What is the hardest part about being a single mom?

Lakisha - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 1382 moms have responded )

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my question is basically asking what would make being a single parent easier in your opinion; what is lacking in your life pertaining to rising your kid(s) by yourself?

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Dena - posted on 04/06/2010

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I have been both a married mom and now a single mom - not by choice. I think marriage should work and that men are lazy about their commitments in today's world. The hardest part is a combination of finances (it's all on you), not having a break unless you pay someone (then you feel guilty), not being able to find a better partner, and dealing with the ex and his immediate weird family. Being a single parent (shared custody) is much better, however, without the ex in my face calling me names and arguing with me constantly over nothing. I feel free, much happier, more productive, and I no longer prefer to hear about marriage problems or complaints from married moms. Married moms in good marriages have no idea how hard I have it as they get a break, a sitter, in-laws, and the financial benefit of two incomes, along with the extreme benefit to their children of having an intact family.

Charmaine - posted on 04/06/2010

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I think the hardest part about being a single mom is the financial, emotional, and mental responsible of life in general. You don't have someone to help with decisons and sometimes that is hard, you need to build a network of friendships with other moms who can identify with your situation and you need backup when you are working and your kids become sick. You are alone if you are not well and need little ones to understand that you are sick. You have to be two people in one and it took two people to make a child but they only have one.

Tiffany - posted on 04/06/2010

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Not having anyone to be there mentally r financially 2 help us when needed. Also being mommy and daddy. And my child not being able to come home to her dad r father figure everynight. Lastly when my child asks about her dad havin to make excuses for him.

Charmaine - posted on 04/06/2010

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the hardest part is the emotional stress.... not the money nor the time contraints as these can be well managed. You cannot help to encounter people who are short-minded and they look down on you for being a single and young mom. It is also hard to see your children deprived of their father which is beyond your control.

Jessica - posted on 04/06/2010

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for me is the fact of know my son has no clue what a dad is or who his dad is. i have not yet heard him say "dad" or "daddy". he is almost 2years old and doesnt know his dad and his dad says he cares and wants to be a part of his life but doesnt do anything and expects me or someone else to tell him what to do.

the other hard thing is being a singel mom and jobless. i live with family attending college full time. i feel awful that i cant provide for him like i want to. that i have to relie on my family. im very thinkful for them just wish this economey whould change so i could get a job and do what i can and what myself for him.

but atless since his father doesnt care he has plent of family that does.

theres always something hard but truth is its my son that makes it all good with one smile or laugh, a hug or a kiss.

[deleted account]

Keeping a positive attitude helps a lot! Taking care of yourself when you can and remembering that you are your child's biggest role-model. It can be very difficult doing it alone, but it will help to make you all stronger and closer:)

Aly - posted on 04/06/2010

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When I am sick, it would be nice to have a husband who comforted me. So, I think it's when I'm not feeling well.

Jessica - posted on 04/06/2010

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the hardest part of being a single mom is, kindof, a little bit of everything. all aspects of your parenting/life changes and/or becomes at least a little bit more difficult when it goes from being you and your partner parenting to it being just you doing the parenting alone.

Danielle - posted on 04/06/2010

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i would say that not having someone having your back. but in a sense i have been a single mom since she was born. Her father never helped and still does not. i sucks because you have to be the adult for them and that other adult does not want too.

Carla - posted on 04/06/2010

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That´s the wonderful blessing of being mom, all that sacrificies has it reward and nothing compares to our child smile...

Carla - posted on 04/06/2010

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The first months I really wanted my baby´s dad to be with her, I want her to grow up with her parents at her side.

Now I thank God for the blessing of being a single mom, cause I know it has a purpose for him, and he will be always taking care of us.

My baby doesn´t share a long time with her dad, but her uncle and grandpa are enough to make her happy.

Cynthia - posted on 04/06/2010

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TO ME THE HARDEST PART ABOUT BEIN A SINGLE MOM IS NOT HAVING HELP WHEN U NEED IT...EXAMPLE I CAN'T TAKE A SHOWER WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE'S NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE BY HERSELF WHILE I SHOWER & THERE'S NOONE TO WATCH HER WHILE I SHOWER...I LOVE MY DAUGHTER BUT I DO WANT 2 TAKE A SHOWER BY MYSELF AT TYMES...ITS ALSO HARD WHEN I HAVE 2 DISCIPLINE HER CUZ I LOOK LIKE THA BAD PERSON SO SHE GOES TO GRANDMA WHEN SHE GETS IN TROUBLE.

Rosemary - posted on 04/06/2010

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mine is the fact that the father is barely around emotionally and i am stuck doing it all. we agreed to a team effort but the father is too busy on the web and with the ps3 that his son is ignored.

during my pregnancy, he said he was gonna help me change diapers ( he does that sometimes), feed him ( does placing up a blanket count balancing the bottle on while the dad plays on the web/ video games? ) and also my man knows foreign languages and he hasnt taught him a single thing. plus he bought " baby can read" and i barely put that on for my son because i believe in the old fashioned teaching them myself like i did to my daughter and she came out a genius.

i am also doing house chores and walking the dog, taking out trash, making dinner, shopping for groceries, buying baby clothes/ food/ diapers. i also bought curtains that needs to be placed up. a friend/ neighbor of mine gave me a sun protector for my patio and that too hasnt been placed up.

i also get blamed for forgetting stuff. for example- my sisters has a step stool that i asked to borrow. on easter, we were over at my sisters' home. did he pick it up? nope and if i mention it, he'd say " you were there. why didnt you pick it up? "

its also been a blame game at my home. and its not a good environment to raise my son at. my son's dad has anger issues stemming from his upbringing and my man is 55 yrs old.

i dont have my daughter here living with me and that makes it also a struggle. i dont want her around because i dont want my daughter seeing my man treat me or her like crap.

so to me, its been tough and i tend to feel alone.

Amanda - posted on 04/06/2010

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Right now I am finding the loneliness the hardest. My daughter is only 6 months old so there is only so much we can do together. I just miss the company of a partner. Also, like most of you, the sacrifices that you have to make in your life to give your children what they deserve. It goes both ways, I miss doing stuff for myself, but I know it is what my child deserves.

[deleted account]

I love it! You all hit the nail on the head. No back up. Disneyland Dad's. I had a single mom tell me once, "he may give me a little of his check for the kids BUT all my check goes to the kids!" The loneliness...ugh. Mine are teens and talk about needing the back up! He is more interested in making me out to be the bad guy.

Angela - posted on 04/06/2010

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The only major issue I have is finances, how the heck am I gonna pay the bills. Good news is I don't have to buy formula or diapers.

Deirbhille - posted on 04/06/2010

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One of the things I find hard being a single mom is not having enough time. I could give examples, but single moms understand. At the end of the day, I want to sit back and enjoy the day we have accomplished together, me and my three amazing little people. This is an amazing gift and I try to remember how quickly my childhood went by, and theirs will go faster.

Lauri - posted on 04/06/2010

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Being a single mom with also a career makes life extremely difficult for me.. at 38 and a mother of 2 teenage boys (13/ 17).. and a dead-beat ex husband who barely takes them at all (4 hours a week, tops). I find it difficult to get everything accomplished in a day.. there arent enough hours! I get up at 5:45 work 9-10 hour days, pick boys up from sports.. cook dinner, do laundry, clean up and finally sit down 9-10 p.m. I pay all the bills (mortgage, health insurance, car payment) with no help from anyone.. cant get ex to help with anything. I take great pride that both boys are active in sports, do well in school and always have something to eat, nice clothes to wear.. I barely make ends meet and make just over the income amount for any assistance. It's been an uphill struggle.. but I love them with everything I have and keep on keepin' on.. I am all that they have to depend on.. "Go Single Moms!!! We rock!!"

Jean - posted on 04/06/2010

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The hardest part having very little time to one's self, since thare is no back up there is no one to take over when you have things you want to do or get done. The things that makes it all worth while are the hugs and kisses you get in return even if you may not get a thank you.

Heather - posted on 04/06/2010

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Everything. Being both parents, thinking about how to answer the hard questions, especially about her father. Making sure she has what she needs and wants.

Heather - posted on 04/06/2010

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Everything. Being both parents, thinking about how to answer the hard questions, especially about her father. Making sure she has what she needs and wants.

Maree - posted on 04/06/2010

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Making all the decisions - its would be nice to have a second opinion occassionally. I just hope like hell I don't screw my kids up with my worries.

Brenda - posted on 04/06/2010

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Having a good support group including people you trust to give you some YOU time!

Brenda - posted on 04/06/2010

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Having a good support group including people you trust to give you some YOU time!

Janet - posted on 04/06/2010

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being a single parent is never easy I have been one for 15 years. The only thing I can say is stay strong,, be firm in all your decisions and do not let them control you. Yes your life has changed but you have to continue with the thought in mind of what would your parents do if you were them. What makes being a single mom easy is at the end of the worst day of your life you go home and look in their eyes and the smile on their face and everything seems better. They are looking for guidance and you are giving it to them. Yes it is tough but never let them see you cry and never take it out on them everyone has their moments to break down but its not good to do it in front of them. I can't say i have anything missing in my life I try to get out once a month but mainly I enjoy setting a night or two for family night and that beats ever going out

Catherine - posted on 04/06/2010

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I can only think of two things that I have found to be difficult.



1. Not having a partner to give me a break. There are times when you just need 15 minutes to yourself and it is more difficult to get when you do not have a spouse to say... "hey, will you take them outside and kick a ball around for 10 minutes?"



2. For me, it is the sadness that my dd feels for her dad not being a part of her life. That is really hard, and there is not much i can do about it other than pray and trust God to heal her heart in that area. I do try to keep the lines of communication open and honest with her in regards to her dad, but that is about all that i think that i can do.



Catherine

Erika - posted on 04/06/2010

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I don't even worry about their father any more. His side of the family says he'll come around but I focus on the babies and make sure my time, energy and love is directed to them. He (their father) will be the one missing out and he will have to explain why he didnt step up. They may be four months, but they still need comfort. Anyways, the hardest part for me, has been not having someone to talk to. Posting my heartfelt words isnt good enough for me...I want someone to LISTEN and hold my hand, let me cry on their shoulder when things get a bit tough.

Maribel - posted on 04/06/2010

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What would make my life easier?? Sleep! Although dad is involved, even when i have my down time (every other weekend and 1 overnight)..i still can't sleep. My mind is always thinking about homework, healthy dinners, packing lunches, activities for them to do, WORK. Believe me, it's not easy but when i look at my boys little faces...I take a deeeeeeep breath, and am grateful to have them. I need to medidate or take yoga to relax and not stress out so much! Bless you all ~:-)

Martha - posted on 04/06/2010

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the toughest moment that I have had is when my son started Kindergarten and saw kids with mommis AND daddies, he looked up at me and asked me "why don't I have a dad?", I have managed to avoid answering this, but I know the day will some that I will have to - and that will be the hardest.

Jessie - posted on 04/06/2010

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single parenting,....its never easy being a single parent---for me having teenagers now,...they will challenge you and I strongly communication in a good way works. Having family supper times and talk about your day, or movie night. When they say "honesty is the best policy" is true but also compassion and learning to hear them really works.

Although I do not like hearing the truth----I always tell my teenager children just to tell me and see if we can work it out. I learn not to interrupt them or give my personal opinion. AND always give them hugs.

I don't know if that helps but they do challenge me -----love unconditionally

Teresa - posted on 04/06/2010

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I am a Christian, and my beliefs are that when I am weak Jesus is strong. That means when I feel like I cannot make it, I am frustrated He will give me peace, and settles me down. Yesterday I was dealing with the father of my daughter, who is 12 years old, and I go so frustrated that I stopped talking. I knew that if I kept talking, it would escalate, and I didn't want the headache. Instead I went to my bedroom and prayed for guidance. I know that God will answer, I just have to be patient and listen.

I am not lacking in anything as well. Yes, I may not be able to buy a pair of shoes, or the jeans I really like but those are WANTS they aren't NEEDS. God has provided all that I need and more.

Look at your life, are your needs provided for? Food, shelter, clothing, etc? God has provided those things for you.

In my opinion, trusting in God makes my being a single parent of two easier.

Hope that helped, God bless!

Lois (minnie) - posted on 04/06/2010

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Another single mother that is quite difficult to cope with this position, most of all, I miss more the second half especially when melena ill.



this is a translation from the computor from german to English

Amy - posted on 04/06/2010

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Most of the time I enjoy it. The biggest problem I encounter is that my rules are not reinforced the way I'd like them to be. It's difficult sometimes to be consistent in my parenting without someone to back me up. Otherwise, I'm getting very used to being a single parent.

Sheri - posted on 04/06/2010

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The hardest thing is being mom and dad. I love my children even though I just have one a home now, I raised both of them without a dad. When my youngest ones dad was around it was harder than it is now because he was just like a kid himself. I am glad that I am a single parent because I get to see all the milestones that she goes through and I get to be there for her and let her know that one of her parents is stable and will always be there no matter what and it shows her that she can depend on me and don't have to worry about what him or his family says and then don't do. That is the hardest to me is having to be there when they break their promises to her!

Kate - posted on 04/06/2010

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Having that other person there for emotional support and of course their part of the responsibility of parenthood. Now, to me it would just be the emotional support because I know by now he is not going to help me even if he does promise he wants to. It's more than too late now my Daughter is 3.Yet he seems to call for an ear to listen to his problems yet I don't think he quite understands how much it does bothers me that he talks to me like a friend and expects me to be nice. I really just want to say hey instead of you calling me for advice,could you just send me some child support? Hey could you be a decent father figure?

Holly - posted on 04/06/2010

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the thing i had the hardest time with is knowing you have no one to lean on and it's all you..my kids were older when i got divorced but it still was hard.

[deleted account]

There is one very easy answer to that question - money. Everything else that is difficult would disappear if I didn't have to work, study, parent, and run a household. If there was enough money I would have so much time. I would be able to pay for someone else to do all those mundane household tasks which would free me up for much more interesting things, I would be able to leave work earlier and therefore pick up my son from after-school care earlier so we could get home before 6pm and then have enough time to enjoy the evening before getting to sleep at a reasonable time. We could take lovely vacations, update the car every year, and I wouldn't have to stress about how I'm going to find $30,000 a year for high school.

Dido - posted on 04/06/2010

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Basically, everything. It's difficult not having a partner to lean on, to talk with, or even just to blame when something goes wrong. You also work double time being a mom & at the same time, trying to fill in the emptiness left by an absent father. But yes, when you look at your child and see the love and joy in his eyes, when you feel his little arms wrap around you for a hug, when his small hand reaches out for you for assurance and comfort, in your heart you know it's all worth it.There is nothing you would not do for him.

Jennifer - posted on 04/06/2010

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For me the hardest thing about being a single mom is having no one at home to help out when I need it most. If my son is sick, I have to call out sick. That tends to get me in trouble at work...I have 10 sick days and after the 3rd call out the write ups begin. I am mom and dad...I am the only one contributing to the household expenses. Family members with 2 parent households are always saying "You have a good paying job, I don't know how you have difficulty making ends meet!" That makes me laugh, coming from a house with both parents with great paying jobs. I am a teacher of kids that are the same age as my son, and when I get home I am so tired of being around 8 year olds that my patience for my own is very thin. I hate that and have to work hard not to forget that he is MINE and does listen and do what he is told. I love weekends because that is the only time I have to devote just to him. I hate hearing others mock me for buying him clothes at thrift shops or off the clearance racks only so that he has a nice variety in wardrobe. I was hurt recently when he got a gift of an Easter outfit and I was told "and it didn't come from the second hand store." People sometimes do not realize how difficult it can be doing it all on my own, and that is something that you can't explain to someone who has no idea what it is like.

Teressa - posted on 04/06/2010

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I would have to say as a night shift nurse my daughter is missing some direction when I attempt to sleep when I pick her up from the sitter. I have her on a waiting list for preschool but, it is very difficult to afford a sitter at night and during the day also. So I attempt to get her to watch cartoons and eat breakfast while I attempt to sleep. It doesnt always work well. Once I woke up with lipstick all over my face. ... Makeup on my wall.... and on her dresser.... tooth paste on an antique table. Those are just a few. So for me its the messes that I have to clean up that bother me the most. Her father drinks a lot so I dont believe she is losing by not having him in her life unless he decides to change. Do people change?

Shelly - posted on 04/05/2010

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i dnt think its hard at all i enjoy it just being me n my son i can spend all my time with him n not have to worrie about any1 else or any1 bringing us down i cherish every day with him n even though we dnt have alot im the happist ive ever been!!!

[deleted account]

Okay..well are you talking little kids or bigger ones? Either way...every part is difficult. I would love to sugarcoat it for you; but I wont do you the disservice. If the father is involved, and is difficult, it of course, makes it very hard. If he's not, I would think that would be easier, besides the financial side of it. One good thing is that if you have custody, as I do, you have more of a say on how they turn out as respectable adults. You're going to feel like you failed them and yourself at times. You'll feel alone and that you can't do it one more day. BUT....you WILL DO IT AGAIN...and AGAIN and they will love you through your tears, hugs, mistakes and your accomplishments with them. .My sons are 17, 19 and 23 now and all the hard times, the financial restraints..EVERYTHING...was worth it! I didn't have to live w/ their father anymore and I couldn't ask for better sons! I hope this helps some. Lori

Theresa - posted on 04/05/2010

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Being a single mom is difficult in all aspects. Especially when the non-custodial parent isn't paying the amount they are ordered to pay. It is a full- time job with no breaks- well except the weekends that the non-custodial parent has our daughter. On a positive note- the "Mommy I love you's" and the bear hugs are little things that make being a mother worthwhile- even if you're doing it solo.

Rhonda - posted on 04/05/2010

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For me, it's not having anyone to watch the kids so I can get a weekend away with friends! I need a break and more than for a couple hours.

Tammy - posted on 04/05/2010

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Doing it all on your own without the extra support, its also hard when your a single working parent, you need to make time for the kids, as well as earn money to pay the mortgage, find time to take the kids to their sports while having the time to clean the house as well. Its a full on job but worth it all. ;-)

Katie - posted on 04/05/2010

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I know I am fortunate that my ex husband is an equal parent in my son's life, but the most painful thing I have ever experienced was giving up my son for overnights since he was 3 months old. No one who has a planned pregnancy ever expects that they will not get to be a mommy and see their baby every day, and have to give up their infant on a regular basis, with nothing they can do about it. Don't get me wrong- my ex is a wonderful father, but it is so painful to realize how much I miss in raising my son because he chose to leave, and I have no choice but to share my son with him because it is best for him. I also resent when I am alone with my son during the hard times, because like everyone else said, when you do not have back-up to give yourself a break, you do not have the patience that you would if someone was there supporting you in the moment, and I feel like when I lose my patience I am short-changing my son, and that I would have been a better mom if I could get relief in those moments.

Jessica - posted on 04/05/2010

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the hardest thing about being a single mom is being a mom and dad both and money wise it can be hard also! But then i look at my girls and think no matter how hard it can get it is all worth it! My girls are all that matter to me!

Hilda - posted on 04/05/2010

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I would strongly say the income! Working to pay rent, pay needed bills not (not extras but the basic), maintain food in the frig, and supply for my son whether is toys, clothing & shoes. I seems like I never have any $ left over. I def put myself last. I hardly or not at all have $ to spend on myself. No joke! Having an extra income in the family would def help. Cant wait to get married to "PRINCE CHARMING" one day. Maybe he then can sweep me off my feet and grant me a mansion. (sigh) :)

Karen - posted on 04/05/2010

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the hardest part about being a single mom 4 me is not having time for anything else. we are either doing homework, at the school for something, going 2 ccd, dance, piano lessons, and what ever else she finds to do. she is my only child and all she ever ask me is WHY? about everything

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