What should I do?

[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )

My ex- husband has never paid Child support, I just found out he has another child on the way with his current girl friend, If I go after him via the court system then my day care amount a month will go up. Not sure what to do... Please give advise.

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Patricia - posted on 06/22/2011

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Are you currently receiving state assistance? Depending upon where you live, you may be required to establish paternity, then have your support go through the state to then be disbursed to you. Check into that, if applicable.
If you are not receiving assistance, you may still be required to prove paternity, depending upon where you live or if your ex is a real jerk and seeks to delay things. In any event, I'm confused as to why your childcare expenses would increase? I believe someone mentioned that your support would not be taxable income, HOWEVER, support IS considered income for most purposes - receiving financial assistance from the state, FAFSA (college), etc. Therefore, although you are not required to pay taxes on it, it IS considered income (mine always is). If you are very concerned, stipulate within a court-ordered support agreement that the father be responsible for a portion of daycare expenses in addition to child support. Also, do not forget medical insurance/expenses, school supplies/tuition, future expenses including but not limited to psychological needs, college tuition, etc. Legal Aid may be an toption, as well.

Also, keep in mind that, when seeking child support, there is always the opportunity for, at that time, your ex to insist upon visitation (if he is not already). Conversely, if he has visitation now, his efforts to maintain may diminish upon the birth of the new child. However, money-wise the FIRST child is normally considered first in determining support (in lieu of present child), which is good news if he marries new mom and then divorces (depending upon where you live).

Denetrah - posted on 10/08/2009

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I guess my question to you is are you going after him for child support because he has another child on the way? I know this may sound crazy but if you have been taking care of this child on your own this long leave it at that. Do you really want to go though all of the nonsense? I mean you could go after him though the court system and STILL not get anything. I have 2 children by the same man and HE took ME to the child support office to sing up. Our son is 9 and our daughter is 6. I may have gotten 1 year's worth between the both of them. I have missed days at work to go to court...all for nothing. The time and energy that you put into persuing this may not be worth it. Especially if you are maintaining on your own. He will get what is coming his way. Not by your hand but God's hand! Good luck and God bless!

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Hope - posted on 09/21/2012

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Hmmmm, that just seems wrong to me that daycare fee will go up if you decide to go after your baby's father for child support. It's like punishing you for getting what you need. I would suggest you go ahead and get the papers filed. He doesn't have to pay consistently because the court can go ahead and take it from his paycheck regardless! The IRS can take it out of his tax return....you have several options other than relying on him paying consistently. Wage garnishment is a beautiful thing when daddy isn't paying child support.

Amy - posted on 10/09/2009

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I would recommend going for child support because you are not doing your child or yourself any favors by giving the father a free parenting ride. I am unsure how it is in California, but in KY, the fathers are required to pay child support AND pay their % of the daycare bills. And the medical bills. And certain school fees. If you really think making him fiscally responsible for your child will damage his relationship with the child, then I wouldn't want him to be part of my child's life anyway. How much could your child gain from a relationship with a parent who is more concerned with money than taking care of and seeing his child? If paying what the courts decide is his fair share makes him hit the road, so long farewell. It's better to find it out early. And use all means at your disposal to enforce the orders.

Melissa - posted on 10/09/2009

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This is a problem in the system. Yes you should go thru the courts to get child support & have them take it directly from his pay. Your daycare won't increase by that much. Also, try to get this done before the other baby arrives.So you get the amount you are owed! I added $300. to my salary & Daycare was $3. a day. Hope this gives you an idea of what it will cost.
But in all honesty, you should keep your job & make him pay what they say. I agreed to not go to court but he would just pay me each month. This only worked for a short time. So I took him back to court & collected. Good luck

Tia - posted on 10/09/2009

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He needs to pay for his child... He also needs to pay half of the bills for that child. I went throught the same mess just about. He needs to remember that it's his child also and he needs to be responsible for both.

Dhane' - posted on 10/08/2009

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I know in Florida I was on a program like that and My daughters father paid child support inconsistently so my fee for daycare did not go up because i would not report it but thats just me...If he does pay child support check to see if you can make it to where they had how evr much extra the daycare fee is as a seperate cost in the child support I know they take everything into consideration go to you daycare and find out approximately how much extra it will be and then let the judge know..also it's bad to say but if you dont put him on child support first and the present girlfriend does later sh will get more so my opinion s go for it and if he doesn't pay it the daycare cant count it as income but just in case just make sure you know how much extra daycare will be...50 dollars extra in daycare is so worth your child receiving what he needs do whats best for you and your child

[deleted account]

Diane, I too, am in California and so I am familiar with the laws here.

You asked for our opinions on what you should do, so based on the information you have given us, here is my opinion - take as much or as little of it as you want.

1. Stick with the current order (I am assuming this is a valid order that is signed and filed with the courts) unless you have a real problem with the order. Then - file for a new order. If the current order stipulates that he pay child support - than inform the DA that he is in violation of the order for not paying child support. They will garnish his wages, or even take it out of his tax return (if he is getting one).

2. Stop worrying about what he wants - or the consequences of what will happen to him if he doesn't pay child support. YOU aren't throwing the father of your child in jail. YOU ARE looking out for your child and yourself. If in the process of doing this HE MAKES BAD CHOICES which result in him being in jail, that is his decision - not yours!

3. If you really are getting child support - you should pay more for day care! it is only fair! This is why it is sliding scale. You do have to weigh your options - and decide based on all of the financial and emotional drama, which direction you want to go.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

I do have a current order it was placed on hold becasue he asked me to hold of. However its been over a year now and nothing. My daughter is 4 years old now and I have been taking care of it on my own for this whole time, we have a custody arrangment here in California I have fisical custody and we share 50/50 legal custody of her. In California Legal custody has no bearing on support it is on who has phycial custody if its shared then yes usually very little to none is required. My current day care yes is on a sliding scale, if Chils Support services finds out that I am recicivng anything they will readjust my family fee. However there a very big possibility that he will never pay and in california if a parent does not pay there CS they will be put it jail and I donlt want to do that to my daughters father.



i belive that if you are alive and acknowledge you children and have the meens you should be providing support if you don't want to then you should not have any rights to that child. As far as he goes most likley he problaby would never pay it on time or would be ok with going to jail for it. which is really sad.

[deleted account]

Quoting Traci:

Very tricky...... even if you go after him how likely is he to pay consistently? If you think he will then it may be worth the extra cost. If you think he will try to find ways to avoid paying (ie.... quit working or working under the table) then I would hesitate before deciding against a court battle. It is a shame it has to come to this!



I agree very sad however i belive that if you are alive and acknowledge you children and have the meens you should be providing support if you don't want to then you should not have any rights to that child. As far as he goes most likley he problaby would never pay it on time or would be ok with going to jail for it. which is really sad.

[deleted account]

Quoting Ashley:

Why will day care go up? Can't you file for child support online at the clerk of courts website? I don't know where you are, but in Florida, a man's wages will be garnished if he doesn't pay when he's supposed to.



Not sure its according to my income, as well as if I am getting support then they pay less and require me to pay more a month.

[deleted account]

Quoting Hannah:

do you have a current order stipulating child support? why now are you thinking about child support? Do you honestly think he will pay? If you will get more in child support than your day care will increase (I assume your daycare is on a sliding scale based on income - keep in mind child support is not considered taxable income) than it might be worth it. another thing to consider - by filing for child support your child becomes front and center - dad may want to visit more, (you didn't say what the current custody order is) - many dads want 50% custody so they can avoid child support. Not to discourage you from doing this - just want you to be aware of what is possible.



I do have a current order it was placed on hold becasue he asked me to hold of. However its been over a year now and nothing. My daughter is 4 years old now and I have been taking care of it on my own for this whole time, we have a custody arrangment here in California I have fisical custody and we share 50/50 legal custody of her. In California Legal custody has no bearing on support it is on who has phycial custody if its shared then yes usually very little to none is required. My current day care yes is on a sliding scale, if Chils Support services finds out that I am recicivng anything they will readjust my family fee. However there a very big possibility that he will never pay and in california if a parent does not pay there CS they will be put it jail and I donlt want to do that to my daughters father.

[deleted account]

do you have a current order stipulating child support? why now are you thinking about child support? Do you honestly think he will pay? If you will get more in child support than your day care will increase (I assume your daycare is on a sliding scale based on income - keep in mind child support is not considered taxable income) than it might be worth it. another thing to consider - by filing for child support your child becomes front and center - dad may want to visit more, (you didn't say what the current custody order is) - many dads want 50% custody so they can avoid child support. Not to discourage you from doing this - just want you to be aware of what is possible.

Candice - posted on 10/07/2009

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Quoting Diane:

What should I do?

My ex- husband has never paid Child support, I just found out he has another child on the way with his current girl friend, If I go after him via the court system then my daygurl  care amount a month will go up. Not sure what to do... Please give advise.



gurl make him pay your child didnt ask to b here but he/she is and aint gong pay for its self so u as a singal mother need to do what you got to for oyu and ya child so i say do it stpo trying to b nice cus it annt payn off and he aint doing the same for you!!!!



 





 

Lindsay - posted on 10/07/2009

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I can tell you from my experiance this is very tricky. If you get help paying for child care they will automatically tell you that you must go after the father for child support whether he actually pays it or not. Im not quite sure of your occupation, but I would research getting help paying for it, that's what I did because it can be very expensive. My co-pay was only $4 a month and my daughter's father never has paid a cent of his child support order.

Ashley - posted on 10/07/2009

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Why will day care go up? Can't you file for child support online at the clerk of courts website? I don't know where you are, but in Florida, a man's wages will be garnished if he doesn't pay when he's supposed to.

[deleted account]

Very tricky...... even if you go after him how likely is he to pay consistently? If you think he will then it may be worth the extra cost. If you think he will try to find ways to avoid paying (ie.... quit working or working under the table) then I would hesitate before deciding against a court battle. It is a shame it has to come to this!

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