sitter during the week. it's a strain cause you have to watch what goes on in front of them & if you are just dating & not in a relationship- the kids really shouldn't be involved.

my ex is starting to come around more so that might help, but he lives 45min away & has no car, so not so convenient. 2yrs of being single & im done! lol

& other then that it is hard to be both mom & dad, but i think it has made the bond w/my duaghter & i stronger & i know that she is so awesome & it is because of me!!!

Trena - posted on 04/07/2010

I think a little "me time" is what is lacking. I would love for someone to say..."I got it" and let me either sleep in or go for a walk from time to time :)

Lauren - posted on 04/07/2010

When my brain is thinking of a million and one things that I feel I have to get done (or someone is going to be all over me) when I am feeding her or taking care of her or even playing with her, I really hate that. I can't just enjoy her because there is so much to do. I really want to tell everyone to just screw off because I want and need to give her this attention, but I can't, I live under someone elses roof, under their rules and they are always stressed. I will be happy when it is just me and her. I will be able to come home after work and play with her, and spend my weekends taking care of mine and her needs, not anyone else's. I do sometimes think how great it would be to have someone there who can take some of the burden off my back or hold me late at night and give me encouragement, but I am happy with my decision to be a single mother. She will be loved more than I can imagine right now.

My daughter is about 5 months.

Pauline - posted on 04/07/2010

I don't think it is any harder than when I was Married yet a sole parent even then. What I find hard is the stigma surrounding being s sole parent, everyone seems to think we are all teenagers wanting to live off welfare and not as women who have come from broken marriages trying to put their lives back on track.,

Erika - posted on 04/07/2010

The answer to that has to be money LOL money will buy you time, help, relaxation, good mood, health...

Karen - posted on 04/07/2010

I love being a single mom and count it as one of my greatest accomplishments. Yes it is hard. Having a husband would only help a little and then you have to add his needs to your long list of things. My girlfriend is married and she complains that he is never home, he never helps her, he works 10 hour shifts and comes home tired and looking for sex. They don't have enough money for everything. He is not the disciplinarian, he's the fun guy. She has to take responsability for all the hard things. Her life is not easier than mine. Many times, I have to help her. My money might be tight, but I have learned to live below my means. My son is lacking nothing. I have come to depend on a few good friends more than I could on a husband. Having at least three tight friends who are moms in the same boat, gives you a back up plan. One night I needed to go to the emergency room. Two out of three friends showed up to rescue my son while I was out. Having a Baby-Daddy is not always dependable. You can chose who your friends are and who is around your child. I am glad that I don't have a "baby-daddy" that I have to share my son with. Or a mother in law to argue with. I am happy to be single and have my son all to myself. The greatest rewards come form the greatest work. I am rewarded by my son everyday with every milestone, every new word, all of it. Thus, the hard parts are just the work I must go through to enjoy those rewards.

TERESA - posted on 04/07/2010

there are several reasons but what hurts the most is when he asked SANTA CLAUS for a good daddy, or when it is father and son day at school this is when he tells me I have to get him a good daddy ~~ then I get sad then I am pissed and want to kick his sperm donors ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT WE GET OVER IT

Amanda - posted on 04/07/2010

I love being a single mum until I reach that point of needing some me time. I wish friends (the very few I have) and family would recognise that I need a little time out every now and then and offer to take my 3 yr old to give me some me time. My parents are mostly good however, this easter I was going to have a week to me I was so looking forward to it. Then two days before my mother changed her mind and now I am at home with not only my son but my neice that my mother told my sister in law to leave with me so she didn't have to pay vacation care. Sometimes I question myself whether being a single mum by choice (there is no legal father unknown donor program) was the best thing for me. Support when you are a single parent is not there when you need it most that I can assure you. However, I cast my mind back daily on why I wanted to be a mother and remember those thoughts when I think I am about to loose my mind. I love my son with all my heart but, I don't get time to me and I miss that terribly. Just an hour a week would be so good.

Dena - posted on 04/06/2010

I have been both a married mom and now a single mom - not by choice. I think marriage should work and that men are lazy about their commitments in today's world. The hardest part is a combination of finances (it's all on you), not having a break unless you pay someone (then you feel guilty), not being able to find a better partner, and dealing with the ex and his immediate weird family. Being a single parent (shared custody) is much better, however, without the ex in my face calling me names and arguing with me constantly over nothing. I feel free, much happier, more productive, and I no longer prefer to hear about marriage problems or complaints from married moms. Married moms in good marriages have no idea how hard I have it as they get a break, a sitter, in-laws, and the financial benefit of two incomes, along with the extreme benefit to their children of having an intact family.

Charmaine - posted on 04/06/2010

I think the hardest part about being a single mom is the financial, emotional, and mental responsible of life in general. You don't have someone to help with decisons and sometimes that is hard, you need to build a network of friendships with other moms who can identify with your situation and you need backup when you are working and your kids become sick. You are alone if you are not well and need little ones to understand that you are sick. You have to be two people in one and it took two people to make a child but they only have one.

Tiffany - posted on 04/06/2010

Not having anyone to be there mentally r financially 2 help us when needed. Also being mommy and daddy. And my child not being able to come home to her dad r father figure everynight. Lastly when my child asks about her dad havin to make excuses for him.

Charmaine - posted on 04/06/2010

the hardest part is the emotional stress.... not the money nor the time contraints as these can be well managed. You cannot help to encounter people who are short-minded and they look down on you for being a single and young mom. It is also hard to see your children deprived of their father which is beyond your control.

Jessica - posted on 04/06/2010

for me is the fact of know my son has no clue what a dad is or who his dad is. i have not yet heard him say "dad" or "daddy". he is almost 2years old and doesnt know his dad and his dad says he cares and wants to be a part of his life but doesnt do anything and expects me or someone else to tell him what to do.

the other hard thing is being a singel mom and jobless. i live with family attending college full time. i feel awful that i cant provide for him like i want to. that i have to relie on my family. im very thinkful for them just wish this economey whould change so i could get a job and do what i can and what myself for him.

but atless since his father doesnt care he has plent of family that does.

theres always something hard but truth is its my son that makes it all good with one smile or laugh, a hug or a kiss.

Natalie - posted on 04/06/2010

Keeping a positive attitude helps a lot! Taking care of yourself when you can and remembering that you are your child's biggest role-model. It can be very difficult doing it alone, but it will help to make you all stronger and closer:)